The TRUTH About Motherhood

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The Collateral Damage of Hate and Lax Gun Control

My heart has been breaking since learning about the mass shooting that took place at “Orlando’s Premier Gay club”, Pulse, early Sunday morning leaving 49 victims dead and 53 wounded. I’m saddened and sickened for so many reasons. I could write about ISIS, terrorism, bigotry, racism and hate but what saddens me the most is that 49 mothers and fathers lost their child last night because a lunatic with a gun decided he wanted it to be so.
49 unsuspecting people thought it was just another Saturday night. Actually, it was a pretty special night, it was the eve of Pride Day. If ever there was a night to celebrate as a LGBTQ person (or a human being for that matter) it is the night when we all feel like there is a little less hate and lot more love and acceptance in the world. A day when we feel closer to a world of human equality and further from separation.Today the entire world feels vulnerable and helpless; victimized and terrified. We are angry that this was allowed to happen again but don’t let the anger turn to hate. Hate is what got us here to this moment of childless mothers and fathers, in the first place.
That’s what I was feeling yesterday, as I rode the 15-hour drive home from Boston and saw all the smiling, celebratory faces of my friends, celebrating at Pride Parades and block parties. I felt the pride all last week while I was in Boston and glorious rainbows adorned all of the buildings and landmarks around the city. I could feel the acceptance in the air, it was palpable.
But last night, the ugliness of hatred and stupidity reared up its head and stole the lives of 49 children from their parents. No, they were not small children like the victims of Sandy Hook but anyone who has a child knows that our children are always “our children” no matter how old or how big they get. It is our most primal instinct to protect them and love them as fiercely as our hearts will allow; to give our lives in place of theirs without hesitation or thought.
When I read the story of Mina Justice and the texts that she received from her terrified son, Eddie Justice, while he hid in the bathroom from a gun wielding bigot, afraid for his life, my heart shattered into a million pieces. It’s horrid that any one person had to die so senselessly in such a brutal way for no reason at all other than for being who they were meant to be and loving who they were born to love. But to see his own words in the texts to his mother; to know his fear was almost too much to bare. I can only imagine what his mother must have been feeling.
As a mother, I wanted to crawl into the fetal position and die. I wanted to run to this mother and hold her and tell her that it was all going to be alright. That her son was fine. Like this was some primetime drama and at the end, everybody would walk away just fine and the bad man would be apprehended but that’s not how it happens in real life.
In real life, bad things happen to good people. Terrible unthinkable things happen to unsuspecting people who’ve done nothing more than live their lives, openly and freely. Mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, lose their loved ones because bad people with no scruples are allowed to obtain guns because, apparently, the right to bear arms trumps the right to live in our United States.
We are becoming desensitized to the point where when we see shootings on the news, it’s no longer shocking unless it’s a mass shooting.
People are outraged, screaming that terrorists are targeting and murdering the LGBTQ community and I agree with their outrage but for me, it’s much simpler. Someone murdered 49 children, his name was Omar Mateen. He was an American-born man, a domestic terrorist, who called 911 before carrying out this ghastly task and pledged his allegiance to ISIS, while referencing the Boston Marathon bombers. He then chose to gun down 50 innocent people. This is the deadliest mass shooting in the United States and the nation’s worst terror attack since 9/11.
Mateen somehow managed to carry an assault rifle and a pistol into a packed club around 2 a.m. Sunday morning and started shooting, he murdered 49 people and wounded at least 53. After a three-hour standoff, while 350 people were trapped inside the club desperately calling and messaging friends and relatives, police crashed into the building with an armored vehicle and stun grenades and killed Mateen.
Omar Mateen was 29-years-old, lived in Fort Pierce, Florida and had been interviewed not once but twice, in 2013 and again in 2014, by the FBI but was found both times to not be a threat. They were wrong. In the past two weeks Mateen legally purchased a Glock pistol and a long gun, ATF Assistant Special Agent in Charge Trevor Velinor told reporters.
Authorities spoke with Mateen’s father and ex-wife and both said that Omar Mateen was not particularly religious but his father said that recently, Omar saw two men kissing in Miami and it offended him. His ex-wife says that she thinks he was bipolar but was never formally diagnosed. Sounds to me like he was a bigot with a gun; a bully.
49 moms and dads are beside themselves trying to figure out how to live without their children alive to love. 49 childless mothers are sobbing primally because their world has been destroyed. 49 childless fathers are looking at the door expecting their child to return, knowing they never will; feeling a void that is so massive that it feels as if their heart will crush beneath the weight of it.
Today the entire world feels vulnerable and helpless; victimized and terrified. We are angry that this was allowed to happen again but don’t let the anger turn to hate. Hate is what got us here to this moment of childless mothers and fathers, in the first place.
Channel your hatred, anger, helplessness and vulnerability into change. Donate blood. Be kind to strangers. Treat people as humans. Don’t judge people for who they love, the color of their skin or the God they worship. Be a voice for the mothers and fathers who cannot speak or barely breathe, those who lost everything because one evil man was able to possess a gun and with that gun he chose to murder people just because he could.
We have to say no more, stand up for those who need protection and be the change we want to see in the world. The time for expecting others to make things happen has passed. We have to vote, risk and force the change. Next time, it could be one of our children.
What would you be willing to risk in order to prevent another mass shooting?
2016/06/13
Dead Gorilla Proves Racists Love to Hate
The crazy people of the internet went from a polarizing hatred toward me over the Cincinnati zoo gorilla and my opinion of Michelle Gregg to straight up racists this week. People were commenting on everything from the fact that Michelle Gregg was African American to tossing around racists stereotypes like it was their job. I was appalled.
The thing is I wrote a knee-jerk post in a moment of anger. I’m an emotional writer who lacks a filter. I got more facts and apologized for being so judgmental. Then something unexpected and crazy happened, all the “Trump people” found their way to my blog and turned a horrible mistake into a venue for racist rants. This shocked me because, I have no idea what the race of a mother, or the criminal history of the child’s father has to do with their ability to parent or whether or not they love their children. What shocked me the most is that suddenly a parenting issue became about race.
Whether you buy your food with cash or on an EBT card, aren’t you still feeding your children? Since when is it a crime to be a little less financially fortunate? And just because a person made some mistakes that landed them in hot water with the penal system, does that mean they are incapable of loving their children? I don’t think so.
I’ve learned this week that the world is full of hateful, narrow-minded people that will use any excuse to spread their hateful agenda. Small people like to hurt people at their lowest moments and kick them hard when they are already feeling down.
I thought the worst had happened when I received close to 400 comments on my post telling me what a sanctimommy I was after I wrote the post about the mom who I held responsible for it all. The internet was not happy with me.
I was being judged presumptuously by the blog title alone (obviously, no one read it or most would have realized that I shared many of their opinions on the situation.) I was called every terrible name imaginable, told to come down off of my high horse, facetiously called “Super Mom”, “perfect Mother” and a proper “C*NT” (not so facetiously but quite literally) more times than I can even count.
Yes, she may have been responsible for not paying enough attention to her little guy for a few moments/minutes but then again maybe the enclosure should have been better child proofed/ less dangerous and maybe, just maybe, it was all just a horrible accident that could have happened to any one of us and has, to some degree. I think that’s where all the anger originated from.
People, parents especially, were identifying with this mom, empathizing and remembering a time when their child slipped away out of their gaze, even for a moment. It terrified them because any one of us could have ended up in this exact situation or something similar. It just so happened that I was the cold-hearted bitch making them all feel like mom failures. Which was never my intention. Then I wrote an apology for being hasty. That’s when the internet lost its f*cking mind for real.
The Racists came Out in Full attack mode.
Look I can take it if you want to attack me for my unpopular opinion. It was judgy and had a very polarizing opinion. What I don’t get was why when I published the second post, the one apologizing, I got just as much hate mail. All the people who apparently supported my original post but dared not voice their support suddenly sounded off and they were outraged. All I could think was, “Where were these people yesterday when I was being crucified by the internet?”
Honestly, I don’t think anyone read either post. I think everyone just read the title and formed their opinions of me. Talk about judging a book by its cover. Hell, it could have been the exact same post, just with a different title. In fact, it may have been. I’m never telling. You’ll just have to read for yourself and find out.
But then, something even more unbelievable happened, what was about a mom and her parenting skills or lack thereof suddenly became about race. I don’t know what one has to do with the other but all of the sudden the comments on the FB share became very dark. People started attacking this woman for her race, which has absolutely nothing to do with her parenting skills.
I won’t repeat what these racists were saying because low”>I’m not a racist myself but you can go see them for yourself and be disgusted here.
One commenter accused me of having “white guilt”. Firstly, I’m Latina. Secondly, I wrote the post before I ever saw a picture of Michelle Gregg. Thirdly, I grew up in a very urban neighborhood, my entire neighborhood was African American and so are some of my favorite people. Who’s jumping to conclusions now?
Anyways, who knew that a little boy falling into a gorilla enclosure could bring out all of the “Trump supporters” to this mom? Honestly, this is just a symptom of what our country is becoming since Donald Trumpp has been campaigning for president. People now think it’s okay to be openly racists. It’s bad enough if you have that hatred in your heart but it’s quite something else when you decide you are free to shout it out into the world, not caring how those words affect others. It’s as if they are proud to be racists.
People no longer feel ashamed or fear consequences of this kind of despicable behavior. This simultaneously sickens and terrifies me. Somehow this election season has brought out all the worst in people of our country and made people believe it’s acceptable to wave their racists flags high. Have you seen the Purge? I feel like lynchings could be making a comeback if Donald Trump gets into the oval office.
I don’t usually delete comments on my blog because I am a big girl and when I put my opinions online, I’m open to debate. I don’t expect everyone in the world to agree with me. Hell, we can even be friends if we have opposing views, as long as we respectfully agree to disagree but if you are leaving racists remarks on the blog, they will be deleted because I won’t be used as a venue for you to hurt other readers with your small minds and mean words. Bottom line is that if you are a racist or a bigot, we can’t be friends so just unfollow me now. Stop reading.
And to the “friend” who decided that after 3 days of being hated by the internet, she’d take her turn and kick me while I was already down. Bye Felicia! There’s no place in my world for fake friends. I’m grown. Life’s too short for shitty friends.
If you heard someone being a racist in person ( or online) would you speak up or would you be silent for fear of backlash?
What would you really do if you heard/saw racists spewing hate towards someone else?
2016/06/03
When is the Change Gonna Come?
I’m writing this tonight because if I don’t write it down, I’ll probably implode. This is not for you. I don’t care if anyone ever reads this piece. It is for me and maybe for my children to read some day. Today, I am at a loss for words. All I can find is tears. Today, my heart is heavy with disappointment and frustration in a world gone crazy; a world killing itself out of fear and hatred.
Cops are murdering young, black men for nothing more than simply being born with black skin. Black women are being forced to sit and watch as their partner sits dying in the seat beside them quietly. They can’t scream and rage like any normal human being would do in their position for fear of being shot dead themselves, another casualty of this war on black America. Their wails of pain are silenced by threats and even when they fight, they are beaten back like animals; stripped of every shred of humanity and respect. I’m shocked but I don’t know why, isn’t this the way it’s always been for African Americans in America?
Small children, even a 4-year-old girl, knows better than to make a ruckus when a white cop has a weapon drawn on a car full of African Americans. She knows that the price of crying, reacting or simply moving, recoiling in fear could cost her her life. This is not the world that I want to live in. This is not the America that I want to raise my children in. I refuse to let my daughters believe that this is okay. I refuse to raise children who stand silent and watch as their fellow brothers and sisters are brutalized and murdered.
In less than 24 hours, not 1 but 2 African American men were shot dead for no other reason than being born black; for no other reason than being stereotyped and profiled by white America. I know it’s not politically correct to say these things but if that’s the case, it shouldn’t be fucking politically correct to do these things. I can’t worry about your hurt feelings while innocent lives are being taken for no reason.
I am furious. I am flabbergasted and I am disgusted with this violence. With this racism. With this idea that we must all sit still, be quiet and mind our fucking p’s and q’s or we will either be threatened to be sent back to where we came from or sent on to meet our maker. I want to rage and I want to fight. I’ve never been one for silence but I think the time to fight harder, yell louder and take an unmovable stand has come. Life should not be this hard for someone just because their skin has color.
Diamond Reynolds kept her composure enough to record the aftermath of the shooting of her fiancé, Philandro Castile. The normal reaction, by any human being, would be to freak the fuck out; to wail and rage but she couldn’t even be afforded that one simple human dignity and she knew that. She knew from years of living with black skin that she had to maintain her composure or she could end up shot too, sitting there bleeding out in front of her child. She knew that every moment could be her last. She didn’t have the luxury of being treated like a human being who just lost someone she loved.
These unspeakable acts of violence have been perpetrated against African Americans for as long as they have been in America. They came here as slaves and for the most part have been treated as less than ever since. They are human beings. We are all human beings. Do we not all bleed the same if injured?
The problem is that in America, a person of color can never escape this cloud of less than-ness put upon them by white America because you can never escape the color of your skin. You can hide a lot of shit but you cannot hide the color of your skin and in the United States that alone is enough to get you killed. That alone is a liability in our America.
If you think any of this is alright, you are wrong. There is no “but” in this situation. Humans all deserve to be treated as humans. There shouldn’t be gradients of human rights and dignity. We are all the same. We are all fucking equal. I’ve tried this coexisting shit for too long. I’ve tried believing the best in people and have been let down again and again. I can’t take the disappointment any more. There are lives as stake.
I know there are good people in this world of all colors, creeds, religions, shapes, sizes, cultures, and lifestyles and that’s who I want in my life and I think that is most of you. But anyone who thinks it’s okay to hate or be complacent in a world in desperate need of fighters of oppression, I just don’t have the room in my heart to hate you back so please just go away.
I honestly don’t know how black America has kept it’s head up for so many years, patiently waiting for a change to come. They have had to fight tooth and nail for every scrap of dignity and respect white America allows them. This is not right. We cannot allow this to go on. The Civil Rights revolution was fought and “won” before I was even born so why are we still living in an American where black Americans have to fight for their right to be treated like humans?
White America this is your chance to right the wrongs of our ancestors. Stand together with your brother. Use your voice to demand human equality. Use your voice to hold those who perpetrate these unprovoked, heinous crimes against black humanity accountable. You need to make the change. Black America has had to fight too long and too hard on their own. We need to make America better for all of us and that means fighting together against the oppressors of freedom for us all.
I pray a change is gonna come.

2016/07/07
When They Go Low, We Go High
This is a sponsored post. All opinions are my own.
Wouldn’t it be awesome if the world was peaceful and there were no wars, no hate, no starving children, no displaced and homeless people? What if there was no poverty, racism or bigotry in the world? What if the world was filled with people who loved people equally no matter the color of their skin, their politics or their religion? What if we could all see past the superficial and get to know our neighbors for who they are and not what they are? Isn’t that a refreshing thought?
The world is a crazy place. It feels like it’s gone completely wild (and not in a good way) and maybe just a little off the rails. Every day, the news is filled with one horrible act after another, each one worse and more gruesome than the last. I want more for the world that I’m raising my daughters in. I don’t want our generation’s legacy to be one of death and destruction so I’ve made my mind up to change it.
I know that a lot of people say that they can’t make a difference because they are only one person but every person counts; each one as equally as the last. In my world that starts with me standing up, being the change and being the example for my children. They are always watching and I want to be my best self for them because that’s what they deserve and that’s who I want to be. I’m not perfect and I don’t pretend to be but I want my children to see me actively working to be a good person and the best version of myself.
I’m teaching my children to spread love not hate and to embrace, seek out and spread positivity. I know that it sounds almost too simple, right? But honestly, it is the truest thing I’ve ever known. It starts with me teaching them to love and accept themselves and it ends with them knowing that I am always here for them; no matter how old they may be or how badly they may think they’ve messed up. My love for them is unconditional and everlasting and I hope this allows them the freedom to always follow their heart and do the right thing.
My goal is simple; to raise good, tolerant, loving and accepting human beings. I’m raising daughters who strive to be the best them that they can be and to not compare themselves to others because that only leads to jealousy and bitterness. It also leads to feelings of less than and dissatisfaction with one’s self. I don’t expect perfection. I expect them to work hard at what’s important to them and try to reach their goals. The real living happens on the journey not the destination.
We parent focusing on a few very important virtues 1)honesty 2)integrity 3)respect 4) to know that where there’s a will there is always a way and by far the most important, 5) you cannot control other people’s reactions, only your own actions so do good and don’t worry about whether someone else chooses to appreciate it or not. Life is so much better when we accept people for who they are and not who we want them to be. Life is not a competition and no one is keeping score. I want my girls to take the high road, no matter the road others choose because they can’t control others but they can control how they behave and move through this world.
I’m not saying that I am raising my daughters to be people pleasers, there couldn’t be anything further from the truth. I am just raising them to please themselves and to let others live their own lives. We can’t please everyone, nor should we even try but we can choose to be a source of positivity and optimism rather than a source of sadness. We can choose to go high when the world goes low.
Speaking of being a positive and inspirational force in this world, I have partnered with Niagara Water, the brand that takes pride in being about “Water Not Hype”, to share with you their Refreshing Thoughts Sweepstakes.
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2016/08/04
What the World Needs Now
In a world where we still have to sound off to remind the world that #BlackLivesMatter, American Girl Doll Melody Ellison is a relevant reminder that the struggle is still very real for minorities and the only way to change that is to speak up and to teach our children to speak up for what’s right and just; human equality across the board.
Melody Ellison, the newest character to join American Girl’s popular BeForever line, is a hopeful and positive 9-year-old African-American girl growing up in Detroit, Michigan, during the civil rights movement of the 1960s. She loves to sing and blend her voice with others in harmony. After seeing her family members face racial discrimination and experiencing it for herself, Melody decides to add her voice to those who are speaking up about inequality.
The beautiful 18-inch Melody doll has dark brown eyes and black hair. Melody comes in a bright blue-and-green houndstooth dress, a blue ribbon headband, and shiny blue patent shoes. Also included is No Ordinary Sound, the first volume in Melody’s classic series, by Denise Lewis Patrick.
My daughters love the American Girl dolls and their stories. Every doll has a story and every story matters. This is so important to me as a mom because I’ve spent my years as a mom teaching my daughters that every human being is created equal, every single person matters and everyone’s story is worth telling. AG perpetuates that same idea through their dolls, books and movies. Of course, some stories need to be told more than others and right now, the world needs Melody Ellison more than ever.
The new, nearly 50-minute film called “An American Girl Story—Melody 1963: Love Has to Win” available on Amazon Prime is centered around a 10-year-old girl who sees inequality in all directions. That includes police brutality against peaceful African American protesters, young girls being arrested for eating at an all-white lunch counter, and most traumatically the 1963 Birmingham Church Bombing. It’s an old story but ironically, it’s more relevant than ever today.
In the film, Melody personally experiences many forms of racism—racist classmates, wrongly being accused of stealing a dress from a department store and seeing a display of white dolls. Many themes in the film feel especially relevant to what’s happening in America today, in particular, the Black Lives Matter movement that has arisen in the wake of dozens of high-profile murders of African-Americans by the police.
“The story is set in the 1960s but today’s girl can relate to what she’s seeing in the media,” said American Girl President Katy Dickson. She added that young girls today can connect to Melody’s struggle in making sense of the inequalities and injustices around her. The film ends with a hopeful message. “She learns that love and the strength of her family and choosing courage over fear are the things that will sustain her,” Dickson added.
In the face of the recent election, this doll and this movie are a perfect teachable moment and an opportunity for parents to spread a message of love, inclusiveness, and tolerance to their children. I think we need that now more than ever. I get that it’s just a doll and just a kid’s movie but it’s more than that, it’s a chance to be better and to do better as a society.
As one of the marginalized of the world, I know those who are not marginalized have a different perspective not always through a fault of their own but this is your chance to change that for your children. Go the extra step to teach your child kindness and acceptance, to perpetuate the good in the world. We can make the world a better place for our children and help them make it a better place for their children through examples of love and standing up for what’s right. Let’s do this.
In celebration of the release of Melody Ellison and her movie, An American Girl Story—Melody 1963: Love Has to Win, American Girl is allowing me to give away a Melody Ellison doll to one lucky subscriber all you need to do is enter below.
a Rafflecopter giveaway

2016/11/14
How to Raise Brave Women and Compassionate Humans
As many of you know, I don’t often have posts written by guest writers but when I do, they are usually amazing writers with something important to say. Today, I have the privilege of sharing with you one of my dearest friends, Amanda Magee, who just happens to be one of the strongest, bravest, samrtest and kindest women I know. She also happens to be a damn great writer. She is a writer’s writer. Did I mention she is raising three amazing girls who I am sure will be the change they want to see in the world because that is exactly what their mom is exemplifying for them? Thank you, Amanda, for sharing your words and truth here. If you’d like to read more of Amanda, be sure to check her out on her blog.
A quick introduction, my name is Amanda Magee. I live in upstate New York where I own an advertising and communications agency and am raising three daughters. Deborah and I met by chance at a blogging conference a few years back. Over the years we have bonded over parenting daughters and being strong willed women in the world. She has invited me to write here a couple of times and despite my not having come through, she kept asking; the last time after I posted about our experience marching at an Anti-Trump rally with our daughters. I am so grateful for hearts, minds, and voices like Deborah’s.
A couple of years ago I found myself thinking that I knew how to forecast the years ahead. I bought into the idea that hormones were going to be the thing I had to focus on, but it wasn’t true. Yes, there are emotional highs and lows; yes, my three daughters are not yet in the thick of puberty at 8, 10, and 12, but what has become central to our reality is how we will navigate the world—not during our menstrual cycles, more in light of the fact that we (will) have menstrual cycles.
How do I raise brave women? How do I equip them with both confidence and suspicion? Is it possible to raise them to be good citizens and compassionate human beings in the same breath as I say that there are people who will break rules and take without asking? How do I tell them that they can make all the best decisions and still be hurt?
Zits and thigh gap? We’ll be fine, slurs muttered at the mention of homosexual family members and systemic defense and promotion of “boys will be boys” and “you shouldn’t be upset, he just wanted to talk to you,” those are the things that demand my attention.
Over the last year, I’ve begun to speak more plainly with my daughters and I’ll be honest, it’s been bittersweet. I wanted to give them the cocoon of childhood as long as I could, but when conversation on the bus turns to building a wall, grabbing pussies, and sending people away I have a choice, do I defer the world view shaping to other kids and influences or do I talk to them about the spectrum of views? I chose the latter.
I’ve never once painted one side of politics as evil and the other as benevolent, because despite being a lifelong, pro-choice, feminist liberal, I don’t hate Republicans or Conservatives. The only thing I really hate is hate, which is why we were an anti-Trump house and why we are committed to continuing to speak up against the motions that take us as a country to greater stances of division. It’s new territory for me, because I have always looked at the person holding the office of president as our leader. I cannot do that this time.
I am looking to people like Deborah, I am listening to black women, people from the trans community, I am questioning the decisions of lawmakers, and I am donating to organizations like Planned Parenthood and the Southern Poverty Law Center. We as a family are committing to being engaged at the local and regional level, not just every four years. We are reading books like Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls. I am heartbroken that so many people didn’t vote; I am distressed that many people, myself included, have had moments of silence that made them complicit in hate or systemic racism. We are choosing to adhere to a policy of living our beliefs out loud and in public, because the alternative is the kind of inaction that lets hate fester and threaten to overtake us all.
Photos Courtesy Amanda Magee
2016/11/23
The Handmaid’s Tale is Real Just Ask the Women of Alabama
Alabama state Republican Governor Kay Ivey on Wednesday signed into law a controversial abortion bill that would punish doctors who perform abortions with life in prison. Sound familiar? Sounds like something right out of the Handmaid’s Tale if you ask me.
“Today, I signed into law the Alabama Human Life Protection Act, a bill that was approved by overwhelming majorities in both chambers of the Legislature,” said Ivey.
The Alabama Senate passed the bill 25-6 late Tuesday night. The law only allows exceptions “to avoid a serious health risk to the unborn child’s mother,” for ectopic pregnancy and if the “unborn child has a lethal anomaly.” Democrats re-introduced an amendment to exempt rape and incest victims, but the motion failed on an 11-21 vote.
Ivey noted in her statement that the new law may be unenforceable due to the Supreme Court’s Roe v. Wade decision that legalized abortion in all 50 states. But, the new law was passed with the aim of challenging that decision, Ivey said.
I love the United States. It is a country born out of asylum. My mother’s ancestors fled here seeking religious freedom. Her other ancestors were already here; our great nation’s original citizens, Native American.
READ ALSO: A Priest who Doesn’t Condemn Abortion
But that is not where my love ends, it’s the country the provided my father a place to come to make a better life; to rise above his circumstances. This is the same country that made it possible for my mother and father to meet and have 6 first generation Mexican-Americans. This is a country based on freedom and built on opportunity. We live in the land of the free and the home of the brave. But do we? Do we have the basic human right of choice and domain over our own bodies?
It’s a beautiful dream. A nation built of people with arms open to welcome their fellow human beings seeking that same freedom, escaping persecution in their own nation, willing to leave behind all they know in search of something better for their children. What a beautiful dream it is. Only that’s all it is. The reality is opportunities are boundless if you can check all the boxes to meet the criteria.
READ ALSO: My Father the Immigrant
It’s not about open arms to help anyone. It’s about a master race, defaming anyone else who would dare to pursue that American dream. We grab them at our borders and punish them for even trying to take refuge in our nation’s bosom. For some reason, we don’t believe they should be afforded the same chance at freedom as our own ancestors were given.
But should we be surprised? For centuries now, we have withheld those rights from American citizens even born in this country. Those with the misfortune of being born anything other than Caucasian male, those citizens born female and even those who dare not to be Christian. I’m a Latina daughter of an immigrant, so I’m twice on the outside.
My life has consisted of straddling a very fine line of trying to blend in and not be seen and standing tall and speaking up for those of us who cannot do so for themselves. I’ve been speaking out and standing up a lot more than I used to need to.
READ ALSO: Will all the Politicians Kindly Back the Eff out of My Uterus
Women and minorities have always been treated less than. In fact, misogyny, racism and bigotry is something we had all developed an acceptable threshold for. We knew it was wrong and we hated it but, it was better than it used to be. Black people are no longer sold into slavery and women can own property and vote. This is all de jure, not always de facto.
Women are still treated like second class citizens with our government almost always with one hand in our uterus and well, black people may not be chained any longer but there is an epidemic of black men being shot dead in the street for no reason at all other than being born black. And apparently, all Mexicans are criminals. Our crime? Being brown?
We got the vote and then we got reproductive rights. Well, we weren’t given anything. We fought long and hard to be treated equal but it never really took so we live this emboldened half-life where we are brave and strong but only as much as society allows us to be. That was as good as it got for us.
READ ALSO: Women’s Reproductive Rights are not the Same as Animals
We almost had a female president. Almost. Now, we are in danger of losing our God-given human rights because the misogynists feel it’s more important to control our reproductive rights and enslave our sexuality than to have a president who misused her email privileges. Moms all over the United States are bulk buying Plan B so that they can ensure that their daughters have a choice to make when the time comes in 5/10/15 years. This is our America. We are going backward. Which begs the question, whose America is this? If it’s not mine or yours or hers, whose is it?
I feel like there is a cleansing being put in place by our administration. I expect a purge and my smallpox blanket in the mail any day now. All I want for my children is what my dad wanted for his, what so many immigrants who built this country wanted… a land of opportunity. A haven in a world of shit. A place where hard work is rewarded. A place where good people do good things and everyone is treated as a human being. A place where human respect, dignity and freedom are givens. A country where equality isn’t something that has to be fought for but is given because what makes one human life more valuable than another human being’s life?
READ ALSO: Let’s Build Something Beautiful for our Daughters
I want my daughters to be treated as human beings and not inanimate objects. Women are more than what lies between their legs and no one else has the right to control what we do with our bodies. I never quite understand where men get off trying to tell us what we can do with our bodies and what we can and can’t do.
Women are goddesses. Without us, there would be no men. We create the world you live in. We are not weak. We are stronger than anyone has ever given us credit for. We grow and deliver children and it’s hard. Harder than anything any man has ever done. Who is anyone to tell us what we can and can’t do? Without us, there would be no you.
Stay woke ladies, the Handmaid’s tale is not just some dystopian novel.
It is fast becoming our reality. We need to stand up against the Kay Ivey s of the world before they destroy the country we love so much. Also, can I just say how disgusted I am that a woman would sign this bill?

2019/05/16
Zara Designs Holocaust Fashion for Kids & Sees Nothing Wrong with It
Throat Punch Thursday is back just for International Clothing designer ZARA from Spain. They are selling a “sheriff” shirt with stripes and a star of David that very closely resembles the shirts worn in concentration caps in Nazi Germany. Talk about low rent behavior.
Look, the world is a cesspool of shit right now. Isis is beheading Christians, African-Americans are being shot dead in the street like animals, mental illness is the silent killer like cancer of the brain chemicals and anti-Semitism is alive and well. See, I learned a very important lesson as a child, those who do not know history are destined to repeat it. Well, not trying to be captain obvious but haven’t we all been here before?
The ZARA shirt is just a reminder of what a group of assholes we can be when we try or just don’t give a shit about other people at all. I’m not going to go on a rant about what a rotten state the world is in because truth be told it’s probably always been in various states of shit depending on who you are and what your perspective is.
The reason this ZARA shirt is so offensive to me is that aside from being blatantly anti-Semitic it lets adults dress unsuspecting children in a sick and offensive garment that is reminiscent of one of the darkest days in history and then send them out into the world like a big Fuck You to the entire Jewish population. Maybe someone thought this was funny but I think it’s sad, hurtful and dangerous. What’s next, swastika print on Bermuda shorts? What are we teaching our children? Isn’t the world messed up enough without reopening old wounds?
Global warming, racism, bigotry, anti-Semitism, the objectification of women, the never ending misunderstanding and stigmatization of mental illness, gun Control, the economy, the hungry homeless on our own doorsteps and just a general lack of empathy and compassion in the world are just a few things going so wrong right now that have all happened before. Were we not paying attention the first 100 times these things have happened?
I’m a pragmatist, I know that the world will never be a perfect place. I don’t believe in unicorns and Utopia. I know that not everyone will always be accepting or tolerant of others. But wouldn’t it be nice if for a change, the assholes were in the minority instead of the majority. My eyes have begun to twitch from the news lately.
Today , I read about a male pediatric nurse who molested the 2-month old preemie baby boy who he was fostering and then video taped and took photos of the whole thing. It went on for weeks. In one video, the authorities said that they could audibly hear the baby crying. What makes a person able to stomach doing something like that to a newborn, or anyone for that matter?
What are your thoughts on this “Sheriff” shirt by Zara?
2014/08/28
What does “Be MORE Latina” Mean?
What do you think of when you hear the word Latina?
The stereotypes are out of control. In fact, if you Google “Latina” every photo is of a hot, caramel colored girl in a tiny bikini, sometimes leaning over a lowrider or laying in bed. Oh and there are a couple of pregnant women surrounded by 12 kids. Go ahead. There is nothing you can say that will shock me. My husband likes to joke that he thought I’d be a little more Sophia Vergara and a little less Julie Bowen of Modern Family.

We have all heard the Latina stereotypes: voluptuous, passionate and hot-tempered Latinas. We fight to make up. We have lots of kids because of all the sex and Catholic refusal to believe in birth control. We all have thick accents and we live to serve our controlling husbands and walk our Chihuahua dogs. When we are not in the kitchen cooking from scratch in our high heels, we are in the bedroom working on another bebé. We are all nannies and mothers. You could believe this and it could be true in some cases, because even a broken clock is right twice a day but mostly, you would be dead wrong.
Latina is not a color.I have been assumed to be everything but Latina on several occasions: Caucasian is the immediate go to, if they notice that I don’t exactly fit the stereotype for Latina. I have dark brown hair, light brown eyes, fair-skin and not immediately identifiable features. My mom is Southern by way of Ireland, France, Italy, England and the Cherokee nation. Then the guessing begins. Italian? Greek? Jewish? It makes me feel as if those guessing think I’m anything other than what I actually am: Latina on my father’s side.
OK, I am just going to say it, I am a fair skinned Latina woman; possibly the whitest Latina you may well ever meet. I get it. It might be a little bit confusing for those who don’t realize that, like every other race, we come in every single color of the rainbow, with different combinations of hair and eye color and varying degrees of assimilation. We are not all the same. We don’t look the same. We don’t talk the same. We don’t come from the same place and we certainly, don’t all fit some concocted cartoonish stereotype. My daughters are beautiful with blonde hair and blue eyes, if you ask them what they are, they will tell you, “I am Latina!” Because, they are and it’s that simple.
Some are true. I think as a group many of us are loud, passionate people who place a great value on the family unit but not all of us. Many of us are determined, handworkers who demand respect and take pride in our work, no matter how menial the task. We want to succeed and we’ve always had to work for it; from the farms to gaining respect in a new country so we are not afraid to work our asses off for what we want.
For many of us, failure is not an option. When, in business, I am asked to be “more” Latina that bothers me. I am not insulted because I am proud of being Latina. But I am offended that you have the nerve to ask me to prove that I fit into YOUR idea of who I should be. How do I quantify myself to meet your expectations? Would you ask a homosexual to be “more gay” or an African-American to be “more black”? I don’t think so.
I totally get that if I market myself as a Latina blogger, people expect me to be Latina and I am. It took me a long time to take ownership of that because I had spent so much time in my life feeling like I had to prove it. But when you ask me to be “more Latina” that insinuates that you don’t want me to be Latina, you want me to fit some misguided idea that you have of what it is to be “Latina”.You want more “spice”. That bothers me.
I am first generation Mexican American. I speak Spanish. I grew up immersed in the Latino culture. I may not have been born in Mexico, but my father was. I will not apologize for not meeting your stereotype. I don’t speak with an accent and every thing I do is not overtly “Latin” in nature because you know what Latin people are? We are just PEOPLE, just like you.
Well, maybe not like you (the person asking Latinos to prove their Latino-ness) because I am pretty sure you are an asshole and you might even be a little bit of a racist, or just really ignorant to my culture. We are not all built like Sophia Vergara (though I wish we were). We are not all oversexed, tequila drinking, hot-tempered caramel colored taco eaters who dance Cumbia. Well, mostly I am, with the exception of the caramel colored skin but many are not.

What’s the stupidest thing anyone has ever asked you based on a stereotype Latina or otherwise?
2014/04/28
Glee Star, Cory Monteith Found Dead and George Zimmerman Found Not Guilty, One Tragic Night
Yesterday, Cory Monteith was unexpectedly found dead in a hotel in Vancouver at age 31. Last night, I went to bed appalled that George Zimmerman was found not guilty for killing Trayvon Martin. How can he get away with no sort of punishment for taking a human life? This morning my heart is breaking for all the parents involved especially the Monteiths and the Martins. What the hell is this world coming to? As a parent, all of this freaks me out.
Vancouver police confirmed Saturday night that the body of Glee star Cory Monteith was found at the Pacific Rim Hotel. Mr. Monteith checked in on July 6 and was supposed to check out yesterday, hotel workers checked the room when he never came down to check out. The hotel called the ambulance and paramedics pronounced him dead on the scene. He was alone and surveillance footage shows that he was alone from the time he arrived in that night.
I am shocked. I am a long time follower of Glee. My daughters listen to their music and have seen some of the episodes. Finn Hudson, Cory Monteith’s character, has always been one of our favorite characters on the show. He was a heartthrob jock with a heart of gold and a voice like butter. He always had sad eyes and a dedicated love to his on screen romance and off screen love, Lea Michelle, whom I can only imagine is beside herself with grief. Poor woman, I cannot even imagine how distraught she must be.
There has been no cause for death given but Mr. Monteith has been in and out of rehab a couple times and I don’t like to make assumptions but I’ve always felt he was a bit of a tortured soul. We will definitely miss his smile and sweet disposition on Glee. Sending prayers for his family and loved ones in this time of need. It is so tragic that someone so young with everything to live for can just as suddenly be taken away. In times like these, life doesn’t make sense.
When I went to bed last night, the last thing I heard on the news was that George Zimmerman was found not guilty for killing Trayvon Martin. The internet was in an uproar calling the entire legal system afoul and corrupt. The term racism was being thrown around like the air we breathe and everything suddenly became black and white.
Personally, no matter what the circumstances, one thing remains George Zimmerman killed some parents’ child. He took away the reason Trayvon Martin’s parents take breath into their body; he took away their reason for living, he killed their son. It is my belief that this part of the case is fundamentally true without dispute, in the very least, he should have been given involuntary manslaughter and some sort of sentence to give Trayvon Martin’s parents some sort of , be it small, satisfaction. As a mother, I could not carry on in the world knowing that someone who caused the death of my baby was still walking free as my child turned to dust in the ground.
If the last two days have taught me anything that is that life is not fair and bad things happen to good people. People die before all of their living is done, or in some cases, even begun. Do not start today with hatred in your heart, cast your eyes upward to the sky and pray; pray for the tortured soul of Cory Monteith that is gone much too soon from this world. Pray for his parents, his friends and the woman who loved him and has to go on living without him.
Pray for the parents of Trayvon Martin that they might have some kind of peace in their heart knowing their son will never feel the fear he felt on that last night he was on this earth. Pray that we all spend more time enjoying the people that we love because they can be gone forever in the blink of an eye. Today, be a little more tolerant of your children, forget for a moment that 1 million obligations you have and enjoy the moments with your family; don’t rush through them or get annoyed knowing that you have work to do. Today, hug your loved ones and know that life is fleeting so make every moment count. Be present.
It’s Sunday and so I am just going to say it, God bless you all and please pray for the families of Cory Monteith and Trayvon Martin that they might get through this tragic and horrible time in their lives.
2013/07/14