The TRUTH About Motherhood

Author: Deborah Cruz

Rantings of a Crazy woman; 1st Pregnancy
That brings us to the gloriousness of pregnancy. Well, for me, pregnancy was pretty glorious. I only gained 18 lbs. with my pregnancies (of course I started out on the chunky side), mild all day sickness with my first, I had an ass for the 1st time in my life (not so bad), boobs got a little bigger, no hemorrhoids, no excess gas, still loved sex, still slept on my belly, no stretch marks (well, one but it disappeared after birth).No craziness.
I just basked in the glory of my pregnancy. It was amazing and I devoured all the attention, ate whatever I wanted (that was allowed), was completely engulfed in the whole experience. Read every book (with and to my husband), sharing facts like they were going out of style. Rented a Doppler, sang to my fetus, played music to it, talked to it, swayed it to sleep. It was an unexpected bliss like nothing else.
Everything about my pregnancy was amazing.
I took every class, drove a little slower and kept a journal of my pregnancy. No one told me that I should pamper myself, because it was the last time I’d be able to do anything alone, for the rest of my life. No one told me that I would from the day of delivery on I would forevermore be referred to as “mommy”. No one told me that I would lose my own identity and forget where I end and my children begin.
Oh, to go to the toilet without a chaperone trying to eat the toothpaste. Those were the days. But, I wouldn’t trade one moment of toothpaste eating tag to pee alone again, if it meant that I didn’t have my daughters. Alone time is over rated anyways, yeah, just like date nights and spontaneous sex, said the jealous, tired Mommy.
That was my first pregnancy!
2009/05/09
The Wonder Woman Within Us All
It seems like the phases of womanhood boils down to periods, pregnancy and hot flashes. It sounds utterly simplistic but it’s anything but. Each phase brings with it a renewed perspective revealing to us an undiscovered inner strength and the Wonder Woman within us all.
If I’ve scared you with some of the information in the previous post, that was not my intention. For those of you who have been through any of the phases of womanhood already, you’re laughing because it’s all true (and believe me, misery enjoys company). If you’ve not been through all of it yet; you’re either laughing hysterically thinking, this lady and her metaphors are hilarious, or you are heeding my warning and doubling up on the birth control. Either way, I speak the truth.
READ ALSO: Rantings of a Crazy Lady or My First Pregnancy
Nothing in life is free. Chances are your mother told you this. Mine did. Remember men don’t buy cows who give free milk. Wow! That’s a sexist thing to say not to mention, did they just call women cows? Speaking of being a woman, why Eve why? Our first foray into motherhood is marked by blood. I mean that should be a red flag ( pardon the pun) of what’s to come. We get our periods, which means theoretically we can know the joys of pregnancy.
Ironically, if we’re young and/or single the chances of pregnancy is obviously greater. It’s not enough that we’re blessed by nature’s gift that keeps on giving, we must be on constant alert as to not be taught a lesson. If you don’t want to get pregnant and you are young or single, be extra cautious because you are in the highest risk category of those most likely to conceive.
There is a Wonder Woman Within us all
In contrast, if you’re a married woman, in your mid 20’s or 30’s, with the closest thing to sufficient income trying to get pregnant, now it becomes infinitely more difficult. How badly do you really want it? Sometimes it’s easy with a little careful charting and planning (isn’t that sexy?) but other times you have to really work for it… hormones, in-vitro, etc. and it’s anything but sexy. In fact, it’s downright ugly sometimes.
READ ALSO: What Does Birth Feel Like?
The older you get, when it should actually be easier for you to care for a child, the more you want it, the harder it becomes. There is, however, a group in there (who I hope you all fall into) that has a wonderful, loving marriage and after celebrating their fifth year anniversary decide that it is time to bring a child into the family. They go on a nice, sexy vacation somewhere; have a little drink, do a little dance, get down tonight and wham, bam! 10 months later a baby changes everything. No worries, you planned for it (as best you can plan for such things in life). That’s the fairy tale. It’s the dream we all had right after we planned our weddings when we were twelve.
Here we are 18 years and a master’s degree later. We all know that in our hearts this pregnancy/motherhood gig is what puts us over the top. We rule. Motherhood is the phase of womanhood that brings out our wonder woman within. We’re forever are on a pedestal for giving our husbands children (they can’t do that on their own). They can do a lot of shit, but they can’t have babies without us.
READ ALSO: The TRUTH about Motherhood that No One Will Tell You
Motherhood turbo launches us into sainthood. But it’s a slippery slope because; the same is not guaranteed for those poor unfortunates (I only say unfortunate because you never know how the guy’s going to react in that situation) girls who get pregnant on accident. Then you run the risk of some jackass taking away your glory and treating you like you owe him, for sticking him with a baby. Be careful.
Enjoy your glory because soon will come the hot flashes and then the unavoidable invisibleness that soon follows. Really, it’s just the next phase of womanhood and what no one realizes until they are going through it is that it is fabulous too. With invisibility comes the freedom to say and do what we please. It also means our children are probably old enough to let us pee alone and sleep through the night and that’s worth celebrating.
Wonder woman within party at my house.
2009/05/08
Play Dates, What Every New Mom should Know
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
Four years have passed since the birth of my first child, that means it has been just about 3 years and 3 months ( give or take) since we entered the world of play dates. I know, we were late to the scene. What can I say?Anyways, I digress.
At the time we entered the world of play dates we we’re new parents who had recently relocated to a new part of the country with a tiny baby. Honestly, I didn’t know which way was up. Play dates were quite possibly the link to my sanity. Being bound and determined to give my child the “best childhood ever” ( because that was my quest), signed Ella and I up for a couple of the “it” classes that are imperative for children at that age, if they are to become anyone later in life.( *insert sarcasm font here!)
Play dates are the great equalizer.
We went to our classes and I cast my net far and wide. I tried to gauge from our brief encounters and the public interactions of Mommies with their children, who just might be worthy of our friendship, or at the very least, which other Mommies were on “my” level. I know, it sounds horrible when you say it out loud. Keep in mind, this scenario is very much like freshman year in college. You are scared, alone, new to the area and willing to befriend and accept just about anyone into your “clique”. You’ve got to start a clique so you can be a part of something. So, to recap, we have a need to belong to the best clique (for our children’s benefit, of course) but we are so desperate we end up being play date friends with anyone who’ll have us. That is until we get our bearings and regain our senses.
Play dates are a necessary evil of motherhood.
In most cases, the original play date relationship dynamic devolves and eventually ends in a slow, painful death. You see, the original net we cast to catch some play date friends usually has a lot of throw backs. Just like freshman year, we find ourselves floundering to unmake the original friendships because we find that we have absolutely nothing in common, except for our one common denominator, said children. Don’t feel too bad for these throwbacks because just as sure as I threw some back, I was thrown back by some. We all are. Just sometimes we don’t even know it because we are too exhausted to know…or care.
Unfortunately, just having children is not usually enough to sustain a real friendship but it can foster a false sense of belonging. It seems to be ingrained into our minds that we need to subject ourselves to rejection in order to feel accepted. I don’t know why we do this as people, even less so as Mommies because then we are dragging our poor children into this pit and doing it all under the guise that “this is whats best for my baby”.
In our hearts, we mean only good and could never, at its inception, perceive or fathom what twilight zone like situations we may soon find ourselves in on a play date. I could talk about the phenomena of play dates for days, but we’ll save that circus for another day.
Why do we subject ourselves to play dates?
2009/05/08
What Does Birth Feel Like?
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
I remember being pregnant as a first time mom-to-be and obsessing over the age old question of what does birth feel like? It’s a lot like death, we fear it because we have no freaking idea what it really feels like until we are waist deep in it. I was terrified to find out. I knew that there was NO WAY that a baby the size of a watermelon passing through an opening the size of a grape was going to not feel like I was dying. I asked people. I begged to know what birth would feel like. I never got a straight answer.
All anyone ever told me about birth was “It’s such a blessing” (which it is) and you forget about the pain of childbirth as soon as you hold your beautiful newborn baby in your arms. Hate to be the bearer of bad news first time moms-to-be,but that part is complete bullshit; an absolute, bold faced lie. Unless an anvil fell on your head, immediately after giving birth, while holding your newborn and by some miracle missing your child and knocked you unconscious leaving you with amnesia…you will never forget the pain of childbirth. It is an indescribable, unforgettable, and unbearable pain. Who could forget that?
So when our sisters, friends, and other beloved women in our lives ask us,
” What does birth really feel like?”
I’ll tell you why, it wouldn’t change a thing. The pain would still be ‘that’ pain, and all it would do is make our girlfriends freak out and it would still hurt. Besides if you dare to be different and actually go against the code and tell someone the truth of what birth feels like, well, they won’t believe you anyways.
I told my best friend that while waiting for the anesthesiologist to arrive to administer my epidural, I told my husband if he didn’t find the damn doctor “with the needle” then I was going to jump out the large picture window that was in my hospital room. He knew I was serious. She thought I was kidding, speaking metaphorically to demonstrate the point. I assure you, I was serious. Dead serious! Not until she was in the throes of her own delightful birth did she recollect my words and realize that I was telling the truth. At that point, it was too late.The scary, horrible, painful truth about what birth feels like is not something you can explain to someone who has never gone through it. For me, child birth feels like a near death experience.
I asked my sister in law (who had 4 children at the time, with no epidural) what giving birth really felt like and I never got a straight answer.Just the typical, you’ll forget about the pain once you hold your baby in your arms and look down into those beautiful eyes. After, I went through the unforgettable ordeal of childbirth, I called her and asked her “why didn’t you warn me?” Her answer to me was this, “ It wouldn’t have changed anything and it would have freaked you out. Once you’re pregnant, it’s too late to change your mind because of a little pain (Little?) Besides, you never would have believed me!!!” And you know what? We were on the phone (states apart) but I swear, I heard laughter in her voice. You know that, I just punked you laugh.
This club, it really does enjoy watching its provisional’s squirm. She was/is right; I would have thought she was crazy, a wimp, a liar, perhaps all of the above but I never would have believed and certainly could not have comprehended what child birth really felt like.
What did birth feel like to you?
2009/05/07
The TRUTH about Motherhood that No One Will Tell You

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
When you were pregnant did you ever wonder what the hell the truth about motherhood was really going to be? Did any of us really consider what was about to happen or were we so overwrought with hormones and “mothering instincts” that we just assumed that it would all come naturally? Silly girl, I guess that was a lesson we all had to learn the hard way. That’s the funny thing about motherhood, it’s the most important job in the world and nature counts on us “learning as we go.” So strap on the biggest mom goggles you’ve got because life’s about to get mom colored.
I bet you never realized that motherhood is a club, more exclusive than the Junior League, the country club or any other social/philanthropic women’s club you’d ever encountered up until now. I know it seems like they let anyone in but they don’t. Sure lots of women can get pregnant and technically be a “mom” but there’s more to it than just egg meet sperm. It takes a tough broad to really by a mommy; to invest her life in such a thankless pursuit.
It’s called motherhood, full of bliss and insanity, and it’s situated right in the middle of a war. It’s like the middle east with screaming newborns and crying moms but instead of AK-47s we’re all being held hostage by one emotion; love…unconditional, never ending, all consuming, kiss your baby on the lips, eat half chewed up Cheerios and smell a baby’s butt in public…LOVE.
Welcome to the TRUTH about Motherhood
This is where I will give you the real, true to life play-by-play of this lunacy we call parenting. Believe me when I tell you that I never thought I would become this person. Before I was an actual mom, I was the best mom ever. I knew everything and had parenting down to a science but then actual living, breathing human beings entered the picture and all my thoughts on parenting went to shit.
Yes, there are many, many women in this club, from all countries and walks of life. Do you know of any other sorority where the initiation rite is growing and producing a human being? Seriously, that’s a little steep. It’s a never ending membership. Once you’ve joined, you’re a lifer and believe me it’s more stringent than any other club I belong to. It’s like being jumped into a gang. There is no way out. It’s a ’til death to we part sort of situation so hold on to your hats ladies, shit’s about to get real up in here.

The Real TRUTH about Motherhood
Once you are in the “Motherhood”, you are continuously scrutinized for your choices; from conception (whether its planned or a completely unexpected pregnancy), to delivery, what you wear, what your child wears, how you speak to your child, what classes you take and the lists goes on to infinity and beyond. Worse still, most other mothers never tell you the “truth” about how hard motherhood is but they will judge you for your mistakes. Double edged motherhood sword in the house. The secrets of motherhood are securely hidden from the newbies under lock and key by other mothers; being careful not to reveal an inkling of the real truth for fear that the species may cease to exist.
But I think we are tougher than that. I think we moms are stronger than we give ourselves credit for being and I think our best chance of being the best moms we can be to our children is through forging a real sisterhood through motherhood. There is strength in numbers and if we all just be real with one another, we can lift one another up. Help one another survive without too much guilt and a whole lot of beautiful memories.
You aren’t usually told the hard truth about pregnancy, labor, subsequent siblings, bedtime, discipline, after baby body or any of the other gruesome aspects of motherhood by your friends and neighbors. You will hear all about the awesomeness by your mom friends. You will have rainbows and unicorns coming out of your ass. But that’s not reality. I’m Debi, a very Truthful Mommy and this is the truth that your mothers, sisters and girlfriends might never tell you!
This is the beginning, so if you are ready for the TRUTH about motherhood, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, as it happens to me, stay tuned! I’ll be giving you the good, the bad, the ugly of motherhood. I’ll be irreverent and brutally honest, so hold on to your hats. Shit is about to get real. Welcome to The TRUTH about Motherhood. My TRUTH about Motherhood!

2009/05/07