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Ugly Babies, ugly, baby, ugly in the cradle, pretty at the table

Let’s talk about the old saying, “ugly babies in the cradle, pretty at the table.” I had never heard of it and quite frankly, took great offence at the thought of an adult calling a baby ugly. Are there such things as ugly babies?

Have you ever heard this crazy saying?

As most of you know, I am walking around in a new baby (nephew) induced fog. I am seeing the world with new eyes and loving on my own daughters harder and stronger than I did a couple days ago because of my reminder of the preciousness of childhood. The moment my beautiful nephew entered the world, all I could think was how very blessed we all our to have our babies children in our lives.

From the moment I saw my daughters’ faces, they were the most beautiful baby, no human, I had ever seen. They still are. They will always be.

I am their mother and their birth was the culmination of a whole lot of love. Their very existence is a constant reminder of how very blessed I am in this life. It was like looking upon the sun. It was joyous and humbling. With each birth, I was metamorphisized into a better person (even if it doesn’t feel like it on most days).

I thought every mother felt this way when she saw her baby for the first time. I naively thought that every mother thought her baby was the most beautiful baby in the world because to her it is the most beautiful baby in the world. I never imagined someone would call their own baby ugly.

Ugly Babies, ugly, baby, ugly in the cradle, pretty at the table

Ugly Babies don’t exist

This morning as I’m driving my girls to school, we are listening to the radio and the deejays are talking about a phrase used by parents “Ugly in the cradle, Pretty at the table” apparently this is something that parents say to console their children who they have told are ugly.WTF? Why would you ever tell anyone they are ugly, let alone your child?

READ ALSO: One in Ten Babies is Born this Way

Newsflash, people have mirrors they already know they are ugly. Kids know if they are not as cute as the kid next to them, but to their parents, they should be the cutest freaking thing in the world. It’s in the parent handbook. Didn’t they get it when they got that stupid ass free plastic diaper bag from the hospital?

Don’t tell your kids they are ugly. Don’t think your kids are ugly. And for the love of God, if you do think they are ugly (besides something being fundamentally wrong with you in the head) where do you think they got those damn ugly genes from?

Ugly Babies are A Myth

Look, I am living in the real world and I have perfect 20/20 vision so I do realize that some babies are cuter than others when they are born. Let’s be honest, most newborns look like one of two things; a little old man or a fuzzy ball sack. But we love them and to the parents who produced them, those babies are the most beautiful babies in the world.

By the way, how good do any of us look after taking a transatlantic flight or participating in fight club? Let’s be real, that’s pretty much what being born is like. How good did any of us look after giving birth and we were on the outside?

Ugly Babies


 There are No Ugly Babies

I don’t know who came up with such a ridiculous saying as “Ugly babies in the cradle, pretty at the table” but I bet they were ugly on the inside and certainly need to be flogged. Stop using it!

Remember, next time you are thinking about saying how ugly a baby is, those ugly babies are somebody’s everything that is beautiful and good in the world. If you are a parent who has called your baby ugly, please email me a photo because I need to see what level of ugly it takes to make a parent call their own baby ugly.

READ ALSO: Does Advanced Maternal Age Really Mean You’re Too Old to Give Birth?

Please stop telling your babies they are ugly. They will look human in a couple of months. Now put your standard issued Mommy thinks you’re perfect glasses back on NOW!

Have you ever thought your child was ugly? Come on, you can tell me. I won’t tell anyone. We’ve all thought there are ugly babies out there, but usually not our own. I mean come on, we’ve all got an ugly cry. They don’t call it that because it’s pretty. I bet even Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie look pretty gruesome when they ugly cry.

I’m a realist, I am not opposed to the fact that there are ugly babies in the world. I am however opposed to the fact that there are parents out there who are stupid enough to not only think it but to say it out loud, to their little ugly babies. Just remember, there are no ugly babies just adults who should have thought before they spoke.

Do you think there is such a thing as ugly babies?

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anything more than one child is like ten children, Qiagen, tuberculosis, tuberculosis testing

Every mother who has ever lived has looked at another mother and thought to herself, she’s got it all. Look how well she does mothering. She’s got her ish together. I remember looking longingly at my friend Sarah as she would get down on her knees and speak softly to her daughter when she’d done something wrong. For me, anything more than one child is like ten children but for Sarah 2 children were like 2 children and I never understood what I was doing wrong.

Now, before you get your panties in a wad, I KNOW that only children are no piece of cake. I know that you still face all the challenges as mothers with multiple children face. I understand that you are still overworked, underpaid, and unappreciated, like the rest of us. I’ve never once seen any of my friends with only children have time to sit around and eat bonbons. That’s not what I’m implying. I get all of that. I know its true.

When I only had one child, I was fatigued, stressed and had an extreme case of Mommy brain. I had all the same issues that I have now, but I could at least try to focus all of my attention on my one child and sometimes she even took naps so I got stolen moments to myself. I knew that my child was getting my undivided attention. As much as I thought my heart could not grow to accommodate another child, to my amazement it did.

I was so blinded my that new baby smell that I never let myself entertain the thought that anything more than one child is like ten children. I did, however, know that I could not simultaneously maintain my sanity and raise ten children. I come from big families, I’ve seen the collateral damage to the mothers in our family.

But I got cocky and thought to myself, “Hey, if I can handle one child, how hard can two be?” A common rookie mistake of tempting the fates. That is what I thought..until I was slapped in the face with the reality that I had to juggle a newborn and a toddler, multiply my diaper duty drastically, potty train while simultaneously trying to breastfeed,  one’s learning to assert her independence and the other one is completely dependent on me, which means chasing one while dragging the other along. I had to try and coordinate nap times, feeding schedules, Little Gym, ballet, Kindermusik, and schedule bath and bedtimes around the same time.

Not going to lie, I spent a lot of my time running on Dunkin…coffee that is and pure, unconditional love. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I’m really not sure how we made it through those early years but by the grace of God and a whole lot of letting things slide. There is no room for perfection in motherhood. You prioritize healthy babies and marital happiness over cleanliness. Let that sh*t go. Let it go.

To exacerbate the situation, absolutely everything I had to do for the newborn, I had to match or top for the toddler. She was having some regression issues. I had to push a double stroller, carry a car seat while holding, what can only be called, a child leash on my toddler. I had all my balls up in the air and was just waiting for them to come crashing down on top of my head. The fun is still happening. The difference, you see, between 1 and 2+ children is this; with 1 child you have all these duties and standards and you can focus all of your time and energy on that. You will not have a life of your own but your child’s needs will, for the most part, be met.

When you add another child to the mix, you have to divide your time and your attention. Your love will double but the rest will have to be divided. This is compounded by an extreme case of Mommy guilt because you always feel like one of your balls is dropping and you don’t want your child to pay the price. I mean seriously, who wants to be fodder for future therapy sessions?

When I say anything more than one child is like ten children, what I mean is it’s the hardest job that you’ll ever love.

With each child, we loosen our grip on some of our balls and some of our sanity. Unfortunately, the more balls that are in the air, the easier they are to drop.

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birth, labor, contractions, bringing home baby

I will never forget the moment the nurse came into my hospital room and said, ” OK, as soon as we can get you a wheelchair, you guys can go home.”

She shared a warm, heartfelt smile with the three of us, this new little family of ours. My heart sank, my stomach turned, and my eyes immediately welled up with tears. I was frightened and overwhelmed, excited and ecstatic but I felt like I was going to vomit.

I looked at my, obviously, just as freaked out husband and I whispered, ” Are they really going to let us go home with her?” I knew the answer.

I had been planning on this moment since the moment I knew I was pregnant. But amongst all the anticipation, I had forgotten that, in the end, this tiny, perfect newborn baby was going home with us.

I thought to myself, “My God, what will we do with her? She is so tiny”

In my head, I just knew, she was so perfect. I didn’t want to be the one responsible for messing her up. They make you take a test and get a license to drive a car but no test, no license, no qualifications for taking care of a baby. It really is insane.

At that moment, as we were staring at this tiny little piece of perfection strapped into the giant, all engulfing car seat, scared witless, the nurse came in with the wheelchair. I exhaustedly sat down in the wheel chair and embraced my new life. A baby had changed everything.

I realized that this was truly the first day of the rest of my life. Absolutely everything that I had known up to that point was completely irrelevant in my life and I didn’t care. As they placed my beautiful, little miracle into my lap, our eyes locked and her gaze held me. I fell in love, deeper then anything I have ever known to that point. In that millisecond, I became an extra in my own life and she is the star…and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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