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Commuter Marriage~The Sunday When No One Got Left Behind

by Deborah Cruz

Reunited after Commuter marriage! It’s over. It’s finally over! It’s the first Sunday in over a year where no one had to leave anyone behind and no one had to stand at the stoop waving bye, feeling deflated and left behind. Tonight’s bedtime was monumental. The girls didn’t have to cry that they wanted their Daddy because the Big Guy didn’t have to leave. It is such a simple thing but it makes my heart so happy for all of us to be together. I’m so excited that I’m not even that annoyed that I had to miss BlogHer to make it happen.

Reunited after Commuter Marriage and it Feels so Good

For over a year now, our lives have been upside down and inside out. This is not an exaggeration, this is a commuter marriage with kids. I’ve tried my damnest to hold it together, to get to this very place…our finish line. I’ve spend every third month having a terrible frantic breakdown. Watched Sundays evolve into the no good terrible day of the week for our family. Sunday’s have been spent waking up angry because we knew it meant goodbyes. None of us were happy. It was miserable. Life was about surviving and getting by until the next opportunity to be together. It was harder than anything I have ever experienced. I can’t even explain because commuter marriage is a lot like labor in the sense that the pain is indescribable and so unbelievable that no one could understand. Not really.Not ever.It can only be understood, if survived.

Reunited from Commuter Marriage at last

This morning, we awoke and it was like a storm cloud had lifted from our lives. We all got dressed and went to mass together, stopped by the store to pick up ingredients for dinner and headed home to have brunch at the same table with no one having to run off. We lounged around the house while the girls played with their toy kitchen and made us all “dinner”. I worked on the computer, the Big Guy watched television and the sound of the girls laughter could be heard throughout the house. Then we made dinner together and after a early evening ,outdoor tea party with the girls , “we” put them to bed. No shrill, desperate crying for Daddy because he was there to kiss them goodnight. It was children slipping off to slumber on a warm August evening. It probably sounds mundane to most of you reading this because it is your norm. For us, it was bliss. It was one of the most perfect days that we’ve had in a really long time.

I’ve learned a lot about myself in these past two years, mostly that absence does not make the heart grow fonder. It makes the heart grow sad, the soul grow weary and the mind grow weak. Life is about more than just having the life that you want, it is about appreciating the life that you have and NOT taking a single moment together for granted. I’d like to say that surviving this commuter marriage ordeal has made me a better person, made me grow in some profound way but mostly it’s made me wiser. It’s also shown me how strong I can be, how resilient my daughters are and how profoundly amazing my husband is. I’ve spent this time apart, feeling somewhat sorry for myself being left alone with our girls to raise them but I didn’t even think, until now, that every time I felt left behind and deflated on that stoop and the girls felt sad that they couldn’t reach out their arms and grab their daddy’s neck…he had to drive away alone and watch as we disappeared out of his mirror and out of his life for 5 days of the week. I am so happy to say Goodbye to Goodbyes and hello to being reunited with the Big Guy. Reunited with normal. Reunited as a 7 day a week family and no more commuter marriage.

Reunited together;Survived Our Commuter Marriage

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XLMIC 2011/08/08 - 12:29 am


What more is there to say?

So totally glad for your family 🙂

Truthful Mommy 2011/08/10 - 8:27 am

Exactly. I never knew how splendid that normal could be. I am embracing it and loving every minute of it!!!

Alison@Mama Wants This 2011/08/08 - 1:13 am

So, so, so freaking happy for you and your family. Two years is an awfully long time for a commuter marriage. Happy times from now on. Yay!

Truthful Mommy 2011/08/10 - 8:26 am

Awww,thanks! Me too. So, So SO, FREAKING HAPPY I almost can’t stand myself!!!! XO

Krysta MacGray 2011/08/08 - 10:37 am

I’m so happy for you! Thank goodness!

Truthful Mommy 2011/08/10 - 8:26 am

Thanks mama! Me too!:)XO

Bruna 2011/08/08 - 12:50 pm

Yay! I’m so happy for you guys! *Hugs* to you. Oh Debs, I can’t even imagine. You ARE a strong woman.

Glad to hear that you’re all together now. Does that mean you’ve moved too?

Truthful Mommy 2011/08/10 - 8:26 am

Yes, we have moved! Thank you for all of your love and support over the past year. It;s been a long and hard road .SO glad to be together!!!

Kim | Not So Perfect Mom 2011/08/08 - 5:43 pm

How wonderful to have that phase in your life over. Enjoy each other! 🙂

Truthful Mommy 2011/08/10 - 8:25 am

AMen!!!We are. I never want to go through that again!

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Rusti 2011/08/11 - 10:03 am

wow – and I complain about being alone with Goose 3-4 nights per week, I can’t imagine it being every day of the work week! You are amazing, and I’m so happy that you’re all together again – full-time!! YAY!

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[…] an Angry Child~ Since the commuter marriage fiasco of 2010-2011, there has been some definite backlash. The biggest backlash can be seen on a daily […]


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