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The TRUTH About Motherhood

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  • Getting to Know You

    Getting to know YOU

    The Q’s.
    1. Do you think mustaches are sexy?
     No, not really even though my husband, my Dad, my Father in Law, and all my brothers all pretty much rock one at some point during the year.  I’m more about side burns and maybe a soul patch. Let’s leave the staches for the porno guys.MMMKAY,Boys? Bow Chika Bow WOW

    2. What’s the last concert you’ve been to?
    Kiddie Concert? Yo Gabba Gabba in March. It rocked pretty hard for a kiddie concert. Adult concert, with actual music? Pete Yorn before my girls were born. It was awesome and I really want to go again soon. I am also jonsing for Paramour and Lady Gaga!
     
    3. What was your favorite 80’s sitcom?
    Growing Pains because I had a mad crush on Kirk Cameron,Silver Sppons (hard crush on Ricky Schroeder),The Facts of Life, Who’s the Boss, Charles in Charge, Mr. Belvedere


     4. Were you named after anyone?

    I was named after my Mom’s best friend and my Dad’s sister.
     
    5. When you buy new clothes, do you wash before wearing?
    No, I did it for the girls when then were newborn but I never do it for me, unless its a bathing suit.
     
    6. If you didn’t blog, what would you do with your spare time?
    Go crazy. I need to blog and write.
     
    7. What is your favorite department store?
    Von Maur, it is by for the awesomest department store around. I am also pretty fond of Nordstroms and Saks. But  there is not one near me where I am currently living:(

    8. If  you were to get laser hair removal …where would you get it?
     I’m a pretty hairy Monkey so I’d start with my lip, then my arms, legs, pretty much everywhere with the exception my head and eyebrows. I would probably get Skincare and Laser Hair Removal treatment at Touch Up Laser.

  • My first commercial and all I got was this sparkly new hairpin

    My 4 year old daughter has wanted to be a “movie star” since she saw Eloise goes to Hollywood. Not that I think she really knows what that means or what it entails but I have convinced myself that I will never be the shatterer of hopes and dreams when it comes to my girls. If they want to do it or be it, I’m going to support it because we all need a cheerleader.To help her achieve this lofty, if not almost impossible goal, I submitted her photos to a prestigious modeling agency, they called us in, and then they agreed to represent my 4 year old.She is pretty cute, if I do say so myself:), and I figured what a better place to start than some print work. Of course,fast forward a couple months later, she books her first job. Its a commercial. Amazing right? No, well, it was to us. She was excited, our friends were excited, our family was excited, myself, I was too exhausted from organizing an unexpected relocation to really comprehend how exciting it was. It was to be a commercial for a local car dealership. We were in set the mandatory 15 minutes early, of course we had been sitting outside in the car for a 1/2 hour before that but we couldn’t come in, per instructions from our agency. Apparently, its unprofessional.We walk in the door with our 4 outfits they asked me to bring, of course they left her in the faded jeans, ugg boots, and long sleeve t-shirt and navy polo she walked in with. Oh, that is with the exception of removing the polo (which was the only cute part of the entire outfit because it was the riding to the shoot outfit..not the actual outfit for the shoot:) I was all very surreal, hair and make up on my 4 year old.She sat straight in the chair , jibber jabbing the make up artists head off. We exchanged niceties and she told me how bright and beautiful my daughter was, something a mother can never hear too much of. Then we began the actual shoot, or what I’d like to refer to as “the train wreck of 2010”. My daughter was “the daughter”, to the family in the commercial. There were like 10 adult actors and my 1 child, did I mention she had never even done a print booking. Talk about putting all of your eggs in one basket. Jeez. It starts out the pretend Dad has to lift my little girl into the back of a pickup.Oh my, poor guy. My daughter is very tall for her age, she is like 45 inches tall and around 53 lbs. She is rock solid. This guy was about 5’10” and having trouble lifting my child. She was more than half his length and its awkward to lift a kid that tall, I should know. I looked on with pity and horror as this man struggled.My daughter just sat there, like a deer in headlights, except for the occasional cheese she tossed in the general direction of myself or the camera ( which she was not suppose to be looking at because she was supposed to be looking at her damned fake parents!)But I stood there, silent watching it all happen because Mom’s (like children) are on set to be seen and not heard. I was there strictly for moral support and legal reasons.They eventually finish the 15 or so takes, my daughter is totally confused by the people moving their mouth feigning conversation with no actual sound coming out.It was all very overwhelming for her. The bright lights,the strange man lifting her up..which by the way, every time he lifted her up, her shirt lifted up on her belly.She’s 4, so she paid no attention, but the adults (not even the fake Mommy…oh, you so know she doesn’t really have children)not one of them thought to pull her shirt down or tell her to do it. It was very frustrating.This could go on for days and it felt like it did. Let’s just sum it up by saying she is 4! She was tired , she was hungry, and she was overwhelmed but she didn’t have a meltdown, and she didn’t cry, and she didn’t act like a brat.She did everything they told her to do, to the best of her 4 year old ability. That was a long day and there is so much more that I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you:) She did ,however, at the end of the day, as we were leaving the shoot look me in the eyes and say, “Awww, dang it Mommy.It was my first commercial and all I got was this sparkly new hairpin!” I chuckled to myself, I guess that paycheck and all that excitement didn’t count for much..because , in her mind, all she got out of the day was “that sparkly new hairpin”. I asked her if she wanted to still be a “Movie Star”. She said ,”Sure Momma. I bet when I’m on Disney channel, they’ll give me all kinds of sparkly(SPark-A-LEE) new hairpins!”LOL. Keep on dreamin big, baby!
    Disclaimer: This is in no way, shape, or form a dig at the process or my agency, this was about the train wreck that I had to watch my kid be part of because of her inexperience. It was like helplessly watching a car slide off into the ditch.Or watching your baby fall when learning to walk for the first time.It was inevitable, and you couldn’t stop it, it was just the circumstances and our naivete. We are looking forward to the next time, we’re going to fishtail…on purpose!

  • What Does Birth Feel Like?

    What Does Birth Feel Like?

    Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

    I remember being pregnant as a first time mom-to-be and obsessing over the age old question of what does birth feel like?  It’s a lot like death, we fear it because we have no freaking idea what it really feels like until we are waist deep in it. I was terrified to find out. I knew that there was NO WAY that a baby the size of a watermelon passing through an opening the size of a grape was going to not feel like I was dying. I asked people. I begged to know what birth would feel like. I never got a straight answer.

    All anyone ever told me about birth was “It’s such a blessing” (which it is) and you forget about the pain of childbirth as soon as you hold your beautiful newborn baby in your arms. Hate to be the bearer of bad news first time moms-to-be,but that part is complete bullshit; an absolute, bold faced lie. Unless an anvil fell on your head, immediately after giving birth, while holding your newborn and by some miracle missing your child and knocked you unconscious leaving you with amnesia…you will never forget the pain of childbirth. It is an indescribable, unforgettable, and unbearable pain. Who could forget that?

    So when our sisters, friends, and other beloved women in our lives ask us,

    ” What does birth really feel like?”

    I’ll tell you why, it wouldn’t change a thing. The pain would still be ‘that’ pain, and all it would do is make our girlfriends freak out and it would still hurt. Besides if you dare to be different and actually go against the code and tell someone the truth of what birth feels like, well, they won’t believe you anyways.

    I told my best friend that while waiting for the anesthesiologist to arrive to administer my epidural, I told my husband if he didn’t find the damn doctor “with the needle” then I was going to jump out the large picture window that was in my hospital room. He knew I was serious. She thought I was kidding, speaking metaphorically to demonstrate the point. I assure you, I was serious. Dead serious! Not until she was in the throes of her own delightful birth did she recollect my words and realize that I was telling the truth. At that point, it was too late.The scary, horrible, painful truth about what birth feels like is not something you can explain to someone who has never gone through it. For me, child birth feels like a near death experience.

    I asked my sister in law (who had 4 children at the time, with no epidural) what giving birth really felt like and I never got a straight answer.Just the typical, you’ll forget about the pain once you hold your baby in your arms and look down into those beautiful eyes. After, I went through the unforgettable ordeal of childbirth, I called her and asked her “why didn’t you warn me?” Her answer to me was this, “ It wouldn’t have changed anything and it would have freaked you out. Once you’re pregnant, it’s too late to change your mind because of a little pain (Little?) Besides, you never would have believed me!!!” And you know what? We were on the phone (states apart) but I swear, I heard laughter in her voice. You know that, I just punked you laugh.

    birth, what does birth really feel like, pregnancy, labor, delivery, giving birth

    This club, it really does enjoy watching its provisional’s squirm. She was/is right; I would have thought she was crazy, a wimp, a liar, perhaps all of the above but I never would have believed and certainly could not have comprehended what child birth really felt like.

    What did birth feel like to you?

  • Being honest with yourself

    Every morning, I wake up and I see my daughters, usually one or both have ended up in our bed at some point throughout the night, and I am in awe of them. I truly am overwhelmed with a feeling of pride and blessedness that I have the honor of calling these perfect human beings mine. The sheer fact that I had anything to do with assisting them to enter into this world, it makes my life worth living. And every night before I go to bed, I pray to God to watch over my daughters and to let them live long, happy, and healthy lives. Above all else, this is all I ask. It is all that really matters to me. I think this is how all mothers feel. But some time in between the morning awe and the bedtime kisses and prayers, we get sidetracked by life. I’ve caught myself yelling at my girls to ” please be quiet,” or even the occassional full on “Please shut up,” at which I immediatley feel horrible and like I should be awarded the worst mom ever trophy. I know that I want and have every intention and capability of being a great Mommy to my girls but sometimes I feel that it is about as effective as having every intention and capability of working out. Where is that fine line that we cross where we go from thinking our kids’ behaviour is endearing to it is unacceptable? Its not them who is changing the rules, it is us and these sliding scale rules to fit our own moods, that is the real problem. That is the true culprit to our frustration. I am making a concerted effort to look at my children , even in the most trying times, no matter the behaviour and stay in control. Who makes the rules? We do. So my new rules are these 1) Love my children above all else, no matter what they do 2) Never let them see you sweat.Stay in control. 3)Let the small things go. They are only small( the children ,not the “things’lol) for a short time.4)Turn the frowns upside down. Life is too short to be unhappy.5) It’s more important to have a healthy and happy realtionship with your children than to have lots of money, a clean house, a quiet house, or a social life.By trying to have all of the above, you ( or at least I do) will find yourself frustrated and unfulfilled. So, my new mantra is “Enjoy my children and forget the rest”, it is the only way that I can accept the chaos that fills my everyday. It is not a bad chaos, it is merely a deviation from my plan and sometimes thats enough to throw the most organized of us all into a complete parental tailspin. But what a wonderful, exciting tailspin it is and I am blessed to be able to share this journey with my two free-spirited, adorable daughters.

  • .5 You Never stood a Chance

    .5 You Never stood a Chance

    . 5 ~ To be or not to be, that is the question. Tonight, though I obviously have 107,000 things that I ought to be doing, I have baby on the brain. I think it was the combo of visiting my friend and her new puppy ( get your panties out of the bunch), I am not comparing your little miracles to tiny hairy beasts and all this talk recently of whose pregnant and whose not. Anyways, apparently , I am in that stage of Motherhood where I have 2 perfect daughters and I am undecided about a third

    .5 child, .5 you never stood a chance

    OK, lets’ be honest, brutally honest. Let’s just rip it off like a band aid and put it out there.After all, you girls are my friends and you’re not telling anyone, right? I am in my mid thirties, two kids feel like 10, I am always tired. In fact, there has not been a day in the past 5 years, that I have been not tired.

    .5 , Should we or Shouldn’t we?

    I am finally doing something proactive about getting back into shape and shedding these pounds that I put on with marriage. Oh yeah, you know what I’m talking about. People blame it on the babies but really, babies like the weight are just a symptom of our happiness. Us women, at least me, I spent years trying to get in shape and look good for my man, whomever he was at the time. And I’m no half asser, I got a full on eating disorder and everything (another blog entirely) but my point is that women go to extremes to look good.

    Then we get married, we get happy, we loosen the get ready ritual, and next thing you know the pants are a little snugger. Then we get pregnant,and the poor baby gets the blame. No, its not the baby its all that cuddling and canoodling instead of dancing in clubs,its all the fancy rich restaurant dates, its being comfortable in your own skin because you are unconditionally loved.What a sad state it is that we have to be threatened with the possibility of being an unloved cat woman to get our asses to the gym. Anyways, I digress.

    My point is I have finally figured this out and am actually working out and getting back in shape. Do I really want to set the reset button? On my body..here comes the weight, there’s no escaping it with pregnancy. There is 4 more years I have to stay out of the real world, that’s more years of no sleep, walking around with spit up on me, someone at my knees calling incessantly.”Mommy, Mommy, Mommy,mommy……..”

    The Illusive .5

    It’s all that and more that makes me want to take my “aw, baby” Debi..who appears in moments of insanity and hit her over the head with a skillet. Sure, babies are cute, and they smell good, they have that delightful apple breath, they do somehow complete me:), and they are so helpless and beautiful and I won’t lie, I would adore being the Mommy of a baby boy. But lets be real, the Dr assures me that the chances of me having another girl are 75 % on the 3rd child, but promises me that I would have a boy on the fourth. Is he insane?

    Do I look like I could handle 4 kids? Do I look like my IQ is below 70?? Are there actually any clothes left in my wardrobe that have not yet been spat, puked, pooped, and/or peed on? Come on My mom had 6 children, and I love that woman. But I am convinced of two facts 1) that all 6 were not intentional (whoops) and 2) that she must have been just the tiniest bit crazy to start with. Furthermore, if she wasn’t before she had us, she surely has been made so over the years, courtesy of us.

    So, when my friends are having there 2ND babies and bring over these brand new shiny objects, I am attracted to the challenge.I hate the feeling of losing my babies as they evolve into toddlers, and then preschoolers. I miss that adorable way they run to your arms and you can see that you are there everything. I do. I feed off of that shit. But then I remember, 1 am, 3am, and 5 am feedings, I remember not being able to pee or shower by myself. I remember the crazy smelling ability that I had during my pregnancies and the poor smelly kid that I taught and how every day for 3 months he made me vomit..just a little. I remember feeling so enormous that I felt that I warranted my own solar system, and I especially remember going through my entire transition labor without an epidural!

    Then I think, Yeah..maybe, for me today, I’ll take my 2 perfect kids and not be greedy.2.5 is overrated anyway.LOL, I always wondered how they said 2.5 kids,I mean how can you measure kids in a half? Now, in my great wisdom, I realize that 2.5 means Mommy has 2 and wants 3, Daddy says his vote’s for the vasectomy, and the .5 is the middle.

    .5 You Never stood a chance.

  • Truthful Tuesdays, Feb.16,2010!

    Good morning, my sunshines! It is Tuesday morning again! You know what that means. Time to let it all out:) Of course, today is Fat Tuesday..so maybe we should really get it all off our chest in anticipation of Lent.I mean who doesn’t want to start Lent off with a clean conscience and a light heart! So, please join me in our weekly expelling of our “demons”.As always, I will start!
    I wish that when I asked my husband to call me from the road, when he is driving in bad weather and I am waiting to hear how an interview is going, he would actually do it! Instead of me having to track him down and him giving me vague answers!Argh!!
    I wish that my 2 year old would keep her hands out of her sister’s face. It’s so bad that her older sister calls her “the Tiger”. When I asked,”Why?”, she simply replied,”Because she claws and bites, Mom!”Enough said!
    I wish that same “Tiger” would stop bringing the glitter glue to me and forcing it into my face, narrowly escaping dropping it into my much needed coffee!
    I wish that I could write this blog in silence versus the screaming, crying, chaos that ensues each time I attempt to get in front of the computer!It’s like they do it on purpose!
    Finally, I wish that I , along with all the Mommies I know, could do everything, be everywhere, and get as much done as we want to without filling guilty for neglecting our children, our husbands or our responsibilities! In short, I wish that we could all live free of Mommy guilt!!!
    Ahhh, breathe in, breathe out! My husband just woke up…yeah, just now. Must be nice! I better go and inform him that I am bestowing the honor of driving in the blizzard to get the groceries. Ahhhh, sweet revenge!LOL
    Your turn! As I have said before, do it anonymously if you like but please…get it off your chest! No infraction too small or too large. We will love you still and think you are an awesome Mommy…just for being human and trying!Come on girls….Do the Fat Tuesday!!!

  • Mothers; No matter how old our children may get, they will always be our “babies’

    Today, I had an amazing realization. I used to hate when my Mom or my Mother in Law would call and ask all kinds of questions, or try to tell us what to do, how we should be behaving or spending ( rather saving) our money. It used to drive me crazy, back when I was in my 20’s, before I had my own little precious gems.And now I know, now I understand fully…Now, I also realize I will be 10 times worse! We may be grown up, having our own babies and we think we know everything, but we are still their babies. The same way I still feel like I am 20 (and should look that way too), the same way 10 years pass in the blink of an eye, is the same way my babies will always be my babies. No matter how tall, or old, or big they get…I will always see them through those same rose colored glasses, in those first moments that took my breath and left me gasping for air.It pains me now, at the ripe old ages of 2 and 4 to see them coming for independent. I am proud, of course, but I feel them drifting slowly away from me. I guess that is how it is suppose to be, that is why the teen years are so trying. If they weren’t we would be crying our eyes out and lying in the floor like rumpled towels when they left to college (which I am sure, I still will be…until the transfer, my husband assures me that he sees in our future:) But instead, they hit puberty, turn completely crazy, and this helps ease the pain and instead of holding on for dear life when they leave, we are yelling, “See ya at Thanksgiving, don’t let the door hit ya in the rear:)”But in the end, they are always our children and we are always their Mothers, no matter the age, distance, or time that has passed.

  • Throat Punch Thursday ~ Intellectual Property Plagiarism: Sheisty Bastards Edition

    Throat Punch Thursday ~ Intellectual Property Plagiarism: Sheisty Bastards Edition

    Throat Punch Thursday~ Intellectual Property Plagiarism

    Intellectual Property Plagiarism ~ This one is personal. You all know how I feel about being plagiarized. I think we can all agree that plagiarizing sucks. I’m not some Pulitzer prize winning writer, I talk about a lot of crazy off the wall shit and it’s not normally popular opinion or written in the usual rainbows and unicorns fashion, so when you plagiarize my intellectual property…it doesn’t take me too long to figure it out. Not to mention that I have taken some pretty extensive steps to catch plagiarist. Oh yeah, I’ve got my blog boobie trapped assholes. I’ve even written entire posts about how to catch a plagiarist and stop them from plagiarizing you.

    Intellectual Property Plagiarism Not a Victimless Crime

    I don’t think that some people understand that I have ownership over my blog posts because I author them and when they take them without my consent and without acknowledging me as the true author, they are stealing. I don’t adhere to the adage that Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. It’s not. The sincerest form of flattery to a writer is to pay her for her writing. When someone copies my thoughts, ideas, words and actions; when someone tries to be who I am by using my mission, my formula, my title and name…that is plagiarism and it pisses me off. It seems the more traffic I get, the more well known my blog becomes the more likely people are to try and hitch their wagon to my star. I’m not saying that there is anything special about what I do but it’s mine. It’s me! I feel like these plagiarists are turning all Single white female on me. It is literally happening almost on a daily basis at this point.I’ve written so many cease and desist letters that the formula is tattooed on my brain.

    Intellectual Property Plagiarism is Real & punishable by Law

    This latest case of intellectual property plagiarism is what has my panties in a bunch today. Earlier this week, as I was perusing Facebook I stumbled on a Community page using my blog name The TRUTH about Motherhood. Did you even know that this was possible? Can you say blatant intellectual property plagiarism? This piqued my curiosity. I may not be a Dooce or Jessica Gottlieb but I’ve been around long enough for a substantial amount of bloggers to know who the hell I am. It always gives me a little knot in my stomach when I ever see my title used or very close to it because then I have to check it out to see what else it has in common with me. Imagine my reaction when I was reading the description of the page and it read;

    Witty, honest look at Motherhood from the trenches. The agony and the ecstasy of being a Mother, from pregnancy, through labor and delivery, to bringing the first baby home and to infinity and beyond. Where other mothers pretend to be Bree Van de Kamp,Truthful Mommy lets it all out there for the world to see. If 30’s the new 20, then imperfect parenting is the new perfect.

    I was trying to place the words. I went back through my posts and I saw bits and pieces here and there but not the exact quote.But I knew it had been said. I knew it was something I had said. Then I remembered, it is the verbatim description of my blog on the Babble top Mom blogger nominations. My head was spinning. Then I realized that they had labeled the page Community. To me, that infers that they are the community page for The TRUTH about Motherhood website ( which they are not) especially since they had the balls to use my exact description of my blog and even refer to TruthfulMommy( ME). I contacted them and they refused to answer and removed my comment from their wall. I reported them to FB for intellectual property infringement and they were forced to remove the description. Some of my followers also told me that they reported the page for being a duplicate. I think that since they refer to themselves as the community of The TRUTH abut Motherhood it is still under the guise of being associated with my site and should be forced to change their name, as well. We will see what Facebook does about the situation. I have made my feelings clear. I hope they have to change it or remove it in it’s entirety. This is just one more instance in a long list of times that someone has stolen my brand.

    Intellectual Property Plagiarism Parasites

    Today, I am throat punching the hell out of PLAGIARIZING PARASITES. I make no bones about it, if you are copying someone else’s thoughts/actions/words give them the acknowledgment and link back, at the very least try to do so. I will not tolerate this anymore. If I find out that you are plagiarizing my intellectual property, I will go through the proper channels and I will take you down.

    Hope you will link up your Throat Punch Thursday posts with me. All you have to do is grab the Throat Punch Thursday button ( listed under the buttons tab at the top of the page), put it in your blog post and link up. If you’d like to stay in the Throat Punch know, I’d love it if you would email subscribe ( as GFC will stop working soon).

    *Just checked and the FB page for the “community” calling themselves The TRUTH about Motherhood has been taken down! FTW! Thank you FB for having some integrity.

    Have you ever been plagiarized? What did you do? Did you go after the plagiarist assholes who stole your property? Did you give them a throat punch? We need to keep an eye out for one another and let one another know if we come across one anothers material on sites not belonging to the original writer. We are bloggers hear us roar ( right before we throat punch your ass)! Fellow bloggers, let plagiarists know that intellectual property plagiarism will no longer be tolerated by any of us.

     

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