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I know that it is crazy to expect to have a moment of peace and quiet to myself. I know that there are sacrifices to be made when you have children. I am on board with that. I was not so oblivious to think that my life would remain unchanged. I thought there would be changes. I knew things would never be the same, but I was not prepared for the magnitude; the depth and breadth of it all. When they were newborn, all my time was spend occupying their time. My life effectively became fulfilling their needs, and I did it joyfully. After all, what could be more beautiful then being the world to your child; in effect not only giving them life but now sustaining that life.In the beginning, that was amazing. Fast forward 4 years and add another child to that equation, and now I am the dancing monkey! Sometimes, I feel like they are truly on a quest to make me crazy. There is the 4 year old who will not listen to anything I say. She will look straight in your face as you tell her not to do something, and she will say,”OK, Mommy” And not 2 minutes later, she is committing the aforementioned crime, in spite of your best efforts. This is enough to frustrate Mother Teresa. Add to that the 2 year old, who is constantly scaling the walls and proving, time and again, that gravity truly exists and whom also repeats everything she says multiple times , at the top of her lungs, breaking the monotony only to scream in such a high pitched squeal that all the neighborhood dogs go onto a tempered rage.Do all this, and you have about 5 minutes of my glorious day. Please don’t think this is all there is to being the mother to my beautiful girls.They are, in fact, quite amazing. Sometimes though, even the most amazing child can be amazingly frustrating to you, when all you really need is a moment of silence to regroup and re energize. So, save yourself some aggravation and frustration and never expect silence when children are awake. Get your 5 minutes of quiet in before they wake. Live it, love it, learn it.Enjoy their spirit and rambunctiousness, and the fact that they want to be around you at all because soon that may not be the case.

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My 4 year old daughter has wanted to be a “movie star” since she saw Eloise goes to Hollywood. Not that I think she really knows what that means or what it entails but I have convinced myself that I will never be the shatterer of hopes and dreams when it comes to my girls. If they want to do it or be it, I’m going to support it because we all need a cheerleader.To help her achieve this lofty, if not almost impossible goal, I submitted her photos to a prestigious modeling agency, they called us in, and then they agreed to represent my 4 year old.She is pretty cute, if I do say so myself:), and I figured what a better place to start than some print work. Of course,fast forward a couple months later, she books her first job. Its a commercial. Amazing right? No, well, it was to us. She was excited, our friends were excited, our family was excited, myself, I was too exhausted from organizing an unexpected relocation to really comprehend how exciting it was. It was to be a commercial for a local car dealership. We were in set the mandatory 15 minutes early, of course we had been sitting outside in the car for a 1/2 hour before that but we couldn’t come in, per instructions from our agency. Apparently, its unprofessional.We walk in the door with our 4 outfits they asked me to bring, of course they left her in the faded jeans, ugg boots, and long sleeve t-shirt and navy polo she walked in with. Oh, that is with the exception of removing the polo (which was the only cute part of the entire outfit because it was the riding to the shoot outfit..not the actual outfit for the shoot:) I was all very surreal, hair and make up on my 4 year old.She sat straight in the chair , jibber jabbing the make up artists head off. We exchanged niceties and she told me how bright and beautiful my daughter was, something a mother can never hear too much of. Then we began the actual shoot, or what I’d like to refer to as “the train wreck of 2010”. My daughter was “the daughter”, to the family in the commercial. There were like 10 adult actors and my 1 child, did I mention she had never even done a print booking. Talk about putting all of your eggs in one basket. Jeez. It starts out the pretend Dad has to lift my little girl into the back of a pickup.Oh my, poor guy. My daughter is very tall for her age, she is like 45 inches tall and around 53 lbs. She is rock solid. This guy was about 5’10” and having trouble lifting my child. She was more than half his length and its awkward to lift a kid that tall, I should know. I looked on with pity and horror as this man struggled.My daughter just sat there, like a deer in headlights, except for the occasional cheese she tossed in the general direction of myself or the camera ( which she was not suppose to be looking at because she was supposed to be looking at her damned fake parents!)But I stood there, silent watching it all happen because Mom’s (like children) are on set to be seen and not heard. I was there strictly for moral support and legal reasons.They eventually finish the 15 or so takes, my daughter is totally confused by the people moving their mouth feigning conversation with no actual sound coming out.It was all very overwhelming for her. The bright lights,the strange man lifting her up..which by the way, every time he lifted her up, her shirt lifted up on her belly.She’s 4, so she paid no attention, but the adults (not even the fake Mommy…oh, you so know she doesn’t really have children)not one of them thought to pull her shirt down or tell her to do it. It was very frustrating.This could go on for days and it felt like it did. Let’s just sum it up by saying she is 4! She was tired , she was hungry, and she was overwhelmed but she didn’t have a meltdown, and she didn’t cry, and she didn’t act like a brat.She did everything they told her to do, to the best of her 4 year old ability. That was a long day and there is so much more that I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you:) She did ,however, at the end of the day, as we were leaving the shoot look me in the eyes and say, “Awww, dang it Mommy.It was my first commercial and all I got was this sparkly new hairpin!” I chuckled to myself, I guess that paycheck and all that excitement didn’t count for much..because , in her mind, all she got out of the day was “that sparkly new hairpin”. I asked her if she wanted to still be a “Movie Star”. She said ,”Sure Momma. I bet when I’m on Disney channel, they’ll give me all kinds of sparkly(SPark-A-LEE) new hairpins!”LOL. Keep on dreamin big, baby!
Disclaimer: This is in no way, shape, or form a dig at the process or my agency, this was about the train wreck that I had to watch my kid be part of because of her inexperience. It was like helplessly watching a car slide off into the ditch.Or watching your baby fall when learning to walk for the first time.It was inevitable, and you couldn’t stop it, it was just the circumstances and our naivete. We are looking forward to the next time, we’re going to fishtail…on purpose!

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Good morning and happy Tuesday to you all. It’s been a long week of carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Here’s where Mommies can come to vent and get rid of some of that unwanted weight, metaphorically speaking anyways. Though, the more I think of it, there could very well be a link between carrying the weight of the world and holding a little extra baggage around our middles! But that’s another post altogether! LOL Today, we’re gathered here to vent and unload. You can comment anonymously if you prefer. I just want you to get it off your chest and off your mind. You’ll feel better, I promise. I’ll go first; Sometimes, when my 4 year old goes all Miley Cyrus mouthy on me and proclaims ( at the top of her lungs, no less) “I hate you Mother(Mudd-Da)!!” , usually for the infraction of telling her it’s time to put away her toys and go to bed ( apparently between 3-4, that became a crime punishable by death).On “those” occassions, sometimes I wish I wouldn’t be given the worst mother of the year award and could in fact respond , ” Oh yeah sister? Well..,ME friggin Too!!!!!!!” Of course, I wouldn’t mean it by any means( well not past that instant anyways)but it sure would be refreshing to have the option:) Wow! I feel better already just sharing it with you girls.Thanks for the love and support. Next time, let’s do this over coffee! Oh sweet catharsis, have a delightfully guilt free day of mothering! I know I plan to!

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.5 child, .5 you never stood a chance

. 5 ~ To be or not to be, that is the question. Tonight, though I obviously have 107,000 things that I ought to be doing, I have baby on the brain. I think it was the combo of visiting my friend and her new puppy ( get your panties out of the bunch), I am not comparing your little miracles to tiny hairy beasts and all this talk recently of whose pregnant and whose not. Anyways, apparently , I am in that stage of Motherhood where I have 2 perfect daughters and I am undecided about a third

.5 child, .5 you never stood a chance

OK, lets’ be honest, brutally honest. Let’s just rip it off like a band aid and put it out there.After all, you girls are my friends and you’re not telling anyone, right? I am in my mid thirties, two kids feel like 10, I am always tired. In fact, there has not been a day in the past 5 years, that I have been not tired.

.5 , Should we or Shouldn’t we?

I am finally doing something proactive about getting back into shape and shedding these pounds that I put on with marriage. Oh yeah, you know what I’m talking about. People blame it on the babies but really, babies like the weight are just a symptom of our happiness. Us women, at least me, I spent years trying to get in shape and look good for my man, whomever he was at the time. And I’m no half asser, I got a full on eating disorder and everything (another blog entirely) but my point is that women go to extremes to look good.

Then we get married, we get happy, we loosen the get ready ritual, and next thing you know the pants are a little snugger. Then we get pregnant,and the poor baby gets the blame. No, its not the baby its all that cuddling and canoodling instead of dancing in clubs,its all the fancy rich restaurant dates, its being comfortable in your own skin because you are unconditionally loved.What a sad state it is that we have to be threatened with the possibility of being an unloved cat woman to get our asses to the gym. Anyways, I digress.

My point is I have finally figured this out and am actually working out and getting back in shape. Do I really want to set the reset button? On my body..here comes the weight, there’s no escaping it with pregnancy. There is 4 more years I have to stay out of the real world, that’s more years of no sleep, walking around with spit up on me, someone at my knees calling incessantly.”Mommy, Mommy, Mommy,mommy……..”

The Illusive .5

It’s all that and more that makes me want to take my “aw, baby” Debi..who appears in moments of insanity and hit her over the head with a skillet. Sure, babies are cute, and they smell good, they have that delightful apple breath, they do somehow complete me:), and they are so helpless and beautiful and I won’t lie, I would adore being the Mommy of a baby boy. But lets be real, the Dr assures me that the chances of me having another girl are 75 % on the 3rd child, but promises me that I would have a boy on the fourth. Is he insane?

Do I look like I could handle 4 kids? Do I look like my IQ is below 70?? Are there actually any clothes left in my wardrobe that have not yet been spat, puked, pooped, and/or peed on? Come on My mom had 6 children, and I love that woman. But I am convinced of two facts 1) that all 6 were not intentional (whoops) and 2) that she must have been just the tiniest bit crazy to start with. Furthermore, if she wasn’t before she had us, she surely has been made so over the years, courtesy of us.

So, when my friends are having there 2ND babies and bring over these brand new shiny objects, I am attracted to the challenge.I hate the feeling of losing my babies as they evolve into toddlers, and then preschoolers. I miss that adorable way they run to your arms and you can see that you are there everything. I do. I feed off of that shit. But then I remember, 1 am, 3am, and 5 am feedings, I remember not being able to pee or shower by myself. I remember the crazy smelling ability that I had during my pregnancies and the poor smelly kid that I taught and how every day for 3 months he made me vomit..just a little. I remember feeling so enormous that I felt that I warranted my own solar system, and I especially remember going through my entire transition labor without an epidural!

Then I think, Yeah..maybe, for me today, I’ll take my 2 perfect kids and not be greedy.2.5 is overrated anyway.LOL, I always wondered how they said 2.5 kids,I mean how can you measure kids in a half? Now, in my great wisdom, I realize that 2.5 means Mommy has 2 and wants 3, Daddy says his vote’s for the vasectomy, and the .5 is the middle.

.5 You Never stood a chance.

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unemployment

unemployment

Unemployment makes Beggars of Proud Men

Unemployment is usurper of life. This morning, I woke up feeling a little nauseous in my stomach. Morning sickness, no not likely. It was that nervous feeling you get right before impending doom. As some of you are aware, it has been a hectic year or so for the Truthful Mommy clan. I was counting on a much smoother 2010, but apparently that’s not very likely.

You see in the August of 2008, the Big Guy lost his job. It was absolutely awful and our life was shattered. Within 2 weeks, the very same company who let him go brought him back…reviving our shocked and on life support livelihoods. All was good in the world or so we thought. Poor little unsuspecting, gullible us.

After a miserable autumn of playing financial catch up after the havoc those 2 weeks created, spring arrived. Birds were singing, flowers were blooming, friend’s babies were being born and we had a pretty wonderful spring until sometime around mid May. I can’t recollect the exact date because to be honest I sorta blacked out from the shock. Once again, the the Big Guy came home in the middle of the day and gave me the news that he no longer was employed. The company that had done this to us last August was now being sold to a competitor and they were closing the facility. That was that. No job…no warning, no problem. I mean come on, we were somewhat of semi professionals at this by now. We knew the routine..call the credit card companies, cut back the cable and phone bills, tighten the belts, blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH!!!

So, fool me once shame on me…fool me twice…. We lived life those days in a haze, a fog of uncertainty, not unlike that of lots of people these days. I was angry, he was angry. I cried, he drank. The kids knew something was wrong but weren’t quite sure what. It was awful..absolutely horrible. What were we going to do about our mortgage? Our health insurance? Car payments? Ballet?Preschool?Food? Oh my, it was totally overwhelming.

After a couple weeks of unemployment, a lot of restless nights, quite a bit of getting on one an others nerves, and a big hole in our savings later, the company who bought my husbands company, like a shining knight, came to our rescue. They wanted to interview him, obviously, he accepted. Then, hallelujah, like a miracle he was employed again. It was a great thing indeed but it was not without costs.

In order to accept this position, we had to leave our friends and family behind and relocate ,literally, half way across the country away from all that we knew. But you know, the Big Guy and I are firm believers that as long as we all have our health, are together and love each other..everything else will work itself out. We will be fine. God will provide and put us just where we need to be. With an open mind and a willing heart, we did it. We packed the girls up and moved to Virginia.

It was completely different than anything we knew and we embraced it all. I threw myself into making friends and making things as normal for my girls as it could be. I made wonderful new friends, joined groups, made play dates, found a ballet school, a wonderful preschool, and even became an active room Mother. I was absolutely loving Virginia. For the first time in a long time, things were feeling normal. I was feeling normal and like I belonged, aside from the fact that our house back home hadn’t sold yet and we were paying two mortgages, essentially, all was well.

Unemployment is a sneaky bitch

After the most amazingly beautiful autumn in Richmond, and a lovely pre-holiday season, we headed home to the Midwest for the holidays. WE were greeted by lots of love and warm wishes but blistering cold and lots of snow. By the time we left, after loading a 16 foot u haul in freezing cold blizzard conditions, driving 14 hours with 2 toddlers have simultaneous meltdowns and car sickness in more blizzard conditions, imagine my happiness to be back to Virginia where it was actually above the single digits.

I had come to accept that though I missed family and friends terribly, this was my new life and it was pretty sweet. I was looking forward to my new life in Virginia and a new home, etc. Then 8 days passed and the Big Guy was told he needed to make a appointment with the HR lady. Are you frigging kidding me!! Talk about blindsided. WTF was this nonsense? Were they giving him a special “you are so awesome award’? Because, in my mind, that better had be the only effing reason they would have the audacity to call my husband into the HR. Have I mentioned this was the third time in a little over a year this had happened..essentially at the same company!! My mind was thoroughly blown! So, he scheduled a meeting. The HR lady ran late. He waited an hour and a half, not to mention that he was about to vomit no less,and she never showed..running late. You know busy firing and laying off poor unsuspecting, thinking their lives were great, sons of a bitches:(

Finally this morning, he got his meeting. Guess what? My dear husband has been laid off…again! Seriously, WTF!!!!! I know this economy is hard, for everybody, but seriously does life just want to see how far it can push us until we break? My sanity may truly be in question. Who does this? To be fair, the company is very remorseful but hard facts are that they have too many employees and need to cut heads..its that time of the year.They are putting together a severance, reimbursing us for the Uhaul, paying to break the lease, paying to send us back home with our tails between our legs but what I want to know is who the hell is going to give me back the last 6 months of my life?

Honestly, I kept saying I felt like I was on some bizarro extended vacation..I chalked it up to living in corporate housing and living a pseudo existence but now I think I knew, in my heart, all along that this wasn’t going to last. To recap, I have cut ties with those at home because I had moved, now the friends I made here will slowly distance themselves from me( it is the nature of the beast..nobody likes to be too vested in someone leaving..its hard, I understand..I’ve been here before and once again I am left to pick up the pieces and rebuild my life. It just happens to be that I am rebuilding in a pile of rubble that I am familiar with.Fantastic!

The icing on the cake, this all happens on shark week of the month that you could imagine!Wow! Life is sweet! Thanks life for metaphorically kicking the crap outta me, yet, once again!Life, I don’t know what exactly it was I did to piss you off but I think we’ve been punished enough for awhile. Can you please lay off a bit? My backside is sore from the unemployment induced, stress ass kicking that you’ve been giving me over the past few months. Sincerely, Debi

Unemployment Sucks Balls, Big Sweaty ones

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tips for potty training, potty training, toddlers, motherhood

How did you go about potty training your little ones?

Two years ago, I first embarked on this lovely little fact of life, we lovingly refer to as Potty training. It was my first time and I followed the advice of all the parenting books. I constantly , from the age of 18 months, stalked my daughter for any indication that she was ready to start the dreaded Potty training regime.

So, as soon as I noticed that she 1) absolutely hated her diaper being wet 2) told me that her diaper was wet 3) did not want to wear diapers anymore; I got right on the potty training. So, at first I tried the whole “take her diaper off and let her run around commando”, all that did was let her pee all over my carpet. I thought it was embarrassing the first time I caught myself sniffing her butt in public to see if she pooped, holy guacamole, that was nothing compared to the fact that her urinating on my floor didn’t even phase me. I simply thought to myself, “Yeah, that’s going to have to be shampooed tomorrow!” When did I devolve into this butt sniffing, urinating not caring, vomit and spit up wearing person?

Anyways, back to the task at hand..”potty training”. Yeah, the peeing on the carpet wasn’t working for either of us. She was wet and irritated, I was annoyed and somewhat grossed out and I felt really bad for her. Next, I tried the “put on some panties and take her to the potty every 15 minutes” approach. All attempts and approaches were coupled with lots and lots of praise, her Dad and I would jump for joy and sing the “Go,Bella! Go, Bella!” song. She loved it and squealed with delight and pride, asking for more, each and every time we did it. This seemed to work and after only a couple of mishaps and near misses, she totally got the hang of it. We were so proud. So, of course, the Diaper fairy had to pay a visit. I stole this gem from Jo Frost of “the Nanny”..but hers was a pacifier Fairy, luckily, we had no need for that Fairy.

In effect , what happened next was my husband and I had our dear, sweet almost 2 year old put all her “daytime” diapers in a Fed Ex box and mailed them off to the “Diaper Fairy”. Well, that was our story and we are sticking to it. It just so happens that the Diaper Fairy is one of my other alter egos. The next day, the Diaper Fairy sent our girl a Fed Ex box full of goodies for her accomplishment. All was good in our household.

Baby # 2 was coming in a couple months and baby #1 was on her way to making life, for Mommy, a little easier. What a little rock star she was to me.
Fast forward 2 months, Baby #2 is here.Life is fantastic.Baby #1 decides that “No, not feeling this potty training stuff. That baby’s not stealing my thunder.” She completely regressed. I knew it was too easy.So, fast forward almost an entire year and finally, it stuck! It was a long haul but totally worth it!It’s always worth it not to have to change diapers or shampoo pee out of the carpet, thank God that we never had the privilege of having to shampoo a “poo” out of the carpet, or she still may have been wearing diapers to this day.
Now here we are, almost two years later and guess what? Baby #2, that awesome, rock star Gabs, is ready to be trained. But the most amazing thing has happened.Having learned from my previous fiasco and the “Year of the potty”, I have decided that I will just wait until she is ready… really ready . Well, she follows her sister everywhere, to the ends of the earth and that includes to the potty. So, one day she just comes to us, rips off her diaper, “Mamma, potty!” and she takes my hand into her little hand and pulls me to the potty. She sits on the potty and promptly pees. A huge smile, ear to ear, and she is beaming with pride.

We are shocked and amazed.I was seriously expecting to fall over and pass out from shock. But in true Truthful Mommy fashion, I scream for my husband, who rushes into the bathroom ( probably thinking that one of the girls has fallen in the tub or maimed herself in some horrible accident) only to find me smiling from ear to ear. I point to my little genius on the potty and we immediately break into that old familiar chorus of “Woohoo!Go Gabi!Go, Gabi!” and we clap and tell her how proud of her we are and her sister tells her what a big girl she is. We are ecstatic. The thought of no longer having to buy or use diapers, thrills us all, beyond fathomable belief but it has to be a fluke.

Then the next day, she does it again, and then so on and so forth. Now, 2 weeks into her doing this on her own and her big sister constantly reminding us, the Diaper Fairy is finally making an appearance at our house again.She’ll be 2 tomorrow and she’s potty trained, all by herself. Oh my God, SHE IS POTTY TRAINED!!! Seriously, there is a silver lining to every cloud. Life is good.Diapers be gone, come again no more!!!

We survived potty training..TWICE!

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Every morning, I wake up and I see my daughters, usually one or both have ended up in our bed at some point throughout the night, and I am in awe of them. I truly am overwhelmed with a feeling of pride and blessedness that I have the honor of calling these perfect human beings mine. The sheer fact that I had anything to do with assisting them to enter into this world, it makes my life worth living. And every night before I go to bed, I pray to God to watch over my daughters and to let them live long, happy, and healthy lives. Above all else, this is all I ask. It is all that really matters to me. I think this is how all mothers feel. But some time in between the morning awe and the bedtime kisses and prayers, we get sidetracked by life. I’ve caught myself yelling at my girls to ” please be quiet,” or even the occassional full on “Please shut up,” at which I immediatley feel horrible and like I should be awarded the worst mom ever trophy. I know that I want and have every intention and capability of being a great Mommy to my girls but sometimes I feel that it is about as effective as having every intention and capability of working out. Where is that fine line that we cross where we go from thinking our kids’ behaviour is endearing to it is unacceptable? Its not them who is changing the rules, it is us and these sliding scale rules to fit our own moods, that is the real problem. That is the true culprit to our frustration. I am making a concerted effort to look at my children , even in the most trying times, no matter the behaviour and stay in control. Who makes the rules? We do. So my new rules are these 1) Love my children above all else, no matter what they do 2) Never let them see you sweat.Stay in control. 3)Let the small things go. They are only small( the children ,not the “things’lol) for a short time.4)Turn the frowns upside down. Life is too short to be unhappy.5) It’s more important to have a healthy and happy realtionship with your children than to have lots of money, a clean house, a quiet house, or a social life.By trying to have all of the above, you ( or at least I do) will find yourself frustrated and unfulfilled. So, my new mantra is “Enjoy my children and forget the rest”, it is the only way that I can accept the chaos that fills my everyday. It is not a bad chaos, it is merely a deviation from my plan and sometimes thats enough to throw the most organized of us all into a complete parental tailspin. But what a wonderful, exciting tailspin it is and I am blessed to be able to share this journey with my two free-spirited, adorable daughters.

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