The TRUTH About Motherhood

Author: Deborah Cruz

Lena Dunham and the Over Share Heard Round the World
I’ve read all kinds of posts on the Lena Dunham debacle. At first, I thought surely people were overreacting. I mean, come on, it’s Lean Dunham. She’s made her name by pushing the envelope, by making us go to those unpleasant and uncomfortable places. Seriously, did anyone want or need to see her running around 80% naked for most of all the seasons of Girls? Of course not but we watched anyways. In her own weird, melodramatic, neurotic way she is really endearing. She’s slightly annoying and incessantly talking to hear herself talk but there is something about her that makes us feel better about ourselves.

The problem with Lena Dunham is that she reminds us a little too much of someone we might know or worse, someone we might be or were or might be one day. I’m chunky, I’m pale and I do not dance around the house naked. I wish I could. I can’t because I’m so screwed up that I can’t even love my own damn body. I try, I do but I fail, over and over again. It is a battle that I can never win. In that way, I am envious of Lena Dunham. She is intelligent, articulate and obviously, pretty fucking comfortable in her own skin. I envy anyone who can honestly love themselves like that but in other ways, she is wounded ( ain’t we all).

Which brings me to the next and more pressing matter, her new book, Not that Kind of Girl. She shocks us. I think most of us expected that, right? She is the kind of person who takes the truth and shoves it in your face and holds you there daring you not to look away. She forces us to see what we might otherwise go through life ignoring, because let’s face it, sometimes it’s just easier that way. However, this time her in your face approach has gone too far. She’s tapped into something that has down right freaked people out.

Now, as someone who tells the truth on a the regular, I know that it is scary. 50% of the time, people will hate you, mock you and fear you. 100% of the time, they will judge you. But 50% of the time, they will support you and let me tell you, that support is priceless so we take the risk. Maybe they’ll read it and get to see a hidden side of us and embrace it or maybe they will see a hidden side of us and turn away in disgust and anger because we should have known better and just kept it to ourselves. Believe me, I’ve been there too. You have to learn to take your lumps like a grown up and have a mature, intelligent discussion. I try to rise above it because sometimes I might learn something, even if it’s that I knew I was right and the other person was an idiot.

I have not personally read the book (though I do want to) but I have seen out of context passages and read many a scathing piece on the book so my post is based solely on my own deducement without all of the facts. The part about a 7-year-old Lena Dunham curiously looking into her 1-year-old sister’s vagina, I find harmless. I mean seriously, she was 7. It was curiosity and thank goodness she did, she found pebbles in the kid. Has no one asked what the hell the toddler was sticking pebbles in her vagina for? It wasn’t like Lena Dunham was fingering her, excuse my vulgarity.

Then there is the part about bribing her little sister to “rest on her” or to kiss her for 5 seconds..both of these wreak of a little girl who needed affection. Her comment,
“Basically anything a sexual predator might do to woo a small suburban girl I was trying.”
I honestly, think ( I Hope) was a failed attempt at humor and all of it was taken out of context. We can all sound like monsters out of context.

The situation of a 13-year-old Dunham masturbating in her own bed, after her little sister crawled into her bed while her sister was sleeping, while not necessarily appropriate was a solitary action. She was 13, she was masturbating, that is normal. Her sister crawled into her bed, it wasn’t like she invited her into her bed and then had the little sister participate. One had nothing to do with the other.

I think Lena Dunham over shared in a big, fat, freaking way but do I think she is a deviant, child molester? I don’t but then again, I am not a psychiatrist and neither are most of the people ripping her to shreds for being honest. I don’t necessarily think Dunham did anything wrong other than misjudge her audience and her own isolation from judgment. She forgot for a minute that she is still subject to the rules of the rest of us and that fickle fans and especially strangers can turn on you, just as fast as they can fall in love with you; sometimes even quicker.

I’d love to hear your opinion but I think we should leave the diagnoses to the psychiatrists.
What do you think?
Was Lena Dunham just a curious kid or a child predator?
2014/11/05
Cirque du Soleil’s Dralion Farewell Tour
Two more days until I attend media day for Cirque du Soleil’s Dralion farewell tour; excited is an understatement. I’ve been planning this for 5 months. It comes right in the middle of a really busy week but I’d gladly forgo sleep for this. I’ve been waiting 15 years to go backstage to what I consider the greatest show on earth.
People need down time; moments of sheer enjoyment. You cannot go 100% all the time or you will crash and burn, says the manic mom typing this blog. As a treat, this week my family is attending Cirque du Soleil’s Dralion farewell tour; thanks to the good people are Cirque du Soleil. We’ve been fans of Cirque du Soleil since seeing La Nouba for the first time on our honeymoon in 1999. We even took our girls back to see La Nouba earlier this year.
Are you familiar with Cirque du Soleil? No? What???? Cirque du Soleil is a circus of artistic beauty and creativity beyond anything else. We love the ballet and opera, pair that with some wicked acrobats, international arts and astounding trampoline artists and you’ve got a small taste of what Cirque du Soleil is.

I’m not a fan of the traditional circus because of the use of animals. You know cages and whips and all that kind of kill my enthusiasm for the entire thing but Cirque du Soleil is something that the Big Guy and I gladly share with our girls and will for years to come.
Cirque du Soleil is a Quebec based company recognized all over the world for high-quality, artistic entertainment. Since its dawn in 1984, Cirque du Soleil has constantly sought to evoke the imagination, invoke the senses and provoke the emotions of people around the world.
As someone who has seen every Cirque du Soleil either on video or in person, I can tell you that it is ethereal and magical every single time. That is the simplest way to explain it. What the people in the shows can do with the human body is spectacular; musicians who sing like angels, acrobats who defy gravity and trampoline artist who achieve the unimaginable with ease and grace. Cirque du Soleil makes the impossible seem possible.
This week, I will be seeing Dralion for the very first time in person.
What is Dralion you ask?
Fusing the 3000-year-old tradition of Chinese acrobatic arts with the multidisciplinary approach of Cirque du Soleil, Dralion drawls its inspiration from Eastern philosophy and its never-ending quest for harmony between humans and nature. The show’s name is derived from its two emblematic creatures: the dragon, symbolizing the East, and the lion, symbolizing the West.
In Dralion, the four elements that govern the natural order take on a human form. Thus embodied, each element is represented by its own evocative color: air is blue; water is green; fire is red; earth is ochre. In the world of Dralion, cultures blend, Man and Nature are one, and balance is achieved.
Maybe that’s what I really and truly love about Cirque du Soleil the meshing of all cultures, peoples and beliefs. It’s “hope” under a tent. It’s being transported to a perfect world for a couple of hours and I adore every single saturated in amazing moment of it.
Dralion is coming to Ft. Wayne, IN ( probably to a city near you too) and will run this Wednesday November 5^th thru Sunday November 9^th. There is even a family four-pack promo going this week, 4 tickets for only $100 using the promo code Halloween. That is a fantastic deal and worth every single dollar. If you are anywhere near the area, I would highly recommend that you go see this farewell tour. It may be your last chance.
Speaking freely and honestly, I will tell you, Cirque du Soleil is one of the coolest things you will ever experience. You will leave the auditorium with children who are thrilled and amazed and your mind will be thoroughly blown. I can’t wait to tell you more about the show after I attend opening night and media day later this week. Hope to see you there.
What’s your favorite Cirque du Soleil show?
Have you seen Dralion?
Image via Cirque du Soleil
Disclosure: I was given tickets to see Dralion but all opinions are my own. I have been in love with Cirque du Soleil for 15 years and would have purchased tickets to Dralion on my own had I not received them.
2014/11/03
Sleeping Apart ~ The One Marriage, Two Bedroom Conundrum
Do you and your spouse sleep in the same bed every night or do you enjoy sleeping apart? We don’t. In fact, most nights we don’t. Is getting sleep that important? Hell yeah, says the insomniac who works late nights and has two young children. Sleep is the best thing ever, except for Ambien sex. Ambien sex trumps everything. Especially Ambien sex with your husband. But I digress…
The Big Guy gets up for work every day at 4:30 a.m. I am a night owl, a constant insomniac if we are being truthful, so bedtime for me is normally between midnight and 2 a.m. Add to that the fact that I snore during allergy season and our littlest one always seems to end up in our bed and we’ve just conceded to the fact that Monday thru Thursday night, the Big Guy sleeps in the guest room.
At first, I kind of loved it. I’m sure he did too. I had a king size tv bed from TV Bed Store all to myself. I could stay up as late as I wanted, watching television and working. It was awesome. Then, when it was all said and done, I could sprawl out (until my little one found her way to my room) all across the bed. It was awesome. Well, for a little while anyways.
Have we become complacent? Some times, I feel like we are some old married couple like Ethel and Fred Mertz. You know the cantankerous old couple from the building that slept in separate beds and could barely stand one another? But hey, Lucy and Ricky slept in separate beds too and they were madly in love. So what does sleeping in separate beds really mean? We love one another but we’re so comfortable sleeping in our own beds and actually SLEEPING that we just do. Problem is… I miss my husband. I do. I miss turning over in the middle of the night, reaching out and just knowing he is there.

Do you think sleeping apart is indicative of depleting intimacy?
Sure, we’re still intimate (maybe not as often as we might be if we actually slept in the same bed but maybe more so) and our marriage is still rock solid BUT are we on borrowed time? I mean is it all going to go south one day? Are we growing apart and don’t even realize it? Is sleeping in separate beds leaving just enough room between us for someone else to insert themselves? These are all valid concerns, right? Is a good night’s sleep really worth risking your marriage?
Am I fooling myself by thinking that our marriage is strong enough to survive long distance intimacy? We survived 2 years of commuter marriage and that is probably where this all started but am I insane to think that a couple can sleep in separate beds but still be connected intimately?
I think just because you sleep in separate beds doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ve lost that “loving feeling” at all. The Big Guy works from home 2 days a week and those are our “afternoon delight days” and we do sleep in our bed together on weekends, so I’d say our sex life is pretty healthy. In fact, him being in the other room adds a little sauce to the mix. It keeps me on my toes to receive random snapchat pics and sexts from across the hall. Believe me, I will gladly turn off any television show for a romp with the Big Guy any day of the week.
The only thing that suffers is that some times, I just want to be able to reach over and cuddle ( I sound like such a girl right now) not often because I am not really a cuddler during night time hours. I prefer to cuddle on the couch while watching a movie. I enjoy the spontaneity and flirtation that not knowing if we will be sleeping in the same bed has afforded us. It’s taken the restrictions off of sex. Sex is no longer confined to our bedroom and intimacy is not just sex. It’s talking, texting, emailing. It’s a brush of his hand on mine. It’s like dating after 15 years of marriage. So, maybe this sleeping apart is good for a marriage….or maybe we’re considering buying a queen sized bed to replace our king sized one?
I’m not sure what we will do but I do know that when I want him in my bed, all I need to do is tell him and vice versa.
For topics like this and many more on parenting, relationships and just about anything else under the sun facing today’s parents, check out Mad Life at CafeMom.
What do you think of sleeping apart from your partner?
2014/10/28
How to Easily Make the Perfect Halloween Dia De Los Muertos Costume
Halloween and Dia de Los Muertos are only a few days away.
Last weekend was our city’s annual Fright Night and Zombie walk. My daughters have been wanting to participate for the past 3 years but we’ve felt they were too young to be immersed in the middle of all of those “zombies” so we’ve been watching from the sidelines. This year, we decided would be the year that we all walked “amongst the dead”. They were zombies and I was la Calavera Catrina, recognized as a sugar skull.
My husband and girls dressed as authentic walking dead zombies. My husband was a typical zombie ironically wearing a blood smeared “Be Kind to the Earth” t-shirt with a vintage plaid flannel. I guess he was going for hipster zombie look.
My 9-year-old was a prom queen zombie. Luckily her ballet rehearsal was done in just enough time to get home, change into her “prom” dress and dead face. My littlest one was the cutest dead school girl ever.
My little brother and I chose to go in a different direction. I love the Walking Dead but I just can’t make myself drag my legs and growl at people so my brother dressed as a sugar skull and I dressed as the Grand Dame of Dia De Los Muertos, la Calavera Catrina. The best part? Everything I needed was in my closet.
Here is how to apply the Dia de Los Muertos make-up and pull together a costume that will make heads turn.
I think it turned out awesome!
1. 1. Begin with an even layer of the Ben Nye Clown White make-up all over the entire face, except the eye sockets, with a sponge, and set with powder. You can buy setting powder at the Halloween shop but, honestly, baby powder works just as well. It is important to set the color with the powder, because the black lines and color on top may get smudged unless you place a barrier in between. Seriously, your face will look like it is melting off if you don’t and who wants to go through all that time painstakingly applying make-up only to have it slide right off your face?
    Next, I sculpted the perimeter of my eye socket with a black liquid eyeliner, it’s much easier to use than regular black face make-up and it lets you be more precise with your lines. Then intensify the area by blending a matte black shadow in the same hue over the top of the entire eyelid and filling in the drawn socket.
    For the detailing, pick up a black liquid liner with a precise tip, and draw an upside-down heart on the nose, the two rows of scalloping, connected by a circular motion, that surrounds the eyes and the two small circles on either side of my cheek bones. Mark out seven lines in a V-shape on your forehead. I made a jewel in the middle of mine, you can too or not, whatever you choose. Connect the lines with curved shapes to create a spider web.
    Use the same liquid liner to draw the two lines on your cheeks and draw a rose on your chin.
    Use a color wheel of your choice to fill in the scalloping around your eyes, your jewel and any other designs on your face that need color. I set the color with more translucent powder, not too much, just enough to keep the color from running.
    Moving on to the lips, I wanted red lips so I used my Red Chanel lipstick to draw in my lips. Then with the black liquid eyeliner, I drew in the intersecting lines across my lips. I let all lines dry well and then went over with liquid eyeliner again.
    With the liquid liner, add a few dotted details over the face, and a flower on your chin. Touch up individual areas with the color palette of your choice as needed, and after a few coats of mascara, I used fake-eyelashes to give my eyes a little extra umph.
For the hair, I simply washed my hair and dried it curly. Teased it. Pulled it to a curly, side pony tail and then added two oversized red roses behind my ears, which I held in with bobby pins. You could also opt for a headband with flowers on it.
To finish the look, I shopped my closet. Sometimes being a Latina with a dad who retires to Mexico 8 months a year has its advantages. I wore a long black skirt, a white peasant blouse with red, yellow and green roses from Mexico as my blouse, an ornate, traditional Kelly green velvet apron with gold scalloping and bright gold shawl. It came together perfectly but, honestly, the make-up makes the costume.
What are you dressing up as for Halloween?
Do you celebrate Dia de Los Muertos?
2014/10/27
Yes, Renée Zellweger Looks Different, so What?
Like the rest of the world, I noticed that when Renée Zellweger appeared on the red carpet for the Elle Women in Hollywood Awards on Monday night, she looked different. I couldn’t quite place my finger on what it was, I just knew that she looked different. Then I saw all the terrible comments on Twitter. Social media was exploding in insults about the change in Ms. Zellwegger’s appearance. I hate that about the Internet, everyone feels entitled to be as insulting as they want to be because they are cloaked in the security of anonymity. They’d never say that shit to her face.
I don’t know what looks different, I just know she looks different. But, call me crazy, I think she still looks pretty. She’s not 25 anymore, neither am I. We all look different. Time and gravity changes us. Everyone’s face ages.
Look, I can’t imagine what it must be like living in Hollywood and being a celebrity having every single thing you do critiqued and criticized; every wrinkle and grey hair amplified for the world to see. So either you age naturally and the whole world gawks and rebuffs you for not trying harder or you get cosmetic surgery, plumping this, lifting that, dewrinkling that and the entire world criticizes you for not aging gracefully. As a woman, especially one in the public eye, you can’t win for losing. I say be happy and fuck the rest.
If being happy means aging naturally, go for it. If being happy means raging against nature, then Botox and lift all your heart desires. It would be awesome if we could all just look 25 forever or if we could find the perfect aesthetician or surgeon who could just make us stay looking 25 forever, minus the plastic, distorted, fake face but it seems it’s a hard combination to find. I’ve never had any botox injections or anti-aging dermal fillers not because I am opposed to it but because I just haven’t found the time or occasion to do it. If I ever feel like I need to have some botox injections, believe me, I will go for it. But for now, I am all-natural; for better or worse.
I can’t speak for Renee Zellweger but I can speak for myself, we live in a world where we are held to impossible beauty standards and some of us nearly die trying to fit someone else’s expectations of who they think we should be. When will we realize that WE make the rules. If we refuse to bend, contort and starve to fit these impossible standards maybe then we could all be just a little bit happier just living and being ourselves.
Please stop making fun of Renee Zellweger. Are you perfect? Would you dare make these jokes about her face to her face? If the answer is no to either of these questions, please keep your opinions to yourself and be a part of the solution, not the problem.
Isn’t the world already a hard enough place to live in with everything in media being photoshopped and nipped and tucked? Can’t we just give one another a break?
–
2014/10/24
The One Thing that All Mom’s Have in Common

No matter how hard we try as parents, sometimes we still have a parenting fail followed by the inevitable mommy guilt.
I stay-at-home with my girls. I have always stayed at home. There was a brief 6 month period while I was pregnant with Gabs that I worked outside of the home but other than that I have chosen to stay-at-home. I have worked from home the entire time but I have always been within an arm’s reach of my daughters when they were small.

I am the one who arranges everything just so. I make sure that birthday parties are exactly what they dreamed they would be. I am the one who plans vacations. I am the one make sure Christmas morning is everything they could ever imagine. I am the same person who pulls teeth, kisses booboos, wakes in the middle of the night for every fever and puke filled moment of it. I am the one who reassures them that there are no chickens or lemurs hiding under their bed.

I am the one who makes their favorite meal. Knows their minds before they speak and knows when to hug instead of lecture. I notice the innuendos. I see the trembling lips. I know when they are fibbing or scared or nervous. I know every crease and crevice of their face and every curve of their existence. I like being that mom.
I put broken hearts back together when daddy had to leave back to Iowa. I explained the unexplainable to toddlers and when they didn’t understand, I took the brunt of their frustration and held them as their tiny broken hearts tried to make sense of it all. I cried in silence after they went to bed that maybe I had made the wrong choice.
I’ve kissed the tops of their heads and rubbed their backs as they’ve fallen asleep more times than I can count. I wake in the middle of the night to make sure they are breathing and covered. I listen when they think I am not. I make their favorite meal when they least expect it and most need it. I cuddle randomly and with wild abandon. I tell them I love them like every day is my last chance.
I was there for their first word, first tooth, first step, first breath and first heartbeat. I always want to be there for everything. I want them to know that I am forever their soft place to land. It’s never just them against the world because I am always there beside them, when they need me.
I’ve never missed a ballet or tap observation, rehearsal or Nutcracker performance. I volunteer backstage. I’ve never missed a school party, field trip or mass they’ve participated in. I am their room mom. I drive on every field trip. Never missed a soccer match, swim practice or field day. I have scheduled my life to be there for those moments. For me, there is nothing more important.
I want to show them the world and teach them to live in it, proactively. I want them to go after their dreams and know that they can do anything. I also want them to know that no matter how old they get or how far they go, I am here. I am proud of them and they are loved beyond comprehension no matter where life takes them or who they become.
I’ve never missed anything…until today. Tonight, I sent my girls off to tap class with the Big Guy like I do every Tuesday evening. I take them to ballet on Wednesdays and we alternate rehearsals. Tonight, my little one asked me if I could go instead. I said no because 1) I have a terrible migraine but 2) I have to work the book fair tomorrow morning and I needed to get some work done tonight. Then 20 minutes later, I received a text that tonight was observation night. I’ve never missed an observation night; not in 7 years. I am the crazy mom with the camera, the phone and the video recorder but not tonight.

Tonight, I dropped the ball. Maybe it was the migraine. Maybe it was the girls being sick the last 2 weeks. Maybe it was the hurried rush of the weekend. All I know is that in that moment that I looked down and saw that text, my heart broke because I missed my first “FIRST” ever because tonight was Gabs’ first tap observation. So, I’m sitting here sobbing, feeling like the world’s biggest failure.
I guess every mother has this moment of reckoning. The moment that we realize that no matter how hard we try, how much we sacrifice or how much we want to we cannot protect our children from the world or be there for every moment. Eventually, they will have to do stuff on their own and we have to trust that we taught them and loved them enough to know they can and that just because we might not be there in person, our hearts are with them always but damn it still sure hurts missing those moments.

What was the parenting fail that you instantly wished you could do over?

2014/10/22
If Amanda Bynes is Mentally Ill She’s in Danger of being Locked Away and so Are You
Last week, I read in the Daily Mail that Amanda Bynes‘ doctors are seeking to have her held in a psychiatric facility for up to one year and force her to take medication. ONE.YEAR! 365 Days of her life. Her doctors were planning to ask a judge to allow them to hold her for up to a year, during which they’d be allowed to keep her confined and, if necessary, restrained and force her to take medication
“A judge will only grant this type of hold if the person is deemed “gravely disabled as a result of a mental disorder or impairment by chronic alcoholism.”
So, hopefully the judge will find another way to help Ms. Bynes without needing to confine her to an institution for an entire year. Maybe they could make a stipulation of freedom be that she is medication compliant. A simple blood test could be used to check for compliance.
I feel like the media is reporting this matter of factly, as if having a mental illness diagnosis warrants immediately being locked up. Would we ever consider locking up a diabetic against their will, withholding sugar and forcefully administering insulin? I think not.
Media rubberneckers find this to be an entertaining topic of conversation. “Oh that “crazy” Amanda Bynes with her “crazy” antics, setting things on fire, tweeting out salacious photos, doing the most off the wall behavior for attention.” The thing is, this is serious and this is scary.

When I see this photo, the only thing I think is maybe she looks a little thin…not crazy.
If you’ve ever had a mental illness diagnosis, as many people do these days, you know that our biggest fear, aside from outing ourselves as “mentally ill” because then everyone just attributes everything you do to being “crazy” and having it undermine and tinge every single thing you do for the rest of your life, we.fear.being.locked.away against our will. This is why mentally ill people keep their mouths shut, don’t take meds, don’t share with friends and family and don’t get better because if the price of help is being locked up against your will, it simply is not worth it to us.
Why the world thinks it has the right to banish her to an institution or condemn her to a life of being “crazy”, I don’t know? She is young. She has made some mistakes. She has exhibited some bad behavior but that doesn’t mean that she should be written off as a lunatic.
I was diagnosed at 27,with BiPolar 1. If you knew me then, you might have thought that I was “CRAZY” if you had spent any extended amount of time with me. In small doses, I could pass for funny and enthusiastic but if you spent a substantial amount of time with me, like my husband did, you would have quickly realized that there was no off button.
I was reckless, careless, I drove fast, I shopped a LOT, I was hyper sexual, I drank almost constantly, I did very outrageous things simply because I was bored, I was the life of the party and then I was the meanest bitch you’d ever have met. Luckily, I was not a celebrity nor were Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, SnapChat or Pinterest in existence or maybe I would have been the token crazy online.
I got help. I didn’t need institutionalized. I never became psychotic. I was able to control my mania with medication, reducing triggers like alcohol, caffeine and sugars, behavioral therapy and cognitive therapy. I made every effort to know and embrace my illness. I did this privately, with the help of my husband. My family knew but I didn’t live near any of them. It wasn’t something I told strangers. I was allowed the dignity of keeping my mental illness private and this allowed me to not let it define me.
Years later, I came out about my mental illness on my blog because I was ready to share my story in hopes that maybe it could help someone else know that you can get through it.
Maybe Amanda Bynes needs to be institutionalized for help but a year is a sentence. She’s done nothing wrong. She is being punished for a crime that she didn’t commit. Mental illness is not a crime, it’s an illness.
I understand 72 hours or 2 weeks to get meds stabilized and make sure someone is not a danger to themselves or others but isn’t a year a bit extreme? If this happens, this could happen to anyone with a diagnosis, including you or I. Consider that.
Do you think doctors should be able to ask for a mandatory 1 year psychiatric hold to a mentally ill Amanda Bynes or anyone?
2014/10/20
What is Dia de Los Muertos ?
Next weekend is for celebrating at our house; Halloween and Dia de Los Muertos.
My girls are so excited that next week is Halloween. It’s their favorite holiday. It’s the magical time of year when the air is crisp, the leaves are changing colors and the world has suddenly become a more beautiful place of crimson, caramels and golden yellows and we all get to be anyone or thing we want to be for one day, the only limitation is our imagination. I think I’d like to be a unicorn!
As a Latina, it also means it’s time to start preparing for Dia de Los Muertos. Thanks to the new movie Book of Life, I’ve decided that this is the perfect year to teach my girls about Dia de Los Muertos. It’s part of our Mexican heritage. They’ve seen the sugar skulls but I’ve never explained the celebration because death is such a touchy subject for children. This is the year I tell them all about it so that they can celebrate too.
Dia de los Muertos is a Mexican holiday that lasts for 2 days, November 1-November 2, November 1^st is Dia de los Inocentes, honoring children who have died. In preparation of the holiday, the graves are cleaned and those of the children are decorated with white orchids and baby’s breath. November 2^nd is Dia de los Muertos, honoring adults, their graves are decorated with bright orange marigolds. On Dia de los Muertos we honor our dead with festivals and celebrations; it’s a marriage of indigenous Aztec ritual and Catholicism.
We believe that our dead loved ones would be insulted by mourning or sadness, so on Dia de los Muertos we celebrate the lives of the deceased with food, drink, parties and activities that they dead enjoyed in their life.
I like that Dia de los Muertos recognizes death as a natural part of the human experience, a continuum with birth, childhood, and growing up. On Dia de los Muertos, the dead are also a part of the community, awakened from their eternal sleep to share celebrations with loved ones. It’s a very healthy way to look at death and takes away some of the fear of the unknown.
The most familiar symbol of Dia de los Muertos are the calacas and Calaveras (skeletons and skulls), which appear everywhere during the holiday: in candied sweets, as parade masks and even as dolls. Calacas and calaveras are almost always portrayed as enjoying life, often in fancy clothes and entertaining situations.
In addition to celebrations, the dead are honored on Dia de los Muertos with ofrendas—small, personal altars honoring one person. Ofrendas often have flowers, candles, food, drinks, photos, and personal mementos of the person being remembered. For example, if I were to make an alter for my Uncle Ramon it would include lots of sweets and Rompope ( Mexican eggnog) because I remember when we were little he had a sweet tooth and always had candy on him and if he came during the holidays, he always brought Rompope.
Here is a recipe for Dia de los Muertos Cheesecake
Crust
Filling
DIRECTIONS
This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of International Delight. The opinions and text are all mine.
For more awesome recipes and ways to use your International Delight creamers, check out their Facebook and Pinterest page.
This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of International Delight. The opinions and text are all mine. Later this week, I will be posting a tutorial on how to do the day of the dead make-up my brother and I are wearing in the photo above.
What’s your favorite Halloween/ Dia de Los Muertos tradition?
2014/10/20
How to Survive the Loss of a Pregnancy
Have you ever suffered the loss of a pregnancy? Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day. I know October is National everything month but I would like you all to pause for just a moment today and remember all the mothers who lost their everything and children who never got to be held. We can’t forget the loss of a pregnancy is the loss of our child that would’ve been; it’s how to survive a miscarriage.
My story is not unique or special but my loss was life-changing for me. In that one moment, my life was altered for eternity. The loss of a pregnancy sounds so simple but I’ll spend the rest of my life learning how to survive a miscarriage. The statistics all say that it is common but it doesn’t feel statistically accurate. I can’t imagine how so many women are suffering so stoically, such a deep and profound sorrow. My heart was irreparably damaged and in its place, a gaping wound remains that can never be filled. It’s a kind of primal pain that is indescribable.
READ ALSO: Mourning Mother Won’t Let go of Baby
I don’t think that the loss of a pregnancy or infant is like anything else, we will ever experience in our lifetime and I can say for certain that it is nothing I would ever wish on even my worst enemy.
It’s like dying but still being alive. It’s having to carry on when you want to crawl into yourself and cease to exist. It’s survival at the most. It’s a vulnerability that, to this day, still brings me to my knees on occasion. The only thing worse that I can imagine is losing a living child who’ve you’ve spent years loving and knowing.
The worst part about the loss of a pregnancy or infant is what a single solitary loss it is. Surviving a miscarriage is like surviving the apocalypse and your entire family dying, do you even want to survive?
You will never feel so alone as you do when your womb is empty because you feel like your body failed you and no one feels it the way you do. Others know that you lost your pregnancy or your infant but in a few weeks or months, they can forget it if they choose and carry on. And they usually do and you are left feeling like a crazy person who misses terribly this tiny person we never met. You begin to question your sanity, especially when others look at you like “when is she ever going to get over this.” Worse, they actually are afforded the luxury of forgetting that it ever happened to you. Oh yes, they do and no I never will “get over it”.
Every May 1^st(The day I survived my miscarriage) and November 24^th (our child’s due date), I observe as days of remembrance. I feel the loss every single day but on those two days of the year, I allow myself to feel all of my feelings. Sometimes, I sob the entire day, sometimes I am numb and others, I am still and thankful that even for that short time, my baby was with me and for the two beautiful children that I do get to hold because there are those of us who never got to hold any of their children.
I am past the point of feeling raw or envious when friends tell me that they are pregnant. I am happy for them. In fact, I love seeing them get to experience that love and complete sense of purpose. I no longer ask “why me?” because there is no point. My little one has finally stopped asking for a sibling, and that has helped immensely. My guilt is beginning to alleviate some. My feeling of failure is slowly fading like an old photo.
I do however know how fragile and fleeting life is and that has made me a different kind of mother to my children. If I am being completely honest, I still don’t think that I could survive a loss of one of my girls. (That’s not a tempt fate, so please forget that I even thought that) but the pain nearly killed me and for a little while, it completely destroyed my sanity. It’s hard to be rational when you are a frightened, exposed nerve in the world. I am aware that I am a little more protective of my girls than maybe I should be but you have to understand, they are my everything.
READ ALSO: When a Tattoo Heals Your Heart
I’ve been searching for something to immortalize the baby that I lost, to give me closure in a way. I feel like I need something to mark his existence, proof that he ever existed at all. That he was here. That the Big Guy and I loved him more than anything else in the world, just like we do our two girls. I know that nothing can fill that hole in my heart but I want people to know that I am the mother to 3 children. I was pregnant 3 times. It happened. I’m not crazy. I didn’t imagine it. I am not over it.
I’ve finally decided on a tattoo that I think is perfect. It’s a poem, one that I’ve quoted to my girls since they were babies. I am going to have it tattooed on my left-hand side rib cage, near my heart because that is where my children always are with me, in my heart, forever…even if you don’t see them or forget they exist. For me, they are always right there with me.
If you’ve ever experienced the loss of a pregnancy take today to feel your feelings.
Be kind to yourself. There is no right or wrong way to feel. There is no expiration date on loving a child. It doesn’t matter who else remembers or cares, you do.
We all have our wounds. They might not show on the outside but they are there. Be kind to one another and cherish every single moment with the people you love, especially the little people, because time is fleeting.
2014/10/15
What Every Tech Savvy Adventurer Will Want this Holiday Season
Can you believe it’s already almost Halloween? This weekend, we’re doing the city’s zombie walk at the girl’s request (because we are the coolest parents ever) and then it’s hay rides and pumpkin carving at the neighborhood fall festival. Before too long, I’ll be hosting Thanksgiving and then Christmas. Christmas??? I’m still dreaming of beaches and water parks! Where did summer go?
Every year, I know that I am going to get lost in all of our “obligations” that I purposely focus even harder on making sure the girls remember baking cookies with grandma, making fudge with daddy, singing carols and just a general feeling of warmth rather than the chaos. I try to make each holiday season fondly memorable even if that just means the four of us preparing brunch and watching Christmas vacation together. What I inevitably forget to do every year is give my family a list of what I’d like for Christmas.
Sure, I can say that all I really want is my family to be healthy, happy and together and that is true but of course, there are things that I would like but who ever has time to make a list. It feels so unimportant amongst everything else but really, it would be nice to actually get something that I’ve wanted. The thing with moms is that we are so busy taking care of others that we often forget to take care of ourselves and while we’ll bend over backwards to make our family happy, we just never seem to take the time to do the same for ourselves.
Not this year. This year, I am not only making a list. I am making a pin board of all the stuff I’d be thrilled to have and a lot of it is tech toys like the GoPro HERO4 Black, an iPhone 6 Plus, a conference ticket or two and a few other tasty treats to kick my blog up a notch.

GoPro has unveiled its new line of action cameras at Best Buy stores, just in time for the holidays. Best Buy will also have the latest accessories and mounts to help you capture immersive footage of the moments that matter most like skiing in Aspen, ringing in the New Year some place warm or maybe spring break at Disney World.
GoPro cameras make the perfect holiday gift for everyone, my girls would love it to take action video while flipping on the trampoline. I’d love it to take stunning action photos for my blog. GoPro’s new line of cameras allow you to beautifully and authentically capture and share the experiences that bring purpose, adventure, and joy to your life.
GoPro has 3 new cameras out this holiday season:
- GoPro HERO4 Black is the most advanced GoPro ever, featuring improved image quality and a 2x more powerful processor with 2x faster video frame rates1, HERO4 Black takes award‐winning GoPro performance to a whole new level.
- GoPro HERO4 Silver is the first-ever GoPro to feature a built-in touch display. Controlling The camera, playing back footage and adjusting settings is ultra-convenient—just view, tap and swipe the screen. With 1080p60 and 720p120 video, and 12MP photos at a staggering 30 frames per second, HERO4 Silver combines powerful, pro-quality capture with the convenience of a touch display.
- GoPro HERO: Featuring high‐quality 1080p30 and 720p60 video, and 5MP photos up to 5 fps, HERO captures the same immersive footage that’s made GoPro one of the best-selling cameras in the world.
It has 12x more powerful processor with 2x faster video frame rates. This is action photography at its best. I can’t wait to get my hands on one.
Well, I’d better get back to sorting my Blogger’s Wish list Pinterest pin board
Learn more at www.bestbuy.com/GoPro or visit your local Best Buy to check out the latest cameras in person.

I’ve been compensated in the form of a Best Buy Gift Card , which I am putting towards buying myself the GoPro HERO4 Black.
2014/10/14