It seems these days that every morning I am putting a new roll of toilet paper on the holder. I have two potty trained girls now (Yey) so apparently,there’s a whole lot of little butts being wiped on a daily basis in my house. The confusion comes when every night….I have to put yet another roll on the holder. Seriously? I thought we went through a lot of baby wipes , because I was thorough and maybe a little OCD I’ll never tell . But it seems, as it were, I have passed that crazy OCD excessive gene down to my girls. After all, how much toilet paper can 2 little girls really need? What exactly are they doing with it? Are they eating it? It’s not like they are having bowel issues. It’s just regular, run of the mill daily potty excursions. Of course, while I was convinced aliens must be abducting my toilet paper and sending it back to their home planet to wipe the asses of all the aliens of their planet for the day, I was proven wrong. My theory was blown up in smoke as I walked into the bathroom to see my 2 year old, with what I can only refer to as a toilet paper replica of the Hulk Hand, getting ready to wipe her tush. No wonder the toilet keeps getting clogged. (I know, you are all thinking if her 2 year old is not only potty trained but can wipe her own ass, what the hell is she complaining about? Hey, I do it 97% of the time..she does it the other 3 %. I know, my girls are gifted with their potty training genius. I should just be happy they pee in the potty and not in diapers anymore.) If her older sister is doing the same, well hell, I guess I should be glad we’re only going through a 12 pack a week.
Of course now that I see how excessive they have become with the mainstays of the bathroom, it has really tweaked my interest as to what is really happening with the children’s toothpaste. Maybe its those damn aliens again?
Search results for: “bad parenting”
Ummm, honey, where did all the toilet paper go?
MIne, Mine….all mine!
My daughters have a lot of things. Lots of clothes, toys, gizmos and gadgets. Between their Father and I trying to provide them with all that they want, myself not being able to pass up cute matching outfits, and Grandparents spoiling them rotten..well, they have acquired a lot of really cute shit in their short time with us.
I have problems parting with some it for several reasons. These are some of the ways I rationalize hoarding all this stuff; I may have another one (probably not but just in case), they wore that on this day and it was so special, Great Grandma so and so gave that to them from the old country, I will never find that again and the minute I part with it I’ll need it, it was mine when I was little, the person who gave it to them loves them so much I don’t want to hurt their feelings by getting rid of it. All of these reasons and a few more keep my house chalked full of kids crap. It looks like Babys R Us and Toys R Us had a baby and it lives at my house. Now, I did try and part with some( not much) of it last year in our neighborhood garage sale. Of course, I wanted to beat the people over the head with a hammer who had the audacity to try to haggle the already low prices of my children’s baby years. Didn’t they realize the bargain they were getting ? And how many hours I had labored over the decision to part with any of it? Heartless bastards! But I did it. Now, there are things I refuse to part with because I want to pass down to their children or I will make a part of the quilt that I swear I will make both of them with special baby clothes that I hold the dearest, despite the fact that I have absolutely no idea how to quilt. On these items, my mind is made up.
The annual garage sale is coming up and my MIL has been all up my ass probing to ask : “Have you got all your stuff around?” Me: (in my mind) “NO!! Who said I was parting with one more stitch of my childrens past??? Heartless bitch!!” Then there is my Mom, who I adore , but if she says one more time ” WOW! I can’t believe all of the stuff your sister is going to get when she has a little girl (implying somehow that I am required to just hand over all of my girls’ stuff). Oh yeah, and my sister says the same thing. Might I add, she is not even pregnant nor is she in any stage of getting pregnant..she’s just calling dibs!
Seriously, why do they think this? They didn’t buy it for me in the first place, what the hell makes them think I am obliged to give it to them? Secondly, who made this rule that just because I have it, I gotta give it to them? It’s like they think after I have already invested all the time and money, to make sure everything was just so fro my girls, I should just make it easy on them and hand it all over. I know I sound crazy but this is a sore spot for me. It would be like me walking into my Mom’s house and saying, “Wow! When you bite it, I’m gonna be one lucky bitch!” WTF??? Call me crazy, but when the hell did everyone else get the right to tell me when and how to dispose of my babies memories? I may just hold on to all this shit until my girls have their own children. I may have to add a second floor to store it all but that’s my prerogative. And I swear to God, if one more person gives me the “WOW! So and so is going to be so lucky to get all your shit”, I may just punch them square in their throat! See how easy it is to stake your claim on my stuff then!
The perfect ending to a perfectly awful day!
I was all prepared to write something really snarky and funny but alas, it is not to be! After my nightly shower, once the girls were finally asleep, I dried my hair and went in search of those damn couple of rogue gray hairs. Yes, I pick them. I know, not smart. Anyways, I noticed the other day ( by touch ) that there was a little rough patch on my scalp. I figured probably a little sun burn, maybe ..who knows what. Who has time to look? I take a shower, I usually let my hair air dry, I go to sleep. I’m lucky I get to be clean.I have mirrors, I just never have the time to fully utilize them. But tonight, on my gray hair recon mission, I found the patch. I analyzed it. It’s red and flaky, a little smaller than the size of a dime and, to my shock and dismay, my effin hair is missing from the spot. So, I am sitting here whimpering. Yes, actually whimpering. All kinds of horrible scenarios have shot through my head. I know you are thinking to yourself, what kind of moron doesn’t notice her hair has fallen out…enough to have a small patch of missing hair? Me, the kind of busy, stressed out moron who has a lion’s mane for hair and almost always wears it pulled back in a ponytail. That’s who! I spend every waking moment obsessing over every inch of my girls bodies, analyzing it for anything that may need treatment. I am ready for all scenarios..in their lives. But in my own life, I don’t even have time to notice something as obvious as my effing hair falling out? Tomorrow, I call my doctor. Hey doctor, if you are reading this…what the EFF is going on ? I need something to get rid of the red spot, regrow my hair, and stop me from crying..stat!! This day has kicked my ass, and totally added insult to injury~ Is it stress? Am I going bald? Do I have some kind of scalp condition? Some kind of disease? WHAT THE F*CK!! All I know is I am going to bed, to pray to God that this is not serious and reversible and so I can sleep and not think about this shitty situation. Sweet dreams!
Slipping through my Fingers~It won’t be like this for long
Slipping through my fingers~ It won’t be like this for long. I know it seems like I have been dwelling on this topic lately but its just been that kind of a week. My little girls seem to be growing up at lightening speed this summer and, quite honestly, its breaking my heart a little bit. Where did my chubby little newborns crying for me to breastfeed them in the middle of the night go? I may have been terminally exhausted but it was a blissful exhaustion. I wore my exhaustion proudly as some sort of badge, screaming to the world, I am A Mommy! I am AWESOME!
Slipping through my Fingers
It’s true there is a feeling of entitlement that comes with giving birth. Nothing feels quite like it. Sure, I complained about having no sleep, and was constantly questioning the Gods why she never stopped crying. But secretly,(shhhh) I really didn’t mind at all. Much like I never really minded the unplanned co-sleeping, kissing booboos, or being the only person who could make their world right again. The same way I never minded having to lay down and cuddle them to get them to sleep, or have a lost lovey fed exed in from Grandma ChaCha because my toddler was inconsolable nor did I mind the tears they shed when I left them for the first time with someone else because ,secretly, I loved it all!I love being their everything even if it is a drag sometimes.
It seemed a lifetime before my little babies were capable of doing the simplest of tasks. Then ,it was like I looked away for a moment and suddenly , they were capable. Every milestone filled us with elation and pride. That first word couldn’t come fast enough; hearing their voices for the first time was like hearing the voice of God. Then quickly came rolling over, crawling, cruising, walking, etc..it all happened so fast it was like every accomplishment was hurled at me and knocked me onto my ass to sit helplessly and be witness to it all. The thing that no one ever tells you is that with every single new accomplishment, new worries ensue. Of course I wanted them to be more independent. But with each iota of independence they gained, I had to relinquish a little bit of my heart. I am so proud to be the Mommy of such bright and independent little girls, but the pride is short lived and quickly heartache takes its place, as I realize soon ….they won’t need me at all!
I can hardly believe how fast these past 5 years have passed and how much my life has changed from having my girls. Having them has certainly given me a greater purpose and increased my quality of life exponentially, in most regards. I can barely stand the thought that one day, in the not so distant future, I won’t be able to see them every day, and worse, they won’t mind.Why doesn’t anyone tell us about this before we get pregnant. The letting go has got to be the hardest part of Motherhood. I used to think they couldn’t live without me, but really, it’s me who will have difficulty surviving without seeing them every day. How do you survive when your heart has left your body? How do you function? They are like oxygen to my soul.Not in some creepy,I’m going to lock them in the basement until they are 40 type of way, I just mean how can you love someone so much and be expected to exist without them in your life at full capacity?
These precious moments that we have the privilege of being part of in our children’s lives pass by far too quickly.My rational self knows this is how this relationship is supposed to play out; my heart, however, has major problems with this whole situation and I am not afraid tell you, I think it is is trying to organize a coup on my good sense.This makes me reexamine my relationship with my own Mother. One day it will be me waiting patiently at home for my girls to call, and its likely that the calls will never come soon or frequent enough. Soon, I will be the one wanting and needing their attention. Sorry, Mom! Hey, karma..pay attention, none of this coming back around shit! I said I was sorry! Mom already has you working in cahoots with her to give me ” a couple little girls that act just like you (me)!” So, karma, lets stop all the craziness. I don’t want what I gave , I want more from my relationship with my own girls!
I just hope the Mother /Daughter relationship with my girls grows into friendship as they grow up.I want to be a woman who they look up to , want to emulate, and spend time with because of the kind of woman I am not just because they have to because I gave birth to them. I want them to come to me for advice and honesty and value my opinion. This is something that I have to work at now, because it won’t be like this for long.
But for now, I am going to cherish every single moment of co-sleeping snuggling and random “I LOVE YOU”s that I can get my hands on!I had to share this video because, as some of you know, this is the song that my Bella looked me in the eyes and said ,”Mommy, this is me and your song!” She was dead serious and I was stopped dead in my tracks and brought to tears; as I am every single time I hear this damn song!I’m telling you, these girls of mine…they have got to stop growing up so fast!
Faster than a Speeding Bullet
I’ve found that as a Mother, the moments that I learn the most valuable lessons are when I am not thinking at all. So sad but so true. For example, amidst all the craziness that this morning was..the girls were having a slap fight, Gabs decided to tell me : “You hate me! ME no love you!” for the infraction of not letting her wear long sleeves outside in the 90 degree weather ( I can see her point..I’m just a mean bitch), and Bella went completely deaf and ignored absolutely every single thing I asked her to do or told her not to do this morning ( again, must be me. How dare I think my girls should be held responsible for their actions!)! Stupid, naive, me…I thought it was going to be a good day, I woke up to sunshine, hot coffee, and Paramore and then hell broke lose!
But, somewhere along the way, something clicked. Oh yes, I remember. I was checking my FB account and a friend of mine had posted her son’s senior montage. I watched it, for no other reason than curiosity. I don’t really know her son. As I was watching it, I started tearing up (just like I did at the end of Toy Story 3).
Suddenly, like a ton of bricks it hit me…these tantrums and days that seem to be endless..are fleeting and passing me by at lightening speed. Before I know it, I will be watching Bella’s senior montage and sending her off into the world to be her own person; left to her own devices and there will be no more daily tantrums, slap fights, screaming matches but there will also be no more random I love yous, neck ringing hugs, co sleeping, spontaneous dance parties and silly song concerts! On a day soon after that, it will be packing Gabs up for college and sending her off.
When we are waiting to meet our children, 10 months feels like forever. When they are toddlers and having tantrums, and it seems like the days will never end of changing shitty diapers, or we’ll never get to be alone again; these days we wish away. But I am here to tell you, if you change your thinking and realize that those precious little hands that hold yours will soon be to large to want to do so, that the child who won’t leave your side will soon rather not be seen in public with you because you are an embarrassment, and that the little girl who thinks that you are the world and annoys you to no end messing with your shoes, clothes and make up will soon want nothing to do with you.
If we realize from the moment they are born, we are losing them and that with every milestone and tantrum they are one step closer to heading out the door for college, then maybe we can slow down, gain perspective and enjoy the madness; embrace the chaos, and love our children for the who they are today. I know its hard to realize this in the midst of the chaos, but take a moment and try to remember to cherish even the worst days because they are flying by and soon there will be no more chaos to cherish!
Hug them, kiss them, let them play in the puddles, act silly with them, let them cook with you, don’t waste their childhood wishing it away.Sometimes you’ve got to break some rules to make some memories. It’s not about how much money you spend, how clean your house is, or what you cook for dinner. What they’ll remember is how much you loved them and how much time you spent with them….make it count! Happy Mothering!
Just a few goodies
Jumpstart Free 3 month Membership Giveaway
Only 2 more days left to sign up for the Jumpstart Giveaway! There are low entries, so high chances to win! Its a great program for children 3-10! Go here to register to win! Good luck! Contest ends 7/21/10 at 9 pm est!
For all who read my review of The Emperor’s New clothes, I have great news for anyone who is interested in seeing the show themselves. The Chicago Shakespeare Theater is offering my readers $5 off any admission ticket for any show, just use the promo code “MOM” when purchasing online or at the box office.
Fine Print: Subject to Availability. Cannot be used in combination with any other offer or on previously purchased tickets.
Snikkidy Baked Fries Review
Last week, I received a bag of Snikiddy’s All Natural Baked Cheddar Cheese Fries to review.
We received them on the day we returned home from a road trip, the girls were hungry and it was perfect timing. I opened the bag and split it 3 ways between us. I thought they were awesome. They sort of reminded me of Cheetos without the guilt. Snikiddy’s baked fries are all-natural, gluten and wheat free with no preservatives, no corn syrup, no trans-fats, no hydrogenated oils, and have 50% less fat than fried snacks like potato or vegetable chips. The girls agrees because the fries were gone in about 60 seconds flat. I always welcome any new healthy snack ideas that I can pass along to my readers. I know how hard it is to find healthy snacks for our kids that taste good. There is only so many Cheerios, Goldfish and Puffs that our children are willing to eat. Variety is the spice of life. Also, the Baked fries come in 6 different flavors; Southwest Cheddar, Bold Buffalo, Cheddar Cheese, Classic Ketchup, Parmesan Garlic, and Original.
Snikiddy is running a few promotions right now – for the next week, if you buy a Snikiddy sharing pack on Alice.com you will get $1 off, and also if you visit the Sweepstakes tab at Facebook.com/Snikiddy you can enter the weekly drawing to win a Snikiddy gift pack or the grand prize, a new Jamis kids’ bike.Disclosure: I was provided with a sample of Snikiddy’s Cheddar Cheese Fries by Smile.ly in order to try the product and give my own personal opinions on it. The opinions I have given are mine and may differ from others but were NOT influenced by Smile.ly or Snikiddy..
I Love my Children but I Hate My Life: All joy and no fun!
I was watching the Today show yesterday morning, and I saw a segment titled I love my children but I hate me life! Obviously, I was intrigued because, really, who hasn’t thought that? In all honesty, I think that about once a week. But when I think it, its usually because my world is spiraling out of control due to overwhelming circumstances; toddler meltdowns, a messy house, a sassy mouthed preschooler, ME biting off more than I can chew (usually more times than not, its ME) ..and it all happening simultaneously. Motherhood is hard! In the end, its about me and balancing this life I’ve chosen and all of the responsibility that comes with it. In reality, I never actually hate my life..what I hate is the feeling that I am failing at it!
I’m listening to this segment, which by the way was only a snippet of the actually article they were referencing, and I am thinking they are making it sound like these women hate their lives..literally hate their lives because its not what it was cracked up to be. This segment alluded to the fact that this is the norm. I know loads of women and I have never met a woman who has insinuated or said outright “Damn, I wish I could get a refund because Motherhood is really lacking and in no way as fulfilling as I thought it would be!”
Of course, there was nothing that could prepare us for what parenthood actually is…a wild and crazy ride wrought full of hills and valleys,laughter and tears; sometimes within the same day, the same hour or even the same moment! We get pregnant with the intention of creating a baby who is part of our loved one and our self, the baby is a symbol of the depth and breadth of the scope of our love for our spouse/partner/etc. Obviously, being what it symbolizes, we want to believe that something so profound would be a magical experience. But like all things we fantasize about, reality is a little more gritty, dirty, work, and real!
There is a definitely an illusion that is perpetrated about parenthood, especially Motherhood. Come on,how else could we be convinced to go through labor and delivery? It is also not something you can truly understand without experiencing it.
Having my children has been the single most important events in my life, aside from meeting my husband…and you see the three things go hand in hand.The moment I married my husband, I became a wife and the moment when I gave birth to my girls, I was born again, as a Mother. Now, I am privy to a few more of the great mysteries of life. For instance, I know that my heart is capable of growing with the birth of each successive baby, I know that that gigantic heart lives and roams free outside of my body and my biggest job in the world is to protect that heart from getting hurt, and I know that Motherhood is the hardest job that you will ever love!
Of course its not all chocolate and roses, its real. It’s work, but its rewarding maybe not every minute of every day but it is creating something in the world, It’s about perpetuating the species and leaving a legacy. Our children are a version of ourselves and with each passing generation we have left behind a piece of ourselves to live on forever. I know there has been many times when I have felt as if I am being cheated or punished because I can not do the things I did before I had my children. We are human and by nature selfish and in want of instant gratification. Once we have our children, society dictates that we are not allowed those luxuries any longer and that leaves us feeling wanting. This leads to us feeling unsatisfied with our quality of life and that manifests into self doubt. Most days, I feel like I am the only mother having a hard time figuring this all out and why don’t I think every single moment is glorious? What is wrong with me?
But once I realized that this is me evolving into a different version of myself, not worse, but different in my perspective and my scope of experience; then and only then was I able to embrace Motherhood for what it really is… a lot of hard work, laced with moments of profound bliss. I think if it were blissful always, the important moments wouldn’t be as important. The craziness is to keep the balance of things.
When I say I hate my life, I hate that I can’t handle the change. But I take a deep breath, as all parents do, I continue on and before I know it I have arrived at the next moment of bliss and amazement. Just think about it, is there anything that you have ever done in your entire life that felt as amazing as the moment that you first held your newborn baby?
Mommy’s intuition; what would you do?
Today, my Mother in law and I took the girls to the splash pad. The day was gorgeous, 90 degree weather, the sun was shining, there was a slight breeze blowing. It was the perfect type of day to take the girls to a wonderful wholesome fun family activity; the local parks department splash pad. My girls are water babies and in the heat, the splash pad is the safest way for preschoolers to beat the heat…or so I thought.
We arrive and the girls are overcome with excitement, dressed in the new bikinis that their Grandma ChaCha had gotten them for this visit. Bella was over the moon about the cheetah print bikini with the hot pink piping on the edges and Gabi was sporting a red, white and blue striped bikini as beautifully as only a 3 year old American girl next door could. They were absolutely adorable.
It was seriously about 100 degrees out, so the splash pad was packed with children running through the glistening cool water.At first the girls were filled with trepidation, it was a little overwhelming with all of the bigger kids running about but soon they became acclimated and were having the time of their life.
Grandma ChaCha and I sat on the bench ,looking on at the girls, mentally recording every grin and smile. Then I started snapping pictures because the girls were just too irresistible not to. It was another one of those days that you just knew memories were happening. Then it all changed.
The splash pad is in the middle of a public park. We had noticed early on that there was a man training a Border Collie. I am always uber aware of our surroundings. I am a people watcher by nature.We thought it was ridiculous but hey , it was his dog and whatever…. we had human babies to watch. Then the man walked his dog over to the splash pad. Not necessarily a great thing to do but whatever, as long as he kept the dog close to him and kept it away from the children. Of course, every single child ( with the exception of mine) ran over to pet the obviously dehydrated Border Collie. My children asked but, first I don’t let my kids pet strange dogs and second, quite frankly, something about this man gave me the heebie jeebies…before he even opened his mouth to talk. He kept skulking around, watching the kids run through the fountains as they sporadically came up to him and asked to pet the dog. It felt like he was one of those guys who uses their dogs to pick up girls but these “girls” were actually “girls” ages 2- 13. I kept my girls close without alarming them…or him. But for some reason, he kept gravitating toward where we were. He kept circling where we were sitting, and then he came in for conversation. The girls were oblivious but he kept smiling at them and trying to engage my Mother in law and myself. At first, I was pleasant. After all, I wasn’t raised in a cave but then things got weird. He smiled at my 3 year old, practically salivating and licking his lips ( like a man who is speaking to Pamela Anderson while she’s wearing her bikini) and says, “My , you sure are a cute little thing!” And then he proceeded to keep trying to chat up me and my Mother in law.Now, it wasn’t exactly what he said but how he said it and the way he was looking at my girls that sent off my Mommy intuition/alarm. I don’t leave anything to chance when it comes to my daughters , I’d much rather insult an adult with my over protectiveness than let my child get hurt because I was too trusting and I think most parents understand that view point. Our children are the priority,all else is less important…period! Then I noticed him sizing up my 5 year old, as he was talking.I felt my skin crawl. At this point, I was despondent towards him and pretty much ignoring his very existence.My main focus was trying to figure out how the hell to get out of this situation short of saying,”Can you please get your creepy mind the fuck off my children you sick bastard!!” So, I tell my girls…”5 minutes, we’ve got to go meet Grandpa!” My Mother in law, looked like she was on high alert as well, so something was definitely not right with this man. He continued trying to engage us, then it went completely creepy. He proceeds to talk at us and tell us that he was in the service but came out and immediately had himself fixed ( why would you tell a complete stranger this? I think what he meant to say was after he was caught for being a molester he was chemically castrated!) because he didn’t want children ( then why are you hanging around the splash pad full of children, Chester?) and he continues to say that it is so easy to have kids, “You blink and you have like four kids!” Something in his tone was as if he were implying that children were disposable. I know you may be thinking to yourself, this woman is completely overreacting. But if you were there, you know that feeling you get when something is most definitely not right with someone? That was the feeling that I had. My stomach was in knots; this man had me about to vomit he made me so nervous being around my children. I suddenly felt creeped out and insulted simultaneously ( it was a train wreck of creepy activity) It felt like that any minute he was capable of pulling out a knife and grabbing my girls and running off…in broad day light…he was that CREEPY!! I grabbed my girls with nothing more than a ,” Let’s go.” I covered them up and we left. Normally, I would have changed them in the car but this freak started following behind us. I was prepared for battle. I was pissed, freaked out, and scared all at the same time. Endorphins was oozing from my pours.My fight or flight response was in overdrive.I have never come in contact with someone whom, I felt, actually were a threat to my children. But this man made me feel afraid for them. It was reminiscent of that scene in the original Texas Chainsaw massacre when the creepy guy gets in the van and then cuts himself and they are stuck in the van with him. You know you don’t want him there, but you are afraid of what might happen if you spook him, Needless to say, we will NEVER go to that splash pad again..EVER.
The moral of the story; it is our moral obligation that if something feels wrong for our children,as their protectors, we must do whatever it takes to keep them safe, no matter how crazy it seems.My only regret is that I didn’t call the cops on this guy for lurking around the splash pad accosting mothers and leering at children and that I didn’t grab my girls and run the minute he looked in their general direction. By the time we left, only about 10 minutes had passed from start to finish but I felt dirty and violated.What do you think? Did I over react? Or does Mommy intuition trump all rhyme or reason?
