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How a Curb took me Out of My Sister’s Wedding and Straight to the ER
Last weekend, I fell off a curb. I know, it sounds hilarious because this is the kind of klutzy antics one might have come to expect if you’ve known me any length of time. I am the girl who is constantly and consistently rolling her ankle because of uneven sidewalks and misplaced, rogue pebbles. Go ahead, laugh. It really is like a cartoon but what happened last Saturday resulted in a severely broken leg and was anything but laughable or funny. Believe it or not, I’m not even being dramatic. I know many of you have been following along on social media because obviously when I’m sedated on painkillers and bedridden, I like to post pictures and updates. This is the story of that one time I fell 6 inches, got a broken leg, and destroyed life as I know it.
How a Curb took me Out of My Sister’s Wedding and Straight to the ER
Saturday, September 12^th, my little sister (my best friend) got married. I was the maid of honor. We were looking forward to this moment for a year. She was so happy and I was ecstatic to see her glowing and really, ridiculously and honestly happy. The morning was spent running around picking her dress up and gathering last minute things. I woke her up and serenaded her with a crackly voiced giggling version of Going to the Chapel of Love that only a big sister can sing to a little sister. Then it was the usual excitement and clamor that would fill a house full of women getting ready for a wedding. Above all else, I wanted her to be happy and stress-free. Never could I have imagined that a broken leg and I would be the source of everyone’s stress that day.
READ ALSO: My Real Life is an Actual TikTok trend
Hair and makeup showed up. I busied myself making sure that all the last-minute finishing touches didn’t overwhelm her. I painted her toenails and lotioned her legs. I happily got her some breakfast and something to drink. I didn’t want her to fret over any of it. I just wanted her to enjoy this huge moment of her life. We talked and laughed as she had her hair done. I sat across from her doing my daughters’ hair as her make-up was done and when the time came, I helped to dress my baby sister for the biggest moment of her life. It almost felt religious. I never would have believed that after it was all said and done, a curb would take me out of my sister’s wedding and straight to the ER.
As all the chaos and drama began to descend upon us as the house filled more and more with loved ones (as it tends to do), I helped to dress her as the photographer clicked away, capturing every single tear of joy and sigh of relief. We were all in the moment and happy. A broken leg was the furthest thing from anyone’s mind.
As I stood there taping her into her drop sleeves, I saw the face of my little sister just as she was when she was 6 and I was helping to dress her for her First Communion; still, that little girl looking for reassurance and guidance from her big sister, me still wanting to make everything perfect for her. Eventually, we made it to the venue and I cried at how absolutely stunning she looked as she walked down the aisle. Then she became his wife and it was time to celebrate this amazing moment of true happiness in her life. But before the reception, we had a pit stop at a local park to take wedding pictures; this is where it all went wrong.
Minutes before a Curb took me Out of My Sister’s Wedding and Straight to the ER
It was a breezy, gorgeous Saturday in September but we were all hungry and ready to celebrate. We took family photos and then it was time to take wedding party photos. We were losing daylight and the reception was getting ready to start as we hurried through the photo process. Finally, we were all headed back to our cars and to the reception. I was lagging behind, holding my sister’s bouquet and veil, as the photographer was taking more couple shots throughout the park.
READ ALSO: An Unexpected Side Effect of a Broken Leg, Cast Fetishist.
I remember looking back and thinking how beautiful she looked. Then, I decided to head to our where the Big Guy and our girls were already waiting. I looked at the Hummer that was decorated for the wedding that my sister was riding in and then I turned for one last glance at my sister smiling before I took a step down from the sidewalk to the parking lot. My last thought was, God, she really looks happy, and then my foot never landed on the parking lot.
The Saga of the Maid of Honor’s Broken Leg Begins
In that terrible moment, my right ankle rolled. As it rolled, my left foot came up and tried to catch my balance, however, due to the combo of the wedged flip flops and a too-long dress, it got caught up and instead crashed down. At that moment, I heard the bones break and I felt the ankle dislocate. I was down on my right knee and my left leg was useless. I knew when I felt it that I would not be standing up. The pain was instant and unmistakable. I didn’t even have the strength to sit. I had to push myself over and sort of fall into the wheel (side of the car) of the car to my right.
I looked down and saw my ankle. My left leg was straight but my left foot was facing directly left and the bone was dislocated in such a drastic way that it looked like something you might see in a horror movie. As I scanned up, with all the bridal party and my entire family running to my side as I tried not to pass out from the pain, I saw that I was facing the beautifully decorated wedding vehicle and all I could think was, “Oh God, Please don’t let my daughters see me this way and please don’t let me ruin my sister’s wedding day!”
My sister was still back in the park a ways getting her photos so she didn’t immediately see what was going on and luckily, my 18-year-old niece ran to the car to sit with my daughters so they never saw my ankle or me crying like a baby because I did. I was in such pain, there was nothing I could do but howl and cry like a baby until the ambulance got there. It felt like forever.
There is nothing quite like maiming yourself in front of literally all of the people that you love; all of my brothers, sisters, parents, nieces, nephews and husband. Everyone was in shock. The sight of impact was horrifying and I’m sure me wailing in pain was nothing short of pathetic and heartbreaking. I remember everyone trying to keep me calm and reassure me that everything was going to be ok but the pain, it was searing and took my breath away.
I remember my brother and his wife, who have been through broken bones with their athletic children many times, one rubbing my back while my husband told me to look at it. My brother was telling me that, “It’s not that bad, Deb.” He was looking at my right ankle, the scratched and bleeding one that was only severely sprained. My other brother-in-law had covered my ankles in some effort to avert my eyes from fixating on the mangled mess that sat at the bottom of my left leg. To which I responded, “It’s the other one, Mother F*cker (or so he tells me, I don’t quite remember what I said, I was trying to stave off shock which I went into right about the time they had to splint me for the ambulance ride to the hospital).” He almost passed out when he saw the left ankle. It was truly horrifying and just the thought of it right now makes my leg hurt.
Anyways, eventually the ambulance came and took me away and eventually my sister saw what was happening and ran over through a blockade of people who were trying to stop her. She wanted to come with me to the hospital but I wanted her to have the best wedding ever so I sent her to the wedding along with my children and the rest of my family, except for the Big Guy, I needed him. He is my rock. That man has been a saint since this all happened. I don’t know what I did to get so lucky but he is the most amazing man I have ever met in my entire life.
And all though breaking my fibula, shattering my tibia, dislocating my left ankle and having to have extensive surgery because the trauma was like that of a car accident and not a trip and even though my cartilage exploded into dust and my right leg is acutely sprained, it’s reminded me of how lucky I am to have the people I love in my life. My husband, my children, my in-laws, my friends, my neighbors, my sister and brothers and my parents are all in. They have rallied around me to pick up the slack and encourage me and pray for me. And you, all of you, your prayers and thoughts have meant so much to me.
I hate that this happened. It has put me on time out of my life for 3 months. My leg has to be elevated and non-weight bearing for 3 months. I’ve had to find rides and for my girls and people to help but it’s really shown me that I have a lot of people who care about me and, in honesty, I needed the break. I was doing too much. I would have never slowed down if it weren’t forced on me. In the end how a curb took me out of my sister’s wedding and straight to the ER is laughable, if traumatic, experience that I will never forget but it reminded me of what is important.
Has a broken leg or any injury ever been a blessing in disguise in your life?
2015/09/22
The Weight of the World is My Number on the Scale
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Size 8, 12, and 14
I joined Weight Watchers on Friday the 13th~ I was inspired by my good friend, Lori of @mommyfriend. Her honesty and bravery have given me the strength to finally be honest with you about my biggest fear. My weight. I have been terrified of the the scale all of my adult life. More petrifying was that someone, anyone, would find out the number on the scale. Even though I may look overweight (as you can plainly see) I’ve become accustomed to pushing, pulling, nipping, tucking, spanxing and hiding the “fluff”. It’s amazing the power of a shaper these days. Those suckers must be made of of some super strength material from the planet Krypton. But when you remove the spanx, the fluff remains, no matter what angel you try to position yourself. Suck in, lay down, to the right, to the left; no matter what…it’s still there.
Weight is more than a Number on the Scale
I’ve done Weight Watchers once before. I lost 25 pounds, which sounds like a lot but I had a lot more to lose. Then life happened, as it always does, and we moved half way across the country. I missed my Weight Watchers group. I missed the support. I tried other meetings. I tried a couple different places. But it wasn’t the same. I wasn’t the same. My state of mind wasn’t the same. I was stressed and irritable. I turned to my old friend for comfort, and I gained the 25 pounds I had lost plus another 11. I was the heaviest I had ever been in my entire life and I felt miserable. I feel miserable.
I felt fat. I felt slovenly. I felt ugly. I felt out of control. I wanted to hide from the world. I started avoiding social situations out of fear of the audible gasp at the gain. Or worse, the disappointment in people’s eyes from gaining back what I had worked so hard to lose. I felt like a failure. I don’t do well with failure. I am the person who succeeds at whatever she sets her mind to so gaining this weight was a giant failure. A black mark on my very soul. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve never stopped trying to lose weight, but it’s not been the priority lately ( back went out, severely sprained my ankle, and holidays). Complaining seems to have been a lot easier.
I spiraled deeper and deeper into my black hole. I felt as if I were smothering beneath the weight of the guilt, the sadness, the grief of not having more control over my health, my body, my life.
I am more than my weight
I have started this journey so many times that it makes my head spin to think about it. I feel like the little boy who cried wolf, but instead I’m the woman who cried diet. No one believes it anymore. Have you done this? Broad sweeping declarations , “Tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of my life. I WILL LOSE THE WEIGHT!” The problem is, even I stopped believing it was possible. Then lately, people and inspiration have been put into my life to prove that it is possible.
I know some of you know exactly what I mean. Some of you don’t have to because you are naturally thin and to you I say, “I am so freaking jealous and I hope you never know the misery of having to lose weight.”
Last week, I joined Weight Watchers. Last week, I weighed myself, Friday the 13th, 2012, and I weighed 243 pounds. ( I will pause while you pick yourself back up off of the floor). No, I am not 8 foot tall. I am 5’7″. I am very overweight. I wear a size 18 pants. I am not telling you this because I am proud. In fact, not even my closest friends or sisters know my actual weight. I am sharing this with you because I REFUSE to be a slave of that number anymore. I will no longer hide in the shadows of life because of the number on the scale. It has never defined me but it has kept me from broadening my definition lately. No.MORE! In my first week I lost 5.8 pounds. I am very proud of that small accomplishment of losing that weight. And you should be too if you’re on your own weight loss journey. Another way to reduce the stress of losing weight, is to take weight loss supplements such as Biofit. But before you do, it’s important to do your research first. There’s plenty of Biofit reviews online that you can read to know if this supplement is suitable for you.
I’m telling you now because I am encouraging all of you to stop defining yourself by the fucking number on the scale. You are a bigger and better than that. Your value is not in the size of your pants. By telling you my number, I have taken away it’s power over me. It’s not a secret anymore. I AM changing that number. It might take me months, or even years, but I’m not stopping. I can’t. Not this time. This time it’s personal. I want to be healthy to be around to play with my children, dance at their weddings with the Big Guy and chase my children’s children around. I want to be able to dance my ass off on my 40th birthday this September in something cute and short; not the size of a toddler bed sheet.
I don’t know what’s lit this fire under my ass and compelled me to be so freaking honest with you, maybe it’s the new sassy hair cut or maybe I am simply tired of trying to hide my weight from the world. I am more than just a number on a scale. I am all kinds of awesome but I do want to change the packaging. I want to be as proud of the packaging as I am of the gift inside. I hope my honesty inspires you to free yourself from the weight of your world and face your fears; whether it be a number on the scale, an unrealized dream or anything that brings down the happiness quotient in your life. What is the greatest weight in your life? Will you join me in freeing yourself from the weight in your world?
Weight, you have no power over me

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2012/01/22
Be A Better Me ( You) Challenge-Day 11~ Get Yourself Healthy
Friday’s Be A Better Me (You) Challenge -Day 10~Date Night
Mine is scheduled for September 25th and I can not wait! But over the past weekend, the Big Guy and I did make time for some “US” time. It had to be done.I have really been missing the Big Guy lately. I can’t wait until we are living in the same zip code again on a full time basis.It’s been a rough few months. There were days when I thought this economy could possibly be the ruin of our marriage. Not because we have ever not loved one another but things get hairy when you can’t see one another. You start to feel like this is the new norm and that’s not what we wanted. Lucky for me, the Big Guy and I had determined a long time ago that we would rather be broke together than wealthy apart and if it got too bad …we’d be together over all else. Thank God, there is an end in sight and believe me that makes a hell of a difference in our disposition.It may not be all unicorns and ice cream just yet, but soon it will be! Hope your date night with your Big Guy helped you to find the you that he dated back in the day.
Obviously , I was having such a good time with the Big Guy that I couldn’t pull myself out of his arms long enough to post my challenge yesterday ( nor did I want to). Hope you can forgive me. I know you all can relate.
So, here is Saturday’s Be A Better Me ( You)Challenge- Day 11 ~Get Yourself Healthy
I know we all spend a lot of time trying to make sure that our families are eating well and getting enough exercise. I mean why else are we spending $200 a week at the grocery store on organic fruits and veggies, free range this and that, no gluten having, brown rice, bread, eggs, etc? Because we want out kids and husband to be healthy and strong and live forever..happily and looking gorgeous. Right? Why else are we spending money on swimming, tennis,soccer, ballet, gymnastics, football, cheerleading, gym/YMCA memberships etc if not to make sure our beloveds are getting their health on? We don’t spend all of our free moments of every day running to and fro for our own sake. But why not? Isn’t our health just as important as that of those who we love? Of course it is. We are the glue that holds it all together. Think about that.If we don’t eat right and exercise who is going to be around to make sure these people we love are taken care of? Bet you hadn’t thought of that. But lets be selfish for a moment, lets say we actually matter….how much better do we feel when we exercise? First, there are the endorphins. I don’t know about you but even though I can freely admit that I hate starting most exercise, I absolutely get off on the endorphin high. It makes me feel awesome, productive, and better about myself. When I have finished a hard workout and sweated away my frustrations , I feel damn sexy. When I don’t, I feel like I have let myself down. Same as when I eat a good healthy meal. I don’t feel as full and bloated, and I feel satisfied and most importantly NOT GUILTY. Feeling guilty and ugly aren’t really my things, so no thanks. Plus, exercising is a great excuse to have your husband spend some quality time paying attention to the crumb snatchers and its the perfect alibi to go have some “you” time. So, not only are you getting healthy, you can steal a moment to yourself, and you will feel fabulous. I hate running but I do know from past experience( a long long time ago) that when you run, your lungs open up and your mind naturally clears. If you don’t like to run; try Turbo jam , Zumba, walking, dancing around the house, whatever gets your heart pumping. You will feel better, look better, and will shift the focus onto you..if even for just a few minutes a day.
2010/09/13
Be A Better Me (You) Challenge -Day 10~Date Night
Yesterday’s Be a Better Me (You) Challenge -Day 9~ Pay Attention to the little things
was addressed pretty easily. You guessed it. I nipped that little Pedro sonofabitch right where he lives. Yes, me and my Nads had a date late last night. It was all going great until it was time to pull the trigger, then I had that hesitation. You know that hesitation you had when you were about to give birth. All of the sudden it was like, Oh shit….time to back pedal not sure I can handle this sort of pain. Well, same thing..every single time. Probably the only reason the Hairy Monkey Syndrome affects me at all. That’s why I always went to a professional but it gets hard when you have two little girls in tow. The facial expressions and sounds alone, well, that’s enough to turn to Nads but couple that with the fact I am probably scaring them to death of turning into a monkey, well,enough said. Nads it is!But hey, I’m a hairless Chihuahua today.Good thing, the Big Guy is coming home. I’m sure he will appreciate the effort! I got a lot of promises of shaven legs…hope you ladies followed through!Smooth legs always make you feel sexier than stubbly gams a la MOnique!
Today’s Be A Better Me (You) Challenge-Day 10 ~ Date Night
I know you are asking, how does that make me a better ME? Well, remember that girl you were before you became who you are? Well, that young lady is going to help you find your way back to who you want to be.Remember when you were dating Mr. Right and it was all about you? Getting primped and pampered? Long drawn out conversations about who and what you wanted to be?Where you wanted to go in life? How you were going to make your dreams come true?Back when he hinged on every word that came out of your mouth because you were so fucking fascinating? Well, you still are..everybody , including you, just forgot. Go way back, when your whole life was ahead of you before you were here…smack dab in the thick of it. Pencil in the time and date. Tell your big guy to make it happen, just like he used to. You just worry about you. Just worry about getting ready, setting expectations of having a good time and connecting with your Big Guy.Well, and maybe finding a sitter..but all the planning of this lovely romantic evening should be his responsibility.I promise by doing this, you will feel like the woman you were before you were a Mommy and wife. I am actually going to do this but my big date night isn’t until September 25th ( my birthday). There’s a weekend planned in the city; filled with romance, good food, great company, a hotel stay, 24 hours without my babies,some shopping and a whole lot of visits from DEBI. I’m looking forward to it and I am pretty sure the Big Guy is looking forward to having Debi all to himself for a night! So, when are you planning your big date night? What do you do? What makes you feel special for date night?
Link up your post in response to the challenge and share your ideas!Happy Date Night!

2010/09/10
More Hopping, FAWKING, and doing it all the HARD way!
Happy Friday, my friends! If you are here! I am happy to see you. It’s Friday and I am in a fantastically wonderful mood. The Big Guy is headed home to our zip code, the Bellarini will be headed home soon and it will be cuddle, snuggles and naps all around! And my Gabs, that little golden nugget is sitting by my side watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse…ever so quietly.Coffee is piping hot and in this moment life is pretty SWEET!Most of you have heard about my Be a Better Me Challenge that I have been doing this month, in honor of my birthday. Hope you can link up and we can all be better us! Also, in honor of my birthday, I have set a small goal of reaching a 1000 followers by my birthday September 25th. So, if you can follow or pass the word on to your friends who you think would enjoy this blog, I would much appreciate it. Feeling too blessed to be stressed this morning. Hope you are too. Take some deep breaths, relax, let all the craziness fall to the wayside. It’s Friday, its a beautiful fall day, and life is good! One more thing, Favor. Can you all help me out. I have been nominated for favorite Mommy Blogger on Babble. If its possible can you help me out by clicking on the first link here:
https://www.babble.com/babble-50/mommy-bloggers/nominate-a-blogger/
Then it should come up on the page “Nominate a favorite Mommy blogger” scroll down, select alphabetically as the way to sort and find The TRUTH about Motherhood and select
‘I like this Blogger”
Thanks everyone!
1. The strangest thing I’ve ever eaten is …alligator in New Orleans and rattlesnake and goat in Mexico.
2. I wouldn’t be caught dead…. naked in public. It’s not pretty anymore and I’m pretty sure I’d give some people heart attacks (not in a good way) and probably be the cause of some in mouth regurgitation! Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Don’t feel pity for me, I can get back into shape…I just gotta get working at it.
3. When I am 75 I will…. be just like Aunt Sally, she is beautiful inside and out, she lives loud and balls to the wall. She has eeked every ounce of life she can out of her 80+ years. She is my hero. When I am her age, I want to be agile, able, still driving, teasing the boys, funny, uber lovable, enjoying cocktails with my bestest friends. I want to live every single day like its my last, starting now!
4. If I had to be named after a place I would want to be named… Virginia like the gorgeous state…the place where I left a big chunk of my heart last fall.
5. My name is “Deborah” – after my Mom’s bestie- “Asuzenna” – a bastardization of my Dad’s little sister’s name Asusana. I love my name, it’s especially funny to hear the way people fuck it up. At high school graduation it was OHSUSANA, at college it was INFLUENZA, and at my wedding it was Insuzensa
.It’s Ah-SU-ZEE-NA. Now you all know.
6. My all time favorite photo is…. a photo of the Big Guy and I when we first started dating. We were both in college, terribly young and equally in love. We both have the biggest smiles on our faces. I look a that picture and I remember how very lucky I am , and all the excitement and love that I felt in that moment to be with him..that picture can carry me through the rest of my life.No matter what kind of day I have, I can look at that picture and know that somewhere in the world the most amazing man I have ever known…loves me!
The other photo I absolutely adore is one of my girls when Gabs was a week old. I love seeing Bella looking at Gabs with such love, and Gabs looking up to Bella with complete trust and adoration.
7. If I could afford it… I would pay off all of our debt and our house, then I’d pay off my parents house, and my In laws house for them.If I could afford it, none of my friends and family would want for anything and then I’d take all of our stress free asses on a vacation to Greece.
* I do normally place my blog hop badges here but for some reason BLOGGER is telling me it has some kind of form error. Sorry, I tried but with the badges, it actually won’t save the post. I’ve lost it twice already. NOT doing it again or I will have to throw this damn laptop!*
Now on to the FAWK YOUs for the week.
FAWK YOU to my beloved IMAC.Why must you decide to start flashing that blasted file folder with the question mark on it? I have no answer for you! You have left me very sad, lonely and disappointed.I’ll give you another chance, just please come back to me.sniff* sniff*
FAWK you to a really hard week of kindergarten recess in which my little one felt ‘left out’. How I friggin hate to watch my girls feelings be hurt or heart broken. SO FAWK YOU growing pains!
FAWK you to Notre Dame football traffic congesting my downtown route to Bella’s school.
FAWK you to bloggers who steal other bloggers content. Have you no original thought in your tiny brain?
FAWK YOU again for not going all single white female life stealing on my posts. Is it weird that I feel a little left out:)
FAWK you to this economy that causes the Big Guy to be in yet another state while I am left to single mother it all week. Also, economy thanks for making my girls sad and miss their daddy on a daily basis. Saying good night over the phone or SKYPE is just not the same as a good night kiss from the Big Guy!
FAWK you to feeling lonely.
FAWK you to free and easy. I think I want to do every thing hard…live, play, love, and laugh HARD!
2010/09/10
Everything in life worth having, I got in college
Yesterday, here in the Midwest, was Sweetest Day. Not familiar with the Hallmark Day? Well, don’t feel bad. I believe its only celebrated here in the Midwest. What can we say, we love LOVE! It’s basically Valentine Day’s little stupid sister.Same idea on a much smaller scale.
All excited for the first road trip in the Jeep
The Big Guy and I decided that yesterday was a perfect day to take the girls back to where it all began… Purdue University. We woke up and spontaneously made the 2+ hour trip south. It was a gorgeous autumn day. The leaves were every shade of amber,yellow, red and brown, the sun was high in the blue sky, and it was perfect sweatshirt and jean weather.
Indiana autumn
It was very exciting for us to be back on campus. We haven’t been in about 8 years. We were living in another part of the country and then we had the girls and there’s just not been a “right” time to go back. But yesterday morning, it was time. The girls were just excited to go on a road trip in Daddy’s new jeep..its very loud and rugged and they think it is awesome.
Daddy and his girls

The place where it all began; September 29,1997
We got to campus and parked so we could go get something to eat at our favorite restaurant. Of course, we hadn’t counted on it being Homecoming weekend and Breakfast club still going on at noon.So we couldn’t take our girls to our favorite joint for loaded fries because they were still serving alcohol as a bar. We had to explain to my 5 year old why all the college students were running around in costumes ( in case you are not familiar with the term, breakfast club is when you stay up all night drinking then put on your most outrageous costume and continue drinking at 7 am until you pass out.) We wanted to show the girls where we met, Harry’s chocolate shop, of course there was a line down the street because of homecoming drinking.
Daddy and the girls @ the engineering mall. His old stomping grounds.
We decided to find a restaurant before we all passed out from malnutrition and were violated by the costumed hooligans:) The littles just thought it was so cool that all the students were dressed up. Of course they were in a state of shock and awe when an over zealous co ed ran up to them and yelled “BOILER UP!”.Bella looked as if he had just cursed her out. Long story short we ate something and showed the girls where all of our favorite memories together were made, where we had lived, where we had classes, where we met, my first all girl dorm as a freshman,where we spent that first long night laying under the stars telling each other everything in the middle of those damn soccer fields, where he asked me to marry him, where he told me he loved me, where our lives changed forever.
Where the Big Guy Proposed January 28,1998

Picking maple leafs at Purdue

The famous “fountain”
The whole time, my chest was filled with pride to be sharing such a wonderful part of our history with our girls. It felt like being back in our first home as a “we”. It also was weird to be in a place that was such a momentous part of my past, standing there holding the hands of our future. It was weird, like the two could not exist simultaneously. At the same time it was amazing to be able to do so. To be able to watch my little girls walk the halls, paths and lie in the grass and touch the trees of the place that made me who I am today was a surreal feeling. To see my little girls in their Boilermaker princess t-shirts or pink polka dotted PURDUE t-shirts, traipsing along the streets that saw me turn into a woman almost brought me to tears. By the end of the day, hearing them yell”Boiler Up” to complete strangers, and for my Bella to say “Mommy, this is the best day ever” as she chomped on Mad Mushroom cheese sticks made my heart happy.

Outside the Liberal arts building; my old stomping grounds

Enjoying the campus
It reminded me of my time in college, starting out as a scared little girl afraid to leave home, thrust onto this huge campus with no one. I met my best friend that year in the dorms.The girl who would become fairy Godmother ( as Bella calls her) to my Bella, maid of honor in my wedding, my greatest ally in life aside from the Big Guy. She is the friend who is so close we are sisters.She is the friend who knows all of my flaws and secrets and still loves me. I never have to be anything other than myself around her. We are so close that her family is mine and mine is hers. So close that my happiness is her joy and my sadness causes her to cry and I am the same for her.That was just the first year of college.
My girl in the same spot I took my first ever picture on campus on Move in day , freshman year!
Duhme darlings, baby!

My best friend, my sister, “hermanita”.
A time passed by I became the woman I was always supposed to be. I grew from a child who wanted and did childish things to a woman. College was where I loved, grew, cried, laughed, and learned to sort out who and what was really important to me.And
then it was the place where I met the greatest love of my life, the love of my life. It was where I learned what it meant to be all in.Its where I learned that love is not about who is in control, who has the most power or what you look like, its about giving your heart over to someone and knowing that they will take care of it and guard it with their life. It’s where I learned that beauty is only skin deep and first impressions are not always right. It’s where I learned that anything worth having is worth taking big risks for and going for it. Purdue is where I finally met “ME”.

I’m sure the girls did enjoy the day on campus but they will never know what this first trip with them meant to me and the Big Guy. I looked at him and saw the awkward, long and lanky alternative boy with the bleached blond hair and blue tips sporting an eyebrow ring that I had met at Harry’s. I’m sure he saw the spunky coed who was thin as a rail but could throw back the drinks with the frat boys.That girl who was fearless and carefree. The girl who would stay up all night lying in a field watching the stars and talking about our pasts and future all in that first night. I liked how that made me feel. Being back there was like coming full circle and I can’t wait to do it over and over again. Everything in my life worth having, began on that campus. It was the beginning to the biggest journey of my life and I think that makes it pretty much a sacred place for me. Sometimes the sweetest day of all is just stepping back, taking a deep breath , remembering where it all began and enjoying what you have accomplished in this life.
My heart will always be in West Lafayette!

My baby walking my old path to class ( also the same path to the Big Guy’s house:)

The wonderment that began at Purdue! Thank you Purdue for the most amazing memories and beginning to my lifetime!
BOILER UP, BABY!
2010/10/18
A Romance for the Ages
On my birthday, as a very special treat, my husband and I had the privilege of seeing Romeo and Juliet courtesy of the Chicago Shakespeare Theater. This was a particularly sweet part of my birthday because not only am I a big fan of the theater, the works of Shakespeare are my absolute favorite. Even more importantly, I have been in love with the story of Romeo and Juliet since I first read it when I was 13. I remember fantasizing as a young girl about being immersed in a love as deep as that of Romeo and Juliet. You can imagine my delight at being given the chance to watch the production with my very own Romeo.
As you may know, from my last experience at the Chicago Shakespeare Theater , the theater itself is very impressive. We arrived and were ushered into this gloriously enchanting theater, set up very similar to what a traditional Elizabethan theater would have been set up.Basically, the stage juts out into the center of the theater and there is truly not a bad seat in the intimate theater.I particularly love the lighting, upon arrival it was very warm and gave the theater a romantic glow.

The production itself was amazing. This being one of my favorite plays of Shakespeare, I have read the book several times, seen every movie variation ever made ( My personal favorite being Franco Zefferelli’s) , and seen it on the stage via television but I have never had the pleasure of seeing it live on stage. So, to say that I was excited for this opportunity is a great understatement.
I was particularly impressed by how contemporary yet timeless the play was portrayed. It opens with the Capulet’s men and Montague’s men bickering in a fight scene in the street. The two families were easily identifiable by either blue or red stitching on their clothing. It was very gritty and because of the size and shape of the theater you felt like a bystander on the street watching the feud unfold.Actually, the entire time I was watching the play, I felt like I was part of the production; an extra, if you will.The Elizabethan theater shape really is genius. I wish all theaters were set up like this.
I found it very interesting that the costumes transcended time by including clothing from just about every era of the 20th century. It was apparent but very subtle. More of a nuance than a direct appeal to your senses. I was, however, most impressed by the use of the true dialogue. Being that I am such a fan, I always expect to be let down when a classic is produced on stage, especially if it is updated for contemporary audiences. I understand why this is done, to make the production more easily relate able and understood but it has always made me feel like they were “dumbing it down” for their audience. This was NOT the case at the CST production. The wardrobe and the set were changed somewhat to be timely but the dialogue itself was true to the original Shakespeare and thanks to the superior acting skills of the cast, even a Shakespeare novice could understand what was going on and thoroughly enjoy the production.
All of the cast were superior. Obviously, I loved the characters of Romeo (John Lillico) and Juliet ( Joy Farmer-Clary). Juliet was absolutely beautiful and played the part with a childlike innocence and limited view of the world. Romeo was very charming and lived on the stage like your average teen aged boy; feasting on romance and living inside of his own head, oblivious to the reality surrounding him. The chemistry between the two was palpable. The two actors were very well suited for their parts. Even with the combustible chemistry, they played the parts very innocently (as it was meant to be since the characters are young teenagers not adults). It really added to the romance of the show.
Other characters of note were the Nurse (Ora Jones) who gave the part a certain je ne sais quoi that really made her endearing to the audience. She was boisterous, over the top, and vivacious. I loved watching her reactions to the goings on of the other characters. Another fabulous addition to the cast was Benvolio ( Steve Haggard) who made the character very likable and funny. He added a lightheartedness to the play that was definitely needed to balance out the tragedy. But my favorite character was, as it has always been, Mercutio (Ariel Shafir). Mr. Shafir played Mercutio perfectly. He was funny, honest, over the top, loud, sarcastic, and honorable. Mercutio was portrayed as the friend that everybody wants to have in their life. The quick wit of the dialogue coupled with the physical acting of the character provided much entertainment. All of the cast were exceptionally well suited for their parts. Gale Edwards did a fantastic job directing this production.

It is so seldom that we get a night out away from the children and this was also my birthday so I was hanging the moon on this production. I am happy to say it did not disappoint. I would recommend this production to any friend of mine and I highly suggest it for date night for any couple that wants an excuse to snuggle into your own Romeo. The story is timeless, the cast superior, the theater beautiful, and romance is definitely in the air. The Big Guy and I left the building holding hands and the production really did start my birthday celebration of with a bang!
Romeo and Juliet runs September 15, 2010 thru to November 21, 2010,with multiple performance times available. There are also many great activities and attractions going on at Navy Pier this fall so come for the show and make a day or night of it on the Pier! If you live in the Chicago land, Northwest Indiana area, I would highly recommend making this performance a date night destination while you still have the opportunity. For more information click the link below
https://www.chicagoshakes.com/main.taf?p=2,47
Disclosure: I was provided with tickets to see Romeo and Juliet by The Chicago Shakespeare Theater in order to view the performance and give my own personal opinions on it. The opinions I have given are mine and may differ from others but were NOT influenced by the Chicago Shakespeare Theater..

2010/10/05
Everything in life worth having, I got in college
Yesterday, here in the Midwest, was Sweetest Day. Not familiar with the Hallmark Day? Well, don’t feel bad. I believe its only celebrated here in the Midwest. What can we say, we love LOVE! It’s basically Valentine Day’s little not so bright sister. Same idea on a much smaller scale.
All excited for the first road trip in the Jeep
The Big Guy and I decided that yesterday was a perfect day to take the girls back to where it all began… Purdue University. We woke up and spontaneously made the 2+ hour trip south. It was a gorgeous autumn day. The leaves were every shade of amber, yellow, red and brown, the sun was high in the blue sky, and it was perfect sweatshirt and jean weather.
Indiana autumn
It was very exciting for us to be back on campus. We haven’t been in about 8 years. We were living in another part of the country and then we had the girls and there’s just not been a “right” time to go back. But yesterday morning, it was time. The girls were just excited to go on a road trip in Daddy’s new jeep..its very loud and rugged and they think it is awesome.
Daddy and his girls

The place where it all began; September 29,1997
We got to campus and parked so we could go get something to eat at our favorite restaurant. Of course, we hadn’t counted on it being Homecoming weekend and Breakfast club still going on at noon.So we couldn’t take our girls to our favorite joint for loaded fries because they were still serving alcohol as a bar. We had to explain to my 5-year old why all the college students were running around in costumes ( in case you are not familiar with the term, breakfast club is when you stay up all night drinking then put on your most outrageous costume and continue drinking at 7 am until you pass out.) We wanted to show the girls where we met, Harry’s chocolate shop, of course, there was a line down the street because of homecoming drinking.
Daddy and the girls @ the engineering mall. His old stomping grounds.
We decided to find a restaurant before we all passed out from malnutrition and were violated by the costumed hooligans:) The littles just thought it was so cool that all the students were dressed up. Of course, hey were in a state of shock and awe when an over zealous co-ed ran up to them and yelled “BOILER UP!”. Bella looked as if he had just cursed her out. Long story short we ate something and showed the girls where all of our favorite memories together were made, where we had lived, where we had classes, where we met, my first all girl dorm as a
Long story short we ate something and showed the girls where all of our favorite memories together were made, where we had lived, where we had classes, where we met, my first all girl dorm as a freshman, where we spent that first long night laying under the stars telling each other everything in the middle of those damn soccer fields, where he asked me to marry him, where he told me he loved me and where our lives changed forever.
Where the Big Guy Proposed January 28,1998

Picking leafs at Purdue

The famous “fountain”
The whole time, my chest was filled with pride to be sharing such a wonderful part of our history with our girls. It felt like being back in our first home as a “we”. It also was weird to be in a place that was such a momentous part of my past, standing there holding the hands of our future. It was weird, like the two could not exist simultaneously. At the same time it was amazing to be able to do so. To be able to watch my little girls walk the halls, paths and lie in the grass and touch the trees of the place that made me who I am today was a surreal feeling. To see my little girls in their Boilermaker p
To see my little girls in their Boilermaker princess t-shirts or pink polka dotted PURDUE t-shirts, traipsing along the streets that saw me turn into a woman almost brought me to tears. By the end of the day, hearing them yell, “Boiler Up” to complete strangers, and for my Bella to say “Mommy, this is the best day ever” as she chomped on Mad Mushroom cheese sticks made my heart happy.

Outside the Liberal arts building; my old stomping grounds

Enjoying the campus
It reminded me of my time in college, starting out as a scared little girl afraid to leave home, thrust onto this huge campus with no one. I met my best friend that year in the dorms.The girl who would become fairy Godmother ( as Bella calls her) to my Bella, maid of honor in my wedding, my greatest ally in life aside from the Big Guy.
She is the friend who is so close we are sisters. She is the friend who knows all of my flaws and secrets and still loves me. I never have to be anything other than myself around her. We are so close that her family is mine and mine are hers. So close that my happiness is her joy and my sadness causes her to cry and I am the same for her. That was just the first year of college.
My girl in the same spot I took my first ever picture on campus on Move in day , freshman year!

My best friend, my sister, “hermanita”.
A time passed by I became the woman I was always supposed to be. I grew from a child who wanted and did childish things to a woman. College was where I loved, grew, cried, laughed, and learned to sort out who and what was really important to me.
And then it was the place where I met the greatest love of my life, the love of my life. It was where I learned what it meant to be all in. It’s where I learned that love is not about who is in control, who has the most power or what you look like, it’s about giving your heart over to someone and knowing that they will take care of it and guard it with their life. It’s where I learned that beauty is only skin deep and first impressions are not always right. It’s where I learned that anything worth having is worth taking big risks for and going for it. Purdue is where I finally met “ME”.
I’m sure the girls did enjoy the day on campus but they will never know what this first trip with them meant to me and the Big Guy. I looked at him and saw the awkward, long and lanky alternative boy with the bleached blond hair and blue tips sporting an eyebrow ring that I had met at Harry’s. I’m sure he saw the spunky coed who was thin as a rail but could throw back the drinks with the frat boys.That girl who was fearless and carefree. The girl who would stay up all night lying in a field watching the stars and talking about our pasts and future all in that first night. I liked how that made me feel.
Being back there was like coming full circle and I can’t wait to do it over and over again. Everything in my life worth having, began on that campus. It was the beginning of the biggest journey of my life and I think that makes it pretty much a sacred place for me. Sometimes the sweetest day of all is just stepping back, taking a deep breath , remembering where it all began and enjoying what you have accomplished in this life.

My baby walking my old path to class ( also the same path to the Big Guy’s house:)

The wonderment that began at Purdue! Thank you Purdue for the most amazing memories and beginning to my lifetime!
BOILER UP, BABY!
2010/10/18
A journey of 1000 Miles starts with a Single Step; The First Day of the Rest of My Life
Well, after last weeks posts,most of you are aware that I have had some issues with my weight. Or should I say that I have struggled with my weight since I was old enough to realize what weight and body image were.I wasn’t necessarily heavy the entire time but you remember how when you were a teenager, absolutely everything was life or death, well for me the entire focus was on my body. I had thin athletic parents and all my friends were stereo typical cheerleader types in high school.So, that made being average sized feel like I was morbidly obese, though I was not.
Then I went away to college and I was so deathly afraid of gaining the “freshman 15” that I literally started starving myself to death. Since then, its been a string of me trying to find a way to keep my body at a weight that was healthy without starving to death or restricting myself.It’s a hard balance to find.I’ve lost and I’ve gained, like most women in America. ..the world, really. You start having children and before you know it, you’ve put on a few extra pounds here, then a few more there and soon you are looking in the mirror and wondering who the hell this person staring back at you is in the mirror. Being a Mommy, I am guilty of always putting my girls first. I try to find time for me but it is truly few and far between, especially now with the Big Guy gone so much for work. A couple months ago, I decided it was time to find my way back to “me” in Mommy. I really made a concerted effort to find some me time, exercise, make myself look presentable, date nights and some of it has stuck and some has not.One of the first things I noticed to go, as I sit here typing in my yoga pants and sweatshirt, was the taking time to get ready in the morning.Don’t get me wrong, the reminder has eliminated the yoga pants and ponytails appearance every day. But I realized as I don’t feel good in my own skin; my body isn’t where I want it to be, it has become harder to feel presentable..even in a nice dress and a hot pair of heels.
This was in September this year on my Birthday.This is what I look like today as I start this journey!
So, I have resolved that I need to lose some weight, for me. Not for my husband or society but for me.I was joking and told my husband that I was going to call this journey my journey from hot mess to hot mommy but that’s not true. I am NOT a hot mess. I’ve pretty much got it together,with the exception of my weight. I’m simply a woman on a journey to feel comfortable in my own skin. Lucky for me, I have been given an amazing opportunity to be a part of the Nutrisystem Nation blogging program. They have agreed to help me on my journey by providing me with the tools and convenience to reach my goal this time, in a healthy way. No, I’m not making a big reveal of my starting weight..I’m honest, not crazy, but my weight is the one thing I keep private. This is a very big deal to go public with my weight loss journey because it is the one part of my life that is usually off limits. But I trust you, you’re my friends. You’ll be supportive and that’s what I am counting on. You are my accountability.I will keep you posted once a week on my progress.
You, my friends, have been with me through the metaphorical thick and thin of my life over the past year, now I need your support in the the physical thick and thin of my life. I’m starting this journey today…right now. My plan is to combine a lot of Nutrisystem with a good amount of Zumba and a brand new perspective. I want to feel at home in my own body, not like I am visiting a strange planet. I want to be healthy,I want to be a good example for my girls.I want to be able to keep up with my 3 and 5 year old. I want to not be mortified to get in a bathing suit for swim lessons.I want to believe my husband when he tells me that I am sexy.I want the mirror to reflect someone I recognize.I want to be around for a long time to see my children grow up and have my grandchildren. I want to be comfortable in my own skin!
DISCLOSURE: Nutrisystem is providing their program to me free of charge in exchange for my participation in the Nutrisystem Nation Blogging Program and weekly updates. I am not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed in this post are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255
2010/11/01
I got kicked til I Cried
Seems my holiday spirit has not yet caught up with my Mommy Holiday need to be in the spirit. My brain knows that I want to want to enjoy the holidays, but for some reason..my heart’s just not in it.
First, I blamed it on being to busy to enjoy the season with all the rehearsal’s and the productions and just the hectic craziness that is the holidays. Then last Thursday,when I thought I was in the home stretch..wouldn’t you know that something else came up.
Thursday, I picked my 5 year old up from school, a seeming innocuous event.As we are driving home and I start my routine of inquiring about her day, I am informed that her teacher , who previously made her the star of the classroom version of “What not to wear” and I’ve spoken to about her inappropriate behavior, has stricken once again.
Bella begins to recount a conversation that she had with her teacher. It went a little something like this; said teacher was speaking to Bella’s friend who had been on vacation and had gotten sick.The teacher was telling the student that she has missed a lot of school.Bella was standing within earshot, and so the teacher decided to tell Bella ( in front of the other children) “You’ve missed a lot of school too, Bella!” To which my 5 year old said, “I had the Nutcracker last week.” Now let me explain this, Bella missed Monday and Tuesday of last week due to incliment weather and impassable roads but Friday, she had an excused absence for her performance in the Nutcracker. The very same Nutcracker that she had been waiting to be a part of for 3 years, the same one she auditioned for in September, and the very same one that she has been rehearsing for 3 days a week for 4 months (Did I mention she is only 5?) This was a lot of work, followed by a week long of 2.5 hour long dress rehearsals EVERY night ( my girls were kept up for rehearsal, 2 hours past when they should have already been asleep.It was a big sacrifice and acheivement on the part of Bella).This teacher told Bella (in front of other kids..to her face, not in her own little brain..where the thought should have remained) “Well, the Nutcracker is NOT important..kindergarten is!”
My reaction was to become livid because 1) She has no business speaking to her about personal matters in front of other children 2) The Nutcracker was/is important to Bella who worked her little derriere off to be a part of it. What gives this broad the right to discount my child’s achievements? Newsflash; Hey bitch,if I refuse to give my kids an inferiority complex..you sure as hell are not allowed to do so!Main problem being, this is not the first time that she has exhibited this sort of behavior.I have asked her NOT to do this before, to contact me directly.Each time I contacted her, I took a deep breath and I was very diplomatic. I was getting my Master’s in Elementary Education when I was pregnant with Bella and I’ve been working in education now for 10 years, so I do know the ins and outs of the system. I know this woman needs to retire. This time I included the principal on the email.The principal said she would handle it, next morning first thing I received an email that the teacher would only send notes and communication through myself directly. Hopefully this matter is resolved. So, that started the break off with a bad taste in my mouth.
Then there was an incident where a family member took it upon himself to mock my blog and mimmick every food choice that I made while visiting.I am on Nutrisystem and I ate my Nutrisystem while there, but there were times where we were out starving and picked something up at a restaurant. I made my choices with the plan in mind. But all the while, I had this family member, mocking me. Cracking wise on my weight.( who the hell thinks its OK to comment on a woman’s weight?) I bit my tongue,so I wasn’t teaching my girls to be disrespectful towards their elders. And yes, he does know I’m on Nutrisystem.The straw that broke the camels back was when he decided to rant over what I was eating at a public restaurant,loudly enough to call the attention of the other patrons ( I was mortified) and then when we left. My husband was fastening the girls into their car seats. I was waiting to sit next to them ( I was freezing),but his arm was in the way so I couldn’t get all the way in.The family member said, maybe if you hadn’t eaten so much, you’d fit! WTF?? I was flabbergasted. Yeah, and that was the third day of this type of behavior.Until, I couldn’t take it anymore. I had been biting my tongue and then I woke up the next morning and had hit my threshold. I had to leave. I can only be gracious for so long. So, that’s been the start to the holiday break! Seems everybody;s trying to kick this girl til she cries!
But I won’t let them restrict the size of my heart!This heart will grow three times its original size!Damn the finances! Damn the separation!Damn expectation!Damn ignorant people with big boisterous voices! This is MY Blog…if you don’t like it or you don’t want to hear/care about what I have to say..Don’t read it! Whatever you do, don’t try to throw my own words in my face. I know what I have said.I am aware that words have effect on people and if used improperly can cut, like knives. I know that first hand.That’s why I don’t do that but lucky for me others do not subscribe to the rules of couth.
So, I am home and I am off to cuddle my girls and love the holiday light right out of them.We have 2 glorious weeks and the Big Guy will be joining us tonight or tomorrow, either way, we’ll scoot in and make room.I just want to encapsulate the moment of togetherness because it will be fleeting but I promise; we will know it was here.What will you be doing to keep your spirits up and truly enjoy the important things…the family, the people, not just the things.Don’t get caught up in the momentum, get wrapped up in the love.How will you do that this year for your family?
One more piece of happiness, yesterday (when I started this post) was the birthday of one of my favorite people in the world!Nik,love you like a sister and I am so glad that we met and became fast friends. It is so rare to find this kind of friendship as an adult. I truly do hope you were spoiled rotten yesterday and appreciated for all that you do for EVERYONE!Running around the world saving all the sickies one gurney at a time!You are an inspiration.Happy Birthday,love ya!
2010/12/21