The TRUTH About Motherhood

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It doesn’t matter if You are an Ass or an Elephant, this Election is about Humans
This election is a game changer. I’ve been sucked in, once again. I never think of myself as overly political. Yes, I am technically a political scientist. That is what one of the degrees in my office says anyways. I own it. But I’ve tried to stay out of it this election season but when others begin to attack me for my beliefs solely for my stance on an issue and then try to place blame on my suspected political affiliation, I take offense especially when the case in point had nothing to do with political affiliation and everything to do with calling bullshit on something that I found to be disingenuous. I don’t appreciate being called names and having my beliefs questioned simply because someone suspects I’m a democrat. I take offense because I don’t practice politics with blind, unfounded hate. There is no you and I. There is only “WE”, we the people.
There was a point in time where I loved absolutely everything about politics and history and the United States and law, but that was a lifetime ago. There was also a time that I was a Republican and almost fainted when I got to shake the hand of of George H.W. Bush at my campus rally. he was no Bill Clinton but hey, we can’t all be that damn charming. Yes, that was many moons ago, as well. But that is not who I am anymore.
Today, I am a grown up. I have children, responsibilities, parents who are retired, a mortgage and a quality of life. I can’t play fast and loose with my future. Today, I know that life is not black or white but various shades of gray ( maybe 50 or so). When I vote in an election or choose a candidate to support, I don’t vote straight democrat or republican because I am not blind, deaf and dumb.
I do not live in a bubble. I vote on the issues. I vote for the candidate who is going to make the world, at the very least, this country, a better place for my daughters to grow up in. I vote for the person whose ideology most closely resembles my own and who has the capability to make the changes in the world that I want to see. I vote issues and if the person who agrees with my issues happens to be charismatic, that’s a bonus.
I want a doer not a talker. I want a person of integrity and action. I want someone who is accountable to their constituents. I want someone who understands what an honor and privilege it is that we are bestowing upon him/her.I want someone who respects and values women and our control over our own bodies. I want someone who doesn’t think of women as property or cattle. I want someone who treats everyone fairly regardless of class, sex, religion or color of skin. I want someone who only sees red, white and blue and not just green.
I want someone who understands the American people, after all government is supposed to be for the people and by the people. I think a lot of people have forgotten that. We have the right and privilege of electing these people. They are our representatives. Their job is to make our government reflect our wants and needs, not the other way around. People seem to have forgotten that. Government is not for big business. That may be who funds campaigns but that is not who votes them in. That, my friends, is you and I.
An election is the chance for you and I to Change the world
My point is that we are voting for people who we hope can fix the issues that are important to us. We are voting for humans not mastheads.I generally try not to be outrageously political on my site, but sometimes you have to take a stand for what’s right. Do what makes you happy. But I become a little bit dismayed when I see politics being played so blatantly only for votes, where there is no substance, no relevance and deceptions are being transpired. A presidential election should not be a beauty contest or a popularity contest, a presidential election should be considered with the weight and gravity that it holds. An election is a chance to change the world and the person we vote for is the person we trust to make that happen; to represent us, to fight for us, to protect our basic rights. The person we vote for in this election needs to be able to truly identify with ‘we the people’.
I don’t understand how some people can be so blindly partisan that the minute you mention one candidate or the other, walls go up, insults are hurled and grown adults become as undignified and rude as overtired, tantruming children in the toy aisle.
Please vote in this election, it could change all of our lives
I know who I am voting for this November. It’s the same man I helped put into office four years ago. The same man who changed history. The man who is making a difference for the better. President Obama was handed a mess when he took office and he’s been working his ass off to clean it up. He’s like a mother with several children under the age of 6, trying to keep everyone satisfied, fed and clean while trying to make ends meet and maintain a successful relationship with the people around him on little to no sleep. He’s doing his best and it’s making a difference. Slow and steady wins the race, my friends.Fast talking and promises with no merit mean nothing.
Please vote wisely. I don’t care who you vote for this election as long as you know the issues and choose the candidate that you feel can truly do the most good for our country, no matter if he happens to be an ass or an elephant.
God Bless you and God Bless America
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2012/09/06
Being a Feminist is a Movement NOT a Bad Word #IAMAFEMINIST
Feminist: A person ( a man or woman) who advocates or supports the social, political, legal and economic rights and equality of women to men.
According to Time Magazine, “Feminist” is one of the terms that may lead you to “seek out the nearest pair of chopsticks and thrust them through your own eardrums” and it should be banned from existence. The good people of Time are tired of hearing every female celebrity’s declaration of whether or not she is a feminist. (I’m tired of hearing all their backpedaling). Did I mention that the writer of the piece was a woman, Katy Steinmetz?
Poll conductor Katy Steinmetz flippantly referred to the use of feminist as this,
“You have nothing against feminism itself, but when did it become a thing that every celebrity had to state their position on whether this word applies to them, like some politician declaring a party? Let’s stick to the issues and quit throwing this label around like ticker tape at a Susan B. Anthony parade.”
The world is simply tired of hearing all these damn women complaining about being treated like second-class citizens; with making less than men for the same work, being objectified and being given the general direction of “be seen and not heard”. I’m sorry that women’s wanting to be treated as human beings is annoying you, Time Magazine. I’m sorry me wanting my daughters to know that what lies between their legs does not make them less than a man.
In case you are new here, I am a feminist.
I am a raging, in-your-face feminist that has the audacity to believe that men and women are equal in value as human beings and as such, should be treated with equal rights and respect in the world. I don’t believe that women are better than men. I don’t hate men. I don’t even want it all. I just want to live life on my terms with basic human rights.
Time could have called for a ban on the word “feminist” any time, but they did it during a year when the conversation about the meaning of the term is being seriously discussed. They did it at a time when the movement is growing when young girls are finally understanding what it means to be a feminist and craving it; realizing they deserve to be treated as human beings with dignity and respect just like their male counterparts.
We should all be feminists – Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie at TEDxEuston
“We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, ‘You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man,’” “Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important thing. Now, marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support, but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors, not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. Feminist: the person who believes in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.”
Basically, a feminist, contrary to popular belief, is not someone who hates men or hates being a woman and wants to be a man but we are simply women and men who believe in equal rights and treatment for all human beings. I don’t want special privileges, nor do I think my equality should diminish a man’s rights. I’m a raging feminist and I have been for decades.
I came out of the womb believing that I could do and be anything I wanted to and I am not alone in believing this. Sure, people along the way may have tried to derail that belief but you can’t keep a good woman down. If you tell me that I can’t do something, I just want to do it that much more.
My dreams are not limited by my sex. The last time I checked, having a vagina did not cause a drop in IQ, creativity or innovation. I promise, our brains are in no danger of falling out between our legs. I believe that if you are alive and kicking and willing to put in the hard work and dedication, you can achieve absolutely anything, regardless of what lies between your legs.
I believe that we should all wear lip gloss, fancy bras or no bra at all, stay home, work out of the home, get married, don’t get married, have 5 kids, or have none. We should reach for the stars and dare to be whatever we want to be. I believe that we should be afforded the respect to make that choice for ourselves. I am a feminist. I am raising feminists. And I am proud to say that I am married to a feminist man who should be the role model for all men.
#IAMAFEMINST
What are your thoughts on removing the world Feminist from existence?
2014/11/13
Throat Punch Thursday ~ Mitt Romney Versus Women’s Rights Edition
Mitt Romney, Could this be our next President?
Mitt Romney where exactly do you fall on the topic of abortion? We know where you stand on the Obamacare tax but other positions you take are not so clear. It doesn’t seem that we can get a straight answer from you. You are pro-life except for when you are not and you are pro-choice except for when it’s inconvenient. You are not going to change anything except for everything in respects to women and our bodies. You, sir, make me afraid to be a woman in your United States.
This is not personal, this is politics and common sense. You seem like a likable enough guy. I’m sure that you may be a wonderful father, husband, friend and business man. You may be all that and more but you are not one of us; your female constituents. You have been lucky enough to not ever have to be one of the have nots in any aspect. That’s not a crime, it’s a blessing but it makes you out of touch with the average American people; the people of who you are supposed to be of and for and that frightens me to live in your United States of America.
This latest article has me more concerned than ever about the state of our country if Mitt Romney is elected president.
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2012/10/11
Virginia Ultrasound Law~ The Government Mandated Rape of America’s Women
Virginia Ultrasound Law ~Women have rights too
Virginia Ultrasound Law~The last time I checked, forcibly penetrating a woman’s body with a foreign object without consent was considered rape.
The unlawful compelling of a person through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse.
Any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person.

I just read the article about Virginia’s proposed ultrasound law. We’ve all known that Virginia was anti-abortion. The Virginia Ultrasound law mandates that a woman seeking an abortion be given a transvaginal ultrasound for no medical reason before being allowed to have the abortion procedure itself. As a woman of childbearing age, I am flabbergasted. As a mother of daughters, I am outraged. Apparently, under new Virginia legislation, in an effort to reduce the number of abortions performed in Virginia ( and shame women), the state is trying to implement the law that will require any woman seeking an abortion be forced to first surrender her dignity. Forced, not asked, to submit to a transvaginal ultrasound. To lay quietly on a cold medical table and accept her punishment like the villainous whore that Virginia government believes her to be, as she is violated to the full extent of the law. I wonder, will they brand her too?
This clear violation of human rights is government sanctioned rape. I understand why these men in power are trying to implement this law. Obviously, these assholes think that women are such overly emotional and low intelligence creatures that we don’t fully comprehend the weight of abortion. That we make a rash decision and if we could only be forced to look at the face of our unborn child or hear it’s heartbeat, we would crumble, fall to the ground and see the error of our wicked ways.
Do men not understand what a hard emotional, physical and spiritual decision abortion is? It is not one that any woman enters into lightly. It’s not like changing your panties or deciding what to have for lunch. It requires deep thought and due diligence and I’ve never known a woman who has had an abortion on a whim.
First of all, I’ve had a transvaginal ultrasound with my first pregnancy at 8 weeks due to some unexplained bleeding. I remember lying there frightened, holding back the tears as my eyes stung from the pain and violation that I was enduring. It is humiliating to lay there as some technician or doctor, fondles around inside your vagina pushing and prodding. It is a very dehumanizing experience.
A transvaginal ultrasound looks like a giant dildo and to get an accurate reading, it gets moved around and shoved internally pretty far. It should only be done in cases where the baby or mother may be at risk. No one should ever be forced, by the law, to endure this humiliating and extremely uncomfortable violation in the name of a slap on your wrist.
Virginia Ultrasound Law; More than an Intervention
Women are not children. We do not need a man to teach us how to behave or to force us into submission. We have thoughts and feelings. The implementation of the Virginia Ultrasound law takes away a woman’s basic human right.
Why do men think it is their God given right to force women to bend to their will? Should we have our choices taken away and be punished for being sexually active? Because we have a vagina does that make us subhuman? Are we less important or vital than a man?
The government is supposed to be for the people and by the people? Do those “people” only include those who have penises between their legs? I’ve got news for you, the people with the vaginas, we vote too? We are the people. We are the people who create the people. Without, we ‘people’ there would be none of ‘you’ people!
I find this Virginia Ultrasound law to be unconstitutional, shameful and appalling. Government has no business between a woman’s legs. Either side you fall on the abortion debate, do you think government should be able to forcibly administer a transvaginal ultrasound? What next, administering unnecessary colonoscopies for women who want to have their tubes tied? Forcing women known to engage in fellatio to submit to an endoscopy? What’s too far? How do we stop the Virginia Ultrasound law from setting a precedent that government can mandate what we do with out bodies?
The Virginia Ultrasound law rapes the American People
2012/02/28
Texas 6-week Abortion Ban is Misogyny Disguised as Pro-Life

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
When some people think of Texas 6-week abortion ban, the first thing they think of is the “baby”. They are pro-life for the unborn fetus. They pat themselves on the back for advocating for an unborn child. But who cares about the mother who is carrying that child? Texas, a Republican state that has always tried to keep a stronghold on women’s uteruses, wants to make its own rules; they want to vilify women who choose not to carry their pregnancy to term and the doctors who provide those services safely. They want to criminalize a woman’s right to reproductive autonomy. Texas wants to punish women who dare to think, feel and live for themselves without a man’s permission. As someone born with a uterus, I’d like to say fuck you Texas, with no KY and right up your bum.
Texas’ 6-week abortion ban is misogyny disguised as pro-life. Full stop.
I got my first period when I was 12 years old, the summer before 8th grade. I knew next to nothing about what was happening to me. There I was, trapped in a bathroom stall at McDonald’s, like Carrie White, after a long day playing at the park without any frenemies to throw me, a much-needed, pad. That was the beginning of my journey into womanhood. It was a little traumatic to say the least and has been every day since. But this was just the teaser trailer of what it’s like to have a uterus.
In the beginning, my period was always erratic. I never knew when she was coming or going. Optimistically and quite frankly ridiculously , I kept right on wearing white pants, shorts and skirts. I was a daredevil. I had no older sister to guide me and my mom told me as little as possible about menstruation, reproductive health and sex. I’m not that kind of mom.
While in the meantime, my dad made it very clear that virginity was the only option, whether it rocked or not. Good Catholic girls don’t get pregnant and have babies out of wedlock (that’s what blow jobs, hand jobs and butt sex are for, haven’t you heard? Don’t clutch your pearls at me, you know it’s true. j/k not really, ask your kids if you don’t believe me)
Those that do not agree that virginity rocks, mysteriously fall down steps. As I didn’t particularly want to take my chances with the steps, there was nothing any guy could say to get me to have sex in my teens.
By the time I was in high school, fending off boys trying to dry hump me felt like a full-time job. But still, I maintained my blessed virgin status because, again, those fucking stairs. Of course, as all “good Catholic girls” know, sexuality is full of loopholes and there is no one better at finding those son of a bitches than a good girl trying to maintain a serious relationship while not compromising her morals and the stair abortion she is sure to find herself receiving should she fall off the virginity wagon.
Still, saying no and keeping your hymen intact is hard work and not always well received by the opposite sex. You know since men think they are entitled to sexual gratification by all women at all times. It’s no wonder when you consider how the government has one hand in our uterus and the other in our pockets at all times.
It wasn’t until college that I actually had consensual sex with someone I loved for the first time. Well, unless you count being on the receiving end of oral as sex. I’m still not sure where I stand on that. I told my girls if anything is penetrating the other body whether it be tongue, toy, penis or fingers…I think you probably had sex but that definition could be different for everybody. Your body, your choice. It can’t really be all about the hymen. I broke that when I was only 8 years old in the bathtub sliding accident of ‘81. Maybe sex should only count when we say it does. Give us back our power.
Why should some asshole who raped, molested, browbeat or begged us into sex get to choose? But that’s the way it’s always been, right? Some men feel entitled and empowered enough to relentlessly approach women for sex via grabbing, pushing, pulling, begging, drugging and forcing without consent. When we say no, we are called teases and sluts. When we say yes too often or too early, we are called easy or whores.
Why is it that in this world, men are free to take as much as they want but we are not allowed to give as freely or as often as we might like. Most importantly, we are not allowed to say no because we should feel flattered by their catcalls and groping but we can’t say yes too fast either, because who wants it if it isn’t a challenge? Where is our choice? Once again, the Texas government is trying to say we should not only lose control over our own reproductive rights but we should be punished for thinking we have equal sexual rights to men. This is America.
If you think that it’s ok to tell women what they can and can’t do with their bodies, maybe you should go get surgery and get your own vagina and then handle it as you’d like. As for me, my body is only my business. What I do or don’t do with it, who I do or don’t do it with, how fast, or slow or many times I do with it…not your fucking business. We girls and women are not put on this planet to just make babies and service men. We are actually, whole human beings who don’t need anyone else’s approval to exist, nor do we need guidance and certainly not rules, regulations and restrictions for how to handle our own bodies. We wrote the owner’s manual. The audacity that you must have to mansplain women things to women is flabbergasting.
6-week abortion ban makes pro choice impossible
Of all the targets of Texas’ hatred, and they sure do hate and discriminate against a wide array of people ( Blacks, Latinos, Indigenous people, Haitians, members of the LGBTQ, people who believe in science, the Holocaust, a man on the moon, Big Bang theory, evolution, dinosaurs, climate change, CoVid and those who get vaccinated and wear masks) people with uteruses have always been at the top of their hit list.
So if you believe that human beings are capable of free thought and intelligence, how could you support a government that seeks to ban and control women’s basic human right to live freely and of her own choice? Even if you don’t approve of abortion for your own personal choice, what right do any of us have to decide what is best for another human being? What makes our morality superior to anyone else’s? Why can’t we live and let other’s live; in the end, their body, their choice.
Update: A federal court has temporarily blocked Texas’ 6-week abortion ban from continuing to wreak havoc on the lives of people who need abortion care.
2021/10/06
Joe Walsh Claims Abortion Without Exception is Wrong Every Time and Never Necessary
Joe Walsh there are Exceptions to Every Rule
Late last week, Republican Representative Joe Walsh sparked a firestorm in suggesting there’s no medical reason to perform an abortion to save a woman’s life. ( Yes, I am asking myself the same question. When did I become the advocate for women’s rights blogger? I have not but it’s election time and I can’t in good conscience stand idly by while the politicians of the world muck up the topics by flip flopping and the only ones who are going to get hurt are you and I and our daughters, sisters and mothers.) During a debate with Democratic challenger Tammy Duckworth on Thursday, Joe Walsh declared that he was “pro-life without exception,” and said that due to medical advancements, there were no instances in which abortion was necessary to save the life of the mother. Just stop and let that sink in for a moment. These were his exact words.
“With modern technology and science, you can’t find one instance,” contended Walsh, whose claim quickly was refuted by medical professionals.
I’ve been saying for awhile that the Republican party is trying to set women’s reproductive rights back to the stone age and this is just one more example in a laundry list of things that the Republican party and the Mitt Romney, Joe Walsh, Paul Ryan, Todd Akin, and Terry England’s of the world are advocates for. I understand babies are cute and cuddly and only an animal trying to commit political suicide would ever have the balls to say that he gives a shit about women over a baby. But let’s be real folks, with no women there are no babies. With no rights, women may as well be animals or inanimate objects.
There are most certainly situations where abortions are medically necessary to save the woman’s life and I can tell you, no woman who was celebrating a pregnancy and planning for a child has ever taken the role of terminating her child’s life for her own lightly.It’s medically necessary. It’s a “You’re not going to get out of here alive. The baby won’t make it.Do you want to die with the baby or do you want to live to try again or take care of those children you already have?” I’ve never had to make that choice. I never had the opportunity to choose. My baby died and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. But I suspect that I, like all women, would trade my own life for my unborn child’s in a heartbeat, if it were an option but it’s usually not.
Joe Walsh you are just one in a long line of politicians throwing women’s rights under the bus to further your own career.
I’m so fucking sick and tired of hearing old, white men tell me what to do with my body. Dictating how I choose to live in the world. Tell me what rape is and what it’s not, deciding what is a legitimate violation of my body and what is not. Why should a man be able to punish me for making choices about my own body and how and when I choose to procreate?
Joe Walsh, read a book, take an anatomy class, and know this, women are people too. I had a reader ask me why I needed the choice to kill a baby to be a human. I don’t. I need the choice to make decisions concerning my own body and my life to be human. If you take away my right of choice, my right to decide how to live in the world, the freedom to pursue my dreams, then I may as well be a piece of furniture or a blow up doll. I was not put on earth to be just a servant to the male population and their every whim.
Men like Joe Walsh, Mitt Romney, Todd Akin, Paul Ryan and Terry England don’t care about women’s rights. They scare me. They make these crazy ignorant statements because they truly believe them and then as soon as they realize that people might not vote for them because of what they say, they backtrack and retract what they said or try to “clarify” and minimize it. They suddenly become gray. when they were adamantly black or what the day before.
Walsh clarified those comments in a long written statement to the news media this afternoon.
“Let me very clear [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][sic] that when I say I am pro-life, I mean that I am pro-life for the mother and I am pro-life for the unborn child. For me, there is no distinction between the two,” Walsh said.
Make a choice. Stick to it. Know the facts or keep your mouth shut. Joe Walsh I hope no one you love ever needs an emergency abortion to spare her life because then you will know the gravity and weight with which these decisions are truly made.
Joe Walsh
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2012/10/21
Why the Peace on Earth Holiday Photo Doesn’t Infuriate Me
When you think of peace on earth does your mind immediately go to women should be seen and not heard? Do you think the above photo can be construed as funny? I don’t. I find it offensive that a family would request this sort of photo that makes light of such a serious topic as sexism and condones domestic violence. How can a photo of your wife and daughters bound and gagged ( even with Christmas lights) with your toddler son giving a thumbs up be found anything but disgusting? But I’m not mad so much as I am saddened that anyone would think this is okay.
I can take a joke just as much as the next person. Hell, I’ve written some pretty off the cuff pieces, dare I say maybe even bordering on offensive, humor pieces about lady bits and I’m no stranger to controversy but as someone who has experienced abuse and spent my childhood being told that I should be seen and not heard, sometimes even threatened by physical injury and other times being on the receiving end of a good slap for speaking up, I don’t find this funny.at.all. In fact, I find that it makes a mockery of domestic violence and women’s rights in general.
I’m not sure why this picture was taken or whose idea it was. The mom’s? The dad’s? Either way, why did the other one go along with it? What kind of message is it sending to their daughters? What kind of message is it sending to their son? What kind of message is it sending to the people they know that they might send these cards to?
There is nothing funny about this photo. I know people push the envelope to get these awkward, funny to some, creepy to others holiday photos. I get that but this photo offends me on every level. This photo clearly sends the message that women should be forced into submission and seen but never heard. It objectifies women and dehumanizes us.
I’ve spent my life speaking up when I was told to shut up. It wasn’t easy and it was even dangerous. It took bravery to break that cycle. Do you know what it feels like to be afraid of your own voice? Do you know what it feels like to be punished for voicing your thoughts? It is a misogynistic way of breaking one’s spirit by humiliating them at their very core. The message is clear, to be seen and not heard means that you are invisible and your thoughts, your existence, do not matter. You do not matter and your very existence is only allowed by someone else’s permission.
Peace on Earth is not achieved by silencing women.
I can’t even be irate by this photo because I am too busy being so saddened that this is the message these parents want to instill in their children. This one photo, that speaks volumes, is telling their children that women should be silent or suffer the consequences and that men only get peace through violence against women. This photo is telling their children that women don’t matter.
I’m sure these parents thought this would be a funny gag but maybe, as parents, they should consider the ramifications and lasting impressions they are making on their children. This one small moment has ripples and if they took this picture, as anyone who has ever told a joke knows, there is always some truth to the joke so if they thought it was funny, somewhere inside they believe that this is how peace on earth is achieved.
Women bound with Christmas lights with duct tape over their mouths, with a young boy giving a thumbs up and a grown man holding a sign that says “Peace on Earth” is not my idea of funny. It’s sexist and wrong. Simply put this photo condones the subjugation of women, in fact, it celebrates it. I want a better world for my daughters and I hope the family in this photo, want more for theirs.
Dear Peace on Earth Family,
I hope this was a failed attempt at being funny and there is nothing more nefarious or, indeed, true about the logic behind this photo. As a mother, a woman and someone who has been told that she was to be seen and not heard at threat of violence for her entire childhood, I implore you to please consider the message you are sending your children, all of them.
Readers, what do you think of this photo of “peace on earth”?
2015/12/16
How to Raise Brave Women and Compassionate Humans
As many of you know, I don’t often have posts written by guest writers but when I do, they are usually amazing writers with something important to say. Today, I have the privilege of sharing with you one of my dearest friends, Amanda Magee, who just happens to be one of the strongest, bravest, samrtest and kindest women I know. She also happens to be a damn great writer. She is a writer’s writer. Did I mention she is raising three amazing girls who I am sure will be the change they want to see in the world because that is exactly what their mom is exemplifying for them? Thank you, Amanda, for sharing your words and truth here. If you’d like to read more of Amanda, be sure to check her out on her blog.
A quick introduction, my name is Amanda Magee. I live in upstate New York where I own an advertising and communications agency and am raising three daughters. Deborah and I met by chance at a blogging conference a few years back. Over the years we have bonded over parenting daughters and being strong willed women in the world. She has invited me to write here a couple of times and despite my not having come through, she kept asking; the last time after I posted about our experience marching at an Anti-Trump rally with our daughters. I am so grateful for hearts, minds, and voices like Deborah’s.
A couple of years ago I found myself thinking that I knew how to forecast the years ahead. I bought into the idea that hormones were going to be the thing I had to focus on, but it wasn’t true. Yes, there are emotional highs and lows; yes, my three daughters are not yet in the thick of puberty at 8, 10, and 12, but what has become central to our reality is how we will navigate the world—not during our menstrual cycles, more in light of the fact that we (will) have menstrual cycles.
How do I raise brave women? How do I equip them with both confidence and suspicion? Is it possible to raise them to be good citizens and compassionate human beings in the same breath as I say that there are people who will break rules and take without asking? How do I tell them that they can make all the best decisions and still be hurt?
Zits and thigh gap? We’ll be fine, slurs muttered at the mention of homosexual family members and systemic defense and promotion of “boys will be boys” and “you shouldn’t be upset, he just wanted to talk to you,” those are the things that demand my attention.
Over the last year, I’ve begun to speak more plainly with my daughters and I’ll be honest, it’s been bittersweet. I wanted to give them the cocoon of childhood as long as I could, but when conversation on the bus turns to building a wall, grabbing pussies, and sending people away I have a choice, do I defer the world view shaping to other kids and influences or do I talk to them about the spectrum of views? I chose the latter.
I’ve never once painted one side of politics as evil and the other as benevolent, because despite being a lifelong, pro-choice, feminist liberal, I don’t hate Republicans or Conservatives. The only thing I really hate is hate, which is why we were an anti-Trump house and why we are committed to continuing to speak up against the motions that take us as a country to greater stances of division. It’s new territory for me, because I have always looked at the person holding the office of president as our leader. I cannot do that this time.
I am looking to people like Deborah, I am listening to black women, people from the trans community, I am questioning the decisions of lawmakers, and I am donating to organizations like Planned Parenthood and the Southern Poverty Law Center. We as a family are committing to being engaged at the local and regional level, not just every four years. We are reading books like Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls. I am heartbroken that so many people didn’t vote; I am distressed that many people, myself included, have had moments of silence that made them complicit in hate or systemic racism. We are choosing to adhere to a policy of living our beliefs out loud and in public, because the alternative is the kind of inaction that lets hate fester and threaten to overtake us all.
Photos Courtesy Amanda Magee
2016/11/23
The Reality of Being Born a Woman
As I raise my hand to claim “me too”, I’m faced with a society asking who is to blame for the Weinstein situation? Obviously, Harvey Weinstein is a piece of shit and is to blame for his own actions but what about the society we live in that feels it’s okay to objectify little girls and rape women with no ramifications? How do we expect our girls to be safe when we let our boys get away with sexual harassment simply because someone in history said “boys will be boys” and that means girls need to live on the defensive while boys just get to live. When do women get to be people too? Are you angry and done with this attitude?
Me too!
Last night, there was a call for women to set their statuses to #MeToo if they have ever been sexually assaulted or harassed. I don’t know a single woman who didn’t set her status to Me Too! It made me sad. It made me mad and it made me feel not alone but utterly shattered that I am not the minority because what does that mean for my girls? Who is protecting our girls?
Sexual harassment is a disease and we apparently all have it. It’s like the moment you were born with a vagina, you were assured that you were going to be assaulted. Thankfully, they don’t tell you that or many of us would have looked for a way out a long time ago or our mothers would have mercifully drowned us at birth.
We live in a society that grooms women to be victims. We don’t intentionally let these horrific things happen to us. Women live a society that has completely failed us. We are taught that creepy guys are just misunderstood but harmless. We give them the benefit of the doubt because it was only a dick pic, it wasn’t his actual dick in my face. But wasn’t it? Weren’t you just as violated? The only thing missing was the imminent fear that his dick would be in y our body.
We live in a world where we are taught from a very young age to live on the defensive. It’s our job not to get raped or be abused by a sexual predator. It’s our responsibility to make sure that we keep ourselves hidden away and safe from men and their “natural” urges. We are taught to walk a little faster, cover up, not enjoy sex and steer clear of any situation that might put us in danger which boils down to our sheer existence.
It’s not all men though. My husband was appalled when I talked to him about this situation. But he also has no understanding of what it is like to be a woman. How lucky he is. How nice it is to be able to live a life where you can walk down the streets and never worry about someone attacking you from behind, pulling you behind the bushes and raping you.
What a utopia it must be to live in a world where no one will ever corner you in a room and threaten to have his way with you. No one will ever break into your apartment while you sleep and take what is not his.
The first time I can remember being assaulted, I was 4-years-old, a little boy in my kindergarten class wanted to steal a kiss under the parachute during gym class. It may sound innocent and sweet but I didn’t want it. He took what was mine without asking. I cried. I was mad. I told on him. The gym teacher laughed, “Awww, Debbie he likes you. Boys will be boys.” Nothing was said to him. The onus fell on me. That was it. It was my problem. Get over it. That began a lifetime of knowing that the responsibility fell on me to protect myself and if something bad happened to me, then I must not have done a good enough job.
A few of my Me Too Moments
When I was 7-years-old, a teenaged boy (a family friend) repeatedly groped me at a family party and told me if I ever told anyone they would blame me for being such a “slut”.
In 4^th grade, Andre pushed himself against me and kissed me hard, just as everyone was walking into the classroom after recess. Everyone saw, so not only did he take what he wasn’t given permission to take, he embarrassed me in front of the entire class. The teacher and all the students laughed. What could I do?
In 6th school, my art teacher used to come over when I was working on a project and take his hand and massage my neck while telling me how “spectacular” my artwork was. He was a grown man and his hands always found their way to my breast buds. I pulled forward to escape his grip, he grabbed me harder. This was done almost every art class for 3 years.
In 7^th grade, walking home through a field, a high school boy exposed himself to my friend and I. We were in shock. We were terrified. He thought it was hilarious. I never wanted to walk home again.
When I was 18, working at a retail chain and the security guys called me back into the security room. I thought they needed a female employee as a witness as they questioned a suspected female shoplifter because that was protocol. Instead, when I got back there at 9 at night, when we were working on a skeleton crew, the two grown men, locked the door and started making comments on how I looked in my uniform. They told me that they liked watching me on the cameras and told me to my face, as they laughed, “You know we could do anything we wanted to you in here and no one would even hear us.” I was trembling I was so terrified.
Once, I was visiting a friend and I’d met a guy who was visiting her boyfriend, after a night of drinking and hanging out, I woke up to feel him pressed up against me and kissing me. I pushed him off but by the time I had woken up, he’d already been touching my body. I don’t know for how long, I was passed out. But I didn’t do anything about it because I felt partially responsible because earlier that night I had smiled when he sang a song to me. Even though there was no consent and no making out before I passed out, I felt responsible for letting myself get into this vulnerable position because that is how this society has conditioned women to believe. If we are assaulted, we must have done something to encourage it.
Or the time I was at a frat party and a group of brothers from another university came to the party. I was a little sister at the fraternity, so I was comfortable and even felt safe at the house. A cute walkout started talking to me and one thing led to another, the flirting was in high gear and then in the middle of a room full of people, he pushed my head into his lap. I was drinking but that sobered me up immediately. I felt vulnerable, threatened (in a room full of guys) and angry. Luckily, the president of the frat (a friend of mine) saw the whole thing happen and literally, kicked the guy out of the house. Of course, then he spent the night “comforting” me. I let him because I felt like I owed him. I didn’t want his advances but it felt safer than some stranger shoving my face in his crotch and becoming an unwilling participant in a gang rape.
Then there was the time I was at a college bar with my friends and the star basketball player came up behind me and started grinding on me. I gently moved away. He followed in pursuit. Then he came in front of me, grabbed me by my ass and lifted me up around his waist and started trying to kiss me. No one did anything. I was terrified. I didn’t want his advances. I did not invite him to do any of this. I was minding my own business. No one helped me. I wiggled myself out of his grip and ran out of the bar. When a friend found me outside, she did not care if I was alright or if I was shaken. Her question was, “Don’t you know who that was?”
How about the time I was at a cop party with my friend and a married cop tried to make advances towards me and when I said no because he was married (and I wasn’t interested) he told me that I should think twice before driving alone in his city ever again because he could pull me over late at night on a dark road and it wouldn’t matter if I was interested or not.
Or the time I broke up with a boyfriend, I hadn’t had sex with because I was still a virgin. He had spent the entire time we were dating dry humping me, slowly trying to expose himself. I felt like he was a child that I had to keep telling no. He was much bigger than me. I always felt threatened. He saw me out after we broke up and said he wanted to talk to me in private and apologize for being a jerk when we broke up. I was naïve, I went to his car with him. He exposed himself to me and said, “Try it. You’ll like it.” If I wouldn’t have pulled my knee up and hit him in the groin, he would have raped me and he thought he was doing me a favor. As I got out of the car and ran, he screamed after me, “Slut! Cock tease!”
I am sad angry and even in recounting these events (and there are so many more and so many worse that I can’t bring myself to share with you yet) I feel helpless, ashamed and on the verge of having a full out sob fest, right here in fucking Starbucks and that makes me unbelievably mad.
I’m trying to use my words but the problem is that I’m angry and I’m sick of the world giving men hall passes for rape, attempted rape, pressing up against women on the train, grabbing their breasts in a club, forcing themselves in so many ways big and small and society acting like it’s a victimless crime. I could go on for pages listing all the different times I’ve been accosted to one degree or another but I can’t because I’d probably go on forever.
Sometimes were worse than others. Sometimes things went further than I wanted them to go but I never felt like I could do anything about it because the truth is that no matter how good, bad, drunk, sober, promiscuous or frigid you are, if you are a woman, you have been made to feel vulnerable and unsafe in your lifetime. It’s the reality of being born with a vagina.
We don’t have to do anything to precipitate an attack, they just happen and we just have to learn to live with it. But this is bullshit. I don’t want my daughters to feel this shame and vulnerability or fear of living in a world where women are treated like inanimate holes put on this earth solely for men’s pleasure. Why do we have to be cautious and careful before doing everything? Even a girl in a beige cardigan who did nothing to encourage her attacker’s advances still got raped, left like garbage on the side of a dumpster.
That’s what society does, it makes men feel like they are entitled to everything and makes women feel like they are of no more value than garbage. I stand with all other women, in saying ME TOO! Over and over again. I knew it was wrong. I said no. I told people but still, the assailant prevailed because he had a penis and I was only armed with a vagina. In society, that makes me the one at fault.
Well, now I’m saying NO MORE! Every woman should say no more. No more fucking excuses. No more touching without asking. No more boys will be boys. No more taking what’s not yours. And no more looking the other way. If you see something, say something. We have to protect one another because if we don’t we all fall victim. It’s happened to all of us. Do we want it to happen to our daughters?
Whatever we wear, wherever we go, yes means yes and no means no. Let’s teach that instead of Boys will be boys.
What was your Me Too moment?
2017/10/16
The Effects of Blogging on Women’s Health
I am a member of the Collective Bias ® Social Fabric® Community. This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper amplification for #CollectiveBias and its advertiser.
Women’s Health has suddenly become top priority in my life. Recently, I’ve been focusing more on creating my own healthy habits. Maybe it’s my age or just the fact that the older my daughters get, the more time I have to actually focus on my own health and mortality; you know, now that I have a free moment to pee alone now and again.
Did you ever consider that what you do for a profession could affect your health? I mean, we know that if you are a stunt man or a cop, your life is generally at higher risk than the general population. Of course, I never considered that being a blogger/writer/ sitting at my desk all day could be detrimental to my health. We all laugh at “blogger butt” and joke about sitting around in our pajamas all day but did you ever really consider that blogging could be bad for your health? Me, neither. But when it comes down to it, bloggers can suffer from issues with our vision from staring at a screen all day. One option is to look into great glasses from https://www.eyeglasses.com/. It can also result in issues such as repetitive strain injury.
Blogging has made me happy. I love what I do. I love freelancing. I love social media. I love letting my girls see me pursue my dreams and get to do something that I am passionate about. It’s important to me to be a good example for my girls. In fact, as a mom of girls, being a good example is probably the most important thing to me that and just being around to see them grow from my babies into women.
So imagine my frustration when I went to the doctor and aside from gaining weight, which I can obviously see, my sugar and cholesterol levels were both elevated but normal. All that I heard was blahblahblah HIGH blahblahblah AT RISK blahblahblah.
My brain went directly to all the things I would miss if I were to suddenly die (yes, I am one of those people); first dates, driving, graduation, college, falling in love, growing up, getting married, getting pregnant, becoming a mom, repeat. Then I thought of all the smaller things like taking care of them when they are sick, holding them when they experience the first crushing blows of falling in and then out of love, the fear and excitement in the big moments, giving the gentle nudges forward when they need to be pushed in the right direction or even just being there to listen when they needed undivided attention and a mother’s unconditional love. I need to be an advocate for not only my health but for #herhealth, as well; both of them. In that moment, I knew exactly what I needed to do. My path had never been so clear. I made all of the doctors’ appointments and I made a plan. I need a plan. I can accomplish almost anything with a plan in hand.
My first stop was the corner Walgreens to buy myself a bottle of Vitafusion Women’s Daily Multivitamin, Gummies. These have been my favorite vitamins as an adult. They are small and easy to swallow because you chew them and they don’t have that bitter mineral after taste that many adult multivitamins have. I like them so much that I started buying Vitafusion multivitamins for the entire family.
Next, I started paying attention to what my FitBit was telling me. The first thing that I noticed is that without consciously making an effort to move, a blogger can exist on only taking 337 steps in a day; my goal is 10,000. No wonder why “blogger butt” is a thing. Now, I am getting between 6500 and 12,000 steps a day just by spending an hour every morning taking a walk or bike ride with my daughters. I can feel the difference. I can do better but at least I am off in the right direction.
I’ve eliminated pop from the menu and replaced it with iced water and switched out my daily coffee for unsweetened green tea. I love coffee but I was using so much creamer that it made each coffee have about 250 calories and the caffeine itself was contributing to my terrible insomnia. Now, coffee is a treat that I look forward to once a week (early on Saturday morning) and sleeping without the help of some kind of pill is a wonderful new bonus in my life.
I linked my FitBit to My Fitness Pal app and started logging everything I eat. You have no idea what you consume until you log it. You might think, “I don’t eat that much or that badly!” Believe me, you probably do. Some days, I found that I didn’t get enough calories and other days, I was going over by about 1000. My Fitness Pal also lets me stay aware of the sugar and cholesterol in everything I eat. In the past month, I have lost 12 pounds. I’ve also committed myself to seeing my doctor once a month to check in on my progress and keep me accountable. These are all baby steps to make sure that I am around for the big and little moments of my life to come.
What do you do to maintain or improve your Women’s health so that you are around for the big and little moments?

2014/06/09