The TRUTH About Motherhood

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The Starbucks Effect
Have you ever heard of the Starbucks effect?
I’m not referring to the theory that Starbucks will boost the price of your home, but that is a thing. I’m talking about the kindness of strangers.
“Do unto others as you would have them to do unto you,” it’s the Golden rule. I’ve heard it since I was a little child. It boils down to this… put out into the world what you want to get back. It’s karma for those so inclined.
In my 20’s I was self-centered, everything was about me. When I got married, I had my first experience of occasionally putting someone else’s needs and wants before my own. Then I had children and putting others before myself has become my full-time job.
Over the years, I’ve found myself doing more good but still that selfish little voice in my head kept asking, “When’s it my turn? When will someone do something nice for me?” I just sort of got tired of always giving of myself. Now that I think of it, I wasn’t giving so much as having it taken. I did nice things because I felt it was expected.
Then my perspective of the world changed, we moved to Chesterfield, VA and I was on the receiving end of several random acts of kindness from complete strangers. These women changed my perception of the world. For the first time, aside from my parents, someone was doing something kind for me with absolutely no expectation. It was so out of my ordinary that at first, I was suspicious. What did they really want?
I decided, then and there, that while I cannot control how someone else responds or reacts to my kindness or goodwill, I would live by the good rule because I’m responsible for my behavior. I can put all the good I want into the world but I had to let go of my expectation that the others would reciprocate, care or even appreciate my act.
Then, I had an epiphany. Who cares if they don’t appreciate it? I feel good when I do good so I’m doing good. I let go of the whole idea of putting good out there so good would come back to me and then it did.
I believe that our simple acts of kindness that we do throughout the day, they cause ripples and eventually we get caught in the tide of our own ripples so next time you find yourself deciding whether you should take an extra second to hold the door for a stranger, smile back at someone for no reason at all, give a dollar to a homeless person or share on an opportunity or helpful advice with someone who you think might be a good fit or need it, just do it. Don’t over think it. You can’t control what others do with the gifts you give but you can take joy in knowing you cared enough to give the gift and tried to help someone else.
I know everyone says this and I know many of us don’t immediately see the effects of our good deeds and that may leave you wondering, why bother? Let me tell you a little story.
I once received a cup of coffee in one of those Starbucks lines, when the person ahead of me paid for my latte. It was the first time this had ever happened to me and I had no idea this was a “thing” or that there was a “protocol”, so I took my latte, said thank you and was happy for the rest of the day. The more I thought of it, I realized that I should have paid it forward and bought the person’s behind me. It was what was probably expected.
Last week, I finally paid it forward. I ordered my Oprah Chia Latte, pulled up to pay and then said, “ I’d like to pay for the person behind me too!” Then I looked in my rearview mirror, and saw it was another mom. She looked exhausted and I saw myself in her. I pulled away feeling good. I felt good for rest of my day and it only cost me $4.50. I mean, who knew happiness was so damn cheap? I’m hoping that my simple gesture brightened her day, at the very least I saved her $5.00, right?
The thing is last week I got 3 new freelance jobs and scheduled an interview for another job. Maybe it was coincidence but I’d like to think that my little ripple has caught me in its tide. I put out into the world what I wanted so, guess what I did this morning (what I will be doing every Monday morning)? I bought another person a cup of coffee and I saw her smile in my rearview mirror when she pulled up to the window and she didn’t have to pay and THAT made my day. If I can brighten someone else’s day by such a simple gesture, why wouldn’t I do it every single time I can?
What random acts of kindness do you do when no one is looking?
I get that buying Starbucks for someone won’t change the world, but it might change someone’s day and that’s enough reason for me.

2015/04/13
What is Commuter Marriage?
You’ve all seen me write about it but maybe you’re wondering what is Commuter Marriage? As I stand on the front stoop watching my husband pull away for the 17th Sunday, bound for his hole he calls an apartment in Iowa, my throat closes up and I feel like I will be swallowed completely by the huge lump in my esophagus and my eyes burn and sting as they get a little watery.
I watch my girls run down the sidewalk waving and screaming , “Bye Daddy, I love you!” and my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces inside. Every week it stings my very core; every single time. Sometimes worse than others, but always. I really loathe all this single mothering that I’ve been doing lately but more than that I hate that we are all getting used to it, comfortable even.
What is commuter marriage? It’s hard on the family.
The girls are getting used to not having Daddy around, and I am getting used to handling things on my own, and sometimes when he’s here, I think he feel’s like he is out of place in his own home. That is what really bothers me. Isn’t this how people drift apart? Isn’t this how families fall apart? I love my husband, and he loves me but if you get used to not having someone around, pretty soon won’t you stop missing one another?
When your husband travels for work, it’s not consistent and it’s random and you learn to deal with it by looking forward to the next time he returns. But when your husband has a residence in a whole other state for a job because his office is there and you KNOW he will be gone for at least 4 of the days of the week, it’s a little harder to swallow.
There is no room for superfluous personal days or no chance of no travel because every week you know, come Sunday afternoon..he’s pulling away and you are left behind on that damn stoop and he’s left watching you grow smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror.
I thought being married meant someone to share my life with. Recently, I feel more like I am a kept woman; a lonely one at that. I have someone to pay the bills. We’re getting to the point where we are forgetting to tell each other the little things that happen in our day to day and that scares me. Pretty soon we won’t know each other. I can deal with geographic distance but not emotional distance. I mean, I never thought I’d be married and alone.
What is Commuter Marriage? It’s being married but alone.
What do I do? Do I tell him to quit and come home because I need my friend, my partner, my husband? Or do I just keep going on ignoring the fact that this is really hard and slowly becoming impossible? Some days, I am okay with it. Other days, I can hardly bear it.I am lonely and I miss our relationship. The day to day, seeing each other, talking about nothing, sharing laughs and feelings, stolen glances and touches. Now, everything is forced into a weekends time and it’s not enough.
I feel like such an ungrateful asshole. I know I should be filled with gratitude that he has a job at all in this economy but it’s extremely hard when you’ve spent every day of the past 13 years with this man and suddenly you are living separate lives. I know he is just as lonely there but some days I feel overwhelmed with all the responsibility of holding it all together. Some days, it is just too much.But what do you do when you have bills to pay and kids to feed, mortgages, groceries, and school loans? You suck it up, you be a grown-up, you get out of the fetal position, stop crying and stand on that damn stoop and wave goodbye and hope its not for the last time. Commuter marriage is not for the weak.
What is commuter marriage?
It’s survival and groceries and mortgages. It’s not being homeless. It’s saying goodbye more often than you ever dreamed. Have you or would you ever be in a commuter marriage and make it work?
2010/06/27
Why Every Family should Go RVing before Their Kids Grow Up
I think every family should go RVing before their kids grow up, at least once, if not do like some of my friends and take an entire year to explore. If you want to really connect as a family, for us, there need to be minimal distractions, intimate proximity and the freedom to unplug from the rest of the world. Your priority and attention need to be present with the people who are traveling with you. If there is a beautiful destination involved, a place where you can sit in wonder and awe, even better. This year, we discovered that for us, RVing is the only way to ensure that result.
As many of you know, my family and I are nomads. I could roam the world homeless forever. I was raised that home is where the people you love are and so home for me is wherever the Big Guy and my girls are at. That’s all I need; my health, them and the wide open road. Road trips are my jam; while I love traveling by any means possible, especially to a tropical destination, road trips allow for unexpected adventures that you just can’t plan. Detours and roadside stops or choosing a different path feels a lot like living in your own private choose your adventure game.
Last month, we had one of the best family vacations of our lives and that is saying a lot. I knew traveling by RV would be fun but I had no idea how much we would all connect. I had no idea how many beautiful memories we would make on this one trip. It was as simple as unplugging, being present and actually seeing the people and places in front of us.
Disclosure: We were provided an RV and a campsite at a destination of our choice by Go RVing but all opinions and memories are our own.
A screen is a beautiful thing but it pales in comparison to looking up and seeing the ocean. It is garbage compared to human contact and interaction around a campfire at night on a beach beneath the stars. It’s a poor substitute for real life. Virtual has nothing on human interaction.
The weekend before school started back, we went on a magical end of the summer trip in an RV. I like to sneak in that one last relaxing getaway with my people before schedules get hectic and we’re all neck deep in the minutia of our day to day schedules. Last year, we stayed in a parked RV model in Traverse City, Michigan and we thought that was amazing and it was but it wasn’t the same experience as driving with your family in an RV. Definitely not the same as a road trip in an SUV or car, though, I do love those too.
READ ALSO: Why RVing is the best family trip
We drove 9 hours to the D.C. area to pick up our Winnebago Intent Model 31P before driving another 7 hours to beautiful Camp Hatteras campground in Rodanthe, North Carolina. Talk about style. I’m not sure what I was expecting but this Winnebago exceeded anything I could have imagined. It was almost 32′ in length and could accommodate up to 7 people with bunk beds for the kids. There were only 4 of us, so we had plenty of space.
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There was plenty of storage space, both inside the RV and in the under-storage areas for food, toys and games and whatever you want to bring along. There was a television in the sitting area, the back bedroom and even outside, along with a mini-fridge and sink; perfect when you’re grilling and don’t want to miss that special game. For us, the television was perfect for when it rained outside. We’d all snuggle up and watch a movie together before a midday nap. That’s what vacations are for, right? We were sucking every bit of relaxing we could get out of this trip.
The Outer Banks has always been on my travel bucket list and it was not a disappointment. We can’t wait to go back. There is just something about a vacation by water that is intuitively relaxing for me, especially the ocean.
There were a ton of things to do at Camp Hatteras from mini golfing, corn hole tournaments, live music, ice cream socials to crafts and karaoke but we were more interested in sunsets on the sound, long walks on the beach, playing in the surf, exploring under the pier and bonfires under the stars right on the beach. You choose your family adventure.
You could surf, kayak, take a boat out and fish or you could build sandcastles, bathe in the sun and talk to the people on the blanket next to you on Camp Hatteras’ private beach while your kids laughed and ran from the waves. Campgrounds have a whole culture that I never knew about before and the people are all so fun and friendly. The first night we arrived, our site neighbors came out and helped us novice campers hook everything up.
Cape Hatteras can be as exciting or laid back as you choose. We opted for relaxing togetherness. I took the girls’ phones away. I only used mine for pics. We stopped worrying about ticking boxes and having to be anywhere and we just played it all by ear and it was magical. I seriously can’t recommend it highly enough. If your end goal is to relax on vacation and spend quality time with your family, go RVing.
There was no running to see sights. It was just high grass, soft sand, blue water, crashing waves and star filled nights with the three people I love most on the planet. It couldn’t get any better than that and yet, it did. There were nights of delivered pizza while listening to the wave crash from our Oceanside site. There was coming in from a scorching beautiful day on the beach to an air-conditioned, all the amenities of home RV including a hot shower and a refrigerator full of ice cream.
READ ALSO: Ogunquit Maine is the Perfect Place to Eat Cake by the Ocean
There were lots of laughs and lots of love. There were so many moments and memories made in the that RV and on that beach that I will never forget. If I close my eyes, I can smell the salt in the air, hear my girls giggling and feel the Big Guys hand in mine as we watched our girls run in and out of the surf, delighted by the different creatures in the sea from rogue crabs to spotting a pod of dolphins off in the distance. I can’t wait for next year’s end of the summer adventure.
Have you ever taken a family trip in an RV? If not, start planning next year’s trip now. We only get a handful of these precious years of togetherness like this before our kids grow up and the dynamics change. Sure, they will always be our babies but it won’t always just be us and them and they won’t always be as easily contented by spotting a pod of dolphins, splashing under the pier or sitting beneath the stars making s’mores on a starry night with nothing more than the surf and your doting heart.
Take advantage of every single moment you can. Go RVing!
2018/09/07
How to Refresh a Room to Inspire Change
I don’t really do New Year’s resolutions but I do try to set goals, aspirations. I want a clear-cut line in the sand of a life that I am working towards and that’s what I do. Every year, I take stock, pencil in a trajectory and set sail on a new year.
This year one of my goals in organization. But I don’t mean organized spice racks and alphabetized books. No, I mean clean and easy to navigate. I guess for me, organized means streamlined and minimalism. I like clean lines and fresh, crisp rooms. I want my home to be open to possibilities.
For me, one of the first rooms that I want to spruce up this year is my living room. Aside from the kitchen, it’s the room on the first floor that gets the most activity. If the kitchen is the heart of our home, the living room has to be the brain. It’s the room we always use and the one that makes the first impression on our guests.
What does that mean? It means that I really want to get rid of the excess and brighten up the rooms. How am I going to do this? How can you do this? Simple.
1. Start by getting rid of “stuff”. It’s just stuff and it just takes up space. Like the book says, if you hold it and it doesn’t bring you joy…chuck it. OK, so don’t throw it in the garbage, that’s wasteful but why not go donate it to your local homeless shelter. You’ll clean out your space while giving someone else something they need. It is win-win.
2. Turner Home has the best selection of High End Furniture in Jacksonville. My furniture is brown leather. It is beautiful and sturdy but it’s too dark. I want light colors and preferably something that doesn’t scratch up every time the dog jumps on it. She obviously thinks that she is human and it’s too late to teach her otherwise so the furniture needs to adapt. I don’t want to buy new furniture because this furniture was expensive and is still in very good shape. I’ve decided that slipcovers might be the perfect solution. They’ve come a long way since the things our parents used and they look beautiful.
3. So, I’ve cleaned off the clutter and ordered some beautiful, modern slipcovers but I need to brighten up the room. My house was built in 1977 so there is a lot of dark wood, paneling, shag carpet, and wallpaper. We’ve already ripped up all the floors and put down hardwoods throughout. Next step, paint those horrible brown wood built-ins white. Done and done.
4. We painted the paneling, yes I did say paneling, a soft butter color and removed the dark window treatments and replaced them with lightweight drapery to allow more sunlight into the room. We are however in the middle of changing the room to lighten it up even further and changing from the soft butter color to a silver on the walls.
5. To give the room a homier feel, I would suggest adding soft, bright throw pillows and an accent pouf to give the room some movement.
6. To add a touch of your own unique personality and make the room your own, I suggest adding some very personally styled art for the walls. Choose something that inspires you and makes you feel happy.
7. Last but not least, a great way to make the room feel modern yet cozy is to add a light colored throw rug; something in a white, neutral or light grey will do the trick.
And voila, we’ve gone from 70’s drab right into 2018 modern and chic with lots of bright sunlight. For a little extra coziness, I’m adding one of those super soft chunky yarn blankets.
Now, if we can just keep those shelves clean.
What are you doing to your home that will keep you inspired to follow through on your New Year’s resolutions? Cleaned up your office? Installed mirrors in the workout room? Or maybe you organized your pantry to help keep you on a budget?
2018/01/30
America Meet Your Chief “Shithole” in Charge
On Thursday, it was made pretty clear President Trump doesn’t want poor immigrants from “shithole” countries. His words, not mine. During a meeting in the Oval Office, while discussing with lawmakers the protection of immigrants from Haiti, El Salvador and African countries as part of a bipartisan immigration deal, President Donald Trump made some disparaging remarks.
“Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?” Trump said.
My question is what actually constitutes “shithole” countries to Donald Trump? How does one qualify as a “shithole”. What is a shithole? Is it the hole in an outhouse? How do you equate humans and countries to a hole in the ground in which people defecate? And just like that Trump doesn’t want poor immigrants from “shithole” countries.
President Trump then suggested immigrants from Norway would be preferable. He also said that he would be “open” to more immigrants from Asian countries because he feels that they could contribute and benefit the United States economically. That felt really old man racist to me but to be fair, he said it was about money.
In addition, president Trump singled out Haiti, telling lawmakers that immigrants from that country must be left out of any deal.
“Why do we need more Haitians?” Trump said, according to people in attendance of the meeting. “Take them out.”
In November, the Trump administration rescinded deportation protection granted to nearly 60,000 Haitians after the 2010 earthquake and told them to return home by July 2019.
Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
…but only if they’re from Norway and maybe Asia. We’d prefer you keep your “shithole” people from those “shithole” countries like El Salvador, Haiti and Africa to yourself.
I’d love to say that I’m surprised by these racist remarks President Trump has made but I’d be a liar if I said I was. He’s never pretended to be anything else. He built his campaign on the promise to “Make America Great Again” by building a wall and kicking people out. He’s been openly -ists against many groups of people. The man is not a people person. He is a businessman.
But let’s take a look at this whole “shithole” controversy. Does he mean countries with people of color, third world countries or anyone who is not what he considers good enough; wrong color, race, religion, sex, socio-economic status? He talks about people, human beings, like products; commodities.
In all honesty, I thought it was about race but the more he speaks, I think it may be something bigger. I think he doesn’t like anyone who is not part of elevating him and his agenda. Poor people reflect badly on our country. Why would we want to take in more homeless people who will only contribute to the already astronomical national debt? I think the bottom line is he is all about wealth and excess. I believe if he had his ideal America, it would be a country of beautiful, millionaires who believed the way he does. The working man is the back by which this great country has been built upon but to men like Trump, unfortunately, they are disposable.
There is no room for diversity in Trump’s America and that is what it is, or at least what he is trying to mold it into, “Trump’s America.”
Don’t be surprised that he is being exactly who he promised to be. Some of you voted him into office. Maybe this is your idea of a perfect America. It’s not mine. Maybe you are as disappointed and heartbroken as the rest of us.
In my America, the president is someone to look up to and emulate. He is held to a higher moral standard than the rest of us. He inspires us to be and do better. He is an orator who can move crowds to action of change. He gives us something to believe in. He puts us at ease when we are afraid of outside threats by promising to protect us and taking all the necessary step to ensure our safety. He puts the collective us above himself.
He is a human who respects humanity and strives for equality. He is educated and worldly. His job is to make America the greatest country in the world by making us economically strong, politically succinct, diplomatically beloved and our military respected and revered. He is firm but caring.
His character should be as close to beyond reproach as possible. No president is perfect but like a parent puts their child before themselves in an effort to care for them, this is the same duty of the president for his constituents. It’s not just a job, it’s a calling. He is the surrogate father of a nation. There is no room for selfishness.
I get that president Trump is human and he has made mistakes. Mistakes the whole world is watching. Stumbling is expected but most of his worst moments are of his own doing. He doesn’t’ care what the world thinks about what he does. He holds himself above the rest of us. That is one of his biggest failures.
Belittling others and rejecting humans begging for help because he deems them to be from “shithole” countries speaks volumes about his character. He has no honor and no compassion for the refugees of the world seeking asylum and protection. Somehow, he seems to not care. I don’t know how someone can even make themselves not care when presented with a hungry, sad human being with no safe place to live. Money has more value to him than human life unless it is his own. This is just my humble opinion as I watch this situation unravel.
I don’t know if he is a bad person or if the power of his position has made him feel untouchable and therefore made him lose touch with reality. What I do know is that many of these actions he has taken, the damage is irreparable. America’s promised ascension towards greatness is being actively thwarted by an ego that has outgrown the man. It is up to every one of us to make better choices and work towards making America great again for all Americans.
Isn’t it our moral obligation as human beings to help those less fortunate than ourselves?

2018/01/12
As First Latin American Pope Dies, This Latina Mother Explains What His Humble Papacy Meant to Our Family
Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
A seemingly plain black and white rosary hangs from my rearview mirror, catching the light as I drive my daughters to school each morning. To most, it might look like a simple religious trinket, but to our family, it represents something profound – a connection to a man who showed my girls what it means to lead with humility and compassion. Today, that rosary carries an even deeper meaning as the first Latin American pope dies at the age of 88, leaving behind a legacy that forever changed how I explain faith to my daughters.
I remember gathering my girls around the television in 2013 when white smoke rose from the Sistine Chapel. As a Latina mother raising Catholic daughters in America, I held my breath, wondering who would step onto that balcony. When Jorge Mario Bergoglio emerged and began with a simple “Buonasera” (“Good evening”), something shifted. Here was a pope who spoke our language – not just Spanish, but the language of humility, accessibility, and genuine warmth.
“Mamá, he looks like abuelito,” my youngest whispered, noticing his gentle smile. I couldn’t help but tear up. After centuries of European pontiffs, the first Latin American pope had arrived, bringing with him cultural touchstones that felt intimately familiar – from his love of soccer to his direct, heartfelt manner of speaking.
The Pope Francis humble papacy began with his unprecedented decision to live in the modest Domus Santa Marta hotel rather than the palatial papal apartments.
He chose simple, practical shoes over red papal loafers, rode in compact cars instead of limousines, and carried his own luggage – choices that made explaining the concept of spiritual leadership tangible for my children.
“Why doesn’t he want to live in a castle if he can?” my daughter once asked.
“Because he believes Jesus wouldn’t have lived in a castle either,” I explained, grateful for such a clear example of living one’s values.
Monday morning at 7:35, the Pope Francis humble papacy came to an end as he “returned to the home of the Father,” according to Cardinal Kevin Farrell’s announcement.
Church bells rang from Buenos Aires to Manila as the world absorbed the news that the first Latin American pope dies after a 38-day hospitalization for double pneumonia. Just one day earlier, he had appeared at Easter celebrations, offering a final blessing to thousands in St. Peter’s Square.
Born to Italian immigrants in Buenos Aires on December 17, 1936, Francis brought his Argentine perspective to the global stage. His pontificate embraced “todos, todos, todos” (“everyone, everyone, everyone”) – a phrase I’ve found myself repeating in our home when my daughters ask difficult questions about who belongs in our church community.
Through 12 transformative years, the Pope Francis humble papacy redefined what Catholic leadership could look like.
He prioritized mercy over judgment, famously responding “Who am I to judge?” when asked about gay priests. He washed the feet of prisoners, embraced the disfigured, and constantly directed the church’s attention to refugees, the poor, and society’s outcasts.
For our family, these weren’t abstract theological positions but practical lessons in compassion. When my daughters noticed a homeless person outside our church, Francis’s example gave us a framework for discussion beyond simply saying “that’s sad.” We talked about human dignity and our responsibility to see Christ in every person – lessons straight from the Pope Francis humble papacy.
His pontificate wasn’t without controversies. Some conservatives considered him too progressive, while advocates for abuse victims felt he didn’t go far enough in addressing the church’s failures. After initially mishandling cases in Chile, Francis did something rare for a pope – he admitted his mistake, apologized, and worked to make amends. In the end, we are all just fallible humans trying to do the right thing.
That humility in acknowledging errors became another teaching moment in our home. “Even the pope makes mistakes,” I told my daughters. “What matters is how we respond when we’re wrong.”
As the first Latin American pope dies, I find myself reflecting on what his papacy meant specifically for Latina mothers like me. Francis validated our cultural expressions of faith – embracing popular piety, recognizing saints like Oscar Romero who spoke for our communities, and demonstrating that leadership doesn’t require European origins or aristocratic bearing.
He provided me with endless examples of faith in action that resonated with Latino values of family, community, and care for the vulnerable. When explaining complex church teachings, I could point to Francis kneeling to wash feet, embracing the marginalized, or living simply – making abstract concepts tangible through his example.
Now, as the church begins the solemn process of mourning and eventually selecting a new leader, I find myself wondering how to explain this transition to my daughters. The Pope Francis humble papacy has been the only one they’ve known – a pontificate defined by warmth, accessibility, and a focus on mercy. He embodied his papa title.
Perhaps the lesson is in the continuity of faith despite changes in leadership. That blessed rosary in my car will remain, carrying memories of a pope who showed my Latina daughters that their culture, their language, and their expressions of faith belong at the very heart of the church. As the first Latin American pope dies, his legacy of humility lives on in the countless families like ours who saw our values reflected in his leadership.
For that gift – making faith accessible, relatable, and deeply human – this Latina mother will be forever grateful.
RIP beloved Pope Francis!
2025/04/21
My Father the Immigrant
Ever wonder why an immigrant, illegal or otherwise, really comes to the United States willing to risk his life? Maybe that question is too big, maybe we narrow it down, ever wonder why my dad came to the United States? Contrary to popular belief, it’s not to take anything from you.It’s more about admiration of the freedoms we have and the will to succeed; to achieve the American dream. The freedom to work hard and get ahead in life.
Then ask yourself, if you were desperate, and your child’s life depended on you doing something dangerous, would you do it? What if it were illegal? What if you needed to fast track things in order to save a life? Would you do it? I think we all know the answer is yes. we’d do anything for our children.
I’ve heard a lot of discussions online about immigrants and why many Americans don’t want immigrants here in the United States. People are talking about immigrants like they are not humans but has anyone ever just asked a real, live immigrant,
Hey, immigrant why are you here?
If you are not an immigrant, or the son or daughter of an immigrant, or the friend or loved one of an immigrant, maybe you just don’t know and I’m sure it is different for every single person. But I’m happy to share with you my immigrant story. How this freckled Mexican was born on the right side of the wall.
I’ve been quick to judge all of you. I was only seeing things from my perspective, the daughter of an immigrant; a first generation Mexican-American. I never even considered that there are actually people who don’t even personally know any Mexicans. They know of us, apparently our reputation precedes us, but they don’t “know us”; know us.
They’ve not grown up with us; eaten dinner at our home, been welcomed by my interracial couple parents and been kissed on the cheek and treated like family. They’ve not had the pleasure of hearing my dad, in his thick Spanish accent, look them in the eye, give them a firm hand shake ( even the most down trodden of our neighbors) and say, “Good to see you, buddy!” Never seen the way family is more than the people you share a last name with; never been willing to risk everything for those people.
They’ve never heard my dad sing Happy Birthday, Las Mananitas and You are my sunshine to my daughters every birthday or seen him grab them and start dancing with them whenever he hears music. They’ve never seen his giant smile and the way he says, “Sonofagun” any time his grandchildren do almost anything because he is so in awe of them.
They don’t know that my dad used to bring homeless people home for dinner that he’d see on his walk home from mass. My mom wasn’t too keen on this practice but that’s the type of guy he is. When he wants to, he’ll give you the jacket off his back if you need it more than he does. He’s the man who wore sunglasses when he walked me down the aisle so no one would see him cry, when he gave me away.
Don’t get me wrong, if you’re a long time reader of this blog you know that my dad is not perfect. He’s made mistakes but he’s also never been a drug dealer, a rapist or a murderer.
He simply falls into the immigrant category because he was born someplace else.
He’s the kind of man who has played the guitar in the church choir since I was a kid. He’s the guy who stopped drinking and now, devotes most of his retirement to not only staying sober but keeping others sober. But he is Mexican. He’s lived in the United States longer than he ever lived there. This is his home but Mexico is where he was born. Mexico is where part of my roots begin.
When all of the political mudslinging started during the campaign, I felt personally attacked because my dad is an immigrant and even though he is not perfect, he has always been a contributing member of society and he raised us to work hard, trust in God and respect our government.
Just because someone is an immigrant, doesn’t mean they are a bad person.
It just means they weren’t born here. They chose to come here. They choose America.
He’s a good man; a good Christian man who reads the bible daily, who has been married to the same woman for 44 years, who has raised 6 children and paid taxes to a country that he loves. The kind of man who plays in the sprinkler with his grandchildren. The kind of man who doesn’t want fame and fortune, he only wanted to be able to give his unborn children a better life than he had; maybe a house without dirt floors, maybe a life where the struggle wasn’t so real.
When people bad mouth immigrants, I take it personally. I feel like the country and the government that my dad loves so much, that we’ve been raised to believe is the best in the world, hated him simply for the color of his skin and by association me, my brothers and sisters and our children; the most precious thing in our lives; family.
The will to succeed is always welcome here.
Those were the words at the end of the Lumber 84, full 6-minute commercial, the one thought to be too controversial for a commercial during the Super Bowl. Those words spoke to me because I was raised by an immigrant who taught me to believe in myself and to know that where there is a will, there is always a way. My father is legal, but is that really relevant to the man he is?
That is all that my immigrant father wanted. The chance to be a member of our society; a chance to give his children a better life. He doesn’t hate Americans. He loves everything about this country. So what are we all so afraid of?
There’s been some confusion about the true meaning behind this commercial. I saw it as a beautiful thing but it seems I didn’t realize that a mother and daughter making their way to a better life is only beautiful if you come through the door. If you can’t find the door, I guess you’re just supposed to give up and live the life you’re doomed to live and I guess, according to Lumber 84, we’re all supposed to be okay with that.
Tomorrow, Desierto is released on DVD, I highly recommend that you watch it then maybe you’ll see why immigrants are more afraid of you than you should be afraid of them.
What’s the difference between the European immigrants that founded this country hundreds of years ago and the Mexican and Muslim immigrants who are trying to make a better life for their children now, besides the color of their skin? Then again, I guess it’s always been hard for immigrants.
What is the difference between an immigrant and you or I, besides a piece of paper?
2017/02/06
When They Go Low, We Go High
This is a sponsored post. All opinions are my own.
Wouldn’t it be awesome if the world was peaceful and there were no wars, no hate, no starving children, no displaced and homeless people? What if there was no poverty, racism or bigotry in the world? What if the world was filled with people who loved people equally no matter the color of their skin, their politics or their religion? What if we could all see past the superficial and get to know our neighbors for who they are and not what they are? Isn’t that a refreshing thought?
The world is a crazy place. It feels like it’s gone completely wild (and not in a good way) and maybe just a little off the rails. Every day, the news is filled with one horrible act after another, each one worse and more gruesome than the last. I want more for the world that I’m raising my daughters in. I don’t want our generation’s legacy to be one of death and destruction so I’ve made my mind up to change it.
I know that a lot of people say that they can’t make a difference because they are only one person but every person counts; each one as equally as the last. In my world that starts with me standing up, being the change and being the example for my children. They are always watching and I want to be my best self for them because that’s what they deserve and that’s who I want to be. I’m not perfect and I don’t pretend to be but I want my children to see me actively working to be a good person and the best version of myself.
I’m teaching my children to spread love not hate and to embrace, seek out and spread positivity. I know that it sounds almost too simple, right? But honestly, it is the truest thing I’ve ever known. It starts with me teaching them to love and accept themselves and it ends with them knowing that I am always here for them; no matter how old they may be or how badly they may think they’ve messed up. My love for them is unconditional and everlasting and I hope this allows them the freedom to always follow their heart and do the right thing.
My goal is simple; to raise good, tolerant, loving and accepting human beings. I’m raising daughters who strive to be the best them that they can be and to not compare themselves to others because that only leads to jealousy and bitterness. It also leads to feelings of less than and dissatisfaction with one’s self. I don’t expect perfection. I expect them to work hard at what’s important to them and try to reach their goals. The real living happens on the journey not the destination.
We parent focusing on a few very important virtues 1)honesty 2)integrity 3)respect 4) to know that where there’s a will there is always a way and by far the most important, 5) you cannot control other people’s reactions, only your own actions so do good and don’t worry about whether someone else chooses to appreciate it or not. Life is so much better when we accept people for who they are and not who we want them to be. Life is not a competition and no one is keeping score. I want my girls to take the high road, no matter the road others choose because they can’t control others but they can control how they behave and move through this world.
I’m not saying that I am raising my daughters to be people pleasers, there couldn’t be anything further from the truth. I am just raising them to please themselves and to let others live their own lives. We can’t please everyone, nor should we even try but we can choose to be a source of positivity and optimism rather than a source of sadness. We can choose to go high when the world goes low.
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2016/08/04
Is the Starbucks Red Cup Debacle Just a Marketing Ploy?
I don’t drink Starbucks coffee that often because honestly, it usually tastes a little burnt and I prefer my Nespresso but the other day, on the way to physical therapy we stopped in for a chai latte and I noticed the cup was red which to me signaled my brain that it was the start of the holiday season.
A couple days later I saw a video that was being circulated around the Internet, Joshua Feuerstein, an Arizona-based evangelist who describes himself as a “social media personality,” was up in arms because the cup was too minimalist for his liking.He posted on his Facebook page that this year’s spartan red cup illustrated Starbucks’ dismissal of Christmas as a Christian holiday in favor of political correctness. He went on to crack jokes and decided to fight against the “war on Christmas” by giving his name as “Merry Christmas” when ordering. To really stick it to “the man” he wore his Jesus shirt and carried his concealed weapon into Starbucks. (I found that part the most offensive and scary myself).
In the video, Feuerstein says that Starbucks “wanted to take Christ and Christmas off of their brand new cups. That’s why they’re just plain red.” Feuerstein said that instead of boycotting the coffee chain, he wanted to start a “movement,” so he went into a Starbucks–with his gun, as Arizona has an open-carry law and Starbucks has not outright banned firearms–ordered a hot drink, and told the barista that his name was “Merry Christmas,” which was subsequently scribbled on his red cup.
“So guess what, Starbucks? I tricked you into putting Merry Christmas on your cup,” Feuerstein said in his video. He urged his Facebook followers to do the same. The video has been watched about 12 million times and nearly 500,000 people have shared it.
Anyways, the video and verbiage in it made me feel like maybe the entire thing was a marketing stunt on Starbucks’ behalf, honestly. Anyways, I carried on and then I began to see all sorts of social media posts about some people being outraged that “Christmas” had been removed from Starbucks and then the rest of the people were outraged that the Christians were outraged. It quickly escalated to religious persecution by way of making a mountain out of a molehill.
Me, I am a Christian of what some might say is the worst kind, a Catholic, and this is what I think. If you don’t like Starbucks’ cups or you feel that they are stepping on your right to religious freedom, don’t buy their coffee. Don’t give them your money if you are so offended. But what I don’t say is to get over it because if it bothers you and is important to you, then draw your line in the sand. Mine however is not over coffee cups. That, my friends, is not the deciding factor to my ever-lasting salvation. I get my religion at mass and at home, I don’t need it on my coffee cup for validation.
On the other hand, if you feel that you can tell the Christians to get over their butt hurt over the cups, I hope you are not one of those ridiculous people who enjoy the benefit of all the Christmas holiday rituals (and time off) but don’t actually believe in or celebrate the birth of Jesus (yes, I already know that is not his actual birthday. I have the History channel.) P.S. A holiday tree is not a real thing people. It’s a Christmas tree. You can’t have your anti-Christian beliefs and celebrate Christmas too. Well, you can but then that makes you kind of an asshole.It’s like pretending to be homeless for the free food.
Like it or not, Christmas is a religious observance holiday and if you don’t believe in the religion then you shouldn’t be celebrating the holiday. If you want to celebrate the winter solstice or whatever, fine but it’s not Christmas so lets not pretend that we are celebrating the same thing. Celebrating “Christmas” and not being a Christian is the same as having a quincinera and not being a 15-year-old Latina girl or having a Bat Mitzvah and not being Jewish. These are religious celebrations. Christmas (not Winter Solstice) is a religious celebration.
So while you’re making fun of the Christians being up in arms over their coffee cups, I’ll be over here at drop off sipping my Chai Latte minding my own business. And if anyone wants to wish me a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah or Happy Kwanza I will happily accept it because even though I may not celebrate all of those holidays, I do accept well wishes and good tidings from all. I will smile and I will thank you because I don’t think you are trying to convert me. In my mind, you are saying, “Debi, live long and prosper!”
Are red cups worth getting upset over to me? No. It’s a cup, people. But if it really offends you, you have every right to not buy your coffee from Starbucks and I can respect that because I am an adult and as long as you’re not making the decisions for me, it’s not my business.
When did we start living in a world where people feel like they have to run every single thought, word and coffee cup design through a filter before they say it out loud? Stop that. I’d rather I know you, the real you, no matter who you are than only know some diluted, politically correct version of you. By over thinking every single word that comes out of our mouth, we are diminishing any hope of establishing true human connections.
Be happy, people. Just be yourself and let others be.
Do you find the Starbucks Red Cups offensive and why?
2015/11/09
Dentist Murders Cecil the Lion Claims He Didn’t Know Any Better
Have you seen this photo of Walter Palmer, the dentist from Minnesota who murdered Cecil the Lion, perched proudly above the remains of a dead lion? It proves that Walter Palmer has no respect for life.
There are bad people in the world that’s not a secret. I’ve always leaned more towards the crunchy, tree-hugging and animal loving side of life philosophies. On most days, I prefer animals to people because most people suffer from some degree of hubris and I find that to be a most unattractive quality in humans. But on days like today, I’m reminded why maybe being at the top of the food chain doesn’t make you more evolved but more capable of doing wrong; damn walking upright and opposable thumbs. I’m talking specifically about the story of Cecil the Lion and the arrogant dentist from Minnesota.
Have you ever seen the hostel series? This is the vibe I get from this entire situation. Lesson number 1, Americans travel the world and act like assholes. This is our Achilles heel. We travel and think the entire world should bend to our will. We don’t learn the languages, we don’t respect the culture or the people and we basically think we can walk in there and own the place. This arrogance makes us vulnerable to all sorts of wrongdoing.
Walter Palmer is a big game hunter. He says he secured all the appropriate licenses and jumped through all the big game hoops that were dictated by regulations. Yet, the lion in question was lured off of a reserve at night (I don’t know maybe that’s when you hunt Lions?) when he was clearly in the national park and wearing a collar, which means he was not only protected he was being studied. In fact, not only was he being studied, he was the most famous of all the lions in Zimbabwe. But Americans, we can’t be held to the rules of native countries we are above these savages, besides he had money and if there is anything we are taught in the United States it is that everything has it’s price. He’s not the first person to think he’s above the law and he won’t be the last when it comes to murdering helpless animals.
And we wonder why the entire world hates us. It’s because we are a bunch of assholes. I see this all a little differently because while I am American, I have traveled outside the U.S. as a child with a native to another country and I was force learned to respect other countries; their languages, their people and their culture. I was not taught to travel and expect the world to bow to me. I was taught when in Rome (or Mexico in my case) behave as if in Rome, not as if you are in America because you’re not.
This dentist went to Africa, paid some people, greased some palms and had his hunt. He didn’t care how forbidden or illegal it was. He can backtrack all he wants now but why lure the lion off the reserve unless it was to do something illegal. He wanted the full experience of the hunt; the thrill of wounding, tracking and ultimately killing and desecrating the animal. He wanted his photo taken with the slain carcass and the head mounted on the wall. He didn’t give a damn about the law. He wanted to satisfy some desire in him to say he killed the beast.
He was trying to get around the law because he has no respect for it and if the truth were truly known, I’d say the only thing he is sorry for is being caught and the financial repercussions he is suffering for this bad behavior.
I don’t know about you but I think Walter Palmer should be extradited to Africa and made to serve jail time, not just issued a fine because he has not only disrespected the animal itself, he has disrespected the law and the country. I feel like he thinks he is above the law. He needs to be shown that he is not.
If this bad behavior is tolerated, what’s next on his list? Hunting humans? The thrill of the hunt will grow and what happens when there are no more animals to be hunted? He will want something bigger, smarter and more of a challenge. Maybe next he will pay the right people to let him murder a homeless man in some obscure country where he thinks no one will notice. Maybe he already has.
What are your thoughts about Walter Palmer murdering Cecil the Lion?
2015/07/29