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The Blogger’s Life…Kelby Carr @TypeAMom

by Deborah Cruz 2014/06/27

This week’s guest on This Blogger’s Life is Kelby Carr the founder of the website Type-A Parent and the organizer of the Type-A conference. I think just about everyone in the parent blogging world knows Kelby by her reputation as a business powerhouse. I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know her over the years through her online magazine Type-A Parent and finally got to meet her in March at Type-A Disney World. I’ll be honest, I was a little intimidated, and I am not intimidated by many people but she really has her shit together. But, when I met her, if you look at the photo below, this is who I met. A kind, quiet, strong minded, business savvy woman who upon recognizing me gave me a huge smile and heartfelt welcome that put all my nerves at ease. The thing that I love most about Kelby is that she genuinely wants to help other bloggers succeed, which is evident by her conferences. I’ve only been to a handful of conferences but I felt like I got more out of her 1 day conference than any other one I’ve attended, I can’t wait to go to Type-A Atlanta in September.

I am honored to know Kelby and proud to have her as my guest on This Blogger’s Life today. So, without further ado…

This Blogger’s Life, Kelby Carr.

Why did you start blogging?

I started blogging while still working as a newspaper reporter. It was a way to write about a topic I was passionate about, but didn’t cover regularly at my paper (travel).
What’s one piece of advice that you would give to a new blogger?

Run your own race (blogging isn’t a zero sum game).
What are the three words that describe you best?

Assertive, Type-A and social.
What is your favorite website?

Inc.com

What is your favorite thing to do when you’re not blogging?

Watch movies and read (everything from comic books to horror/fantasy and business books).
What’s the most important thing you’ve learned about yourself from blogging?

After years of writing and working for others, I realized I could (and prefer to) be my own boss.

How do you balance life and blogging?

That is one of the biggest challenges. The smartest thing I did after years of being an uptight control freak (and too tightwad) was to hire an executive assistant last year. It has made a huge difference. It has allowed me to work more on my business, and less in my business. If I could go back five years, I would smack my old self and say to do this earlier.
How has blogging changed you or your life?

I can now work for myself. While I do have some travel, I can attend almost every school function. We can decide at the last minute to do a short getaway. I get to decide my own fate.

What do you think makes a successful blog? A great blog? Are they one in the same?

I don’t care what your business model or topic is, fantastic content is always the core to a successful and great blog. There are a lot of other factors that also can enhance that, but you can’t have great and successful without the quality content.
If you were to stop blogging today, what would you do with the rest of your life?

Travel, start another business or open a restaurant.
How do you balance telling your story, without telling the story of others in your life?

I actually don’t share anything personal about my children or husband. I did buy my kids’ domains with their names years ago, so web their lives get blogged it will be by them.
Blogging has changed a lot, just since I started 5 years ago, what do you miss about blogging in the early days? What do you love that has changed?

The focus on great writing, conversation and community. I am over the moon thrilled bloggers are making money and supporting their families now from this industry, but it is important that bloggers balance revenue goals with maintaining quality content. I see sponsored post to non-sponsored post ratios that are really alarming. If we don’t maintain the quality content, we will kill the golden goose anyway. We won’t have readers, and brands won’t see the value in investing in our industry.

How do you consistently come up with relevant and shareable content?
Type-A Parent has always been an online magazine/social blog, so that means I mix up my own posts with paid posts by bloggers. Each month, we do a call for paid blog post ideas and any blogger can apply. What’s great about that is it helps us remain community-focused, and we get lots of variety of topics and expertise areas. As an online magazine, we also cover a wide variety of topics (anything of interest to parents who blog, so that ranges from business and blogging advice to recipes and crafts).

If you could have a dinner party for 6 people, living or dead, who would you invite?

Hunter S. Thompson, Audrey Hepburn, Seth Rogan, George Takei, Lynda Carter and Stan Lee.

What’s the one thing that people would be surprised to learn about you?

I witnessed an execution.

What’s the one post that you are most proud of?

My favorite posts tend to be when I mix commentary about our industry with advice, like this recent one on sponsored post ratios: https://typeaparent.com/sponsored-post-ratios.html

Kelby, Thank you so much for taking the time to do this interview. I KNOW how crazy everything is right now with you being in full-swing preparation for Type-A Disneyland in a couple weeks. You always make time for your fellow bloggers and I hope you know that it doesn’t go unnoticed. You’ve earned my respect on so many levels for what you do and how you conduct yourself in this arena. Can’t wait to see you in September and hug your neck. XOXO

If you want to know more about Kelby Carr, check her out at Type-A Parent on FB, Twitter and Google+.

2014/06/27 0 comments

mommy blogger, blogging, motherhood, blog, social media

Anatomy of a Mommy Blogger

by Deborah Cruz 2012/07/12

written by Deborah Cruz

Mommy Blogger Means Mommy who Blogs

When did Mommy Blogger become a bad word? The other day, I was accused by one of my readers at another site I write for ( not you ladies, you rock), who apparently doesn’t know me like you all do, of sitting around in my robe all day and thinking up these “ridiculous” articles. I wish! I believe the article was one in which I compared “real” (meaning those of us who are not celebrities. Not meaning to imply that Beyoncé is not a “real” mom because obviously if she has a baby and is taking care of it, she is “real” not imaginary.) Well, apparently Beyoncé reads that website because someone certainly attacked me for that remark and the only person who I can think of that should get that defensive about Beyoncé would be Beyoncé herself or her mama.

Then it hit me, this is what people think of mommy bloggers. They think we sit around in our pajamas all day, eating bon bons and pecking away at the keyboard while we ignore our kids and live in perpetual squalor. It is no wonder, women writers are so afraid of that title. I assure you that I do not fit any of the stereotypes that people think of when they think of “mommy blogger”. In fact, I’m pretty sure most mommy bloggers don’t.

This illusion of a mommy blogger is not feasible if you think about it because by the very definition of “mommy blogger” we have children, have given birth and/or are pregnant. This does not allow much time for sitting on our asses and eating bon bons though I wish it did. I have never eaten or seen a bon bon in my life because I have kids. Bon bons would never last in my house. As soon as I would try to put one in my mouth some little person would be in my ear asking for a bite and just as suddenly in my mouth snatching it away.

If anything, a Mommy blogger should be defined as a wonder woman like creature who has given birth, is raising children, has the balls and presumably some talent to write about it openly. I also happen to live like a functioning yet severely affected ADHD patient.

[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”] You can grab your own Proud Mommy Blogger button under the “about” tab.

A Mommy Blogger is a Multitasker Extraordinare

I sit down to write during naps.Five minutes in someone usually yells out for me. I walk past a toy in the hallway and pick it up. Then I walk into the bedroom to be told that little Suzy needs a drink of water. I grab her hamper and carry the clothes to the laundry room and start the washer. While the washer is filling, I walk to the cupboard to grab a cup. I fill the cup and then I wash the few dishes that are in the sink. I load the washer, walk back to the child’s bedroom and hand her the water. She asks for a tissue. I walk into the bathroom to grab a tissue. Clean the sink and make it free of toothpaste. I pick up the wet towels from this morning. I walk back across the hall, hand Suzy a tissue, give her a kiss and walk towards the laundry room. Out the corner of my eye, I see that the living room coffee table is covered in puzzles and coloring books and the cushions need to be fluffed. I take the laundry to the laundry room. As I walk through the kitchen towards the living room, I see that there are crumbs from breakfast on the table. I grab the sponge and begin to wipe the table. My phone dings. I have a text message from my husband. I call the insurance company to ask about a statement. While I listen to musak, I fluff pillows and put away puzzles. The living room is tidy. I take the pillow the girls drug from my bedroom back to my bed. Musak continues. I notice I still need to fix my bed. I fluff the comforter and realize there are loveys in my bed. More musak. I finish fluffing my pillows and straightening my bed then I walk across the hall to put the lovey on my youngest daughters shelf. Musak is still playing. She stirs and I have to stop what I am doing and soothe her back to sleep. Tip toeing out of the room, the musak suddenly stops and a very loud insurance agent yells, “Mary Jane Magilicutty, How may I help you?” Startled, I run out of the room. 20 minutes later, I am done being transferred, pressing one and explaining to this agent the extent of my stress incontinence. I am about to lose my mind. I walk to my desk to continue writing my article that I started an hour ago when the kids first went down for their nap. Shit! I forgot I need a cup of coffee. I walk to the coffee maker and begin the process of making a cup. I can’t find the creamer. I go in search of the creamer. It’s at the very back of the refrigerator behind the apple juice, organic milk and leftovers. I finally get to it and the apple juice, whose lid was apparently not closed, falls out of the refrigerator and spills on the ground. 20 minutes and a lot of cussing later I am headed back to my desk with tepid coffee after mopping up the juice. I walk over to my desk, sit down and type one sentence and a little one walks up to me and tells me they are awake. Breathe. Wait. Repeat. That, my friends, is the day in the life of a Mommy blogger.

This is my day, every day. I work in 5-minute increments and then I stay up until the wee hours of the night to make up the difference. Bon bons? I can barely sneak in a minute to eat a piece of stale cold toast. So don’t tell me that Beyoncé does more than me before 8 am because I am still asleep and then I sit in my robe all day. Hey fuck you! I run circles around Beyoncé. She has a team of people to do what she does. I am a team of one for most of the day. It’s just short people, who I can barely understand, and me. Being a Mommy blogger means I not only do all the Mommy duties of my day, I throw in researching, writing and thinking up interesting things to say.Well, things to say. Do you have any idea how hard that is when I have a raging case of Mommy brain, 2 little ones in my ear talking about everything that has ever happened to them and anyone they know and trying to remember birthdays, anniversaries, appointments, meetings and deadlines?

It’s hard but I do it because I LOVE it. I love my girls, I love my husband, I love my job and I want it all. Am I exhausted? Yes. Do I say some things that are irreverent? Yes, I am too tired to over think it. Do I make mistakes? Hell, yeah. Do I feel mental? Yes. So throat punch to anyone who thinks mommy bloggers sit around in their robes all day. Now, pass the fucking bon bons, I’m hungry, exhausted and I have a deadline and I’ve only got 5 minutes before the kids wake up again.

What do you think when you hear the word Mommy blogger?

Photo

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2012/07/12 39 comments

Blogging

Throat Punch Thursday~ You Dirty Mommy Blogger Edition

by Deborah Cruz 2011/07/07

written by Deborah Cruz

Lately, there’s been a lot of controversy over the term Mommy Blogger. Yes, I know I should be giving a hefty Throat Punch to Casey Anthony for being worst mom of the century but I think I’ve wasted enough time on making this sad and sorry woman into a celebrity. This is my last opinion on the subject: Casey Anthony is a woman who clearly has problems and has to live the rest of her life knowing that she has let her daughter down; that she will never hold Caylee in her arms again and that no matter what the jury decided, in the American Public’s eye, she is guilty in thought, word and action. In the end, she is alone and she is culpable.

Moving on, as I was saying, the very term

Mommy Blogger

seems to be inciting revolutions. I am a Mommy who is a blogger. But I don’t blog about JUST being a Mommy. I am a human, with a vast array of thoughts and emotions. I have 38 years of life, experience and wisdom to share. I am worth more than the sum total of all my parts. It’s really disturbing to me to hear Moms who are bloggers disgusted and disgruntled by the fact that they are called mommy bloggers. It is said in the blogging community almost as a dirty word or an insult.

You know how you hear that teachers are not being paid very much and you think “what? These are the people educating our future” and then you think to yourself, “These people she be paid a million dollars a year.” They ARE making a difference. This is how I feel about Mommy bloggers.

Or when you realize that there are entire countries where men think women are useless and have no voice. No opinion. No merit. It begs the question, how the fuck do you think you got here? There are entire continents that don’t want baby girls. But baby girls grow up to be women and women have babies. Babies perpetuate the human race. See where I’m going with this? Mommies are what make the world go round. Mommy bloggers share these experiences.

Mommy Blogger

So,when I hear a negative connotation associated with being a Mommy Blogger, it pisses me off. I work hard on my blog. I pour my heart, blood, sweat and tears onto the page to share with my readers. It’s not always about babies pooping, first days of kindergarten or photos of how cute my kids are. It’s not always gushing. Sometimes it a woman on the ledge sharing the deepest recesses of hardest moments of life. Sometimes I blog about how current events are effecting the world. Other times I use my life experiences and education to help my readers broaden their horizons and open their minds. Some days, I am pure sunshine and rainbows and am here to make you smile and laugh heartily. Either way, I think I serve a purpose for my readers and I know having the opportunity to share serves a purpose for me.

The worst part is that not only is the term Mommy Blogger used in a derogatory way, it’s used most often by other bloggers. Worse still is the jealousy and competition that comes, not only from traditional journalists, but that from within the blogging community itself. I have met some amazing Mommies who are bloggers. I have learned so many important life lessons by sharing a community with these wise women…these mothers. But then, every once in a while, I see envy and competition raise it’s head. Is this where the negative view of Mommy Blogger is derived from?

The Throat Punch this week goes to self-loathing Mommy Bloggers and all those who think that just because a blogger is a Mommy that she is less respectable than any other writer in social media. Shame on you! We are Mommies who Blog…hear us roar! And just because we share about parenting, doesn’t give you carte blanche to know every single thought we’ve ever had or the right to delve deeper than we are willing to share.

What is your definition of a Mommy Blogger? Are you a Mommy Blogger? Are you embarrassed to be called such? Or are you loud and proud? Love to hear your thoughts.

If you want the badge,grab it on the tool bar under buttons

Proud Mommy Blogger

2011/07/07 28 comments

Heather Armstrong, Dooce, died of suicide

Blogging Mental Health

Heather Armstrong So Much More than Just a Mommy Blogger

by Deborah Cruz 2023/05/11

written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 10 minutes

It’s been a fucking horrible week. Let me be really, real it’s been a really fucking awful month and we’re only 10 days in. I’m actually terrified of what the other 21 days in this month might bring. Heartbreak and devastation, there’s been too much. In just 5 days, I’ve experienced the heartbreaking loss of my Lola and shocking death of suicide of friend and colleague, Heather Armstrong .

Real talk, I had to take an edible just to chill myself out enough to write this post. Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’ve had verbal constipation. So many thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head in a fury. I just couldn’t get them out onto the screen. This is my process and if I can’t write, I might actually implode from all the unprocessed, “stuck in my head” feelings that are hitting my heart so hard right now. So, fuck it, life is unbearably short and I’m just going to bleed all over this damn keyboard. Consequences be damned.

Today, after a particularly horrible, country song lyric sort of week, I heard the news that my friend and the woman who inspired me to speak my own truth into the world, Heather Armstrong (Dooce) was no longer on this earth. She died of suicide. I am absolutely fucking heartbroken. A world without her in it to shine a light on all the ugly and beautiful sides of life seems bleak. This may actually be the fucking winter of my discontent.

I spent my daughters’ early years in motherhood solitude (like prison but on an island and it’s just you and a couple little natives who don’t speak the language), searching for “mom friends” and longing for community. Lonely and isolated was an understatement and there was nothing I yearned more for than connection, understanding and commiseration. I found that community amongst my people; fellow moms, dads and other “mommy bloggers” (I hate that fucking term) and Heather. We’re content creators (who happen to have kids) and we’re the OG founding mothers of today’s content creators and influencers.

I was stunned at the news yesterday. Heather Armstrong, aka Dooce to the online world, is no longer in this world. She was more than the original “mommy blogger” or the “Queen Mommy Blogger”. She was a woman, a mom, a lover, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a foulmouthed hooligan, free spirit whose vulnerable and authentic words made the world a better place for a lot of us . Heather was a pioneer and legend in the mom blogging field. She crawled so we could run. She paved the way for all modern day influencers. For me, the world is a less beautiful place without her in it. There is a deep void where she is supposed to be in the world. I hate the thought of the last thing the world will know about her is she died of suicide.

She was more than just a click bait headline. Heather’s words inspired me to push through my fear and share my most vulnerable, irreverent and often scary truth. When I first started blogging, not knowing anything about the industry and just knowing that words were my way of processing life, I reached out to Heather. Yep, I was so green that I fucking cold called (via email) the literal Queen of Mommy Blogging and asked for guidance. I had no idea about the hierarchy of the blogging world, I was brand new to the blogosphere. I jumped in with both feet and no idea of what I was doing. She responded.

That’s the type of person she was. She was fierce and feisty and fucking fabulous. Not shying away from what might have been a very inconvenient 10 minutes out of her crazy busy day, she read my email and gave me guidance. She was gracious, appreciative and generous. Heather didn’t hoard her secret to success. She knew there was no other Dooce and there was room for all of us on the internet. She offered thoughtful, useful advice instead of nuanced suggestions or condescending platitudes, as some prefer to do.

The first thing she did was to thank me for taking the time to reach out to her. Thanking me for my support, as a fan, because it allowed her to do what she loved the most… write and share her life.

Her advice shaped the writer I would become and the community I would build. She warned me that growing a following and community was hard work. She encouraged me to keep writing and keep working. Then she told me something that was invaluable and is the reason I have the connections I do in the blogging world… “Get involved in a community of people who you want to read your blog.”

So, from there on, I wrote my truth, in my voice for the people I WANTED to read my blog…moms like me. Moms like Heather. The moms who are struggling daily, appreciating the small moments, sometimes think their kids are full on assholes but ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS love them and appreciate the burden and the bliss of motherhood while not taking any of it too seriously. At the same time, moms who were as serious as a fucking heart attack because, after all, this is the world we are leaving to our daughters and sons.

She wished me luck with much love and that was the beginning of over a decade of friendship. I loved her from that moment. I admired her for her words on the screen. But the words in my emails and messages, those were the words that really touched my heart. The conversations about everything and nothing, the wellness check ins, the commiseration and compassionate understanding.

I can’t presume to know all the thoughts that led her to that dark place on May 9^th or positioned her to die by suicide. But, I’ve been there myself on many occasions. I know that depression is a lying demon that gets in your head. Cruelly, it beats you down from the inside out. It is torturous and painful. Mental illness, the self-medicating addiction just to feel normal (or not feel at all) can be all consuming.

Sometimes it feels like the only way out is by death. Going through it is just too painful an option. How much pain is an individual going through that death by suicide feels like the the only option? That’s not an easy decision, nor does anyone make it lightly. Heather was a warrior and fought through the pain publicly and privately for over 2 decades. She was a prolific mental health advocate. With her candor, she helped make the world a more livable place for those of us who struggle with the darkness.

I don’t know about other people’s mental illnesses but believe me, I’ve done the research and lived with mine for most of my existence. None of us is perfect and we’re all just trying to survive this life. We make mistakes and faux pas when we are trying to get our mind right side up. At my worst, I was probably unbearable to others. Heather made it okay for me to be vulnerable and brave enough to share my own struggles with mental illness. Her bravery helped other women know they are not alone in their fight.

During my teens, I was suicidal for all of my high school tenure. I’ve had body dysmorphia since I was 12-years-old, followed by acute eating disorders that actually almost killed me from age 17-25. In college, my depression evolved from depths of hell suicidal ideation to full-on mania. The kind that makes you reckless, impulsive, dangerous, delusional and narcissistic. The kind of mania thats so bad, you become so angry and irritable that you circle right back to suicidal. You’re on a runaway train and you cannot get off. The train is speeding towards a mountain and the brakes don’t work. The gas pedal is stuck to the floor. All you can do is hold on and brace for impact, hoping you die so the pain will stop. That’s where I spent a big chunk of my life.

When the proverbial train didn’t crash into the mountain, I was left stuck in the hell that was my existence. I turned to alcohol and started to self-medicate because I couldn’t stop what my brain chemistry was doing to me. I didn’t even recognize the person I was becoming. The guilt of the reckless behavior, the shame of things I said and did while manic, the narcissism and self-absorption that everyone around me had to endure was too much to live with. From day to day, I had a plan to stop the pain but I just couldn’t do it. Ironically, my mental illness, which created my need to be perfect, please my parents and not disappoint anyone is what kept me fighting. Its why I’m here now. That and a whole lot of Catholic guilt.

Eventually, I got help. But for a long time, I didn’t even know what was wrong with me. I assumed I was just broken; undeserving of happiness. But once I was diagnosed, everything became clear and with the help of my team of doctors and specialist, we made a plan to live. It’s not easy. It’s a lot of hard work. It hurts. You have to face things about yourself that maybe you don’t want to accept but accepting it is the only way to get through it. Depression is a liar. The thing no one tells you is that it’s a fight that you will be fighting for the rest of your life. There is no fucking cure. Just medicine and therapy to make it bearable.

All this to say, Heather was more than just the “Queen Mommy Blogger” to me. She was a friend, a confidant, an inspiration and a mentor. Loved and beloved. She shone the light on the ugly and beautiful of life without hesitation and with complete vulnerability. Heather was a talented writer and wordsmith. She was kind, caring, compassionate, loving, thoughtful, hilarious. Off-the-wall and irreverent and we loved her for every single bit of it.

She lived for her Leta and Marlo. Loved Pete. Her time was too brief but it was impactful on the world. She used her platform to give light to important causes, sometimes even to her own detriment. She made a difference. Her words were a big part of her legacy. I’m heartbroken that I’ll never get to read another new post or message from her again. Still, I can take comfort that for a little while I was in her orbit.

I will forever miss you, my friend. You were so much more than just a mommy blogger. I pray that you are free of the pain of this world and you are finally at peace.

To all of my OG blogger friends and community ( you know who you are), I love you and I’m here for you. I always have been and I always will be.

If you are struggling with mental illness and/or suicidal ideation, don’t do it alone. You are not alone. You are a warrior and there are people to help. Even when the pain feels unbearable, you are worthy of living and being loved. Don’t give up.

988 Suicide and Crisis Hotline

2023/05/11 5 comments

rise of the real, how to blog, blogger, blogging, daddy bloggers, women's rights

Blogging Personal

Rise of the Real Blogger Top Blogging Trend of 2018

by Deborah Cruz 2018/02/28

written by Deborah Cruz

Rise of the real blogger are the five sweetest words that I’ve ever heard. The most important thing I took away about social media and blogging from Disney Social Media Mom’s Celebration was to just be myself online and trust in who I am as a blogger. The universe not so subtly reminded me to get back to what I’ve always done and trust my gut. Recently, I was told that I was being “too real” when I blog. I’m not even sure how that’s possible but from my understanding, authenticity cannot be manufactured. Real life is seldom perfect and when you present it in a way that is… you’re lying, either to yourself or your audience.

“Rise of the Real, be yourself, Be Authentic, connect with your audience, emotional connections,” these were just a few of the ways I heard the universe telling me to be myself. It is the very premise on which my website was built.

I kept hearing it over again at the Disney Social Media Mom celebration like a whisper following me around. It felt like the universe telling me to stop worrying about what other people were doing. You’ve heard the truth will set you free? Well, I believe it. The moment I started second guessing myself, doubt crept in and it manifested itself in a crippling fear of failure.

I saw other people doing it better and getting bigger and I thought, hey, maybe they know better than I do. But doing what they do didn’t feel right for me because writing for me is more than a means to an end, a creative outlet or a career choice. Writing is a big part of who I am as a person and how I move through the world. I tell my stories because it’s how I process and make sense of life.

Rise of the real is confirmation of what I’ve always believed; honesty is the only way to blog and live.

I share with others because I think we are all connected by our experiences and while they don’t all play out the same way, we all experience them. Life is universal, some of us just do it differently than others. We all do what works for our family, for our lives but we all have those moments of failure and success and even though they may be different, the gut-wrenching pulls of failure and the elation of success (whatever the scale may be) is the same.

I’ve always shared my stories because I knew that people could relate on a human level. But then someone told me to think before I “speak” (write) because being too real can be a turn-off. I almost believed it. To be honest, it sent me into shut down mode. I got a terrible case of writer’s block. Turns out that I can’t overthink every single word I write because if I question every single thing I say or do, I’ll never do anything. I’m a leap first, ask for forgiveness person. It’s who I am and I don’t want to change that.

My stories connect me to you and your comments and responses connect you back to me. So often the online world feels like throwing something out into the abyss and leaving it there but that is not how blogging and social media have worked for me, not at all.

Blogging started for me when I was a new mom, completely disconnected from the outside world. Drowning in motherhood, my blog was me reaching out for someone to throw me a buoy and my readers, those connections/ their stories and ability to relate to what I was going through, they were what kept me afloat. If the stories I share can do that for someone else, it’s all worth it. I know they can because I’ve read the comments and I’ve made the connections with people all over the world through our stories.

A million page views a month may not be in my near future but I have posts that people all over the world have connected with and commented on over and over again. Some of my most personal stories that, if I had used common sense, I would have never hit publish on are some of my most popular because everyone is not perfect. Most of us have a hard time of it. We struggle, we fail and our success, our stories, are in the fact that we keep getting back up. Not that we never fall and never fail but that we keep trying and we overcome.

Someone once told me that people don’t want to read reality because they live it. They said reality is not “positive” enough. I say seeing someone I can relate to triumph through their hard times and succeed in their good times empowers me to do better. It makes me feel like I can do anything and it makes me happy for them. When they are in pain, I cheer for them. I don’t block them from my feed because they are bringing me down. I check in to make sure they are doing okay. My readers and followers are not just names of people I don’t know. We’ve connected. They know my family and in many cases, I know their stories too because they’ve shared in response to my stories. It’s a very organic and symbiotic relationship and I love it.

I get it. Too much negativity is a bummer but life isn’t always unicorns and rainbows and beaches. Sometimes it is. But sometimes it’s ugly cry, raw and hard. But mostly, it’s minutia and daily moments peppered with a good mix of profound bliss and misery. All of those unexpected, uncontrolled moments are what make up a life; beautiful in its glory and agony.

So, I ask you, do you prefer to read about how great someone else’s life is all the time? Or do you prefer the truth? The sometimes amazing beyond anything you could imagine, sometimes horrible and sometimes humorous day-to-day of life. Some days, it’s even downright boring but even in the minutia, it is relatable because who hasn’t been bored in their life? The thing I’ve realized it that it’s not about changing the truth, it’s about the way you tell your stories. It’s all in the narrative.

How do you prefer your blogging, transparency in the blogs you read or a blogger who edits reality to make it prettier?

2018/02/28 2 comments

Blogging Humor

The Blogger Crisis

by Deborah Cruz 2015/04/28

written by Deborah Cruz

I’m Debi and I’m an old school blogger. I started blogging 6 years ago ( well, it will be on May 7th). I’ve seen blogging change a lot.

I’ve noticed a definite trend in blogging lately.I’m seeing blogger “midlife” (of the blog) crisis happening almost daily. Everything that is old is new again. Or at least this is what I’ve seen happening; quit blogging, start a new blog and then make a come back….when you never really left. I’m kind of missing the days of self contrived press releases about being lost in the dessert and rescued by your childhood boy scout leader.

I guess “quitting blogging” is a euphemism for “2 week hiatus” and “new blog” is what’s “on trend” these days. I’m not making light of the desire to quit blogging or feeling like you have stayed past your expiration date, the struggle is real, y’all. And of course it’s easier to start a shiny new blog than to try to restore the old one. That’s expensive and a lot of work.

Hell, I understand wanting a do over. Man, I started my blog way back before I knew bupkis about SEO. When I started blogging, I had one objective and that was to write. I wanted to share my stories with other moms so they knew they weren’t alone in this craziness that is motherhood (because, it is CRAZYTown all the way.)

Then I made friends and built a community because I loved what I was doing. I was making connections by being me. Sure my photos were not professional caliber and I didn’t know shit about what sizes to use and this was way before Instagram, Vine or Pinterest existed.

It was me blogging alone at night after the babies went to sleep and in between constant wakings. Co-sleeping was simultaneously awesome and killing me( especially the random head-butts it the middle of the night). I didn’t sleep a lot in those days but I craved the human interaction that blogging brought into my solitude life of new motherhood. You guys kept me company for two entire years while my husband lived out of state for work. You ladies (and gentlemen) saved my sanity and probably my life. YOU made it all tolerable and I survived.

Back then, I used Twitter like a phone and those 140 characters were my battle cry to whoever would listen. It was my mom 911. I made so many amazing connections; personal and business. There were no concerns of tweeting out links. Hell, I never even considered it. That was absolutely shitting where you ate. I would never text my IRL friends my links 3x plus a day and I would certainly never talk over their tweets or hijack their hashtags for my own benefit. In my defense, I’m not an asshole nor did I know what the heck a hashtag was.

Facebook was for sharing my posts, if I remembered but mostly it was for connecting to my readers. It wasn’t me virtually shouting ,”Look at me! Read what I wrote! Validate me!” It was, “Hey, so-and-so did the baby sleep through the night? How is the potty training going? Hey, you, if you need me, I’m here!” It was fun. It meant something. It was something I looked forward to. It was definitely not bugging strangers to play Farm games, JAMBERRY and poking people. HOW RUDE! I took social media and applied all the rules of real life to it and it was a beautiful thing. It worked.

People commented. We had conversations. I commented. I cared. You cared. We were invested.I craved to know their stories; their real stories. They felt safe enough to say something more than, “True.” I devoured the struggles and the triumphs. When I commented, I felt that it meant something to the person on the receiving end other than just traffic. It felt like community and friendship.

Then money came into it. Money is good and getting paid to do what you love is probably the best job that you can get. For a long time, I was naïve. I still didn’t notice traffic like I should. Hell, I didn’t even know how to check my traffic until Jessica told me to put Statcounter on my site. I had Google Analytics but I had no idea how to use it.

Then more money came and more jobs! Oh the writing jobs. I couldn’t turn any down. I just couldn’t believe someone would pay me to do this. I got to stay home with my girls, write about it and get paid. What??????

More jobs came. Then traffic goals became a thing. My free time was no longer free and soon, I felt like in order to be a good blogger I was becoming a shitty mom and that brought guilt. I decided I couldn’t live with myself in that state. My priority is to be the best mom I can be to my girls and wife to my husband but I want to be fulfilled personally too and it shouldn’t all have to be exclusive. I want to be happy.

By this point, I depend on my money. More money, more problems and all that shite. I found myself having less and less time for conversations and engagement. I started scheduling social and realizing that all of those amazing women that had gotten me through the lean years began to fall through the cracks. I still craved the conversations, the connections; the friendship. I missed every single one of you.

Then I became one of those assholes who checked her numbers constantly. I tweeted links a lot. I shared links on Facebook, Instagram and Google+. I pinned my posts and shared to Tumbler and even Linkedin on occasion. To be fair, I’ve always shared other people’s stuff too but I just didn’t get to read and comment like I wanted to. I shared it so that I could come back to it. My intentions were good.

I was writing everywhere and I began to feel like the Truthful Mommy train was over saturating the market. I’m sure you all got sick of me and I know that you knew that you could find me anywhere so why bother coming to read me on my actual website. It was too much.

I lost touch with many of you because I had so many deadlines and not enough hours in the day. It wasn’t fun anymore, it was a job. I was working really hard to build something but I’m not quite sure what it was that I was trying to build. I lost myself in the middle of my journey.

I’m not quitting my blog to reinvent myself. I’m addicted. I’ve been doing some face-lifting. Last fall, I changed the website. It’s not The TRUTH about Motherhood anymore…it is now simply just The TRUTH (because it’s not been just about motherhood for a very long time) I’ve learned that I need to organize so that I can actually spend quality time really engaging again. I’ve realized there is no shame in admitting that my blog needs some work done under the hood. I also know that some things are worth the price, this is one of them.

I’m going to pass on the Blogger Midlife crisis. I like my husband a lot, I need to give my girls more of my time this summer and I want to keep focusing on my health journey. I want to get back to writing because I love it. I want to have conversations with you. I want to surround myself with my tribe and I want us to grow together. I want my posts to be to the point where sometimes you’ll read 1355 word post and not mind because it meant something. I want us all to get lost in our stories. Who’s with me?

Disclosure: SEO was not considered once while writing this post. This post will never go viral because people don’t share like they used to. I don’t care because I enjoyed “talking” to you this morning. Let’s do it again soon.

2015/04/28 2 comments

Blogging Tech

Tips,Tricks & People that Every Blogger Should Know

by Deborah Cruz 2013/04/12

written by Deborah Cruz

It’s Friday and I have been meeting a lot of new up and coming bloggers and it got me to thinking, I really wish someone would have written me a how to guide when I first started. Not on just the mechanics of how to blog but who to know and who to follow and who’s fun and what not; where to find good paid opportunities and places to write for and how to pitch. I had NO idea how to pitch a piece.

2013/04/12 4 comments

authenticity online, authentic online, real me, mommy blogger, blogger,mommy guilt, parenting fail, missing firsts, tap, dance

Blogging

More than Just a Mommy Blogger

by Deborah Cruz 2016/05/18

written by Deborah Cruz

Disclosure: This post about authenticity online was inspired and sponsored by Domain.ME, the provider of the personal domains that end in .ME. As a company, they aim to promote thought leadership to the tech world. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

When I started this blog, The TRUTH about Motherhood, I was known to the Internet as Truthful Mommy. I picked this pseudonym because I planned to bust every parenting myth that ever existed and I was a little leery about putting my face to my truth. I didn’t plan on being the poster child for authenticity online but I had every intention of being the real me.

I wanted to be the voice of the “regular” mom but I wasn’t sure that I was a “regular” mom because I felt like I was doing it so wrong. I didn’t think I was special in anything but my inadequacy. I just wanted to have an open and honest dialogue with other moms online or offline about the ups and downs of motherhood and life. I exist beyond just being a “mommy blogger” on the internet. I am a real person and people need other people. This isn’t just my job, it’s my life. I just wanted a place where I could be my own authentic self.

When I had my first daughter, suddenly, I found myself overwhelmed and completely out of my depth as a parent and as a human being. Every other mom I met made everything look so effortless and they weren’t telling me otherwise. I felt like the ultimate failure. I had so many questions.

Why was my 9-month old crawling backwards? Why couldn’t I ever make the arm to bed transition? Were my kids going to co-sleep until they left for college? Did no one else’s 2-year-old drop the F bomb? Why wouldn’t my toddler eat anything other than damn chicken nuggets? Why was I making all the wrong parenting choices when everyone else was making the right ones? Was I born missing the mom gene?

All the other moms looked so put together at Kinder Music and the Little Gym and I looked like death warmed over. Motherhood looked effortless on them; like those 18-year-olds who just wake up and look gorgeous. Those were the days before Zombies were all the rage but I’m pretty positive I was the original Mombie. I was perpetually exhausted and about as far away from perfect as I could get. I mean, I was a nice person, trying my best but my best just felt like it fell short.

Then I “really” got to know the other moms and I realized those broads were just as exhausted and out of their depth as I was but they had something called dry shampoo and they never told me about their mommy woes because they were afraid I was going to think less of them. ME? The woman who hadn’t slept in 2 years. The woman who only wore pony tails and makeup she could put on in 2 minutes or less because little people needed every bit of my attention. That’s when I knew, I had to tell the truth for all of our sakes. So I did and it was glorious.

I had to be honest to have authenticity online or it was pointless.

To be fair, I’ve never been much of a liar anyways and my poker face is completely nonexistent so it’s not like I really had a choice but I chose to be the voice of honesty, not necessarily reason, on the internet and that’s what I’ve been doing for the past 7 years. I hope I’ve helped a few people along the way. If comments and private messages are any indication, I’ve had my moments of truth that have landed on desperate ears that needed to know they weren’t alone. That alone was worth bearing my soul naked on the Internet.

I can’t imagine not being my authentic me online or anywhere else in my life. I don’t have the time or desire to be anyone else. I’m definitely rough around the edges, I’ve been known to curse on occasion, and I don’t always say the right thing but who I am online is who I am in person. In fact, the best compliment I’ve ever received has been when meeting readers in real life and having them say that I am exactly who I am online.

I am fully aware that there are times when I overshare and maybe should keep some things to myself. There are times when I hit the publish button and it terrifies me to think what a reader half way across that world might think of me; after all, my skeletons are not hiding neatly in some closet, they are right here for anyone with Google to read. But I can’t over censor myself and pretend that my life is all rainbows and sunshine all the time because it’s not. Sometimes it is but sometimes it’s really shitty; so I share it all here.

For me, being authentic online is the only way that I know how to be. Life is too short to spend all of my time trying to create some fake perfect virtual world that only serves to make others feel bad about what they’re doing. I refuse to be part of the problem. This is me and if you’ve ever read this blog, you know that I’m not perfect but at least with me, you know what you’re getting.

How do you stay true to yourself in life?

What is your definition of authenticity online?

2016/05/18 0 comments

Lacey Spears, Garnett Spears, Munchausen by proxy, poisoning, sodium, child killer

Throat Punch Thursday

Lacey Spears is No “Mommy Blogger” Murderer

by Deborah Cruz 2014/06/18

written by Deborah Cruz

The news is reporting that a 26-year-old upstate New York mom, Lacey Spears, has been arrested and pleaded not guilty to charges of second-degree murder and first-degree manslaughter in the death of her son, Garnett.

Garnett, Lacey Spears’ 5-year-old son died in January and hospital workers found toxic levels of sodium in his blood. The accusation is that Lacey was intentionally giving her little boy high amounts of salt, even when he was hospitalized. Garnett had been hospitalized many times throughout his young life. Spears took Garnett to the hospital on January 17, 2014 and then on January 19^th and allegedly administered sodium directly into a stomach tube. An investigation also revealed that Lacey Spears had searched the Internet to study what effects large amounts of salt would have on the body of a child and allegedly asked an acquaintance to discard of an IV bag that had salt residue in it.

On January 20^th, Garnett was alert. On January 23^rd, he died and Lacey Spears posted to social media, “Garnett the great journeyed onward today at 10:20 a.m.,”

The media is crying Munchausen by Proxy syndrome, claiming that this “mommy blogger” ( though she only ever wrote 2 posts) slowly poisoned her child out of her own sick desire to be needed as his caregiver, to get sympathy from others and to gain traffic for her blog ( yeah, the blog with 2 posts). This could be true. Everyone is also suspicious of her need to report everything on social media. Alert the presses, a new mom is posting about everything her child does on social media in 2014.

This alone does not a murderer Lacey Spears make.

Hello, it’s 2014, most moms are reporting every poop their child takes on social media. It has become second nature and if documenting her son’s struggles on social media is a crime, well, let’s just say, she’s not the only one guilty. We all KNOW people who’ve snapped an ER photo and uploaded to Instagram or reported on their child’s sickness on FB, Twitter or their blog. Is it in poor taste? Hell yeah. Does it deduce murder? I’m not sure.

Me, I don’t know her. Maybe she killed her little boy on purpose or maybe she was desperate and sick and accidentally killed him. What I do know is that her son is dead. What I also know is that Lacey Spears was not a mommy blogger. I am offended that the media keeps calling her one because they are only doing it to sensationalize the whole thing. As if the case is not sick enough already ( a little boy is dead, people) but let’s make it even more despicable by alluding to the fact that his mom was always online and solely for the attention; that she was exploiting her child and his illness for traffic and sympathy. Maybe she was or maybe she was looking for support. I don’t know. I do know that, as a mom who blogs herself, I have turned to the Internet for support many times. This is my tribe. When I miscarried, the Internet was able to support me in a way that the people in my real life could not because I was like an open wound and too fragile to face family and friends in person. The Internet can be a one-sided conversation and sometimes that is just what is needed. The Internet has helped me feel not alone when I was parenting toddlers alone for 2 solid years/5 days of the week because a down economy forced my husband to work and live in another state. The Internet has been my community for 5 years, my blog, Facebook and Twitter are our meeting places. My blog community is my safe place. It offends me that the media is trying to make the entire thing out to be a seedy group of deviant parents who neglect their children and use the Internet as a place to validate their own bad behavior.

Maybe she really was just a worried mother, he was her baby, maybe she made poor choices and went too far. Maybe she was young, single and alone and didn’t know what to tell her son when he asked where his dad was. Maybe his dad was a tool who didn’t want to be a daddy. Maybe a lie to soften the blow on the heart of a small child was the best she could do or maybe she was plain crazy and so afraid of losing the only person she knew truly belonged to her that she did poison him to keep him dependent on her. Maybe it went further than she had intended? I don’t know and I am assuming most of you don’t either but people are calling her names, remarking on her son’s long hair, her short hair, and the story she told her son about who his father was.

What we know is a sweet, innocent little boy is dead and ,whether killed accidentally or on purpose, if she did indeed poison him his mother has to live the rest of her life knowing she had something to do with that. If she did kill him on purpose, she is a monster. The more I have read about the case, she seems to be prone to lying and somewhat delusional. She needs mental help. I’m praying it was all an accident, but I fear it wasn’t.

The one thing I know for sure is that a little boy died and lived in a very painful way and that breaks my heart but that is all I truly know about this case and my heart doesn’t want to believe that a mom could intentionally kill her only child, especially in such a long, drawn out and painful way. Rest in peace, sweet Garnett.

This whole Lacey Spears situation deserves a giant throat punch.

2014/06/18 3 comments

mommy blogger, mommy guilt, blogger, parenting, work-at-home

Blogging Confessions

Dealing with Blogger Mommy Guilt?

by Deborah Cruz 2013/06/26

written by Deborah Cruz

The first thing I read this morning was a piece by my good friend, Jessica Gottlieb, Which came first the Anxiety Disorder or the Blog? Her post really resonated with me in a lot of ways but the most important takeaway that I had was the realization that I need to live more and blog less. This is nothing new. I have known this for some time now. Hell, I know that I need to back the fuck away from the computer and get out of my head and into my life. I need to unplug and it has never been as evident as it is this summer.

2013/06/26 5 comments

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What is your definition of authenticity online?

On January 20th, Garnett was alert. On January 23rd, he died and Lacey Spears posted to social media, “Garnett the great journeyed onward today at 10:20 a.m.,”

This alone does not a murderer Lacey Spears make.

This whole Lacey Spears situation deserves a giant throat punch.

On January 20^th, Garnett was alert. On January 23^rd, he died and Lacey Spears posted to social media, “Garnett the great journeyed onward today at 10:20 a.m.,”