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Mom Life

Yesterday’s Be a Better Me (You) Challenge -Day 9~ Pay Attention to the little things

was addressed pretty easily. You guessed it. I nipped that little Pedro sonofabitch right where he lives. Yes, me and my Nads had a date late last night. It was all going great until it was time to pull the trigger, then I had that hesitation. You know that hesitation you had when you were about to give birth. All of the sudden it was like, Oh shit….time to back pedal not sure I can handle this sort of pain. Well, same thing..every single time. Probably the only reason the Hairy Monkey Syndrome affects me at all. That’s why I always went to a professional but it gets hard when you have two little girls in tow. The facial expressions and sounds alone, well, that’s enough to turn to Nads but couple that with the fact I am probably scaring them to death of turning into a monkey, well,enough said. Nads it is!But hey, I’m a hairless Chihuahua today.Good thing, the Big Guy is coming home. I’m sure he will appreciate the effort! I got a lot of promises of shaven legs…hope you ladies followed through!Smooth legs always make you feel sexier than stubbly gams a la MOnique!

Today’s Be A Better Me (You) Challenge-Day 10 ~ Date Night
I know you are asking, how does that make me a better ME? Well, remember that girl you were before you became who you are? Well, that young lady is going to help you find your way back to who you want to be.Remember when you were dating Mr. Right and it was all about you? Getting primped and pampered? Long drawn out conversations about who and what you wanted to be?Where you wanted to go in life? How you were going to make your dreams come true?Back when he hinged on every word that came out of your mouth because you were so fucking fascinating? Well, you still are..everybody , including you, just forgot. Go way back, when your whole life was ahead of you before you were here…smack dab in the thick of it. Pencil in the time and date. Tell your big guy to make it happen, just like he used to. You just worry about you. Just worry about getting ready, setting expectations of having a good time and connecting with your Big Guy.Well, and maybe finding a sitter..but all the planning of this lovely romantic evening should be his responsibility.I promise by doing this, you will feel like the woman you were before you were a Mommy and wife. I am actually going to do this but my big date night isn’t until September 25th ( my birthday). There’s a weekend planned in the city; filled with romance, good food, great company, a hotel stay, 24 hours without my babies,some shopping and a whole lot of visits from DEBI. I’m looking forward to it and I am pretty sure the Big Guy is looking forward to having Debi all to himself for a night! So, when are you planning your big date night? What do you do? What makes you feel special for date night?
Link up your post in response to the challenge and share your ideas!Happy Date Night!
 

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Yesterday’s Be A Better Me (You) Challenge- Day 7 ~ Make yourself a Priority
went pretty well. Well, it went as well as a Tuesday could possibly go in my house. The girls didn’t actually go to sleep until almost 7 pm, so that threw my whole plan off. I never actually got to workout BUT I did get my hot shower in peace and in lieu of working out, I enjoyed a slowly eaten ice cream cone..all by myself. Counterproductive; yes, not a great choice; probably not, all for me; definitly. But I did make myself a priority and this morning instead of running like a maniac when I returned from dropping Bella off, I am catching up on emails and leisurely reading some really great blogs! This is a priority to me,something I don’t always get to do but today I did! And it was really nice to feel like what I wanted to do was important.

Today’s Be A Better me (You) Challenge -Day 8~Get a Life
This is simple, well, in theory it is. Find something you like to do, just you, for the sheer pleaure or passion of it and do it. For me, my passion is writing so this blog is mine ;for me and by me. It may chronical my family at times but mostly it is for me to be able to write and to keep me sane. As an added bonus, I have met some wonderful women through my blog and the community that I have built. Before my blog,  my whole life;every minute of every day was revolving around someone else. Granted it still does about 99% of the day, but for that 1 % of the day; of my life I can be inside my own head. I can be Debi. It’s a baby step in the grand scheme of things, I know that but it eases me into pursuing my passions and keeping touch with myself. When my kids are grown and I don’t have them to focus on every second of every day what will I be left with? What will you be left with? I want to be left with something for me. An accomplishment that I’ve done on my own. This blog gives me something outside of being a Mother that I can identify with and be proud of on my own. I am fully aware that this osunds ironic since I am a Mommy blogger and the whole basis of my blog is Mommying but the part that is my own is that I write it. When I write it, it may very well focus on my children and being a Mother but  it allows me to have an opinion, a perspective, a say in it all.It allows me to make it a part of my life instead of teh other way around.I think we all need that one thing that is our own. It keeps us tethered to the women we are inside.There is more to all of us than just being someone else’s wife or Mother. I feel better about myself when I feel like I have a contribution to make to the world besides just breeding.I’m not saying that Mommying isn’t my main role and it is one of the most important things that I will ever do.I know that!I embrace that. But I also know, as Mommies, we have it burned into our brain that if we do anything for ourselves we are short changing our family. That is simply not true. By having a life,we are showing them that its possible to have their cake and eat it too.This is especially an important lesson for our girls to learn early on. By enriching ourselves, we are enriching the kind of life we can provide to them; the kind of mother we are. It’s a ripple effect. Now, go get a life!
Please link up your post about what hobby/passion you have that gives you a life. What do you do just for you? What is a hidden talent that you have that you’ve almost frogotten was there? Go use your God given talent, don’t waste your gift.

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Yesterday’s  Be a Better Me (You) Challenge- Day 4 ~Bring Your sexy back
I must admit was a bit of challenge for me, being that we are at my in laws but I did give it a try. I feel sexy when I feel like I look my best. So, I got gussied up for the big guy and I’ve made a point of giving him a little PDA and some lingering kisses out of the blue for no reason. It makes me feel a little naughty, maybe because we are at someone else’s house. The more I do this, the more he responds to me, the sexier I feel. I’m going to make a point of doing this more often, venturing out of my comfort zone. I’ll keep you posted:)

Today’s Be a Better Me ( You) Challenge)- Day 5~Time for yourself
I know what you’re thinking, is she crazy? I ‘m a Mommy. I have no time for myself. Believe me, I understand this more than anyone.I am pretty much a 5 day a week single mother, and I realize to be my best, for everyone, I need some “me” time. I don’t mean a night out necessarily, but if you can swing it. Go for it. I am talking about at least 20 minutes a day when you can be alone with you. A time to decompress after a hectic day, or maybe to get on your game face for the day; to be alone with your thoughts so that you can  actually think straight. I usually feel like some kind of machine that has been turned on at high speed for an extended amount of time, and my motors about to burn out. You know the feeling? That’s not good for anyone. We end up over tired, grouchy, unable to function at full power, unable to think to our full capabilities, overreacting to simple situations which leads to the dreaded Mommy guilt. You know like the time a shitty diaper made me cry because I hadn’t had slept in a couple of days.
My challenge for you is to try and find your “me ” time. I don’t care if you have to steal it from somewhere else.You deserve to be on your daily list. Get up 20 minutes early and have your coffee alone with your thoughts. Stay up late and meditate.Take an extra long bath while your husband has the kids.Go for a run. While the kids are napping, just sit in quiet for 20 minutes. Believe me, that laundry will be there when you are through with your 20 minutes…so will the dishes. If you’re headed to the store, take the long way and have those extra minutes to just breathe. These are some ways to steal the time. But if you have the luxury of having someone to hand the kids off to, go get a massage , mani, pedi, go for a drink with friends, a long walk, a bike ride, a car ride, sit on your deck and enjoy a sunset in peace.
Those 20 minutes will make the world of difference in  your life. You will be able to start seeing glimpses of you again instead of just the wife and mother you’ve become. She’s a pretty awesome chic but I think the woman you were before you were someone else’s everything is pretty important too. You the woman needs some face time in your life. Start with 20 minutes and see what a difference that makes.
Now, link up your post of how you get your “me” time. I need some more ideas! Can’t wait. No go get your “me” time!

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Yesterday’s Be a Better Me ( YOU) Challenge-Day 3~ You are what you think you are
went well. I am trying to be who I want to be and not be enslaved by who I think I’ve become. This one will take work. As it took years for me to fall into my rut and devolve into what a feel is a lesser version of who I was meant to be, it will take me time to change my way of thinking; to believe I am who I say I am. It takes time to build yourself up. So, like a very wise woman once said ” Fake it til you make it!”

Today’s Be a Better Me Challenge~ Do something sexy

I don’t mean that you have to go shag your husband on the L, or go commando..though if that’s what gets your motor running, I say go for it. No, what I a referring to is do something that makes you feel sexy… in your own skin. It could be wearing something sexy, not wearing something, a scent, a food, a hair do, a dance, sing a song,a way you talk, a way you kiss your husband, whatever it is..do it. I know, for me, that after playing Mommy all day, every day, sometimes its hard to turn on “Debi”the woman. The self confident, loving her body, feeling sexy woman that my husband met has pretty much left the building most days of the week. It’s not like before you had kids and you could just make out on the couch, the kitchen counter, or the living room floor..anytime you wanted. Now, things have to be planned and calculated and taking away spontaneity can lead to us not feeling as sexy. Add to that wiping asses, being spit up on, wearing those dreadful yoga pants and being called Mommy all day long, it becomes damn near impossible to feel like we pass for presentable, much less sexy. Unless, you are one of those women who feels all kinds of sexy covered in baby fluids, buried under laundry , and wreaking of Pinesol; if so, you go girl! Me, I need to feel sexy to myself before I can be sexy for anyone else. Right now, I have less time to work out, clean up, or dress myself than I have ever had in my entire life so when I feel unattractive, its hard to feel sexual. But most of us have something that takes us back and reminds us of the women we are. The sex kitten hiding inside the Mommy. Our Aye Mami ! You remember her? I bet your husband does. For me, its a particular red nightie that takes me right back to that 25 year old version of me that I actually felt hot being. Summons that bitch up. Do whatever makes YOU feel sexy and then grab your husband after the kids go down (or before they wake up) and be as sexy as you want to be. You will feel more confident, more relaxed, and you’ll walk a little taller that day plus your husband will be smiling for days. There is nothing sexier than a woman who feels sexy in her own skin. Now go bring your sexy back!
Link up your post about how you bring your sexy back! If you link up and you do not have a post in response to the challenge, it will be removed. Can’t wait to hear all of your great ideas!

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It’s day 1 of my Be a Better Me Challenge. I did promise a vlog but as I am deathly ill, coughing up a small piece of my lung and sounding like an old smoker, I will save you the horror of seeing all that and do it sometime in the very near future ( as soon as my voice sounds like a lady again).

Being completely in the spirit of being a Better Me, I’m going to start with the most obvious and simplest challenge. Banish the yoga pants and ponytails. Maybe you are not guilty of this transgression, though from what I see at morning drop off I know I am not the only one, so if this does not apply to you, good for you! You are already ahead of me!

I have a habit of changing from my pajamas into my yoga pants, a t-shirt ( or sweatshirt depending on the time of year), and pulling the hair back in a ponytail. This is not a good look. It’s done solely for convenience and under the guise of good intentions. I figure putting on the workout clothes is the first step towards actually getting my ass to work out. But in all honesty. more often than not, I never make it that far…unless you count running errands, wiping asses, and cooking meals exercise. I wish! I’d be like super hot, in great shape Mommy IF that were the case.

So, our first challenge is to banish those damn yoga pants and ponytails.Come on, except for when actually working out, no grown woman should be rocking a ponytail. At our ages, it should only be for practical purposes because it is certainly not fashionable. Today, I ask that you pull the ponytail down, and throw on a pair of jeans in place of those yoga pants. I promise you will feel more put together and more attractive. You’ve heard the saying “Dress for success“?  Well, just because we don’t work outside the home does that mean we need to look  unsuccessful? What do you think of when you think of how a successful woman dresses? What would you think if you saw a woman in her yoga pants and ponytail everyday? See where I am going with this. When I dress in my yoga pants and ponytail, I may be comfortable in my clothes but I’m not necessarily comfortable in my skin. I feel like other women are looking at me thinking “Look at her, she may as well have stayed in her jammies!” It looks like I’ve given up, I’m depressed, or I’m lazy. Either way, I am none of these.So,why in the world would I want my clothes to say that I am?

I used to be the girl who took 2 hours to get ready. It may have been vain, obsessive,and excessive but I always felt beautiful! I left the house with my head held high and I knew I looked good. I felt good about myself. I was proud of how I looked and how I carried myself in the world. I had crazy confidence. Obviously, none of us has 2 hours to dedicate to getting ready any more but 20 minutes for fine tuning our look can go a long way. If you actually actively fix yourself up and plan your outfit, you will feel like a completely different person.Don’t we deserve the same amount of attention to detail that we put into our children’s looks? Lately, my girls look like little models and I look like their crazed nanny. What kind of example am I setting? I’m important, so are you!Now go banish the yoga pants, if you need them put them on right before you workout and take them off immediately after you have completed your workout. They are called active wear for a reason.Now, go get your hottness on!

Link up and let me know how today’s challenge went for you!What did you decide needed to be banished to help you dress to feel like a woman and not just someone’s chauffeur/nanny/maid/cook/girl friday?

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Today is Challenge #30: Find your system – and I want you to tackle creating your own system of how you work your mornings and evenings, or everything in between.
I realize that you might use system and schedule in the same way, but I’ve come to realize that it’s not really a schedule since it often happens at different times, but the method I use is the same.
For example, here’s how our school days go:

  • The alarm goes off at 6:25 am.I wake the girls up.
  • They eat breakfast and watch cartoons.
  • Once breakfast has been eaten, they get dressed (in whatever I have laid out the night before) as I pack Bella’s snack for the day.
  • -I then do their hair and send them to brush their teeth.
  • At 7:20 am we head out the door and make the drive downtown to her school.

Here’s how after school goes:

  • 11:30 pick Bella up from school
  • Noon, make lunch
  • After lunch, we hang out for about an hour doing puzzles, going over how the day is going, playing a game whatever.
  • 1:30-2:30 Rest time. I have eliminated naps during the school week because my girls nap generally for 2 hours and if I allow that , there is no way they will go to bed at an hour that will allow them to wake at 6:25 am.
  • 2:30-4:00 play outside
  • 4:00 Take baths
  • 5:00 Dinner
  • 5:30 Brush teeth, say good nights ( it take them forever to tell one another goodnight,loads of hugs and kisses even though they sleep in the same bed) and have a Dance the sillies out dance contest.
  • Immediately after that they go into bed with either a couple books or 15 minutes of TV ( Before you say it, I know TV is not god before bed but Gabs still wants to fall asleep in my lap so sometimes TV is what it has to be), depending on the day and their preferences, my mood, etc.
  • By 6:00-6:30  they are both asleep for the night.

I know these are not brilliant revelations, but it’s taken me this long to actually come up with a system that works. I really try not to deviate from it because it works so well and the kids come to expect it. And when there’s that consistency, things just tend to run much better.I’ve just started this new system in he last 2 weeks and its pretty amazing to have all that free time at night.I love it.
Of course, my husband works out of town- which means he’s usually not home when all this is going on, but on the weekends the system is slightly different. For example; Fridays and Saturdays,the girls can have naps.Also,on weekends we can divide and conquer. It gives the girls something to look forward to on the weekends and a little extra awake time with the big guy.
What’s your system?

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I am super duper sick today! I mean like cold sweats, runny nose, sore throat, ball of mush , I keep losing my balance and getting dizzy. I need to just lie here and veg out. So, I am sharing Kristen @ Motherhood Uncensored’s post verbatim on today’s challenge.I will hopefully be back to myself or more in the range tomorrow but I didn’t want you to miss out on today’s challenge. OK,Never mind I couldn’t do it. I have loyalty to you people Have mercy on me, if it sounds ridiculous..its because I am ridiculously ill.

Today’s Challenge #29: Read and Learn is quite simple. Find parenting books and read them.
Alright, so maybe finding the time to do that is not as simple as it sounds. I have had Eat, Pray ,Love all summer long and have only gotten 30 pages in. I have had Woman, God, 7 Food on my coffee table and have yet to crack it.I even made a failed attempt at reading and finishing 1-2-3 Magic, but I never got around to finishing..that explains some things!

Since I had the bug guy has been traveling a lot this year, I have not really had the opportunity to read much at all. My intentions are good and I am quite the bibliophile but when I have 2 kids who need everything from me at all times, it’s not easy to make a case for reading and ignoring them.Luckily, they have started going to bed really early since school started ( 6 ish) but I am trying to maintain my blog and I actually work online int he evenings so  there’s that. One hand I have a ob that pays money, on the other I have my blog that is my passion and then there’s reading…obviously reading gets pushed to the back burner. Yes, I read books to my kids and I read the parenting books but that leaves no time for leisure reading unless I decide to forgo sleep, oh wait, I already gave that up fro blogging!

So, may resort to leaving books that I want to read in the bathroom.Though it kinda grosses me out to think about that. But as a last resort, you never know. I may actually get to finish Eat, Pray, Love.
Fortunately, most of the parenting books I’ve read I can skim, or at least read as a reference book, so I actually do get to glean information from them without reading the entire thing. Also, you can get a bunch of these as audio books or on your fancy readers, which might make it easier for you to digest them more quickly.

Here are some of Kristen’s favorites (these are all Amazon affiliate links, by the way):
1-2-3 Magic (great discipline book)
Protecting the Gift (how to keep your kids safe)
Parenting Beyond Belief (for those of you who practice secular [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][non-religious] parenting)
Raising Freethinkers (the sequel to PBB)

Tell me your favorite parenting books! [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

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Today’s Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 28 – Get your kids involved

Today’s Challenge #28: Get your kids involved should help make you think of ways that even your littlest kids can get involved in your daily household duties. I realize that this can make chores even more like chores, but overall, it’s good for them to have some responsibility, and it will, at some point, give you a break.I tend to make my girls responsible for their own rooms and their own messes. Obviously, they don’t clean it to my standard because they are 3 & 5, but they feel a sense of accomplishment and pride in doing it to the best of their ability. I always praise and never discourage ( I normally just wait until they are out of the room and do it to standard). The point is they feel like they are contributing and they are learning responsibility. This is  great challenge because it is never to early to learn responsibility. I think it raises our children to be active and responsible in their families and their communities!

We’ve tried the chore chart around our house, but it seems to not work so great for us. I don’t kn ow if it is their ages or my lack of attention the chart, either way we tend to deviate. I think chore charts are amazing in theory and I think if the girls were slightly older, we’d be golden. We are also going to start allowances  based on their age (so $5 and $3) which I will track on a sheet that we keep on our fridge fro them to see.We have just been putting money into an account but I think actually giving them the money to put in their banks may be more exciting and a better lesson learned by the tangibility of actaully seeing what they’ve Earned.

Hopefully, this will work well, even for Gabs – and we include things like “Go potty” “Brush Teeth” (both naptime and bedtime) ” Only changing clothes once a day”  “Putting dirty clothes in hamper”  these challenges tend to make life difficult.. However, they also has jobs like “Pushing in chair, asking to be excused and putting dishes in sink” and “Make your bed” too.
  Bella has more challenging tasks like setting the kitchen table, letting the dog out, and helping me sort the laundry. I also need to add “layout uniform for the next morning”  and “Practice ballet” to her list as well.

Here are some other things Kristen has her kids do that may work for you as well:
*Laundry game – Quinlan can fold her clothes, but Drew and Margot can help sort their own clothes out and make a pile. Kristen then has them do a toss (basketball style) for a small prize.
*Recycling – They keep our recycle bin right outside the door to our garage, so all the kids can put stuff out when  needed.
*Emptying trash -Her son loves trash trucks, so his job is to help her empty all the house trash cans.
 So far this year, this system has been working well. Feel free to share what works for your family.

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Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 27 – Celebrate good times

Today’s Be a Better Parent Challenge #27: Celebrate good times – big or small
Growing up my husband’s family celebrated birthdays and such with a nice family dinner and cake with the grandparents. So, my husband pretty much things I am a crazy over the top celebrator ( YOU know like my birthday Month next Month!)But that’s how I do things.Sigh.
My parents had 6 children so everything was already a party and if you added our immediate cousins to the mix, it was a full on bash with like 45 kids. Which I love and hope to aspire to do with my girls. My parent’s had little money so they celebrated thoughtful, but not extravagant, so the gifts or sentiments were always small but meaningful but the actual celebration was huge.
This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to throw a party, but what about dinner out, or flowers, or a special cake? Anything that says this day is special because of you. I’m pretty sure, like myself, you can’t celebrate your kids enough.IT doesn’t have to be limited to birthdays ( though Bella and Gabipalooza; week long birthday celebration sure is a lot of fun) how about a good grade, s special accomplishment, a first recital, being a good example, taking the lead, etc. Celebrate the big and the little accomplishments of your children. It is positive reinforcement and it makes them feel special; that is always good!
So, find something to celebrate. For example; first time kindergartner who finally goes to class by themselves. Why not great them with a special cupcake to celebrate their bravery. ( Hey, first time Kindergartner Mommy..no tears….celebrate by giving yourself a little something special for being brave and letting go …a little bit!) Happy MOtheirng!
Let me know what you found to celebrate!
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Today’s Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 25 – Get Some Sleep
is pretty self explanatory. We are all better parents when we get some sleep. I know its hard, if not impossible but when we are well rested we think better, function better, react more maturely.
God knows I am guilty of not getting enough sleep ( i.e. regularly posting at 2 am) but with school starting, I’ve been forced to check my routine. There is no way I can go to bed at 3 AM and wake up at 6:30 and be any good to anyone. Plus, I am pretty sure I’d be as mean as a caged animal. So,I’ve been shooting for midnight and waking at 6:30 and it seems to be working. Now, on nights when I’ve actually gotten 8 consecutive hours of sleep, I’ve been told I am pretty damn pleasant to be around.

#25: Get Some Sleep
I realize that it’s not always feasible for us to get a full night’s sleep, but set your Tivo or DVR, put some projects , emails, blog posts on temporary hold, and get some sleep. It’s really quite amazing what an extra hour (or 4) can do.Happy Sleeping, my friends!

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