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Gallbladder attack, gallstones, ER

It’s been a crazy few weeks, so crazy in fact, that I’ve been too busy to actually write about it and my gallbladder attack. Lots of life choices have come to a head and not in a good way. Not in the ticker tape parade, I just unlocked level 1000 in life success kind of way, but in the what the hell have I been doing to my body over the past 40 plus years sort of way. My body mutinied on me.

Two weeks ago, Easter Sunday or the night on Walking Dead that Daryl got shot and I should have been rioting, I was instead ignoring the hell out of The Walking Dead and the possibility of Daryl being shot because I felt like I myself was dying. I say that literally, not figuratively. My body was attacking me over either macaroni and cheese or my Mother-in-law’s amazing cheesecake; trying to kill me and I really wanted to give it the satisfaction of dying just to be out of my misery.

Remember a couple weeks prior, I thought I was having a heart attack and ended up in my local emergency room? That night I found out that I had gallstones and that was my first ever gallbladder attack brought on by a Mexican birthday celebration meal, I was in excruciating pain.

I was given some intravenous meds, including a nice morphine push and I felt great. The ER doctor didn’t seem to think I needed my gallbladder removed because we thought the whole thing was precipitated by my stomach that was irritated from the 1800 mgs of ibuprofen that I’ve been taking every day for the past 6 months thanks to my broken leg. I watched the “bad food” or so I thought for a couple days and then I went back to eating whatever I wanted, because that’s what I do. I’ve always said, I’d rather workout for 3 hours a day than give up French fries. I know better now.

P.S. Anyone who tells you to eat whatever you want because the chance of having another attack within a couple weeks is rare is not your friend. Ignore them because they are full of shit and obviously never survived an acute gallbladder attack.

So anyways, 2 weeks ago, the Sunday before the Thursday that I left for Spring Break at Disney World (the same trip I had to cancel in October because of the broken leg) I had my second attack. It was 10 times worse than the first one. It was transition labor with no medication terrible. I have a high pain threshold and I tried to wait it out for 4 hours, it never subsided. It only got worse. Finally, I had to call my brothers to come over to watch the kids while my husband took me to the ER at 1 am in the morning.

Aside from the body splitting pain in my gallbladder and stomach, I was vomiting pure bile and nauseous. My stomach was messed up and I could not get comfortable. I was in so much pain; I couldn’t get above a whisper. I tried everything; heating pads, drinking vinegar, drinking water, laying on the floor, on my back, on my stomach, upside down. I was trapped in my body being tortured. I sat on my bed and sobbed in desperation and excruciating pain.

After all was said and done, I spent the entire night in the hospital trying to get the pain manageable. After three rounds of Zofran, Dilaudanum and something else, I can’t remember (in my defense, I was pretty drugged), I was finally sedated enough to drift in and out of consciousness through the attack. It was agreed that I needed to have the gallbladder removed at my earliest convenience, which is now. Remember, I was going to Disney World or bust for spring break but changes were going to have to be made.

Immediately, I was told that I needed to go on a low-fat dairy, reduce my fat, cholesterol and carbohydrate intake diet. There would be no butter, cheese, red meat, pizza or Mexican food in my near future. It was fine with me because there is no food in the world worth a gallstone attack. Seriously people, watch your cholesterol and fat intake. So, I went to Disney World on a severely restricted diet and I made it work. You’d be surprised at how many options you find when you look. I’ll write another post about that later.

Anyways, it’s been 2 weeks since my last attack and I’ve lost 13 pounds. I’ve never eaten healthier in my entire life, my blood pressure is down and I am waiting for the call from surgery to schedule my removal.

In case you are wondering why I am still having my gallbladder removed even though I have the attacks under control with diet, I am removing it because both doctors told me that once you have a gallstone attack it’s not a matter of if you will have another attack, it’s a matter of when and I simply don’t want to go through that excruciating pain ever again if I can avoid it.

Needless to say, let me serve as a warning to you, watch your fat and cholesterol intake. Move around and work out because gallbladder removal surgery is the most performed surgery in the United States and I’m sure that has a lot to do with our super-sized, super fat, super sugary, high cholesterol diets. It’s rich food. Ironically, gallbladder issues don’t exist in poorer countries.

What would you be willing to give up to avoid this kind of pain? For me, I’d gladly give up all foods to avoid another attack.

Have you ever had a gallbladder attack?

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heart attack, symptoms of a heart attack, heart health women

Ever been afraid that maybe you were having a heart attack? Seriously. I’m not trying to be funny but I’m overweight and out of shape. A heart attack is a real possibility. I’m a fat woman. I have a BMI of 33 and I recently spent 4 months sitting on my butt. Honestly, you can look healthy and still have a heart attack. They don’t call it the silent killer in women for nothing.

I’ve seen the commercials citing that 1 out of 3 women will have a heart attack our symptoms are different than men. In fact, I know a friend who had a heart attack and didn’t even realize it until afterwards. I also have a great Aunt who spent the day with us touring the Biltmore Estate and had a heart attack. None of us knew until she told her doctor and he checked her, a week later. Ladies, that scares the ish out of me. I don’t want to die of a heart attack. I want to live to be 103. That’s my expiration date. It’s non-negotiable.

Anyways, last Friday morning; I woke up at 5 a.m. with a ridiculous pain in my actual stomach (not my intestines) and it would not go away. It woke me from my sleep and the little voice in my head, recited the commercial about the mom who thought she had indigestion but instead ended up dead because she was actually having a heart attack and TUMS ain’t got nothing on that.

I got up and took some Mylanta (because I always have it on hand since the first and only stomach ache I’ve ever had). It didn’t work. Then I took some TUMS. They didn’t work. Then I took a Xanax because I’m under a shiton of stress and maybe I was having a panic attack. Nothing. I waited half an hour. Still horrific pain. Now it was from my stomach to my right side of my rib cage.

Were these the symptoms of a heart attack?

You always hear of women thinking they had heartburn and it was something else; something more. I took my blood pressure with my portable Bluetooth QardioArm blood pressure monitor and checked it right there in the app on my phone and saved it to show the hospital. As moms, we are so focused on everyone else, we neglect ourselves. Don’t do that. It could mean the difference between life and death.

SHIT! I’m having a heart attack, so I took an aspirin because blood clots and strokes. At 6:30 a.m. when everyone else woke up, I texted my husband that I needed to go to the hospital. He assured me that it was heartburn from the Mexican food at Bella’s birthday dinner from the previous night.

Firstly, I’ve only had heartburn once in my life and this wasn’t it. Secondly, it felt like acid and a severe, prolonged heart cramp. I just knew I was dying but I kept it cool for my kids. We dropped them at school where I gave them extra long goodbye hugs and kisses, without divulging anything to them, and then we proceeded on to the Emergency room. I hate the emergency room.

Long story short, after 5 hours in the Emergency room, an EKG, an ultrasound (twice in one week, lucky me!), several blood tests and worrying myself into an absolute tizzy. We found out that no, I did not in fact have a heart attack but the doctor was glad that I had come in rather than ignore my symptoms. We found out that I have gallstones, 2 of them (they go perfectly with the 3 fibroids they found last Wednesday) and upon further questioning they found out that from the prolonged ibuprofen usage for the swelling in my broken leg, I have actually made the lining of my stomach sensitive.

The sensitive stomach and high cholesterol, high fat, highly greasy Mexican food did not enjoy one another’s company. My stomach became irritated which in effect affected my gallbladder (with it’s two stones). I had a gallbladder attack. It was not pleasant and I don’t recommend it.

They intravenously administered an antacid for my stomach, some Zofran so I wouldn’t throw up and a dose of happy, I mean morphine, for the pain. They gave me strict instructions to take Zantac, especially if I planned on continuing on with the ibuprofen regimen (which I have not) and to stay away from high cholesterol meals. I quit Ibuprofen cold turkey and have been reading labels because 103-years-old, people. My expiration date is 2075, not 2016.

The moral of the story is that when you think you might have something seriously wrong with you; trust your gut (pun intended). Maybe I wasn’t having an actual heart attack (but I could have been) but I did have something wrong with me and it needed medical attention STAT. I’m not sure that would have happened if I suffered through it at home or went to a walk-in clinic. I needed tests, not a Band-Aid.

It’s been a crazy couple of weeks. Bring on Disney World because mama needs a vacation. Do yourself a favor and know the symptoms of a heart attack in women.

  • Uncomfortable pressure, squeezing, fullness or pain in the center of your chest that lasts more than a few minutes, or goes away and comes back.
  • Pain or discomfort in one or both arms, the back, neck, jaw or stomach.
  • Shortness of breath, with or without chest discomfort.
  • Other signs such as breaking out in a cold sweat, nausea or lightheadedness.

Have you ever thought maybe you were experiencing symptoms of a heart attack or something serious and second-guessed yourself?

 

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Gallbladder attack, gallbladder surgery, gallstones

Ever wonder how it feels to have gallbladder removal surgery? Remember the night when macaroni and cheese almost killed me?  Well, this past Wednesday, I went to the surgeon and had gallbladder removal surgery. I thought, hallelujah, I will finally be out of pain. But maybe I was just naïve and had no idea what I was getting myself into.

We arrived at the hospital at 9 a.m. and I was scheduled for surgery at 10:30 a.m. Yes, I told them I needed an early appointment because I get hangry. They happily obliged. In fact, once I arrived, they took me straight back and prepped me for surgery. I was pretty excited to not feel like I was dying.

Not going to lie, I was a little terrified about gallbladder removal surgery.

But a few weird things happened 1) my great aunt who is almost 90 called me the night before practically in tears to tell me she was praying for me. This is the same woman who is just patiently waiting for her own heart to give out. 2) My neighbor, who is in her 60’s and falling apart before our very eyes asked, “Aren’t you nervous?” (Well, I wasn’t until she asked me.) 3) The Silkwood baths that I was demanded to take the night before and the morning of my surgery. I felt uncertain. I got spooked about the gallbladder removal surgery that I was honestly, looking forward to having.

As soon as I got into my gown, my surgeon and anesthesiologist showed up. They were ready early. Everything got fast-tracked. Cool, I thought, maybe I could be home by lunch. No such luck.

We went back to surgery and, for the first time ever, I went unconscious from the IV pain meds before they even got the chance to tell me to count backward from 10. When I woke up in recovery, I was in lots of pain, completely groggy and somehow had lost 3 hours. I was supposed to be home, but instead, I was still on a gurney and feeling completely out of sorts and in extreme pain.

The worst and most unexpected was the trapped air pain. Oh me, oh my! I knew that during gallbladder removal surgery they were going to pump my stomach full of air to make navigating the laparoscope easier but I had no expectation of the pain that would accompany that trapped air. I fell unconscious when I came home, only to be awoken by a searing pain in my shoulder so fierce that it made childbirth feel like a splinter. I was screaming and crying in pain. I frantically begged the Big Guy to call the surgeon, only to find out that it was normal and expected.

I didn’t sign up for that shit.

No one told me about that, so I’m warning you!

Another fun surprise, I found out my gallbladder was not located where it is supposed to be. Your gallbladder is supposed to be tucked up under your liver, mine somehow had migrated to the middle of my chest. Was I born deformed? Had it moved during one of my pregnancies? Was it twisted? All I know is that even the surgeon was grossed out by it. Things didn’t go as planned or expected.

Is gallbladder surgery the only way to get rid of the issue? Typically, but it depends on your situation. If you are willing to completely overhaul your diet ( I did try this way but it wasn’t feasible for me longterm), sometimes you can mitigate the symptoms. However, for mire severe inflammation cases, removal is the best solution. Unfortunately, if the gallbladder problems are too severe, surgeons may need to drain some of the bile to reduce swelling before gallbladder removal surgery can even be performed.  This could mean being saddled for days or weeks with a catheter and a bag that’ll need changing regularly. It’s imperative to ensure that if this happens, you have access to the right equipment, like Coloplast catheters, during the drainage period. Suffering from gallstones is definitely not easy and very painful. My gallbladder attacks were more unbearable than my unmedicated, Pitocin induced labor and delivery.

Today, we are 5 days post op and it’s been a doozy of a weekend. The surgeon put a transdermal scop patch behind my ear to stop the projectile vomiting. That was nice of him since coughing, projectile barfing, sneezing and hiccupping after having your gallbladder removed, it’s a little excruciating. Only, one problem, I had to take it off after 72 hours. That was a good thing too because the damn thing was making me blind. Seriously, on top of being sore like I had done 1 million sit-ups and higher than a kite on pain pills, I couldn’t even read Facebook. My vision was so blurry that I couldn’t read my phone.

I removed the patch and then my nausea came back with a vengeance. I’m not sure if it’s from the anesthesia, the pain pills or just the change in my digestion from the removal of the gallbladder. All I know is that Zofran was powerless against it so I did what any desperately nauseated person would do, I sent the Big Guy to Walgreens for some motion sickness bands.

Thankfully, I’m feeling a little less nauseated and a little more normal. I’m hoping this means that my health is on the upswing and soon, I won’t have to worry about things like nausea and the label on every single piece of food that I put in my mouth.

Gallbladder Removal Surgery Changed my life

There is one other unexpected side effect, as the tape has begun to come apart from the incision on my belly button, I realized that I did not leave the hospital with the same belly button as I went in with. To be honest, I used to have this adorable little belly button and now, it’s hideous. It may be the swelling but as it stands, I may have to take this ugly thing and go into witness protection; at the very least, I certainly need to take my belly button and go into hiding.

It’s swollen, much larger than it was and, at the risk of being too graphic, it looks like a piece of exposed meat in there. I think some glue has come loose. I’m freaking out. All joking aside, I’m calling my surgeon tomorrow and asking him to take a look because I really don’t think this is what my belly button is supposed to look like after gallbladder removal surgery.

Have you had gallbladder removal surgery? If so, how did it change your life and eating habits?

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life without butter, gallbladder attacks, health

Life without butter is not something I ever thought I’d agree to. Those are words that I never thought I’d be saying of course I never expected gallbladder issues either. I’ve always been the kind of person who would much rather work out for 3 hours or simply deprive myself of all other foods, so that I could eat what I wanted. I was cool with 400 calories a day, as long as those 400 calories could be foods of my choice; usually, something deep fried, consisting of carbs and usually of the white flour or potato variety. Somehow grease and fat had become their own food group. However, that has changed.

Luckily, it didn’t take a heart attack or stroke to stop me. Then again, obesity wasn’t enough for me to stop either. I’ve realized that I care about my health but only so much as the threat is imminent. It’s that f*cking procrastinator that lives within me, the one that spent so much time browsing the internet that I accidentally discovered foot fetish pics.  Did I mention I hate feet? Yep, that’s one tab I wish I never opened. I’m a hardhead and have to learn everything the hard way.

You wouldn’t think it would be so difficult for someone who thrived at anorexia and was a vegetarian for 10 years to live a life without butter.

You’d think I knew how to be healthy and maybe I did but I just didn’t act on it. That is until I found myself in the ER twice last month in excruciating pain. THAT’S what motivates me to stop unhealthy behaviors. If it hurts me physically, I want no part of it. I’m a giant p*ssy in that way.

The thing is once you find yourself in that kind of pain, you know for certain that you never want to feel it again and when you experience it again, 1000x worse, you know that you need to get your shit together so I stopped hurting myself because I was the only one who could.

I think I’ve always felt like I’ve deserved punishment for being weak, where food was concerned. It’s leftover brain malfunction from the years of disordered eating. Since having anorexia, I’ve always looked at those who are overweight as weak. I know, it sounds so awful when you say it out loud but I felt like, if I could restrict myself and work out to such a degree….well, why couldn’t these people get control of their eating habits? It was a sense of superiority. Even though I knew that I was starving myself and completely unhealthy and unhappy but it didn’t matter because I had control, not like those out-of-control losers.

But when I started having gallbladder attacks, I knew what I had to do. I didn’t want to have another one, so I had to be strong and eliminate all of those foods that could cause me to have another attack. Of course, those foods were everything I love; cholesterol, full fat, greasy, red meat, white flour and refined sugars. It was everything that tasted good. My body had enough of my bad behavior and it mutinied. Let me tell you when your body starts to attack you, you can’t win. You have to concede and admit defeat or you will kill yourself. I don’t know about you but French fries and butter are not worth dying to me.

So began my 6 weeks, so far, of no red meat, no butter, no full-fat dairy, low cholesterol, low fat and low carb eating. It’s been a hard adjustment. I’ve been eating a lot of vegan foods, switched to coconut milk and almond milk and have had to read every label on all food that goes into my mouth. You’d think such a change would be nearly impossible but turns out, not so much when the alternative is excruciating pain. Yep, turns out that I’m fearless in the face of abstract death but imminent pain scares the shit out of me.

The gallbladder has come out and many people are telling me this is the reason for the celebration because now I can eat without the worry of a gallbladder attack. However, I’m concerned that if my eating habits were so terrible that it caused my body to rebel and now the gallbladder is gone, what happens with all that bad stuff? Gallbladder stones are made of cholesterol and I had such a huge one in my gallbladder that the surgeon had to destroy my belly button to remove it from my body.  That was the bad stuff depository so where the hell is it going now? Personally, I don’t want to find out.

I hate to admit it but this gallbladder situation may have been the best thing to ever happen to me. It may have saved my life. I’ll gladly read all the labels and limit my red meat, cholesterol and fat intake if I never have to hear the words, “Your biopsy” again. I didn’t even know that cancer was a consideration until I had to make an unexpected stop at the surgeon’s office when I realized my belly button did.not.look.right.

Anyways, onwards and upwards. Who needs butter anyways, right? On the plus side, all of my pants are getting too big.

What would it take to make you live your life without “butter”?

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sexual health, women's health, women's bodies

Sometimes as a busy wife and mom, my life can get pretty hectic. Probably a lot like yours. It’s not easy when you have to be 100 places at the same time and you have little people depending on you for survival. That’s a lot of pressure, in and of itself, add to that work, errands, husband time and the fact that I am not as young as I once was and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed pretty quickly. That’s why I trust sites like anipots.com to provide me with the right knowledge regarding health supplements and remedies.

The thing is that this happens quite frequently and when it does, I don’t feel like myself. Does that happen to you? I’ve noticed that whenever my life gets busy and I’m experiencing a lot of emotional stress, there are always accompanying physical ramifications. For example, when you’re stressing out over why the baby isn’t sleeping through the night and the next thing you know you get a monster pimple between your eyes or you remember in the middle of the night that you have to bake 50 cupcakes for the PTO bake sale and then you fall victim to a migraine.

I’ve had an extremely stressful few months recently. I broke my leg last fall which created a host of other issues, as you can imagine mostly because when you are confined to one place and can’t bear weight, you start to feel like a ghost in your own life. You can’t imagine the emotional stress that feeling irrelevant can put on someone. Makes you appreciate what it must feel like to be elderly.

Then this spring I started having gallbladder attacks which led to a surgery to remove a diseased gallbladder. If you’ve never had a gallbladder attack, I don’t recommend them. They feel like an induced labor with no epidural. This caused more emotional stress that manifested itself by physically wiping me out. On top of all of this, I’m pretty sure that I’ve entered perimenopause land. They say it can start anywhere from your thirties through your forties (or even earlier for some) and can last anywhere from 10 months to 10 years, so that makes it a definite possibility.

I haven’t noticed any major symptoms like hot flashes, irregular periods or lower sex drive but others like urine leakage (hello, giving birth to two babies with huge heads), fatigue (a mom’s work is never done), mood swings and trouble sleeping (well, I’m a mom and a diagnosed insomniac so this has been part of my reality since having kids) but other than that I feel like I’m 25-years-old. Well, except for the occasional vaginal dryness but I blame that on the stress. Not to be too graphic but sometimes it’s like a slip and slide down there and sometimes it’s like the Sahara. I adjust. I’m not giving up my sex life because my vagina is being bipolar. Hey, 2 pregnancies, a broken leg and wonky gallbladder didn’t stop me. I’m not about to let aging win the war. I’m not dead yet.

The thing is life slows down for no woman so we have to make time to take care of ourselves. Sometimes that means getting some extra sleep, sometimes that means taking vitamins and exercising, sometimes that means sneaking away to pee in silence and sometimes that means giving yourself a little help in the lubricant area. Hey, my mama always told me, “God helps those who help themselves.” I have no shame in helping myself to the sex life I want. If that means picking up some Vagisil ProHydrate then I will. Vagisil ProHydrate Natural Feel helps make my love life feel natural again without the dryness that comes with perimenopause.

 

Unfortunately, it quite literally, took me falling and breaking my leg and being completely bed ridden for 4 months to learn that lesson. So when your body is telling you to slow down or take care of it, do it. You only have one body and one life. Enjoy!

What do you do to relieve stress that’s just for you and nobody else?

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cancer, cervical biopsy, when cancer's on the table, waiting for biopsy results, FemiLift, vaginal lift, pap smear, cervix, xanax, miscarriage

I’ve been waiting. For months, I have been waiting. I had a health episode last February, one that scared me. I thought I had a heart attack. It happened shortly after the inauguration. There was an incident where they were detaining Mexicans coming back to the United States thru O’Hare. That’s our home airport. My father is retired and spends time in Mexico. I didn’t think it phased me but then boom.

I’m not sure what happened that day but I read the news on my phone and the next moment it felt like my heart burst (and not in a good way) and then I got all tingly.  I thought for sure, I was dying. Then I took my blood pressure and it was 187/107. I don’t know about you but that is really high for me.

Long story short, after an EKG, ECG and total blood panel work up my heart was fine but maybe my blood pressure was an issue, I found out that I was “prediabetic” or “diabetic untreated” as my paperwork said and I found out that I was severely anemic. So anemic, in fact, that I was almost to the point of needing a transfusion. I’ve been silently terrified for months. I always feel like if I talk about these things I’m tempting someone or something to intervene and not in a good way. Probably a byproduct of all those years in a childhood of “I can give you something to cry about.” No thank you.

Two weeks ago, I went back to see my doctor for some follow-up. Good news is I am no longer “prediabetic” or “diabetic untreated”. I’m also no longer anemic. And it turns out that I probably have white coat syndrome, even though my brother-in-law and one of my best friends are doctors. Blood pressure meds made my blood pressure bottom out. Basically, a couple Thursdays ago, I wanted to shout from the rooftops. I. AM.HEALTHY!

But if you know me… at all, you know, that’s not how I work. I am convinced the minute that I get happy, karma is going to come in and snatch it all away. It’s the way nature keeps me humble. I quietly told my family and every so often yelled, “I’m not diabetic” with a super cheesy smile at my daughters like I won the lottery. Yes, they think I am insane. But I never said it out loud to the universe for fear the other foot would drop.

Then last Wednesday, I went to see my Gynecologist. After all, it’s October. What better time to get my mammogram on, share my selfie and promote breast cancer awareness…plus, it fell perfectly into my monthly cycle.  Only, I get sort of terrified ever since that time in 2012 that I went to see my ob/gyn and she told me that my baby’s heart wasn’t beating.  Yeah, shit like that tends to give me PTSD. To be honest, every single time I go there, I’m afraid she’s going to give me bad news. It’s like, in my mind, she is the grim reaper. Though logically I know she’s not. In fact, I like her as a person that’s why I keep going back.

Anyways, around my birthday I get all, “get your ducks in a row bish” and I go see all my doctors. I got my mammogram, as I do every year. I always get freaked out that they’re going to tell me bad news. Remember they haven’t always worked so well. They tend to be more for looks than function, apparently but I found out Friday that my mammogram was good. No problems. Woohoo! Again I wanted to tell you, but…other foot.

While I was there and getting the usual pap, things went a little weird, thanks to 3 little fibroids (one for each pregnancy). Only they are not so little and they are causing some issues. Nothing big, just enough to be a nuisance. Enough to definitely give me an abnormal Pap. So, I got a surprise biopsy. Have I ever told you how much I hate the surprises I get at doctors’ offices? Surprise…no heartbeat. Surprise…biopsy of your cervix.

When cancer‘s on the table things get real.

It all happened so fast, I really don’t remember much of what she said. I do know that biopsies are usually done to diagnose cancer. I also can tell you that when you aren’t expecting them, they hurt. Don’t believe that “it’ll just be a little pinch bullshit.” It was more than a pinch but better to get a “pinch” than living with undiagnosed cancer. I want to live. Even saying the word feels like I should spit to avoid the evil eye.

I have a deep cervix and me and that damn super-sized speculum are well-acquainted. I’ve given birth to two big-headed babies. I’ve had gallbladder attacks, broke the shit out of my leg and had cells scraped from the roof of my mouth and I can tell you, while it was no gallbladder attack a cervical biopsy is no freaking pinch. If you ever have to get one, definitely get it but take some ibuprofen or ask for a local beforehand. It felt like she took a tiny melon baller to my cervix and it was not the surprise I wanted to have when I’m naked from the waist down. Why is it never, “Surprise you are my 1millionth Pap and you just won 1 million dollars and you are going to Disney World!”? Why ? I could get into that kind of surprise.

My doctor told me she was just doing it as a precaution since I was spotting during the Pap. Ladies, you know, bleeding of any kind during a pap can cause it to come back abnormal. She did the biopsy just to make sure that even if the pap came back abnormal she could rule out cancer. Then she said, “It’s the fibroids, Debi. I’m almost sure of it.”

Other foot.

Don’t’ get cocky lady. Last time I got cocky and thought it was “nothing”, I left your office with a baby with no heartbeat and I howled like a dying animal in the parking lot and I haven’t been the same since.

I’ve been waiting. To be such a damn amazing procrastinator, I am a horrible waiter. I’ve been imagining all of the awful scenarios. Cervical cancer. Uterine cancer. Endometrial cancer. Cancer. Cancer. Cancer. Have I mentioned everyone I’ve ever known that had a female reproductive part cancer died? I am terrified.

Missing my daughters grow up. Missing first confirmations. Missing the quinces. Missing graduations. Missing college. Missing first loves. Missing the big loves. Missing their weddings. Missing grandbabies. Missing being there just to hear them talk when they needed me to listen. Mentally messing them up forever because I wasn’t there when they needed me most.

Current status: I’m living in a Xanax induced fog praying the days go by quickly and willing myself not to cry like a giant baby. I’m calling every few hours and I’m trying not to live in that deep, dark howling hole. I’m being a real pain in my doctor’s ass because I need to know. I told y’all I’m a bootstrapper so if there’s an issue ( God, I hope there isn’t) then I want to start working to fix it and if there isn’t, I want to announce it to the world. Either way, when cancer is on the table, even just as a precaution and I know cancer is technically always on the table, but to have the biopsy makes it feel a little more tangible and I am freaked out. Like vomit, nauseous, cry for no reason panicky freaked out.

I’ve told y’all I’m a bootstrapper so if there’s an issue ( God, I hope there isn’t) then I want to start fighting it and if there isn’t, I want to announce it to the world. Either way, when cancer is on the table (even just as a precaution) and I know cancer is technically always on the table, but to have the biopsy makes it feel a little more tangible and I am freaked out. Like vomit, nauseous, cry for no reason panicky freaked out.

I called last night and they said that they had the results but my doctor wasn’t in and she needed to interpret them before they could give me the results which only made me more freaked out like there was something there and they wanted her to tell me. I’ve got my fingers, toes, and ovaries crossed that everything is good but I’m mentally preparing myself for whatever comes my way. I’ll be sure to update this post when I find out either way.

Have you ever had a biopsy or a health scare that terrified you? What did you do to get through the waiting?

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Chicago, Facebook Live, Throat Punch Thursday,Brittany Herring, Hate Crime, Donald Trump

Throat Punch Thursday~when bloggers attack edition, Dooce, heather armstrong, India, Social media,moms, blogging. bloggersThroat Punch Thursday ~ When Bloggers Attack Edition

Yesterday, I caught a tweet between bloggers referring to the Guardian’s article about Heather Armstrong’s ( @Dooce) trip to Bangladesh with Every Mother Counts. Of course, I read the article and to my dismay it was a condescending piece of crap. I have been following Heather’s recount of her trip to Bangladesh on her blog. I have been touched by the photos, moved by her words and called to action by what she saw.

But the Guardian article basically threw bloggers, and Heather Armstrong in particular, under the theoretical bus as being pompous westerners who have no business and no understanding of the situation. We are humans. We have empathy and compassion.  No worries that we need to be warned  “bloggers are firmly discouraged from poking paupers with sticks and asking people to wave their stumps for the cameras”. We may not be rich enough to save the world with our money, nor do we pretend to be but we have a reach. We have followers who listen to what we say and if we can bring a situation that needs attention to the light, what is wrong with that? We are trying to make a difference. We are proactive. Heather Armstrong is being the change she wants to see in the world. She got up off her ass and made the trip to Bangladesh to experience the situation firsthand so that she could give an honest , firsthand experience to the world. Obviously, this all disgusted me. It seemed to hurt and outrage Heather, as was evident on Twitter. I don’t blame her. What joy do journalists get from spewing condescending comments geared towards bloggers like venom? Does it make them feel better about themselves? Do they think it’s funny? So, to the Guardian..oh yeah, and especially you Rowan Davies, you get a Throat Punch for being a completely condescending, not checking your facts asshole.

Throat Punch Thursday ~ When Bloggers Attack Edition

 


As I was reading Liz at Mom 101 perfectly written and poised post about WHY bloggers share the stories, I was touched by the support and the community we bloggers have with one another, for one another. She touched on how we can make a change in the world and how the world changes us, from a personal perspective. I thought to myself “Thank God, a voice of reason. Retribution and understanding!”

But then the day got even more bizarre. I came in on the middle of a Twitter conversation between Heather Armstrong and Anna Viele ( ABDPBT). I have read both ladies and think they are both good bloggers, in their own right. I’m not going to comment on the conversation because I don’t know all the facts, all I know is that it got really ugly really fast. There was hurtful things said and not really by the two involved, it was more by the people watching it go down and throwing in their two cents. I thought two grown women should be able to handle their own disagreement. I’ve been the one attacked for having the unpopular opinion, so I know how that feels. No BUENO!

I guess my qualm is with the fact that we lost sight of the original issue. We, as bloggers, should have been supportive of one of our own going forth into the world and trying to make the world a better place rather than attacking one another and taking sides about semantics. And if there is a disagreement to be had, have it in the privacy of email or DM. Why do it so publicly? It only stands to humiliate and anger. I understand completely, Heather and Jon taking a stance on the situation, as it was directly pertaining to their lives.  They have every right to defend themselves against insults. But what was all the name calling by people who I am not sure were aware of what the original issue was ( people who were not directly involved int he conversation)…the condescending and nonfactual article by the Guardian! So, again, I am giving ANOTHER Throat Punch to the Guardian for inciting a riot within our blogging community. Can’t we all just get along and spread bloggers peace to the world?

Throat Punch, Chuck Norris,bloggers,Heather Armstrong, DOoce

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Rudy Eugene, Ronald Poppo, Zombie, MacArthur Causeway, Miami Florida, Bath Salts

Throat Punch Thursday,Rudy Eugene, Ronald Poppo, MacArthur CAuseway, Miami Florida

Upon further viewing, maybe this Kangaroo is a Zombie about to eat a face off

Zombie Apocalypse is a real thing? What the hell is the world coming to when unsuspecting (sleeping no less) homeless people, Ronald Poppo, are getting stripped, beaten and having their faces ripped off by out of their mind junkies, Rudy Eugene, who present like something from the Walking Dead? Now, that is one hell of a gruesome way to be woken up. I am never complaining about my 4 year old jumping on me and strangling me with hugs at 5 am, EVER again. I’ll take rambunctious babies out of drug induced zombie ANY day of the week.

Rudy Eugene, Ronald Poppo, Zombie, MacArthur Causeway, Miami Florida, Bath Salts

A drug induced Zombie & his Victim in better days

I’m sure many of you are aware of this story, as it has been hot on the internet since it happened on Saturday. If not, here is the gist of it. A man, Rudy Eugene, supposedly high on a new form of the drug LSD, bath salts, attacked a homeless man, Ronald Poppo, who was asleep on the MacArthur Causeway in Miami, Florida. Mr. Eugene, literally, ripped the flesh off the homeless man’s face, Ronald Poppo, with his teeth not unlike a zombie might do. Yes, you heard me right. Even more unbelievable is that the entire incident took place on the MacArthur Causeway, a busy stretch of road near the beach. Drivers and bikers alike drove past for almost 20 minutes, no one stopped to help the man being attacked but several called 911.Honestly, I am not sure that I would have stopped if I saw, what surely looked like a zombie attack, taking place. I would have been afraid that the attacker might eat my face off too. Call me an asshole but I don’t think that would be a particularly enjoyable way to expire.

Cops arrived on the gruesome scene and tried to get Mr. Eugene to dismount Mr. Poppo and stop cannibalizing his face. Mr. Eugene looked up at them and growled. The cops had to separate Mr. Eugene from Mr. Poppo’s face by shooting him. Even after being shot, just like a zombie, Rudy Eugene kept on eating the man’s face until he was shot to death. By the time it was all said and done, 80% of Mr. Poppo’s face had been removed, including his eyes, nose and mouth.All that remained of Mr. Poppo’s face is his beard. I will not provide the photos of Mr.Poppo’s zombie attacked face because they are unbelievably horrifying.

Throat Punch goes to the drug bath salts that is creating an epidemic of junkies who are behaving like zombies in the worst kind of way. Throat Punch to the asshole drug dealers who continue to sell this drug when this is not the first time something like this has happened. Throat Punch to Rudy Eugene for acting like a zombie and ripping the face off of an unsuspecting homeless man. There is a lot of crazy shit going on in the world, bad things. Can we just say no to a drug induced zombie apocalypse?

Do you think this is a bad drug reaction or could this be the nearest thing we get to a zombie apocalypse?

Is the Zombie Apocalypse Upon Us?

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Hamas Barbaric Attack on Israel has Nothing to do with Freeing Palestine

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

What’s happening in Israel and Gaza right now is not about freeing Palestine, this is about the barbarism, brutality, cruelty and lack of respect for human dignity of life byHamas.

This is the post that’s been weighing heavy on my heart over the past few days. Like many of you, I saw the news filled with the brutality and barbarity that was coming out of Israel.  I saw the desecration and humiliation of the Israeli people. My heart was broken to see it. I can only imagine what the families, friends and collective Jewish community around the world is feeling.  I am not Jewish but many of the people I cherish, and love are. The grief is palpable.

Hamas Barbaric Attack on Israel has Nothing to do with Freeing Palestine, (Photo by SAID KHATIB / AFP) (Photo by SAID KHATIB/AFP via Getty Images)

As I am not Jewish and am not completely familiar with the situation in Israel, I figured it was best to keep my mouth (and website) silent until I did some research.  If you, like me, are not familiar with the situation that has been going on in Israel let me give you a quick breakdown, as I understand it.

Israel is occupied by the Jewish peoples, filled with kibbutz’s (largely agricultural communities set up based on the idea of communal living) where people live together as the village and help one another in their day to day lives. It sounds beautiful to me. Gaza borders Israel. Gaza is where Palestinians are under a land, air and sea blockade. For those who don’t know, a blockade is the act of actively preventing a country or region from receiving or sending out food, supplies, weapons, or communications, and sometimes people, by military force. However, it’s my understanding that there is a border crossing into Israel so that Palestinians can work. Israel also exports food, necessities and provides electricity to Gaza.  I know, it sounds terrible but you have to consider why this blockade is in place.  The blockade was temporarily imposed by Egypt and Israel back in 2005-2006 and then permanently in 2007 following the Israeli disengagement from Gaza. When Hamas took control of the Gaza Strip during the battle of Gaza, seizing government institutions and replacing Palestinian Authority officials with Hamas members. In short, Hamas (terrorists) usurped power in Gaza and then Gaza had to be put on lockdown for safety reasons.

*** What is Hamas?

Hamas is a Sunni Islamist political and militant organization that currently governs the Gaza Strip of the Palestinian territories.  In short, Hamas are terrorists. They are an extremist group who have advocated for Palestinian armed resistance to end the Israeli occupation. The establishment of the Hamas government in Gaza in 2007 marked the height of the Fatah-Hamas conflict and triggered the Gaza-Israel conflict. Hamas asserts that Israel’s existence is inherently illegitimate and rejects the Israeli- Palestinian peace process. Hamas has been fighting several wars at varying degrees of intensity against Israel throughout time; pursuing jihad against Israel.

When Hamas took over government in Gaza, Egypt and Israel put in place the blockade. This was done to make sure the terrorists did not escape. Unfortunately, regular civilian Palestinians were also subjected to the blockade because there is no way of knowing who is a civilian and who are the terrorist.

For many years, the Palestinians have been living in this blockade state. It understandably doesn’t feel fair to those who aren’t terrorists.  I get why people say, “Free Palestine”. It is inhumane to be made a prisoner without committing a crime, however, the Gaza government is run by terrorists (whom I think most of us would agree are the evilest criminals going).

At the same time, there has political unrest in Israel. This has resulted in a divided Israel. While all this was happening…

 

Hamas Barbaric Attack on Israel has Nothing to do with Freeing Palestine

On October 7, 2023, Hamas launched “Operation al-Aqsa Flood” against Israel.  Hamas militants broke through the Gaza-Israel barrier and engaged in the barbaric massacre of civilian populations, attacks on Israeli military bases and kidnappings and rapes of civilians and soldiers. The assault prompted an Israeli declaration of war and triggered combat throughout Israel and the Gaza Strip. Many Palestinian civilians have also been caught in the crossfire and died as the result of collateral damage. No human life should ever be sacrificed as collateral damage, not Israeli and not Palestinian.

Hamas Barbaric Attack on Israel has Nothing to do with Freeing PalestineNow, that you have the abridged version of the backstory of what is going on, you must realize that this is not a battle between Israelis and Palestinians, this is a terrorist act against humanity by Hamas. Hamas is the perpetrator of this modern-day genocide. Many of the Jewish people in Israel are those who fled Europe during the Holocaust and their descendants. How can we allow this to happen again? Everyone says, “Never again,” but so many people are silent.

I don’t really care where you stand on the Palestinian blockade or the Israeli government, this is not about either of those two topics. This is about terrorists murdering, maiming, raping, butchering, taking hostage, setting on fire and destroying innocent civilian lives in the name of pure hate. This is terrorists beheading newborns and toddlers. The barbarity and brutality with which this attack was enacted was inhumane. The joy Hamas took at the degradation of Jewish lives is pure fucking evil and if you don’t understand that, are you even a human being at all?

Hamas Barbaric Attack on Israel has Nothing to do with Freeing PalestineThis is not the time to turn away from the news. This is not the time to pretend that you don’t see or know what is going on. This is the time for action. You may not feel like this affects you because you are not Jewish or you don’t live in Israel. You may feel like this is happening across the world and is of no concern to you but you are wrong.

Remember how you felt on September 11th, 2001. You remember exactly where you were, what you were doing and the complete and utter vulnerability, sadness and grief you felt as you watched those planes crash into the twin towers and then, as you watched the towers fall. It felt like nothing made sense and the world was imploding. You felt helpless and afraid and so fucking sad. Grief is an understatement. September 11th changed every single Americans’ life. It changed life as we know it.

Now, imagine that happening but then Al-Queda attacking us in the streets; murdering your sons and daughters, raping your mothers and sisters, butchering you babies and shooting or decapitating your husbands and fathers. Imaging them going house to house, murdering your family and your neighbors, ripping your children out of your arms and taking them hostage and then setting fire to your home and burning it to the ground. Imagine your beautiful and precious 20-year-old daughter calling you from a festival telling you that she’s hiding in a bomb shelter and that she’s been shot and is dying, only to hear a grenade go off and knowing that you’ll never see her again. Imagine wishing death on your 8-year-old because death is less cruel than the alternatives. Imagine seeing a video circulating of your child being raped and set on fire as crowds jeer and celebrate. What would you do? What would you want the world to do? You’d want justice. You’d want revenge. You’d want to undo all of it and be safe again in your home, but you know that you will never feel completely safe again. Praying that you will live to see one more day.

No matter your beliefs, your politics, or your religion…attacking unassuming and unsuspecting civilians just living their lives is cowardly and unacceptable. We cannot condone this, and we have to let the world know that we are with Israel. This is not the time to stay silent. Your silence speaks volumes. If you are not condemning the brutal acts of these terrorists against Israel you are condoning it. Speak up. Do not be afraid because if you say and do nothing, you are part of the problem.

To all my Jewish friends and loved ones, I am with Israel, and I am with you. You are seen. I feel your pain and I see your grief and we will never let what happened in Germany and Eastern Europe happen again. We cannot and we will not allow terrorists to continue to sacrifice and slaughter innocent lives; Israeli or Palestinian. This is your chance to get on the right side of history. I stand with Israel.

Hamas Barbaric Attack on Israel has Nothing to do with Freeing PalestineThe bottom line is that there are innocent people being slaughtered in Israel and Gaza and the monsters responsible for all the death and destruction are Hamas. The only enemy is Hamas.

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