I’d like to welcome the lovely and sweet Lori of Mommyfriend to the TRUTH about Motherhood. Lori is exactly what she says she is a “Mommyfriend”. I love her attitude. Lori is loving motherhood and her husband and it is evident on her blog. She is witty and adorable. She is peppy and perky and when I read her blog, I leave feeling rejuvenated. Her blog is the blog for every Mommy. She shares the ups and downs of being a Mommy, wife and trying to keep all the balls in the air and she does it all with a smile.You can find her here and on Twitter.Mommyfriend is a friend that you want to have. Thank you Lori for sharing your Truth!
My Truth about Motherhood
Nothing and I really do mean nothing has taught me more than motherhood. While most of my motherhood truths have been learned in a “frying pan to the head” sort of way, I’m getting at least a little smarter all the time. Or smart enough to be dangerous anyway.
I may not have all the answers, but thanks to my kids I know this much is true:
1. Every child has been blessed with a miraculous talent. It’s our job to find it, nurture it and never ever exploit it. Are you listening Dina Lohan? Didn’t think so.
2. Not everyone will love your child they way you do. I know, crazy. I have my son’s 3rd grade teacher to thank for this lesson.
3. I will always feel like I should have done more. If I spent the next 78,840 hours glued to my eldest until he reached 18 I’d still feel like it wasn’t enough. Let it go woman!
4. Time waits for no mom. Can I get an amen?
5. Follow your dreams and make sure your kids see you do it. Chances are they will because the pursuit of any dream will lead you right back to #3.
There will never be two little boys quite like mine and I’m pretty sure they’re teaching me more than I’ll ever teach them. My motherhood journey may be filled with lots of potholes and gridlock but the scenery is absolutely amazing.
Today, I am truly honored to have the lovely and witty Melissa of Married my Sugar Daddy. She writes with humor and honesty that make me keep coming back for more. If you have not had the pleasure of reading /knowing Melissa (@Madijack) , I certainly recommend that you get to know her. She is snarky and funny and 21 flavors of entertaining. I love reading her blog, I always come away feeling like I’ve been catching up with an old friend. She has made me laugh,cry and think…sometimes in the same post. Thank you so much Melissa for sharing your truth with so much going on right now. XOXO
The TRUTH about Motherhood
I really believed when I was smack in the trenches of arguing with my husband about not wanting him to buy the no-frills diapers-, since my kids ALWAYS leaked through them- that once the stage of them being completely dependent on me for their basic needs was done- I’d be in the homestretch.
I thought those early years- getting up at the crack of 2am to heat up a bottle (which I only realized after my second baby- was as simple as popping a cup of water into the microwave as opposed to boiling hot water over an open flame for 20 minutes) was the grueling part of motherhood. But the thing is- during all those early years- motherhood’s challenges are primarily physical. They test your endurance, school you on how to be a muti-tasker and at times make you feel like you are operating on auto-pilot. But your kids-unless they’re dragging around a soiled diaper- are for the most part, happy, smiling little babes, who let you dress them up and create your very own mirror image in them.
Then they grow up- and of course, no one tells you that the real meat and work begins then. As my kids have gotten older, the questions- that seemingly come out of nowhere have begun to permeate our every conversation at this breakneck pace- and my inability to keep up and juggle all their feelings, thoughts, self-esteem issues, confidence and little egos feels like a balancing act that is simply impossible.
I often feel ill-equipped to be the source for all these pressing concerns- like; who the hell am I to answer all these questions, assuage their fears and am I enough to be able to raise these two individuals and arm them with everything they’ll ever need to become independent enough to feel okay on their own. And I know I’m not alone in these thoughts, in my insecurities about motherhood. But honestly I just wish there was a manual that would fool-proof every impulse I have and make sure it was the correct one. The truth about motherhood is that no one tells you what an awesome responsibility this motherhood thing is- and that there are no guarantees it will all end up the way you want it to.
I have been receiving a lot of wonderful awards from my awesome readers. I just wanted to let you all know that I do really appreciate them. I’ve just been so busy lately with all the craziness of the summer that I have not had the time to follow the rules of the awards.I have been posting them on my award page ( go see for yourself..I promise I have), and trying to thank everyone personally. If I missed you, I am truly sorry. I know there are questions to answer and awards to pass on. Being that I am so back logged, I am going to try something different..so here goes. First, I would like to post a little something for some special ladies that I have the pleasure of reading and being read by. But we will get to that in a moment. Then I will share with you some of my absolute favorite bloggy goddesses. In addition to that, since I have seriously lost all the instructions to the various awards, I will answer any and all questions that you may have about your favorite dispenser of the truth. So,if you have any questions about me…please leave them in the comment section and I will answer them.
I would like to give this badge (that I completely made up myself because I wanted something special to give) to some very special women….You! Your blogs and comments have made me smile, cry, lifted me up, inspired me, moved me; your sisterhood has made me feel like I am not alone in this crazy world of Motherhood. This is a sincere and totally from the heart testament to the community of sisterhood through Motherhood that I am trying to perpetuate. There are no rules, all I ask is that you consider what the meaning is behind this badge, place it on your side bar (if you’d like), and if you have a Mommy blogger that you think deserves it..just give it to her and tell her what her blog means to you! Happy Mothering, my dears!
Here is a list of fantastic blogs to visit listed by title.
Niki @ My Fantabulous Wonderful Life
Kristen @ Motherhood Uncensored
Jana @ Boobies, Babies, and a Blog
Preyl @ Parenting Ad Absurdum
Heather @ Dooce.com
Amanda @ Chasing Twins With Louboutins
Naomi @ Organic Motherhood with Coolwhip
Adelle @ Ready, Go, Get Set
Reflections of a Noncommittal Housewife
Casey @ If the Crown Fits
Donda @ My Husband Misunderstood when I said I was bi
Ericka @ Alabaster Cow
Laura @ The Purse Blogger
Kimi Jo @ Motherhood Unsettled
Robin @ Your Daily Dose
KAE @ Anchor’s Away
The Simple Life
Ree @ The Pioneer Woman
Shius Out of Her Mind
Shell @ Things I can’t say
Michelle @ Mommy Loves Stilettos
Laina @ Reflections of a Navy Wife
Becky @ From the Kitchen of Mrs. Bettie Rocker
Alice @ Finslippy
Rage against the Minivan
One Savvy Mom!
Elizabeth @ Writer Revived
There are loads more of wonderful reads out there so if I missed you it doesn’t mean that I think less of you, it just means that my Mommy brain is running rampant again. Everyone of you who reads this blog truly does make my days feel less isolated.You make a difference in my quality of life. I feel I have found a community in you and you have one in me.To my friends that I’ve actually met in person, I may not be able to give you a badge or an award for your blog but next time I see you I’ll give you a hug and know that I always carry you with me in my heart. Thanks for the love. Now, commence with any questions you may have about Truthful Mommy!
Yesterday’s Be A Better Me (You) Challenge- Day 7 ~ Make yourself a Priority went pretty well. Well, it went as well as a Tuesday could possibly go in my house. Today we’re going to figure out how to get yourself a life after motherhood.
The girls didn’t actually go to sleep until almost 7 pm, so that threw my whole plan off. I never actually got to work out BUT I did get my hot shower in peace and in lieu of working out, I enjoyed a slowly eaten ice cream cone..all by myself. Counterproductive; yes, not a great choice; probably not, all for me; definitely.
But I did make myself a priority and this morning instead of running like a maniac when I returned from dropping Bella off, I’m catching up on emails and leisurely reading some really great blogs! This is a priority to me,something I don’t always get to do but today I did! And it was really nice to feel like what I wanted to do was important.
Today’s Be A Better me (You) Challenge -Day 8~Get a Life
This is simple, well, in theory it is. Find something you like to do, just you, for the sheer pleasure or passion of it and do it. It’s not impossible to get a life after motherhood, you just have to work at it. For me, my passion is writing so this blog is mine; for me and by me. It may chronical my family at times but mostly it is for me to be able to write and to keep me sane. As an added bonus, I have met some wonderful women through my blog and the community that I have built. Before my blog, my whole life; every minute of every day was revolving around someone else. Granted it still does about 99% of the day, but for that 1 % of the day; of my life I can be inside my own head. I can be Debi. It’s a baby step in the grand scheme of things, I know that but it eases me into pursuing my passions and keeping touch with myself.
It’s not impossible to get a life after motherhood, you just have to work at it.
When my kids are grown and I don’t have them to focus on every second of every day what will I be left with? What will you be left with? I want to be left with something for me. An accomplishment that I’ve done on my own. This blog gives me something outside of being a Mother that I can identify with and be proud of on my own. I am fully aware that this sounds ironic since I am a Mommy blogger and the whole basis of my blog is Mommying but the part that is my own is that I write it. When I write it, it may very well focus on my children and being a Mother but it allows me to have an opinion, a perspective, a say in it all. It allows me to make it a part of my life instead of the other way around.
READ ALSO: Love Letter to My Tween
I think we all need that one thing that is our own. It keeps us tethered to the women we are inside. There is more to all of us than just being someone else’s wife or Mother. I feel better about myself when I feel like I have a contribution to make to the world besides just breeding. I’m not saying that Mommying isn’t my main role and it is one of the most important things that I will ever do. I know that! I embrace that. But I also know, as Mommies, we have it burned into our brain that if we do anything for ourselves we are shortchanging our family. That is simply not true.
Show your little girls that life after motherhood is not empty or sad. It’s enriched and robust with possibilities.
By having a life, we are showing them that it is possible to have their cake and eat it too. This is especially an important lesson for our girls to learn early on. By enriching ourselves, we are enriching the kind of life we can provide to them; the kind of mother we are. It’s a ripple effect. Now, go get a life!
What do you do just for you? What is a hidden talent that you have that you’ve almost forgotten was there? Go use your God-given talent, don’t waste your gift.
Sometimes, I’m not going to lie, I want to quit this shitty job. Being a mom sucks hard… but then it doesn’t. There are other moments when it’s so amazing that I just want to smother mother the shit out of my kids as my helicopter parenting skills buzz above us because they are so freaking, heartbreakingly awesome. We’ve all been here, both here’s, right? But then there are other moments when I miss the hell out of Debi BC (before children), you know, that glorious broad who got to sleep in until she just woke up, roll out of bed and went to lunch with friends and got to eat actual hot food, pee alone and not worry about keeping anyone alive but herself? Oh that lucky lady. I’m so jealous of who I used to be, but then I couldn’t be who I am, the mother to two of the most amazing human beings I’ve ever known. Most days anyways.
When you have kids, your life doesn’t just change, your perspective on everything changes. You are living life looking at everything through mom goggles. That is where I am now and it’s where I’ll always be. Things that didn’t seem to register before (what school district I lived in) are now big deals, and things that were really important to me (having a night life with friends and being in the know) are so unimportant to me now that I could care less what’s cool and what’s not. I just want a good world for my children.
I want to raise good children and I want to be the best mother that I can be. You might be better or worse at being a mother but I’m trying my damnest not to measure myself against you because the truth is if we all measure ourselves against each other life is shit for all of us, especially our kids. I don’t want to make myself feel like a better mother by shaming another mother, I’d prefer to just do my own best to be a good mother in my children’s eyes.
I just had the pleasure of screening the movie Tallulah written by Sian Heder and all I can say is WOW!
No matter what kind of mom you are, aspire to be or thought you would be, you can relate. And better than that, you can get a little perspective by living a moment from the viewpoint of someone else’s shoes, while knowing a little about how they got that perspective in the first place. Honestly, there were three main characters; Margo, Tallulah and Carolyn; and I could identify with each one of them. I have been all three of them. I’m not sure what that says about me, but I found myself wanting to hug and shake and then hug again each woman.
Tallulah is the story of three very different women whose lives intersect through the impulsive and well-intentioned kidnapping of a child. It’s a story about motherhood, about looking for a mother and becoming a mother. But mostly it’s a story about humanity, about the blurry lines of morality and deeply flawed human behavior. It’s a story that has no clear answer or cut and dry solution, but instead makes you care about each and every person involved, no matter how wrong their actions seemed. It’s a conversation about responsibility.
Tallulah is a movie that lives on the fringe of judgment, that feeling that not all women are meant to be mothers. As a mother, we all have times when we feel like we are flailing and failing. But that doesn’t make us a villain or a bad mom. Tallulah doesn’t have good people and bad people. There were only people doing their best with the limited emotional tools that they had and often making bad choices. Lonely people. People whose families had failed them; who were looking for some kind of connection in an increasingly disconnected world.
Tallulah is about motherhood from different perspectives because no two mothers are alike, just as no two children are alike. We are all just trying to do our best. There is no time for shaming one another. We need to take that energy and direct it towards helping one another do our best for our children, not judging and condemning one another.
Motherhood is hard enough as it is without us judging one another. For better perspective, check out Tallulah.
The moments of motherhood that sneak up on you. Last week, my daughter turned 8. Wow, time is flying by at warp speed. Her birthday was on Sunday and it was preceded by complete chaos. There was a slumber party, the family party that concluded with the entire family shooting a Harlem shake video and Sunday, March 10, we celebrated officially; her father, her sister, her and myself. We always celebrate, just the four of us, on actual birthdays.
I never thought of the possible consequences of postponing motherhood but lately, I’ve been missing that new baby smell. It’s crazy that I am saying this out loud because it feels a little like something I should be keeping to myself but what they hell, I figure when I go through these difficult times, I’m not usually the only one feeling this way. I can’t be the only one who has regretted not having more kids or wishing they’d started having babies earlier.
Today, I have one of my favorite bloggy friends to help celebrate my 2nd blogiversary, Jennifer of Perfectly Disheveled. If you have not read Jenny before you are in for a treat. She is light-hearted, honest, funny, with a pinch of snark and always looks freaking completely put together. I am as serious as a heart attack. If she weren’t so damn awesome, she’d definitely be the Mommy I was jealous of looking so damn fashionable and cute all the time. Anyways, it’s late and I’m rambling. Bottom line is this, she is a fabulous writer, an awesome friend ( you know the kind who’d have your back in any situation but somehow still remain a complete lady), and an even more fantastic Mommy. She’s here to share her 10 truths about Motherhood and I am thrilled to have her here at The TRUTH about Motherhood.
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The truth is…
I love Poop Talk. I’ve always thought poop was funny. I was the girl in elementary school (okay, maybe college too) that laughed when the boys farted. Thirty years later, I’m still the girl that laughs when a (three year old) boy farts– Only, my “laugh” is now in the form of “please say, ‘excuse me.'” or “please refrain from saying poop at the table, honey. That’s potty talk.” But in truth, I’m cracking up inside.
The truth is…
Cheerios have become as crucial as oxygen.. I never knew I could get so comfortable sleeping on them, finding them in pockets, pushing them aside in my purse. Crushed or whole, I have come to accept them every day, all day long.
The truth is…
The truth is…
I love boogers.Let me be clear, i love my SON’s Boogers. I could wipe his nose or squeejie out snot with that little hospital bulb- turkey baster thing all day long if he’d let me. This applies strictly to his nose and his nose only though. Ask me to help you with your runny nose (or worse, pop a zit), I will vomit.
The truth is…
I “get” guilt mom guilt. I mean, I get it and I GET it. I understand how deep love can be and I understand how you can be so in love it can eat you up and even make you feel bad, because all you want to do is be so good. I get it.
The truth is….
Stay at home, work at home, work full time, work part time, work abroad, wealthy, privileged, poor, single, divorced, or somewhere where in between it is the hardest job in the entire world. Period.
The truth is…
Overall my body is actually “better” than it was before I had a baby (not withstanding that very-never-to-be-seen-again-wedding-weight.) The state of my boobs, however, I blame entirely on breast feeding advocates.
(Speaking of which…) The truth is…
Breastfeeding was not easy for me. I did it exclusively for 6 months but in truth, not sure if I loved it at all. I will absolutely breastfeed for my next baby (no plans in the near future in case you’re wondering). But I will definitely not put as much pressure on myself. My mom didn’t breastfeed me and judging by the 25 phone calls and texts exchanged daily, I’d say we’re pretty bonded. And I’m kinda smart.
The truth is…
It’s the best lesson in “don’t knock it, ’til you try it.” Before becoming a mom, I was definitely that person who judged other parents… how they disciplined, what they fed their children, how much TV they allowed. Yeahhhhh….. Sorry about that. I stand corrected. About it all. I get it now.
The truth is…
Nothing Matters more. This is not to say that I’ve given up on all things other than motherhood. This just means that it’s the thing I want to be the very best at.
Today, reaffirmed my definition of motherhood…Misery peppered with moments of profound Bliss. It was Mother’s Day and my husband and the girls agreed to let me sleep in.*Bliss.
I woke up at 8 am when the Big Guy walked into our bedroom, apparently the girls had woken up 3 times during the night and refused to bother me because it was Mother’s Day. So, the Big Guy was up all night with them, fell asleep at the end of their full sized bed curled up like a little dog. The exception being that he is not a tiny dog, he is a full grown, 6’5″ man. Can you say crick in the neck. He laid down, I woke up. He slept in til 1o and I got to listen to the girls fight over the 1 Barbie because the other 107 Barbies were not the ONE they both wanted to play with.*Misery
While he was sleeping in, I called my own Mom to wish her a happy Mother’s Day. The Big Guy woke up & decided to make my favorite breakfast, only the waffle maker is packed, we were out of the regular pancake mix and the kids nabbed all the bacon*misery But after he woke up, I walked into the kitchen and he had coffee made for me, just the way I like it.*Bliss
We’re having a showing next weekend so the yard needed to be mowed.My husband told me that I needed to take “pride” in my garden and go out there and pull the weeds *Effing misery (Mother’s DAY!!!) Homemade jewelry from the girls, accompanied by a list of all my great qualities and a hand drawn picture of how they see me and loads of kisses and hugs through out the day! *Bliss
The Big Guy making a dinner of filet Mignon with mushrooms, lobster tail with butter sauce, fresh asparagus, and panzanella salad while I got to catch up on my DVRd shows *Bliss
The Big Guy having to leave Sunday night, leaving me with 2 sad little girls who cried for 3 hours straight, a sink full of dinner dishes and a dirty house that has to be shown in 4 days *Misery
Maybe I had it backwards, Motherhood~Bliss peppered with moments of profound misery!
Also, my official 2nd blog anniversary was Saturday and I almost missed it because we were celebrating the Big Guy’s birthday but never fear, I celebrated with a glass of Pinto Grigio and a sliver of Coconut cream pie!Do I know how to party or what? Hope you will all help me continue celebrating by stopping by and enjoying some of the amazing bloggers that will guest posting this month.
Today, I am hosting the Mother’s Day May Blog Tour 2011! Instead of celebrating moms for just one day this month, we’re celebrating them all month long with a blog tour! There are some really amazing bloggers on this thing, so be sure and follow along. Tomorrow’s featured blogger on the tour is Ani.