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woman's mind, how women think

A woman’s mind works differently than a man’s. There is a fundamental difference in ways of thinking. Men are driven by one goal and by some miracle are able to focus on that goal at the exclusion of all else. For example, if my husband wants to take a nap in the middle of the day, well, he just lays down and ignores everything else going on around him; the kids fighting, the dog barking, the doorbell, me crying out in pain from the damn Polly Pocket incident of 2008. He sets his mind to it and it’s as good as done, if it’s something he wants to do. If it’s not, he can fabricate 101 distractions all day long. Point in case: The crown molding sitting on my living room floor that is supposed to be hung, on my living room wall.

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keith Vidal, Throat Punch Thursday, mental illness, Schizophrenic teen, Schizophrenia, Bryon Vassey

The family of 18-year-old, Keith Vidal, called their local police for help when their son was behaving erratically during a schizophrenic episode last Sunday night. The 18-year-old from Boiling Spring Lake, North Carolina, was first tasered by two police officers and on the ground when shot and killed by a third officer, Bryon Vassey, from the neighboring town of Southport.

According to this emotional video by Keith Vidal’s stepbrother, Mark Ryan Wilsey, Keith was recently diagnosed with Schizophrenia and was coping while dosing was being figured out.

Vidal’s father, Mark Wilsey, called the police Sunday night because his son was armed with an electric, six-inch screwdriver and was threatening his mother. According to the family the two officers had the situation under control, with the 100-pound Keith Vidal on the ground tasered, when Officer Vassey entered the premises and within 60 seconds said, “We don’t have time for this.” Then he shot Keith Vidal in the chest, killing him. I can’t get the disturbing image out of my head of someone putting down a lame dog.

Officer Vassey first said he was ‘defending himself,” only to later say through his lawyer he was defending another officer. How could deadly force be the only option when there are 3 officers and a Taser involved to subdue one skinny teenager?

My heart breaks for this family. Any person who has ever dealt with, loved with or been mentally ill knows that getting the right meds dosage is critical. Sometimes it takes months or even years to find the right dosage. Meds can alter your state of mind sometimes even worse than the mental illness itself.

This kid was 18-years-old and recently diagnosed. Can you imagine what a pill it is to swallow to be told that you have a mental illness and will be medicated for the rest of your life just to be “normal”? I can. When I was first diagnosed with Bipolar 1, I was at a point in my life where I had been ill for years with no help. No diagnosis. I felt irreparably broken. I felt alone and severed from everyone around me.  I can’t even describe to you what it feels like to feel so broken. The closest I can compare it to would be like living in quick sand and you are being swallowed whole by the disease but the more you struggle to resist, to survive the deeper you sink and the more likely you are to lose yourself. It is terrifying because you don’t know why this is happening to you. Was it something you did or didn’t do?

When I finally got a diagnosis, I was terrified but relieved. Relieved that there was help to be had and to find that I wasn’t so broken as much as really bent. It was a struggle to get back to “normal”; whatever that is. I’m not sure I really know. Normal is relative, I suppose.

It took months of highs and lows. I was originally misdiagnosed as depressed and given enough anti-depressants to kill a horse, which made me ever increasingly manic. In the end, I was at the brink of psychosis. I saw madness. I felt it. Touched it. Lived it. It was the biggest part of me.

Eventually, anti-depressants were taken down to next to nothing; stabilizers and Ambien entered the picture. Where mania once ran rampant, now zombie like living: walking into walls and all-consuming lethargy had become part of who I was. After a few months, I was finally regulated and began to feel “normal” for the first time in years; maybe ever.

It all seems so cut and dry when you write it out but it’s not. The part I haven’t told you that before my medication dosage was right, I was highly erratic. I was like a ticking time bomb. What was going on inside my head was so distracting that it left me annoyed and irrationally angry with myself and everyone around me. Later, through therapy, I realized that the irritability was directly proportional to my mania. My body and mind were pissed off because no one ever turned the lights off. My body and mind were exhausted and there was no off switch to be had.

I did irrational things just to feel alive because I ALWAYS needed to feel alive; I drove fast, lived fast and never considered consequences. I teetered between feeling invincible and wanting to die. I drank a lot. I know now that I subconsciously did that to shut things off. It’s actually pretty common. I alienated family and friends because I overreacted to everything. Sometime between high school and college graduation, I had spun completely out of control. The insomnia was just fuel to the fire.

I fully accept responsibility for my behavior in those days though, honestly, I had no real control over a lot of it. I never wielded a weapon at my parents but I did throw a friend’s belongings off my balcony and came pretty damn close to tossing her as well during a particularly manic episode. I used to be quite good at pushing people away. I think I was afraid they’d see the real me and know something was “off ”. Even before I knew what it was, I knew something wasn’t right. I hoped and prayed that there was a reason for the behavior.

My whole point for this very long and drawn out story is that if you met me today, you’d know that I’m not the same person I was at 18, 21 or even 25. I am the mother of two, a wife, and even a room mother. I am just like you but maybe I wouldn’t be if someone decided that they had no time for me to get help; to learn to live with my diagnosis. Perhaps, this is the problem with the world, we resign ourselves to believe that those who are mentally ill are dangerous, less than or even worthless. We forget that they are people, just like you and I.Well, more like me than you, I suppose:) My point is that just because someone is mentally ill doesn’t mean they can’t be valuable members of society or good human beings. It only means that they might have a more difficult journey than the rest of us.

Officer Vassey might have been scared and felt threatened because sometimes in the midst of an episode, the person suffering looks scary. The fact remains that if two officers had Keith Vidal tasered on the ground, what possible reason could there have been to shoot him? Unlike me, Keith Vidal is dead and now, will never have the chance to learn to live with his disease; to grow up, to have a family, to be a dad or a husband.

What are your thoughts on this tragic story? What would you do if you were Keith Vidal parents?

 

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happiness, choices, life, being a good person, random acts of kindness

Why do we need permission? Who made these rules we all live by? In the last 24 hours I have went against my “better” judgment twice and both were better choices for me. Yesterday, I was tired and instead of doing what I normally do and miserably powering through my day and just getting things done. Going through the motions really. I stopped. I turned on the fan, closed the blinds and cuddled into my bed and napped for 3 hours. Right there in broad daylight, like I was a baby or a woman of leisure. I woke up and I felt rested and happy. I was in a great mood when I picked up my children from school. I was more patient and kind. I was a better mother than the miserably exhausted person who was there that morning before the nap. I cooked a big dinner and enjoyed the process. I never enjoy the process. It’s usually something that I do because I have to, like laundry. The dinner tasted great. Everything was better but it was all tinged with my secret…the nap. I felt guilty; guilty for actually responding to the needs of my own body. What craziness is that? If I don’t take care of myself, who will? I told my husband my dirty little secret, the nap, and he did not make fun of me or say something flip, he was genuinely glad that I gave my body what it needed. The guilt was lifted and now naps are on the table☺

This is the problem with so many of us. We go through life doing what is expected of us and we are miserable. Who made these rules that we have to follow x, y and z in life? We feel beholden to a certain way of parenting, being married, achieving success even being physically acceptable. If we don’t fit the mold then we feel guilty because obviously we’ve don’t something wrong. We have some deficit. I say fuck the mold. I want to break the mold.

We accept these expectations of us to be fact. They are not! Why are we all made to believe that life is a spinning wheel and once we choose a wheel we are confined to it like a prison for all of eternity? It’s not true and if we just took a minute to think about it logically. If we took a moment to breathe and trust our own instincts, to listen to our own heart, we would realize that we know what is best for ourselves, for our relationships and for our children.

Every day is the chance for a new beginning. I am tired of spinning that wheel that chose me. I want to do what I choose to do; not what life has chosen for me. I want to choose the path my life takes, not follow the path expected of me. I want to be who I want to be not who I am expected to be and more importantly I want to be happy. No one knows what can make me happy and no one can truly make me happy, that is something that I have to take responsibility for. Happiness is internal. It is fulfillment and every person’s fulfillment is different.

I lie awake at night with insomnia worried about all of the things that I didn’t do or need to do the next day because it’s what’s expected of me. I usually go against my better judgment and do what’s expected of me from society. But this morning, after I dropped my daughters off at school as I was pulling out, the car in front of me died. It was a mother who had rushed out the door 2 blocks and ran out of gas. I asked her what happened and she explained. My brother, whose sons also go to the same school, was pulling up as I was pulling over to park to help her. We both got out of our cars and pushed her out of the road and into the median at school. I let her use my phone to call her husband to bring her gas and then I drove her home. Now, to be clear, this is not something I would normally do because you know …I don’t know her. She could have been a psycho or she could have just been a stranded mom. I chose to believe she was someone who genuinely needed my help.

After I dropped her off, I even called the school to make sure they didn’t tow her car because she was so overwhelmed at the situation I doubt she remembered to call them. When I dropped her off, she genuinely thanked me. Someone let me help them. This made my day. It felt great to help her. I felt like I did something good.

The thing is a lot of people just backed out and went around her. It didn’t matter to them that it was 5 degrees out and snowing. It didn’t matter to them that there might have been children in a minivan leaving a Catholic school. They just went around. I don’t blame them because we live in a time where we walk past beggars in the street because we don’t know if they are going to use the money for food or for alcohol or drugs. We don’t stop and help stranded drivers because they could be crazed serial killers who might chop us to bits. We don’t let our kids play outside unattended because everyone’s a potential kidnapper or pedophile. We’ve become conditioned to not trust anyone and our skepticism is keeping us from being the good people we want to be. Our cynicism is keeping us from committing the random acts of kindness we all talk so much about. Don’t get me wrong, an unexpected free cup of Starbucks coffee is fantastic but we can do so much more. We can truly help people in need. We can be happy.

It’s true, we can’t know the hearts of others. We can’t dictate how a homeless person spends the money we give them. We could bring them food or clothes instead of money, I suppose. What we can dictate is how we react to the situation. That is all we can control. We can choose to do the right thing. We can choose to be those changes we want to be. We can choose to follow our hearts and not do what others expect of us because when we do what is expected, we fail everyone, most of all ourselves.

happiness, choice, being a good person

So, I am asking you today to make the decision to follow your heart, listen to your body and do not measure yourself by anyone else’s standards. Be you. Be happy. Love big. Live big. Give of yourself and you will be surprised at what you get in return. In place of going through the motions, you will find yourself living no holds barred out loud and fully. Maybe even taking a much needed nap.

What would you do if you followed your heart? What would make you happy? Give yourself permission to be you.

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Las Vegas, Consumer Electronics Show, Vegas, Tech, CES, #CES2015

Last week, I attended CES! CES!!!! I feel like I’ve been waiting my entire life to attend. Just me and about 170,000 other tech junkies descended upon Las Vegas. It was my first time; I was a CES and a Vegas virgin. Talk about go big or go home? WOWZA!

I could go on for days, hell, weeks, writing about this experience but I will start by giving you the jist of what it feels like to attend CES, it’s like climaxing and then despite your better senses continuing on, in that crazed, hyper sensitive, overwhelming feeling of pleasure and pain overload but you still want more….more….more…THAT.IS.CES!

The next thing you know, your feet are on fire, you drank too much at some VIP event because you forgot you weren’t 21, you want all the tech, you’ve been up til 5:30 eastern time every night because you are so jet-lagged. You really don’t know what time it is anymore and then you find yourself so overwhelmed after 3 days of walking in the dessert of lights with that ginormous fucking badge that weighs twelve pounds that you hit a wall (figuratively not literally, though if you are tired enough you might do that too.)

You’ve seen more hookers than you ever have on HBO real sex and Taxi Cab confessions combined, been given directions by a Mexican Elvis who requests a selfie with you and seen and heard gadgets that have blown your mind.

Next thing you know, there you are crying, stranded in the airport in Dallas, your flight’s been cancelled because of “weather” and you were the dumb ass who “voluntarily” checked your carry on because some smiling flight attendant asked politely in Vegas and when you ask the flight attendant in Dallas to help you find your much needed luggage, she rolls her eyes at you (ROLLED.HER.EYES.AT.ME!!), scolds you and turns you into a sniveling, sleep deprived ball of snot in the middle of the Dallas/Fort Worth airport with TSA eyeballing you like you just smuggled in heroine ( or maybe it was that new Vibe selfie flash) in your anal cavity.

Speaking of strange and weird shit happening, as a stranded traveler living my own personal version of Planes, Trains and Automobiles, I ended up in a shuttle with 1) a gentleman from California who happens to be the boss of one of our closest friends from college, who now lives in Colorado but originates from Chicago 2) an ex-lobbyist turned UCLA Poli Sci Professor who has a reoccurring roll on Hawaii 5.0. This trip was all about the surreal.

Finally, around 10 p.m. Texas time, there I was wearing my new scarf as a sarong, in 20-degree weather while washing my panties and yoga pants out in the sink so I had clean clothes to wear the next day. I did this all by hand. A friend told me that MANY people use the in room coffee makers to wash their unmentionables. I didn’t but think twice before you use those to make coffee. That “weird” taste might be someone else’s ass.

Anyways, aside from all the drama of the flight home, CES is awesome. Being that it was my first time there are some things that I wished I would have known going in, so I am sharing them here with you. Yes, I will get to all the really, cool shit I saw tomorrow.

 

  • Wear Comfortable shoes. Repeat after me…WEAR.COMFORTABLE. SHOES! Save your cute shoes for nighttime events. Wearing cute heels to CES means that you are either certifiable, dead from the waist down or a hooker. Go away, P.S. even TOMS can wreak havoc on the feet of sensitive soles. Let’s just say, I somehow managed a blister the size of my baby toe on top and on bottom of said baby toe. I was crippled, people. Gym Shoes, UGGs, Frye Boots, COMFORT PEOPLE but please NO CROCS ALLOWED. If you wear crocs the homeless people will make fun of you.
  • Register early to avoid fees.
  • Pick your badge up at the airport, the line is quicker than at the hotels. But if you are PRESS ( as I was) go to the PRESS kiosk or you may find that your badge was given to someone named Donald.
  • Cabs are expensive and traffic is horrible in Vegas. Take the shuttles. It’s $8 one way or $14 round trip. Very cost effective.
  • If you are a single woman who is looking for love with a nerdy, highly intelligent, somewhat wealthy, possibly a gamer, with a great BIG sexy brain… this is your heaven. The men outnumber the women about 9 to 1. STEM PEOPLE. This needs to be a priority with our girls.
  • Have a plan. Vegas is huge and there were 170,000 attendees and 3600 booths. You do the math. There is no way you can cover every booth in 5 days. It’s not possible. Make a plan.
  • Forget about passing out your cards. This is not a blog conference. Get cards. Give cards if asked or if there is a spot to leave them.
  • Network at events and smaller venues. You are not going to stand out at CES unless you are naked or wearing crocs. Wait, I stand corrected, you are not going to stand out at CES unless you are wearing crocs.
  • Walk the strip. You have to. It’s beautiful at night. Also, #Highroller. It’s bigger than the London eye and the view is not only natural it is fucking spectacular!
  • Schedule down time. I am serious, if you do not, you will hit a wall and end up in your room in the middle of the day in your pjs, eating a slice and taking a nap against your own will. P.S. It’s really hard to network when you are delirious from sleep deprivation.
  • Also, speaking of naps, get some sleep. I’m one of those people who physically get ill after a certain point of no sleep. I have insomnia so my threshold is pretty high but if I stay up past 3:30 a.m., I will literally get nauseated. I guess my body decides it’s had enough and it’s shutting down.
  • Don’t over schedule yourself. I made the rookie mistake of making lots of booth tour appointments. I was just so flattered to be asked but I will tell you, then you find yourself rushing around and not enjoying things. CES is all about flexibility; you need to be able to spend time where you find your interests.

My takeaway, have a plan but be flexible. Wear comfortable shoes and clothing that you can stay comfortable in for 12 + hours. Be prepared to walk because I walked about 15,000 steps every day I was there. Be spontaneous. There are so many cool gadgets and tech and people that you never know where the day might take you and if you have the option, take a friend. Life’s never quite so overwhelming when you have someone with you to help you conquer the world.

If you love playing with gadgets like I do or just love being in the tech know, when given the chance attend CES. It is awesome. Come back tomorrow and I will tell you all about the great new tech gadgets coming out this year.

Were you at CES this year, if so what was your favorite new gadget?

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ky liquibeads, couple in bed, marital relations

I am a member of collective bias and this shop has been compensated by #CollectiveBias, Inc. and it’s advertiser. All thoughts and opinions are mine alone.

Warning: This is a PG-13 post in which I discuss marital relations between consulting adults but if you are easily offended by discussing adult themed topics, you are welcome to stop reading.

What do you get for that special man in your life who has everything this Christmas? There is one thing that I know the Big Guy (and every guy for that matter) always likes…you know what I’m talking about, the freedom to be spontaneous like before you became parents. A little unprovoked, unsolicited, uninterrupted (ahem) personal “attention” and he can’t buy that (well, he can but he really shouldn’t.) Since I don’t own a time machine, nor are my beloved kids refundable, I’m asking Grandma to keep the kids overnight, adding a little personal lubricant ( come on ladies, you all know what I mean, sometimes we need a little jumpstart) and letting the good times roll. Merry Christmas, baby!

The Big Guy and I have been married forever for 15 years. When we first got married, romance was easy. We were in our 20’s so attraction and having relations didn’t take any effort at all. We were breathing and we were always ready. It didn’t hurt that we were both pretty hot. We were spontaneous because we had the leisure of time, privacy and youth. There was no stress, laundry or tiny people crawling on us and promptly spitting up on one or both of us. FYI, spit up.is.not.attractive.Not even on Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp. These days, we are simply spontaneous challenged.

We’re 40ish. We have kids who are just old enough to be nosier than they should be. I have insomnia. He gets up for work at 4:30 a.m. and every night is a game of musical beds, thanks to recovering co-sleepers who still think they lay claim to our bed. Sometimes we’re just too damn tired. Yes, it happens!

Don’t feel sorry for us yet. Thanks to a couple afternoons of working from home, we manage some “us” time but I miss making out on the couch (with no one under 5 foot asking, “What cha doin?”), and being able to be spontaneously whisked off to bed/floor/kitchen countertops or finish what we started because kids arguing over Barbie dolls in the next room causes everything south to go dry like the Sahara. Honestly, why does no one tell you that children are female erection killers?

Speaking of which, last week, for 48 hours straight, on 3 occasions, the Big Guy and I were trying to “have relations” when the 7-year-old burst into the room or beat at the door. It’s like she’s my mom and she has radar whenever I might be trying to do the deed. I’m a teenager all over again, except this time I’ve got a mortgage and gray hair and I’m trying not to get busted by a person who sometimes still needs me to cut up her food. Thank God for bathrooms with locks.

So forget waiting for the perfect time, I’m sick of trying to fit “couple time” in between the minute they go to sleep and the surprise hour that they have to pee/get water/ or remember they had homework. Mama needs some adult time with the Big Guy.

ky liquibeads, couple in bed, marital relations

This Saturday, I’m giving us an early Christmas present, a child-free night where we can just be Debi and the Big Guy (not mommy and daddy) and maybe channel those two college students who met 17 years ago. I’ve enlisted grandma to keep the girls overnight, made a trip to Target and bought some K-Y® LIQUIBEADS® (to make sure everything down below is ready to go at a moments notice), made reservations for dinner at a place that doesn’t serve chicken nuggets and can’t wait to see where the night leads.

ky liquibeads, couple in bed, marital relations

I’ve heard good things about the K-Y® LIQUIBEADS® and they seem easy to use.

  • Simply place the OVULE insert firmly into the top of the applicator so it will not fall out.
  • Hold the applicator containing the OVULE insert by the opposite end from where the OVULE insert is located.
  • Gently insert the applicator into the vagina as far as it will go comfortably.This can be done while standing with your feet comfortably apart and knees bent.
  • Push the plunger all the way in to place th OVULE insert as far back in the vagina as possible.
  • Throw away applicator after use.
  • Insert a bead once every few days so that your body is ready whenever the mood may strike.

ky liquibeads, couple in bed, marital relations

I know sometimes when you are pregnant, you really want to be “spontaneous” often, especially with all those “romantic” dreams but if you’re pregnant or nursing, consult a doctor before using.

 

Coupon available coupon available at coupons.com $1 off any K-Y® product –

 

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Felix Gray, glasses, non-prescription, blue light filter, eye strain

Have you ever heard of Felix Gray? I hadn’t either until they sent me a surprise in the mail. I spend most of my day staring at a blue screen. It’s what I do. I work online, it’s part of the job requirement. I love what I do but my eyes, not so much and they’ve begun to mutiny in the form of headaches and eye strain.

Did you know that one-third of Americans spend eight hours or more looking at screens? So it’s not surprising that 60% of us report symptoms of digital eye strain. Until now, eyewear designed to protect eyes from blue light were unfashionable and unattractive, resulting in low usage.  And then, Glasses Online Canada came in and made eyewear attractive.

I know what you’re thinking, “Debi, you’re a grown woman with insurance and everything… go see the eye doctor!”

I’m way ahead of you, I went to the eye care center. In fact, I made the whole family go. We got our eyes dilated and looked like those freaky stuffed animals and everything.

Nope, I’ve still got Superman like awesome vision. Yey me! However, what about the eye strain? There’s no option to not stare at a computer all day. I want to work. But I’m not crazy for the headaches and dry eyes.

Quick pro tip from my ophthalmologist: Every 30 minutes or so, look away from the screen.

So now, not only does the blue screen aid and abed my insomnia, it’s also playing tricks on my eyes.

I’m already losing my words from the sleep aids, I can’t afford the headaches, blurry vision and twitching so I had to find a solution. I found it.

My fellow bloggers, social media managers and just anyone who spends a huge chunk staring at their laptop, desktop, iPad or phone … so everyone I know, this might be the answer for you too.

Behold Felix Gray blue light filtering non-prescription glasses. They help reduce the eye strain, headaches and fatigue resulting from hours spent staring at screens, the glasses are the first computer eyewear created with fashion as well as function in mind. The frames are premium Italian acetate with lenses that eliminate the blue light that leads to eye fatigue and sleep issues. Not only do I get to look like a total hipster, I get to do my work without that pesky buggy eye side effect.

Felix Gray, glasses, non-prescription, blue light filter, eye strain

Felix Gray wants to change that, helping new generations of professionals to protect their eyes and improve performance at the same time. Users can just hop on the site and select a few of their favorite designs to try. In days, they get a custom package delivered to their door and let the fun of trying on begin, until you’ve found the best match for you. Then simply mail back the others.

Now if they could just create an office chair that burned calories while I sat working on my laptop. Or maybe pizza that makes me skinny?

Who knows with the wonders of modern technology, I can see it coming… one of these days.

For today, I’m pretty ecstatic to not have the eye strain while I do my dream job. In the future, I’ll also be looking into laser eye surgery to correct my eyes.

Felix Gray, glasses, non-prescription, blue light filter, eye strain

And for those of you who have recently found the need to use a larger font, no fear, Felix Gray offers magnification too.

Disclosure: I was provided product from Felix Gray to review but all opinions are my own.

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how to get healthy from your desk by doing almost nothing at all, Flexispot, health made simple, how to get healthy

Do you work at a desk like most adults? Ever have trouble reconciling how to get healthy from your desk and still maintaining your career? It’s so easy, as we get older to blame our out of shape bodies on kids, business and sitting at a desk all day. We’re tired. I get it. I’ve been doing the same thing for years and guess where it’s gotten me? It’s gotten me a muffin top around my waist ( way less cute than it sounds) and looking like a linebacker for the Bears from behind.

We all love to imagine ourselves as outdoorsmen. We say we hike and do yoga, maybe even barre or spin. What that means to me is I walked to take the garbage out and pick up the mail (hike). I almost fell and killed myself but I caught myself (yoga). I got ambitious and tried to do barre with my two girls and got stuck and my back went out (Barre). I rode my cruiser around the neighborhood at a leisurely pace wherein my neighbor’s 100-year-old dachshund outpaced me (spin). Things are not what they always appear. And no matter what lies I want to tell myself about my health, the hips in the jeans don’t lie.

READ ALSO: Can Yoga Pants Really be the Downfall of Man?

Hey, I’m with you. We’re part of a society who wears yoga pants as everyday clothes. Little honestly for you, my yoga clothes have been to one yoga class. I am trying to change that. I am not happy with the status quo. I don’t want to die in my 60’s because I was too lazy to do anything about it today.

I used to work out, hardcore. I loved it. I am an endorphin junkie and I love being proactive in my life. If you know me, you know I am a planner with end results in mind at all times. My goal is to live to 103 years old. No, I’m not joking. My grandpa was 99 when he died. 103 is not out of my realm of possibility for these genetics.

But I’ve got to get off my derriere and do it. You see, my brain has done the math and while it’s totally possible to live to be 103, it becomes exponentially harder when your job is sitting on your bottom all day long. Add to that insomnia and a trash fire diet and well, in my current state there is no way I am hitting my goal and people, I am no quitter.

Here are my list of  how to get healthy from your desk

Worry Less

I am serious, worrying is a useless emotion unless your goal is to stress yourself out, have your body mutiny and release cortisol and make you gain weight. It’s also not good for you mentally. It’s just one more thing to overwhelm you. Worrying never made anything go away or get easier. It only ever makes things worse so stop doing it.

Eat cleaner

Be aware of portion sizes. Try to eat more naturally, less low fat, less processed and refined sugars and more organic. More fruits, veggies and lean proteins and whole grains. Less red meat, rich sauces and salt.

Be Aware

I know some people say to throw your scale away. I personally need accountability. Pick one day every other week and weigh yourself. I am currently using the WW scale; it tracks weight, BMI and body fat.

I also like to monitor my food intake so I use a food scale to keep my portion sizes honest and an app on my phone to keep track of the foods I am eating.

Last but not least, I use BEEM UNITED: BeActiv S100.  They are an in-ear precision heart rate monitor. They not only monitor your heart as you workout, they  allow you to have clear hand free calling for up to 8 hours of use. It has a built-in personal health management app and are waterproof.

Through the BEEM Sport app, listeners can choose their preferred workout, including running, jogging, indoor or outdoor cycling and more, and receive real-time heart rate data as they workout.

Sleep

I’m an insomniac and it’s not fun. It’s also unbelievably unhealthy. I feel a zillion times better when I go to sleep at a reasonable hour and get enough sleep. When I only get 4 or 5 hours of sleep, I feel ruined for the rest of the day. But when I get at least 7 hours of sleep, I feel invigorated and equipped to face life. I’m more tolerant and generally, more pleasant and clear minded.

Move More

Going for a bike ride or walking 30 minutes a day can do wonders for your health but if you can’t manage that, I have the next best option for you the Flexispot bike. It’s so simple but it allows me to work out while I work. In fact, I burned 300 calories writing this post.

how to get healthy from your desk by doing almost nothing at all, Flexispot, health made simple, how to get healthy

The Flexispot bike is height adjustable, stationary bike with a desktop built on it so you can stay sedentary even when you are doing sedentary activities, like checking your emails, working remotely or even watching television. It’s whisper quiet and has 8 adjustable levels. It’s great for the entire family. My girls love it as much as I do and it even won the 2018 CES Innovation Awards.

Disclosure: I was provided a FlexiSpot bike for review purposes but all opinions are my own and the 300 calories I burned writing this post, all mine.

Drink Your Water

I am a water addict. It’s probably the thing I drink the most. When I was younger, I loved Coke, juice and cocktails. As I’ve gotten older, my favorite drinks are water, iced tea, an occasional iced coffee and the rare, blood orange San Pelligrino or martini. Water is good for your skin and keeping you free of toxins.

Take Your Vitamins

I always made sure to give my girls their vitamins. I even started giving them Vitamin-C to boost their immune systems because, let’s face it, schools are cesspools. But what about me? I need to be around to take care of them so that means, stopping, breathing and caring for myself.

READ ALSO: 5 Kitchen Appliances You Need to Get Healthy

What do you do to stay healthy?

What’re your best tips for How to Get Healthy from Your Desk?

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diabetes, diabetic, high blood pressure, how a simple doctor's visit might save my life, healthy, how to keep your kids healthy, happy children, healthy habits, Anthem, ballet, ballerinas

Have you ever heard that song by Tim McGraw, “Live Like You were Dying”? Today, it’s personal. It’s real. I found out Monday that I’m a diabetic with high blood pressure. Now,  there’s nothing I want more than to reverse diabetes and high blood pressure.

In the past, I’ve implemented a “no special occasion” rule ( meaning every single day is special) and decided to go for it now (stop waiting for conditions to be right). Eat the cake. Dance like no one is watching. Enjoy life. Laugh. Love. Tell people you love them every single chance you get. Be more tolerant of people because you don’t know their story. But I was never actually in harm’s way.

Monday, I went to the doctor for my annual physical. Only it’s been more like a year and a half because of all the health issues that happened to me in the fall. The 3-month period and the removal of my lady parts who were trying to kill me. I thought I was finally out of the proverbial health woods. I should have known better.

READ ALSO: Why I’m having a Hysterectomy

I spent 3 months sitting during my last recovery. I’ve been eating like there were no consequences. Pop. Yes, please. Fast food. Yep. Juice. Yep. Late night snacks. Hell yeah. Insomnia makes you hungry. I’m joking but it’s really not funny.

My doctor gave me a whole lot of bad news this week. Not the “you need to eat better and work out”, usual news they give everyone. Nope, I got the “you are severely sick; morbidly obese, extremely diabetic, your blood pressure is so high you could stroke out at any moment and oh yeah, your cholesterol is up too” news. I was shocked because how can you be prepared for that kind of news.

Maybe it doesn’t sound too scary to you. Let me explain. My sugar numbers are twice what they should be. I am a diabetic and I wasn’t on Sunday. My blood pressure was 200/130. I cried. I sobbed in my doctor’s office because how did I get here? How did I ignore my body so much that it could, quite frankly, kill me? Literally, I could die. I might be crying while writing this post. My entire life has changed this week. I have a new perspective on life.

All I want to do is get healthy

I’m still trying to wrap my head around it all. My doctor and I made a plan. Dying is not an option that I want to consider. All of this is reversible. It’s a lot of hard work, planning, completely overhauling my diet and lifestyle but it’s not optional. I have a husband and two daughters who love me and depend on me and I made a promise to be here for them. My goal is 103 years old. This was never part of the plan. I can see so clearly now what is important to me…my family.

I’ve never had a healthy relationship with food or my body. Food is basically my arch nemesis and my body has taken a beating over the years. I was stupid when I was young and I starved myself. I punished my body.

READ ALSO: Burden of Being a Fat Woman

I realized that I could live with being fat a long time ago because perfection and I have a longstanding struggle and to not let it go was going to kill me. Maybe I don’t love being overweight but I knew eating disorders were off the table. Maybe you think there are more options but when your eating is as disordered as mine, it’s like being an alcoholic. You are eating disordered for life. You have to make a choice every morning to not act upon it.

Now, I’m having to make a choice every single day to commit to staying alive. My goal is to get healthy and reverse it all but what damage is it doing while I’m trying to lower my sugar and my blood pressure? I’m so scared. I’ve been walking around in a funk trying to get my bearings since they told me. It’s knocked me off my axis.

“You’re diabetic…have high blood pressure and are morbidly obese”

If you could have seen my doctor’s face, you would have seen the severity of my situation. I cried because did I actually let bad food choices rob my children of their mother? I have a responsibility and a profound want to be here for as much of their lives as I can. I don’t want to let them down. That’s the last thing I ever wanted to do.

And the Big Guy, I made a commitment to him to love him for the rest of our lives. We’ve only had 20 years. It’s not enough. I’m terrified right now. I feel overwhelmed. But I’m not giving up. I’m doing everything I can to right this wrong.

I always put myself last. I remember every few years to make myself a priority but then it falls to the wayside. Everyone else gets their dental appointments, physicals and eye appointments. I make sure to meet everyone’s needs but my own. I put myself on the back burner because my job is to take care of them.

“It’s all reversible. You don’t have to be a diabetic or have high blood pressure. But you’ll have to make serious changes.”

I get a physical every year, but it’s been a year and a half. Either something came up for the kids, or I was dealing with the hysterectomy saga or we had someplace to be or something to do or finances were tight. Every time, I went to the bottom of the list by my own doing and now, I have to focus on me. No more excuses.

I have to let things go. The most important thing right now is my health and my family. Nothing else matters. I want to live more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my entire life. Food is fuel to me now and there is no food worth dying for.  If I have to eat sandpaper for the rest of my life, I will. If I have to give up sweets, eating out, pop, juice, bread and coffee, I will. If I have to work out every day for the rest of my life, I will.

If you have any diabetic friendly recipes that don’t taste like sandpaper, I will take them. If you have prayers to spare, I’ll take them too.  Please, remember to take care of yourselves because if you don’t…you might not be there to take care of the people you love the most.

My family, the Big Guy, Bella and Gabs, they are my reasons for everything including taking care of myself. They are worth living for. I forgot that. I was so busy putting everyone else first that I forgot about me. Don’t forget about you.

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Kanye West is in the middle of what appears to me to be a shit storm of a manic episode and I should know because I’ve lived through my own fair share of shit storms of manic episodes. They’re not pretty and coming out of one is the worst part. It’s like being held hostage while your mind spins out of control and explodes all of your relationships. Surviving marriage with a bipolar partner is one of the hardest things anyone can experience. Of course, I never had my manic episodes in full view of the public. I was never a celebrity and thank God for that because what an asshole I was. I am Kanye West.

Bipolar is a mental illness. I don’t even know how to accurately describe it as I’ve only ever known it from the inside out. When I’m non-episodic, I can look back with a clear vision and see the outrageousness of the manic me but in the throes of it, I couldn’t recognize it if you paid me. This is why the Big Guy and I have a system in place.

He doesn’t blame every bad mood on my bipolar 1 and I don’t get away with bad behavior because I have a diagnosis. We both know that when I’m flying high, the last thing you can do is try to reason me down, so when/if I have a full manic episode, he’s my rock to keep me grounded. He agrees to be my reality check and I agree to give him that power. It’s the greatest trust you can give to anyone else. This is surviving marriage with a bipolar partner. You’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all of this. There is a point.

I’ve seen what Kim and Kanye are going through. More importantly, I see what Kim is going through. It breaks my heart because I’ve been Kanye. I’m telling you this because I read Kim Kardashian’s Insta Stories posts and they got in my head and in my heart. You see, I’ve been watching Kanye and I see myself. I’ve been him. This is mania. Mania is a gift and a curse. It’s like having wings; you feel invincible. You just keep rising higher and higher until no one can touch you. And then, just as suddenly and unexpectedly, you come crashing down in one of 2 ways, you either fall into a pit of despair and depression or (like me) you get stuck on “ON” and you can’t stop and your body gets exhausted but your mind won’t turn off and you are trapped in a mind and body at war and you’re the hostage. It is exhausting, it’s irritating and in the end, it’s terrifying to never be able to turn off your on switch.

READ ALSO: How my diagnosis saved me

You’re asking yourself, why not take medicine? If only it were that easy. We’d all be chemically balanced. Well, I did take medicine and many years of behavioral therapy because after accepting your illness, you have to learn to live with it. But it’s not easy figuring out the drug cocktail to a definitely not one size fits all mental illness.

If you do get the right drugs, you have to get the right amounts and you have to constantly monitor for changing moods and chemicals. Think of it as having an imaginary balance scale that you’re constantly needing to adjust so that you don’t chemically topple in one way or the other. On top of all of that, you have to be cognizant that your actions can be catastrophic to the people you love. It’s a lot especially when we are usually known for our creativity, so we’re assholes from the beginning.

It’s like being Icarus, you go so high you touch the sun, you get burned, catch fire and turn to ash and the world watches on. You watch on, held captive by your manic mind, only to come down to be confronted by all the destruction you caused while eclipsing the sun.I went through the worst of mine as a college student and newlywed before I had kids and before I lived my life online.  Still, even without kids, for the Big Guy surviving marriage to a bipolar partner was almost impossible. Our marriage would not have survived if I hadn’t gotten help.

I am Kanye West

Kanye has had to live his Bipolar episodes under the scrutiny of the public eye and I would not wish that on my worst enemy. Anyways, back to why I am writing this, Kim Kardashian. She wrote some powerful words about the disease. Words that only a person whose been through it or watched someone they love descend into madness could write.

 Surviving Marriage with a Bipolar Partner, I am Kanye West, bipolar disorder, mania, Kim Kardashian

Kim’s words of love and compassion are a true commentary on what it’s like loving someone with bipolar. It’s brutal. Like seriously fucking hard. My husband, I don’t know how he stayed but I’m glad that he did. I was as difficult as anyone could possibly be. I had no boundaries and no respect for consequences. If you know me now, you wouldn’t think that about me but I am who I am because I went through what I went through to become who I am.

Surviving Marriage with a Bipolar Partner, I am Kanye West, bipolar disorder, mania, Kim Kardashian

READ ALSO: I am Robin Williams

 

Surviving Marriage with a Bipolar Partner, I am Kanye West, bipolar disorder, mania, Kim Kardashian

So when I say that Kanye is acting crazy, it’s not an insult. It’s not me being flip about mental illness, which I think some people thought that from a post I put n Facebook. I forget that not everyone knows my business. I’ve written about it quite a few times on here and I guess I take it for granted that everyone’s a fan.

It’s me recognizing my illness in someone else, having compassion and empathy for Kanye. Hoping that his marriage can weather this storm because of all the things we are forced to sacrifice to our illness, our partnerships shouldn’t have to be one of them. It’s rooting for him to come through this on the other side without damaging too many relationships or ruining his career.

Kim deserves to know the road map for surviving marriage with a bipolar partner.

The thing with mania is when we’re manic, we don’t think beyond the moment. We’re not capable. It’s a very id serving illness and you can’t tell us any different because we can’t be reasoned with because we are not in a rational state of mind. This is not a choice we make. Honestly, the recklessness is something that comes along with the mania and drags us along for the ride. The easiest way to recognize someone with bipolar is reckless behavior. It’s a red flag. Pressured speech. CHECK. Speeding. CHECK. Spending a lot of money. CHECK. Insomnia. CHECK. From the outside, I was fun on steroids and then I was hell on wheels. There was never an in-between for me. I was all or nothing and it ruined relationships, friendships and opportunities.

READ ALSO: Carrie Fisher the Warrior Princess who gave me hope

Now, I live in the in-between with slight ticks up and falls down but nothing like before I was diagnosed. It’s still hard. There is no cure. You learn to live in the in-between. I have moments when I can feel the mania coming on but I don’t give myself over to it anymore. Instead, I hold on and I do whatever I can do in my power to minimize damage and destruction to my life, to my family and to the person I am today.  The luxury of just riding the wave and feeling it all isn’t an option because the price is too high. I say all this with the clarity of education, therapy, wisdom and experience because I’ve been living with this illness most of my life but diagnosed for the past 20.

My diagnosis did not scare me. Hope is in accepting the broken. Relief came in knowing. Ready to embrace the disease by the time I received it because I was so weary from surviving it. I read everything I could to learn more; immersing myself in understanding. Giving myself forgiveness and grace because it was the only way to move forward and separate myself from the disease was the only thing to do. Otherwise, the shame spiral would have been too much to overcome.

We all do things that we otherwise wouldn’t, especially when chemically imbalanced. We have no control before we know what the problem is, we accept it as it is who we are. Just because we are bipolar doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to be loved. But it’s not easy to love us. We’re difficult even on our good days. I am Kanye West and this is what surviving marriage with a bipolar partner looks like.

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I’ve never needed streaming television more than I do now. This coronavirus pandemic has begun to affect me in ways that I never could have expected. I’ve watched everything in English, Spanish, French, Italian, Swedish and Belgian that I could find. I’ve always loved Asian horror because it’s simply the scariest. What I never expected my heart would need is Asian Rom Coms, all Asian Drama, K-dramas, C-drama, J-drama, coming of age series and kPop soundtracks. I’m not even a Rom-Com girl. But Asian Rom Com series just hit in a different way than their American counterparts. They are pure and innocent. I find myself smiling a lot.

If you’re not familiar with this genre, acquaint yourself. These series can also sometimes fall into the categories of K-Dramas, J-Dramas and C-Dramas. If you’re wondering why I am out of the blue recommending these shows, I’m going to be 100% honest with you. I’ve been really stressed during this pandemic but I’ve been keeping it all neatly bottled up inside because this issue is so huge and insurmountable that keeping a lid on my feelings about it is the only way for me to mentally survive it.

As many of you know, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 when I was 27. I haven’t had a manic or depressive episode in over a decade. To be honest, the only “depression” I’ve truly ever experienced was the result of an overly stressful coming of age time in my own teens when my dad was a volatile alcoholic and again in 2012, when I lost our third baby. I actually feel like both of those instances were completely normal responses to the situation however, I am not trusted to assess my own emotional well-being. My point is that this pandemic has me terrified for my own mental health.

READ ALSO: Best Horror Movies to Watch with Your Teens

Rather than feeling like I’m depressed, at least not anything like I’ve ever known, I’m feeling anxious (again, I feel under these circumstances is a pretty normal reaction for anyone) but what’s scaring me is this walking a tightrope feeling in my gut that feels like mania is lurking right beneath the surface, just waiting to break through. That terrifies me because I’ve never had an episode since becoming a mom. But, I’m also not who I was in my 20’s, I know the disease I’m battling. I know it well. I’ve researched it, made peace with it and embraced it. I’ve had extensive training on how to move through it and how to get myself off the ledge. Still, it’s scary. The feeling that any wrong move can send me freefalling and crashing towards earth as my daughters and the Big Guy watch on. That scares me the most.

Luckily, I just had 2 weeks off of school (Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that I’ve gone back to school to get another Masters of Science (this time in Digital Marketing) during a pandemic?) but today, I went back. It gave me the time I needed to look more closely at the situation and realize what’s happening; to get my bearings. When I had my miscarriage, I had this same walking a tightrope feeling, I survived it with binge-watching the UK version of Shameless…all 10 seasons. I’m the kind of person who needs to feel her feelings and I write to process but when it gets to be too much, I start to short circuit. Recently, I’ve been finding it harder and harder to write. I can’t even will myself to commit my thoughts to keyboard. That means for my own mental health, I have to let go of the overthinking and I have to relinquish control and numb myself to relieve the pressure.

READ ALSO: The Last Goodbye

Before I knew what my diagnosis was, I used to drink to do this. I was in college so it seemed pretty normal. Didn’t every anorexic 100 lb girl drink 6-12 beers a night? I did. I don’t do that anymore. Seldom do I have even 3 drinks in a year these days. Caffeine and alcohol are on my “in moderation” list. Sleep for me is supposed to be 10-12 hours a night, to maintain normal. I live on 4-6, if I’m sick, I can force 8. My insomnia is my constant companion. I’ve noticed it’s gotten worse these past few weeks. My bedtime is frequently at 4 am. I know this is not normal but nothing brings the sleep, not even the sleep medication. This is a trigger warning for me.

My point to all of this is that Asian Rom Coms are currently saving my sanity. I need their quiet, sweet, romantic, coming-of-age endearing storylines to focus on and laugh and cry with to process my emotions in small quantities. These series are literally my emotional support series’. When I’m in a manic episode, I become obsessive so binge-watching is better than eating or shopping. The alternative is giving myself over to the erratic, reckless and self-satisfying darkness. Instead, I’m choosing to quiet my mind by anesthetizing it with the calm voices of Asia’s finest young actors. I’m enjoying them so much; I’m thinking of trying to learn Mandarin (because speaking 4 languages is not enough) …this could be the mania talking but I’m going to give it a try with no expectations (that’s how I know I’m still aware of my behavior).

READ ALSO: How to Love Forever

I know that the pandemic has brought about its own unique challenges for everyone, I’m not the only one whose mental illness has been reactivated in the wake of the world being on fire. I’m not special (look at me not having grandiose thoughts of self-importance). I’m not saying that Asian rom coms are the answer to saving the world’s sanity from the Coronavirus pandemic, but I’m not saying they’re not either. They are very entertaining, add levity, laughter and cathartic sobbing when needed and unlike the typical American teen dramas we are used to there is not any of the excessive drinking, juuling and sex scenes. It’s just endearing and thoughtful naïve first love, the kind we had in the beginning and wish for our own children to someday experience. Plus, the people, the music, the language and the culture are so beautiful to watch and learn more about. Right now, I’m truly thankful for Netflix and Rakuten Viki.

For me, I know that Asian rom coms can’t fix mental illness but just like psychiatric drugs, behavioral therapy and cognitive therapy, in my recovery, they definitely have their place.  Here are my favorite Asian Rom Coms for beginners. For reference, my top 4 are the first 4 on the list below. Also, this list includes Chinese, Korean, Japanese and Taiwanese recs. Don’t worry if you don’t know the languages, that’s what subtitles are for and honestly, even without subtitles, you can enjoy these shows. Seriously, Asian Rom Coms can help us all survive the pandemic. TBH, the worst thing about Asian Rom Coms is that they end and I want more seasons.

Top Asian Rom Coms to watch for beginners

 K-drama, kpop, c-drama, j-drama ,14 Asian Rom Coms that can Save You from Your Pandemic Pit of Despair, Dylan Wang, Shen Yeu, Meteor Garden, Guo Junchen, Amy Sun, Zhao Yiqin, Yuan Hao, accidentally in love, shy boss, Yeon Woo-jin, Park Hye-soo, Yoon Park, Love Alarm, Song Kang, Kim So-hyun, Good Morning Call, Shun’ya Shiraishi, Haruka Fukuhara, Yosuke Sugino, Darren Chen, Caesar Wu, Connor Leong, Sun Qiang, Hello My Twenties, Ryu Hwa-young, Park Hye-soo, Park Eun-bin, Han Seung –yeon , Han Ye-ri, Yoon Park, Shin Hyun-soo, Netflix, Rakuten Viki, My First First Love, Ji Soo, Jung Chae-Yeon, Second Twenties, Choi Ji-woo, Lee Sang-yoon, The Liar and His Lover, Lee Hyun-woo, Lee Jung-jin, Lee Seo-won and Hong Seo-young, Put Your Head on My Shoulder, Lin Yi, Xing Fei, Miss in Kiss, Dino Lee, Esther Wu, Riley Wang, Zhao Lusi , Zhang Jiongmin, I Hear You, Go Go Squid, Li Xian, Yang Zi, Hu Yi Tian

Meteor Garden

Chinese/ Netflix /2018

Dong Shancai is determined to excel at her dream university, where she encounters an elite clique of dashing, popular high-achievers — and finds love, Dao Ming Si. Starring Dylan Wang and Shen Yeu.

 K-drama, kpop, c-drama, j-drama ,14 Asian Rom Coms that can Save You from Your Pandemic Pit of Despair, Dylan Wang, Shen Yeu, Meteor Garden, Guo Junchen, Amy Sun, Zhao Yiqin, Yuan Hao, accidentally in love, shy boss, Yeon Woo-jin, Park Hye-soo, Yoon Park, Love Alarm, Song Kang, Kim So-hyun, Good Morning Call, Shun’ya Shiraishi, Haruka Fukuhara, Yosuke Sugino, Darren Chen, Caesar Wu, Connor Leong, Sun Qiang, Hello My Twenties, Ryu Hwa-young, Park Hye-soo, Park Eun-bin, Han Seung –yeon , Han Ye-ri, Yoon Park, Shin Hyun-soo, Netflix, Rakuten Viki, My First First Love, Ji Soo, Jung Chae-Yeon, Second Twenties, Choi Ji-woo, Lee Sang-yoon, The Liar and His Lover, Lee Hyun-woo, Lee Jung-jin, Lee Seo-won and Hong Seo-young, Put Your Head on My Shoulder, Lin Yi, Xing Fei, Miss in Kiss, Dino Lee, Esther Wu, Riley Wang, Zhao Lusi , Zhang Jiongmin, I Hear You, Go Go Squid, Li Xian, Yang Zi, Hu Yi Tian

A Love so Beautiful

Chinese / Netflix/ 2017

The ups and downs of school, family and growing up test the love between a budding artist, Chen Xiaoxi, and her handsome but indifferent classmate and neighbor, Jiang Chen. Starring Hu Yi Tian and Shen Ye.

 K-drama, kpop, c-drama, j-drama , 14 Asian Rom Coms that can Save You from Your Pandemic Pit of Despair, Dylan Wang, Shen Yeu, Meteor Garden, Guo Junchen, Amy Sun, Zhao Yiqin, Yuan Hao, accidentally in love, shy boss, Yeon Woo-jin, Park Hye-soo, Yoon Park, Love Alarm, Song Kang, Kim So-hyun, Good Morning Call, Shun’ya Shiraishi, Haruka Fukuhara, Yosuke Sugino, Darren Chen, Caesar Wu, Connor Leong, Sun Qiang, Hello My Twenties, Ryu Hwa-young, Park Hye-soo, Park Eun-bin, Han Seung –yeon , Han Ye-ri, Yoon Park, Shin Hyun-soo, Netflix, Rakuten Viki, My First First Love, Ji Soo, Jung Chae-Yeon, Second Twenties, Choi Ji-woo, Lee Sang-yoon, The Liar and His Lover, Lee Hyun-woo, Lee Jung-jin, Lee Seo-won and Hong Seo-young, Put Your Head on My Shoulder, Lin Yi, Xing Fei, Miss in Kiss, Dino Lee, Esther Wu, Riley Wang, Zhao Lusi , Zhang Jiongmin, I Hear You, Go Go Squid, Li Xian, Yang Zi, Hu Yi Tian

Go Go Squid

Chinese/ Rakuten Viki/ 2019

At 19, Tong Nian, a brilliant IT programming student with stellar grades and an equally impressive social media following, is winning at life. She never has a problem meeting new people. But all that changes the day Han Shang Yan walks into her life. Starring Li Xian, Yang Zi and Hu Yi Tian.

 K-drama, kpop, c-drama, j-drama , 14 Asian Rom Coms that can Save You from Your Pandemic Pit of Despair, Dylan Wang, Shen Yeu, Meteor Garden, Guo Junchen, Amy Sun, Zhao Yiqin, Yuan Hao, accidentally in love, shy boss, Yeon Woo-jin, Park Hye-soo, Yoon Park, Love Alarm, Song Kang, Kim So-hyun, Good Morning Call, Shun’ya Shiraishi, Haruka Fukuhara, Yosuke Sugino, Darren Chen, Caesar Wu, Connor Leong, Sun Qiang, Hello My Twenties, Ryu Hwa-young, Park Hye-soo, Park Eun-bin, Han Seung –yeon , Han Ye-ri, Yoon Park, Shin Hyun-soo, Netflix, Rakuten Viki, My First First Love, Ji Soo, Jung Chae-Yeon, Second Twenties, Choi Ji-woo, Lee Sang-yoon, The Liar and His Lover, Lee Hyun-woo, Lee Jung-jin, Lee Seo-won and Hong Seo-young, Put Your Head on My Shoulder, Lin Yi, Xing Fei, Miss in Kiss, Dino Lee, Esther Wu, Riley Wang, Zhao Lusi , Zhang Jiongmin, I Hear You, Go Go Squid, Li Xian, Yang Zi, Hu Yi Tian

I Hear You

Chinese/ Netflix/ 2019

Love blooms between a bubbly, aspiring voice actress and a cool, enigmatic violin-maker after they cross paths on a reality TV show. Starring Riley Wang, Zhao Lusi and Zhang Jiongmin.

 K-drama, kpop, c-drama, j-drama , 14 Asian Rom Coms that can Save You from Your Pandemic Pit of Despair, Dylan Wang, Shen Yeu, Meteor Garden, Guo Junchen, Amy Sun, Zhao Yiqin, Yuan Hao, accidentally in love, shy boss, Yeon Woo-jin, Park Hye-soo, Yoon Park, Love Alarm, Song Kang, Kim So-hyun, Good Morning Call, Shun’ya Shiraishi, Haruka Fukuhara, Yosuke Sugino, Darren Chen, Caesar Wu, Connor Leong, Sun Qiang, Hello My Twenties, Ryu Hwa-young, Park Hye-soo, Park Eun-bin, Han Seung –yeon , Han Ye-ri, Yoon Park, Shin Hyun-soo, Netflix, Rakuten Viki, My First First Love, Ji Soo, Jung Chae-Yeon, Second Twenties, Choi Ji-woo, Lee Sang-yoon, The Liar and His Lover, Lee Hyun-woo, Lee Jung-jin, Lee Seo-won and Hong Seo-young, Put Your Head on My Shoulder, Lin Yi, Xing Fei, Miss in Kiss, Dino Lee, Esther Wu, Riley Wang, Zhao Lusi , Zhang Jiongmin, I Hear You, Go Go Squid, Li Xian, Yang Zi, Hu Yi Tian

Miss In Kiss

Taiwanese/ Netflix/ 2016

A quirk of fate sends an ordinary, sweet-natured high school girl and her father into the home of the school genius, on whom she has a huge crush. Starring Dino Lee and Esther Wu.

 K-drama, kpop, c-drama, j-drama , 14 Asian Rom Coms that can Save You from Your Pandemic Pit of Despair, Dylan Wang, Shen Yeu, Meteor Garden, Guo Junchen, Amy Sun, Zhao Yiqin, Yuan Hao, accidentally in love, shy boss, Yeon Woo-jin, Park Hye-soo, Yoon Park, Love Alarm, Song Kang, Kim So-hyun, Good Morning Call, Shun’ya Shiraishi, Haruka Fukuhara, Yosuke Sugino, Darren Chen, Caesar Wu, Connor Leong, Sun Qiang, Hello My Twenties, Ryu Hwa-young, Park Hye-soo, Park Eun-bin, Han Seung –yeon , Han Ye-ri, Yoon Park, Shin Hyun-soo, Netflix, Rakuten Viki, My First First Love, Ji Soo, Jung Chae-Yeon, Second Twenties, Choi Ji-woo, Lee Sang-yoon, The Liar and His Lover, Lee Hyun-woo, Lee Jung-jin, Lee Seo-won and Hong Seo-young, Put Your Head on My Shoulder, Lin Yi, Xing Fei, Miss in Kiss, Dino Lee, Esther Wu, Riley Wang, Zhao Lusi , Zhang Jiongmin, I Hear You, Go Go Squid, Li Xian, Yang Zi, Hu Yi Tian

Put Your Head on My Shoulder

Chinese/ Netflix/ 2019

As Si Tu Mo’s graduation is nearing, she is confused about her future plans. She tries out all sorts of things all the time and is unable to make her own decisions. Starring Lin Yi and Xing Fei.

14 Asian Rom Coms that can Save You from Your Pandemic Pit of Despair, Dylan Wang, Shen Yeu, Meteor Garden, Guo Junchen, Amy Sun, Zhao Yiqin, Yuan Hao, accidentally in love, shy boss, Yeon Woo-jin, Park Hye-soo, Yoon Park, Love Alarm, Song Kang, Kim So-hyun, Good Morning Call, Shun’ya Shiraishi, Haruka Fukuhara, Yosuke Sugino, Darren Chen, Caesar Wu, Connor Leong, Sun Qiang, Hello My Twenties, Ryu Hwa-young, Park Hye-soo, Park Eun-bin, Han Seung –yeon , Han Ye-ri, Yoon Park, Shin Hyun-soo, Netflix, Rakuten Viki, My First First Love, Ji Soo, Jung Chae-Yeon, Second Twenties, Choi Ji-woo, Lee Sang-yoon, The Liar and His Lover, Lee Hyun-woo, Lee Jung-jin, Lee Seo-won and Hong Seo-young, Put Your Head on My Shoulder, Lin Yi, Xing Fei, Miss in Kiss, Dino Lee, Esther Wu, Riley Wang, Zhao Lusi , Zhang Jiongmin, I Hear You, Go Go Squid, Li Xian, Yang Zi, Hu Yi Tian

The Liar and His Lover

South Korean/ Netflix/ 2017

Love Story of a genius composer and a high school girl who sings. She falls in love at first sight but it’s never that easy. The drama is based on the popular Japanese manga Kanojo wa Uso o Aishisugiteru by Kotomi Aoki.  Starring Lee Hyun-woo and Joy with Lee Jung-jin, Lee Seo-won and Hong Seo-young

 K-drama, kpop, c-drama, j-drama , 14 Asian Rom Coms that can Save You from Your Pandemic Pit of Despair, Dylan Wang, Shen Yeu, Meteor Garden, Guo Junchen, Amy Sun, Zhao Yiqin, Yuan Hao, accidentally in love, shy boss, Yeon Woo-jin, Park Hye-soo, Yoon Park, Love Alarm, Song Kang, Kim So-hyun, Good Morning Call, Shun’ya Shiraishi, Haruka Fukuhara, Yosuke Sugino, Darren Chen, Caesar Wu, Connor Leong, Sun Qiang, Hello My Twenties, Ryu Hwa-young, Park Hye-soo, Park Eun-bin, Han Seung –yeon , Han Ye-ri, Yoon Park, Shin Hyun-soo, Netflix, Rakuten Viki, My First First Love, Ji Soo, Jung Chae-Yeon, Second Twenties, Choi Ji-woo, Lee Sang-yoon, The Liar and His Lover, Lee Hyun-woo, Lee Jung-jin, Lee Seo-won and Hong Seo-young, Put Your Head on My Shoulder, Lin Yi, Xing Fei, Miss in Kiss, Dino Lee, Esther Wu, Riley Wang, Zhao Lusi , Zhang Jiongmin, I Hear You, Go Go Squid, Li Xian, Yang Zi, Hu Yi Tian

Second 20s

South Korean/ Netflix/ 2015

Almost 40, Ha No-Ra’s son is about to go away to college and her husband wants a divorce the moment the kid’s out of the house. Ha No-Ra goes back to school and meets Cha Hyun-Suk, an old schoolmate who is now a professor. Unknown to her, Cha Hyun-Suk had the biggest crush on her in high school but she never noticed. Starring Choi Ji-woo and Lee Sang-yoon.

 K-drama, kpop, c-drama, j-drama , 14 Asian Rom Coms that can Save You from Your Pandemic Pit of Despair, Dylan Wang, Shen Yeu, Meteor Garden, Guo Junchen, Amy Sun, Zhao Yiqin, Yuan Hao, accidentally in love, shy boss, Yeon Woo-jin, Park Hye-soo, Yoon Park, Love Alarm, Song Kang, Kim So-hyun, Good Morning Call, Shun’ya Shiraishi, Haruka Fukuhara, Yosuke Sugino, Darren Chen, Caesar Wu, Connor Leong, Sun Qiang, Hello My Twenties, Ryu Hwa-young, Park Hye-soo, Park Eun-bin, Han Seung –yeon , Han Ye-ri, Yoon Park, Shin Hyun-soo, Netflix, Rakuten Viki, My First First Love, Ji Soo, Jung Chae-Yeon, Second Twenties, Choi Ji-woo, Lee Sang-yoon, The Liar and His Lover, Lee Hyun-woo, Lee Jung-jin, Lee Seo-won and Hong Seo-young, Put Your Head on My Shoulder, Lin Yi, Xing Fei, Miss in Kiss, Dino Lee, Esther Wu, Riley Wang, Zhao Lusi , Zhang Jiongmin, I Hear You, Go Go Squid, Li Xian, Yang Zi, Hu Yi Tian

My First First Love

Korean/ Netflix/ 2019

Due to various personal reasons, some of Yun Tae-o’s friends move into his house, where they experience love, friendship and everything in between. Starring Ji Soo and Jung Chae-Yeon.

 K-drama, kpop, c-drama, j-drama , 14 Asian Rom Coms that can Save You from Your Pandemic Pit of Despair, Dylan Wang, Shen Yeu, Meteor Garden, Guo Junchen, Amy Sun, Zhao Yiqin, Yuan Hao, accidentally in love, shy boss, Yeon Woo-jin, Park Hye-soo, Yoon Park, Love Alarm, Song Kang, Kim So-hyun, Good Morning Call, Shun’ya Shiraishi, Haruka Fukuhara, Yosuke Sugino, Darren Chen, Caesar Wu, Connor Leong, Sun Qiang, Hello My Twenties, Ryu Hwa-young, Park Hye-soo, Park Eun-bin, Han Seung –yeon , Han Ye-ri, Yoon Park, Shin Hyun-soo, Netflix, Rakuten Viki, My First First Love, Ji Soo, Jung Chae-Yeon, Second Twenties, Choi Ji-woo, Lee Sang-yoon, The Liar and His Lover, Lee Hyun-woo, Lee Jung-jin, Lee Seo-won and Hong Seo-young, Put Your Head on My Shoulder, Lin Yi, Xing Fei, Miss in Kiss, Dino Lee, Esther Wu, Riley Wang, Zhao Lusi , Zhang Jiongmin, I Hear You, Go Go Squid, Li Xian, Yang Zi, Hu Yi Tian

Hello, My Twenties

Korean/ Netflix/ 2016

Five female housemates and college students meet and live at the Belle Epoque. While strangers at first, they are able to bond and connect over the traumas they experienced while growing up. Together they juggle the perils of adult life. Starring Ryu Hwa-young, Park Hye-soo, Park Eun-bin, Han Seung –yeon , Han Ye-ri, Yoon Park and Shin Hyun-soo.

 K-drama, kpop, c-drama, j-drama , 14 Asian Rom Coms that can Save You from Your Pandemic Pit of Despair, Dylan Wang, Shen Yeu, Meteor Garden, Guo Junchen, Amy Sun, Zhao Yiqin, Yuan Hao, accidentally in love, shy boss, Yeon Woo-jin, Park Hye-soo, Yoon Park, Love Alarm, Song Kang, Kim So-hyun, Good Morning Call, Shun’ya Shiraishi, Haruka Fukuhara, Yosuke Sugino, Darren Chen, Caesar Wu, Connor Leong, Sun Qiang, Hello My Twenties, Ryu Hwa-young, Park Hye-soo, Park Eun-bin, Han Seung –yeon , Han Ye-ri, Yoon Park, Shin Hyun-soo, Netflix, Rakuten Viki, My First First Love, Ji Soo, Jung Chae-Yeon, Second Twenties, Choi Ji-woo, Lee Sang-yoon, The Liar and His Lover, Lee Hyun-woo, Lee Jung-jin, Lee Seo-won and Hong Seo-young, Put Your Head on My Shoulder, Lin Yi, Xing Fei, Miss in Kiss, Dino Lee, Esther Wu, Riley Wang, Zhao Lusi , Zhang Jiongmin, I Hear You, Go Go Squid, Li Xian, Yang Zi, Hu Yi Tian

Good Morning Call

Japanese/ Netflix/ 2016

A teenager has finally gotten her own apartment. The only problem is that she’s sharing it with the most popular boy in school, and they have to keep it a secret. Starring Shun’ya Shiraishi and Haruka Fukuhara.

 K-drama, kpop, c-drama, j-drama , 14 Asian Rom Coms that can Save You from Your Pandemic Pit of Despair, Dylan Wang, Shen Yeu, Meteor Garden, Guo Junchen, Amy Sun, Zhao Yiqin, Yuan Hao, accidentally in love, shy boss, Yeon Woo-jin, Park Hye-soo, Yoon Park, Love Alarm, Song Kang, Kim So-hyun, Good Morning Call, Shun’ya Shiraishi, Haruka Fukuhara, Yosuke Sugino, Darren Chen, Caesar Wu, Connor Leong, Sun Qiang, Hello My Twenties, Ryu Hwa-young, Park Hye-soo, Park Eun-bin, Han Seung –yeon , Han Ye-ri, Yoon Park, Shin Hyun-soo, Netflix, Rakuten Viki, My First First Love, Ji Soo, Jung Chae-Yeon, Second Twenties, Choi Ji-woo, Lee Sang-yoon, The Liar and His Lover, Lee Hyun-woo, Lee Jung-jin, Lee Seo-won and Hong Seo-young, Put Your Head on My Shoulder, Lin Yi, Xing Fei, Miss in Kiss, Dino Lee, Esther Wu, Riley Wang, Zhao Lusi , Zhang Jiongmin, I Hear You, Go Go Squid, Li Xian, Yang Zi, Hu Yi Tian

Love Alarm

Korean/ Netflix/ 2019

In a world in which an app alerts people if someone in the vicinity likes them, Kim Jojo experiences young love while coping with personal adversities. Starring Song Kang and Kim So-hyun.

14 Asian Rom Coms that can Save You from Your Pandemic Pit of Despair,Dylan Wang, Shen Yeu, Meteor Garden, Guo Junchen, Amy Sun, Zhao Yiqin, Yuan Hao, accidentally in love, shy boss, Yeon Woo-jin, Park Hye-soo, Yoon Park, Love Alarm, Song Kang, Kim So-hyun, Good Morning Call, Shun’ya Shiraishi, Haruka Fukuhara, Yosuke Sugino, Darren Chen, Caesar Wu, Connor Leong, Sun Qiang, Hello My Twenties, Ryu Hwa-young, Park Hye-soo, Park Eun-bin, Han Seung –yeon , Han Ye-ri, Yoon Park, Shin Hyun-soo, Netflix, Rakuten Viki, My First First Love, Ji Soo, Jung Chae-Yeon, Second Twenties, Choi Ji-woo, Lee Sang-yoon, The Liar and His Lover, Lee Hyun-woo, Lee Jung-jin, Lee Seo-won and Hong Seo-young, Put Your Head on My Shoulder, Lin Yi, Xing Fei, Miss in Kiss, Dino Lee, Esther Wu, Riley Wang, Zhao Lusi , Zhang Jiongmin, I Hear You, Go Go Squid, Li Xian, Yang Zi, Hu Yi Tian, K-drama, kpop, c-drama, j-drama

Shy Boss

Korean/ Netflix/ 2017

The quiet life of an extreme introvert is thrown upside down when his company hires a cheery and outgoing new employee who’s not all she seems. Starring Yeon Woo-jin, Park Hye-soo and Yoon Park.

14 Asian Rom Coms that can Save You from Your Pandemic Pit of Despair, Dylan Wang, Shen Yeu, Meteor Garden, Guo Junchen, Amy Sun, Zhao Yiqin, Yuan Hao, accidentally in love, shy boss, Yeon Woo-jin, Park Hye-soo, Yoon Park, Love Alarm, Song Kang, Kim So-hyun, Good Morning Call, Shun’ya Shiraishi, Haruka Fukuhara, Yosuke Sugino, Darren Chen, Caesar Wu, Connor Leong, Sun Qiang, Hello My Twenties, Ryu Hwa-young, Park Hye-soo, Park Eun-bin, Han Seung –yeon , Han Ye-ri, Yoon Park, Shin Hyun-soo, Netflix, Rakuten Viki, My First First Love, Ji Soo, Jung Chae-Yeon, Second Twenties, Choi Ji-woo, Lee Sang-yoon, The Liar and His Lover, Lee Hyun-woo, Lee Jung-jin, Lee Seo-won and Hong Seo-young, Put Your Head on My Shoulder, Lin Yi, Xing Fei, Miss in Kiss, Dino Lee, Esther Wu, Riley Wang, Zhao Lusi , Zhang Jiongmin, I Hear You, Go Go Squid, Li Xian, Yang Zi, Hu Yi Tian , K-drama, kpop, c-drama, j-drama

Accidentally in Love

Korean/ Netflix/ 2018

A popular singer decides to go back to school, becoming the center of attention there and meets an ordinary female student who is more than he ever imagined. Starring Guo Junchen, Amy Sun, Zhao Yiqin and Yuan Hao.

K-drama, kpop, c-drama, j-drama ,4 Asian Rom Coms that can Save You from Your Pandemic Pit of Despair, Dylan Wang, Shen Yeu, Meteor Garden, Guo Junchen, Amy Sun, Zhao Yiqin, Yuan Hao, accidentally in love, shy boss, Yeon Woo-jin, Park Hye-soo, Yoon Park, Love Alarm, Song Kang, Kim So-hyun, Good Morning Call, Shun’ya Shiraishi, Haruka Fukuhara, Yosuke Sugino, Darren Chen, Caesar Wu, Connor Leong, Sun Qiang, Hello My Twenties, Ryu Hwa-young, Park Hye-soo, Park Eun-bin, Han Seung –yeon , Han Ye-ri, Yoon Park, Shin Hyun-soo, Netflix, Rakuten Viki, My First First Love, Ji Soo, Jung Chae-Yeon, Second Twenties, Choi Ji-woo, Lee Sang-yoon, The Liar and His Lover, Lee Hyun-woo, Lee Jung-jin, Lee Seo-won and Hong Seo-young, Put Your Head on My Shoulder, Lin Yi, Xing Fei, Miss in Kiss, Dino Lee, Esther Wu, Riley Wang, Zhao Lusi , Zhang Jiongmin, I Hear You, Go Go Squid, Li Xian, Yang Zi, Hu Yi TianThis is just a beginner’s list of some of my favorites. There are so many more and I encourage you all to check them all out. I highly recommend you check them out and if you do, please come back here and leave me some comments. I’m fairly new to the genre but would love to discuss it with all of you, especially if you’ve watched them or have recommendations of K-Drama and Asian Rom Coms that I should check out, bonus points if they have Li Xian, Dylan Wang and Shen Yeu in them.

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