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Deborah Cruz

A Creative Force Redefining Motherhood She's not your average mom blogger. With a razor-sharp wit, an unparalleled knack for storytelling, and a passion for authenticity, Deborah is single-handedly rewriting the narrative around modern motherhood. As the Founder and Chief Creative Officer of the award-winning Parenting, Lifestyle, and Travel website, The TRUTH about Motherhood, Deborah has carved out a unique space in the digital landscape. Far from the curated perfection of traditional "mommy blogs," her powerful, unapologetic voice has resonated with thousands of women seeking refuge from the pressure to be perfect. But Deborah is no one-trick pony. Behind the scenes, she's a digital marketing powerhouse, leveraging her expertise in SEO copywriting, brand storytelling, and content strategy to help businesses of all sizes elevate their online presence and forge genuine connections with their audience. With over 15 years of experience as a professional digital marketer, Deborah possesses a rare combination of creative flair and analytical prowess. She has honed her skills in authentic growth through engagement, seamlessly weaving together emotionally-driven narratives and data-backed insights to deliver exceptional results for her clients. Whether she's captivating readers with her relatable tales of the messy, beautiful journey of motherhood or crafting impactful digital campaigns for leading brands, Deborah's work is united by a common thread: an unwavering commitment to honesty, vulnerability, and the power of human connection. So, if you're looking to elevate your brand, expand your reach, or simply find solace in the raw, unfiltered reality of modern parenting, look no further than this trailblazing creative force. Deborah Cruz is redefining the status quo, one heartfelt story and game-changing strategy at a time.

things to do in new orleans to get pregnant
Travel

Ten Things to Do in New Orleans to get Pregnant

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

I never thought of New Orleans as a romantic getaway but here I am writing this post Ten Things to Do in New Orleans to get Pregnant. After a well-timed road trip to Louisana, we got pregnant. I’m not saying New Orleans is the best travel destination to get pregnant but I’m not saying it’s not.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, before children, the Big Guy and I went away for a long weekend to celebrate our 5th year wedding anniversary and we came back pregnant with our first child. Now, it wasn’t a babymoon. We weren’t trying to conceive but we weren’t not trying to conceive either. We were in the planning to plan to conceive phase of marriage.

READ ALSO: Life is what happens when You are Busy Making Plans

On that trip, we fell in love with New Orleans and even more in love with each other. New Orleans, literally, changed our lives forever. New Orleans made us parents so it is our top best travel destination to get pregnant.

Ten Things to Do in New Orleans to get Pregnant

 

Stay at a sexy boutique hotel complete with rose petal baths and fertility blessings

We stayed at the International House Hotel to celebrate our 5th Wedding anniversary and it was amazing. Anthony Bourdain said, “The International House sets the standard for modern hotels with its creative design and meticulous attention to detail. ” And the Big Guy and I agree. It’s beautiful, sexy and mysterious and it makes you feel all those things when you are there. They say 1 in 8 New Orleaneans practice voodoo. All I know is that magic happens at the International House Hotel.

 

Indulge in Beignets

Warm, powdered sugar pastries are always delicious but the beignets at Cafe du Monde in New Orleans melt in your mouth. They taste heavenly and nothing will start your day off in a better mood than having one after sleeping in with your beloved.

Seriously, indulge in everything.

 

Get a drink to go and wander the streets

Yes, you can do this is New Orleans because they operate under Napoleanic law and you can carry open containers as long as the container is plastic and the legal drinking age is 18-years-old. Go crazy, head to Pat O’Brien’s and get yourself a giant Hurricane and hit the streets.

Eat and drink your way through St. Claude Avenue

So much food and so little time. New Orleans has some of the best food you will ever eat and such a variety. You can stroll the city and taste your way around the world.

Get a drink at Lafitte’s Blacksmith Shop or the Old Absinthe House

Lafitte’s Blacksmith Shop is the oldest bar in NOLA and was once the workshop of the famed pirate, Jean Lafitte. Another favorite of ours was the Old Absinthe House. If you’re in the French Quarter, you must stop. The history is palpable.

Jazz do it!

Take a jazz cruise on the Steamboat Natchez .If you like jazz, there is really nothing more romantic than taking a leisurely, night river cruise on the Mississippi. I can still remember the sound of the water beneath us as the jazz band plays in the background. The boat swaying, as you dance with your partner under the moonlight, may just be the most romantic thing you never knew that you were always missing.

Speaking of jazz, listen to live jazz music in Jackson Square. Maybe a little spontaneous dancing will happen. Expect the unexpected in NOLA. I never knew before this trip just how much jazz is baby making music.

While you’re at Jackson Square be sure to stop by St. Louis Cathedral. It’s breathtakingly beautiful and if the fertility statue you got from the voodoo priestess isn’t doing the trick, light a few candles in the Cathedral just for good measure.

 

Stroll through Lafayette Cemetery in the Garden District

I know it doesn’t sound romantic but strolling someplace so quiet and introspective, holding hands with your favorite person is so romantic. The Big Guy and I could have strolled that cemetery all day long.

Go on the garden district tour

The garden district is gorgeous and on a sunny day in May, it might just be the most beautiful place in the world. It kind of felt like walking around our own private island enveloped in flowers and trees as the sun peaked through overgrown willows and it’s shadows played upon our faces. I could feel myself falling deeper and deeper in love with the Big Guy.

Go to Bourbon street and get lit AF and let go of all of your inhibitions.

We hit the 5 for 1 beer at what used to be the red rhino. Then we stood on the balcony throwing beads to hotties. We got hit on by a couple of swingers, which only fueled our lust.  We refused their offer, drank some more and headed back to the hotel.

Eat the pizza.

Yep, Dominos pizza was being sold on the street by a vendor somewhere between Bourbon street and our hotel. We were ravenous. We bought a $5 pizza and ate a piece before a night that I can only call a blur of lovemaking and gymnastics from which I still daydream about 14 years later. Needless to say,  I now refer to Dominos as pregnancy pizza. I’m not saying the pizza had anything to do with the fact that we got pregnant but I’m not saying it didn’t either.

READ ALSO: What a Difference a Decade Makes

This is by no means a comprehensive list of things to do in New Orleans to get you pregnant or otherwise engaged, but it is my tongue in cheek list. Look, I know nothing can guarantee getting pregnant. My point is that we relaxed, stopped thinking about it and that’s when it happened. Infertility is not as easy as that but, for us, New Orleans changed our entire lives because we came back from that trip pregnant and, to us, New Orleans will always be the city of love and hope.

I can’t wait to take our girls there someday so they see and experience the amazing, beautiful city that is New Orleans.

 

 

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Why Every Family should Go RVing before your Kids Grow Up, Go RVing, family travel, Cape Hatteras, Camp Hatteras, Rodanthe, North Carolina, Outer Banks, Winnebago, WinnebagoLife
Mom LifeTravel

Why Every Family should Go RVing before Their Kids Grow Up

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

I think every family should go RVing before their kids grow up, at least once, if not do like some of my friends and take an entire year to explore. If you want to really connect as a family, for us, there need to be minimal distractions, intimate proximity and the freedom to unplug from the rest of the world. Your priority and attention need to be present with the people who are traveling with you. If there is a beautiful destination involved, a place where you can sit in wonder and awe, even better. This year, we discovered that for us, RVing is the only way to ensure that result.

As many of you know, my family and I are nomads. I could roam the world homeless forever. I was raised that home is where the people you love are and so home for me is wherever the Big Guy and my girls are at. That’s all I need; my health, them and the wide open road. Road trips are my jam; while I love traveling by any means possible, especially to a tropical destination, road trips allow for unexpected adventures that you just can’t plan. Detours and roadside stops or choosing a different path feels a lot like living in your own private choose your adventure game.

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Last month, we had one of the best family vacations of our lives and that is saying a lot. I knew traveling by RV would be fun but I had no idea how much we would all connect. I had no idea how many beautiful memories we would make on this one trip. It was as simple as unplugging, being present and actually seeing the people and places in front of us.

Why Every Family should Go RVing before your Kids Grow Up, Go RVing, family travel, Cape Hatteras, Camp Hatteras, Rodanthe, North Carolina, Outer Banks, Winnebago, WinnebagoLifeDisclosure: We were provided an RV and a campsite at a destination of our choice by Go RVing but all opinions and memories are our own.

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A screen is a beautiful thing but it pales in comparison to looking up and seeing the ocean. It is garbage compared to human contact and interaction around a campfire at night on a beach beneath the stars. It’s a poor substitute for real life. Virtual has nothing on human interaction.

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The weekend before school started back, we went on a magical end of the summer trip in an RV. I like to sneak in that one last relaxing getaway with my people before schedules get hectic and we’re all neck deep in the minutia of our day to day schedules. Last year, we stayed in a parked RV model in Traverse City, Michigan and we thought that was amazing and it was but it wasn’t the same experience as driving with your family in an RV. Definitely not the same as a road trip in an SUV or car, though, I do love those too.

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READ ALSO: Why RVing is the best family trip

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We drove 9 hours to the D.C. area to pick up our Winnebago Intent Model 31P before driving another 7 hours to beautiful Camp Hatteras campground in Rodanthe, North Carolina. Talk about style. I’m not sure what I was expecting but this Winnebago exceeded anything I could have imagined. It was almost 32′ in length and could accommodate up to 7 people with bunk beds for the kids. There were only 4 of us, so we had plenty of space.

There was plenty of storage space, both inside the RV and in the under-storage areas for food, toys and games and whatever you want to bring along. There was a television in the sitting area, the back bedroom and even outside, along with a mini-fridge and sink; perfect when you’re grilling and don’t want to miss that special game. For us, the television was perfect for when it rained outside. We’d all snuggle up and watch a movie together before a midday nap. That’s what vacations are for, right? We were sucking every bit of relaxing we could get out of this trip.

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The Outer Banks has always been on my travel bucket list and it was not a disappointment. We can’t wait to go back. There is just something about a vacation by water that is intuitively relaxing for me, especially the ocean.

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There were a ton of things to do at Camp Hatteras from mini golfing, corn hole tournaments, live music, ice cream socials to crafts and karaoke but we were more interested in sunsets on the sound, long walks on the beach, playing in the surf, exploring under the pier and bonfires under the stars right on the beach. You choose your family adventure.

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You could surf, kayak, take a boat out and fish or you could build sandcastles, bathe in the sun and talk to the people on the blanket next to you on Camp Hatteras’ private beach while your kids laughed and ran from the waves. Campgrounds have a whole culture that I never knew about before and the people are all so fun and friendly. The first night we arrived, our site neighbors came out and helped us novice campers hook everything up.

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Cape Hatteras can be as exciting or laid back as you choose. We opted for relaxing togetherness. I took the girls’ phones away. I only used mine for pics. We stopped worrying about ticking boxes and having to be anywhere and we just played it all by ear and it was magical. I seriously can’t recommend it highly enough. If your end goal is to relax on vacation and spend quality time with your family, go RVing.

Why Every Family should Go RVing before your Kids Grow Up, Go RVing, family travel, Cape Hatteras, Camp Hatteras, Rodanthe, North Carolina, Outer Banks, Winnebago, WinnebagoLife

There was no running to see sights. It was just high grass, soft sand, blue water, crashing waves and star filled nights with the three people I love most on the planet. It couldn’t get any better than that and yet, it did. There were nights of delivered pizza while listening to the wave crash from our Oceanside site. There was coming in from a scorching beautiful day on the beach to an air-conditioned, all the amenities of home RV including a hot shower and a refrigerator full of ice cream.

Why Every Family should Go RVing before your Kids Grow Up, Go RVing, family travel, Cape Hatteras, Camp Hatteras, Rodanthe, North Carolina, Outer Banks, Winnebago, WinnebagoLifeREAD ALSO: Ogunquit Maine is the Perfect Place to Eat Cake by the Ocean

Why Every Family should Go RVing before your Kids Grow Up, Go RVing, family travel, Cape Hatteras, Camp Hatteras, Rodanthe, North Carolina, Outer Banks, Winnebago, WinnebagoLife

There were lots of laughs and lots of love. There were so many moments and memories made in the that RV and on that beach that I will never forget. If I close my eyes, I can smell the salt in the air, hear my girls giggling and feel the Big Guys hand in mine as we watched our girls run in and out of the surf, delighted by the different creatures in the sea from rogue crabs to spotting a pod of dolphins off in the distance. I can’t wait for next year’s end of the summer adventure.

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Have you ever taken a family trip in an RV? If not, start planning next year’s trip now. We only get a handful of these precious years of togetherness like this before our kids grow up and the dynamics change. Sure, they will always be our babies but it won’t always just be us and them and they won’t always be as easily contented by spotting a pod of dolphins, splashing under the pier or sitting beneath the stars making s’mores on a starry night with nothing more than the surf and your doting heart.

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Take advantage of every single moment you can. Go RVing!

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how to get healthy from your desk by doing almost nothing at all, Flexispot, health made simple, how to get healthy
Weight Loss

How to Get Healthy from Your Desk

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Do you work at a desk like most adults? Ever have trouble reconciling how to get healthy from your desk and still maintaining your career? It’s so easy, as we get older to blame our out of shape bodies on kids, business and sitting at a desk all day. We’re tired. I get it. I’ve been doing the same thing for years and guess where it’s gotten me? It’s gotten me a muffin top around my waist ( way less cute than it sounds) and looking like a linebacker for the Bears from behind.

We all love to imagine ourselves as outdoorsmen. We say we hike and do yoga, maybe even barre or spin. What that means to me is I walked to take the garbage out and pick up the mail (hike). I almost fell and killed myself but I caught myself (yoga). I got ambitious and tried to do barre with my two girls and got stuck and my back went out (Barre). I rode my cruiser around the neighborhood at a leisurely pace wherein my neighbor’s 100-year-old dachshund outpaced me (spin). Things are not what they always appear. And no matter what lies I want to tell myself about my health, the hips in the jeans don’t lie.

READ ALSO: Can Yoga Pants Really be the Downfall of Man?

Hey, I’m with you. We’re part of a society who wears yoga pants as everyday clothes. Little honestly for you, my yoga clothes have been to one yoga class. I am trying to change that. I am not happy with the status quo. I don’t want to die in my 60’s because I was too lazy to do anything about it today.

I used to work out, hardcore. I loved it. I am an endorphin junkie and I love being proactive in my life. If you know me, you know I am a planner with end results in mind at all times. My goal is to live to 103 years old. No, I’m not joking. My grandpa was 99 when he died. 103 is not out of my realm of possibility for these genetics.

But I’ve got to get off my derriere and do it. You see, my brain has done the math and while it’s totally possible to live to be 103, it becomes exponentially harder when your job is sitting on your bottom all day long. Add to that insomnia and a trash fire diet and well, in my current state there is no way I am hitting my goal and people, I am no quitter.

Here are my list of  how to get healthy from your desk

Worry Less

I am serious, worrying is a useless emotion unless your goal is to stress yourself out, have your body mutiny and release cortisol and make you gain weight. It’s also not good for you mentally. It’s just one more thing to overwhelm you. Worrying never made anything go away or get easier. It only ever makes things worse so stop doing it.

Eat cleaner

Be aware of portion sizes. Try to eat more naturally, less low fat, less processed and refined sugars and more organic. More fruits, veggies and lean proteins and whole grains. Less red meat, rich sauces and salt.

Be Aware

I know some people say to throw your scale away. I personally need accountability. Pick one day every other week and weigh yourself. I am currently using the WW scale; it tracks weight, BMI and body fat.

I also like to monitor my food intake so I use a food scale to keep my portion sizes honest and an app on my phone to keep track of the foods I am eating.

Last but not least, I use BEEM UNITED: BeActiv S100.  They are an in-ear precision heart rate monitor. They not only monitor your heart as you workout, they  allow you to have clear hand free calling for up to 8 hours of use. It has a built-in personal health management app and are waterproof.

Through the BEEM Sport app, listeners can choose their preferred workout, including running, jogging, indoor or outdoor cycling and more, and receive real-time heart rate data as they workout.

Sleep

I’m an insomniac and it’s not fun. It’s also unbelievably unhealthy. I feel a zillion times better when I go to sleep at a reasonable hour and get enough sleep. When I only get 4 or 5 hours of sleep, I feel ruined for the rest of the day. But when I get at least 7 hours of sleep, I feel invigorated and equipped to face life. I’m more tolerant and generally, more pleasant and clear minded.

Move More

Going for a bike ride or walking 30 minutes a day can do wonders for your health but if you can’t manage that, I have the next best option for you the Flexispot bike. It’s so simple but it allows me to work out while I work. In fact, I burned 300 calories writing this post.

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The Flexispot bike is height adjustable, stationary bike with a desktop built on it so you can stay sedentary even when you are doing sedentary activities, like checking your emails, working remotely or even watching television. It’s whisper quiet and has 8 adjustable levels. It’s great for the entire family. My girls love it as much as I do and it even won the 2018 CES Innovation Awards.

Disclosure: I was provided a FlexiSpot bike for review purposes but all opinions are my own and the 300 calories I burned writing this post, all mine.

Drink Your Water

I am a water addict. It’s probably the thing I drink the most. When I was younger, I loved Coke, juice and cocktails. As I’ve gotten older, my favorite drinks are water, iced tea, an occasional iced coffee and the rare, blood orange San Pelligrino or martini. Water is good for your skin and keeping you free of toxins.

Take Your Vitamins

I always made sure to give my girls their vitamins. I even started giving them Vitamin-C to boost their immune systems because, let’s face it, schools are cesspools. But what about me? I need to be around to take care of them so that means, stopping, breathing and caring for myself.

READ ALSO: 5 Kitchen Appliances You Need to Get Healthy

What do you do to stay healthy?

What’re your best tips for How to Get Healthy from Your Desk?

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about, the truth about motherhood, motherhood, parenting, Deborah Cruz, the truth, How to have a high quality fashion wardrobe, fashion on a budget, quality fashion, high fashion for less money, Nordstroms, Macys, Nordstrom Sale, Prime Day, Von Maur, back-to-school, The Truth about Motherhood, Latina mom, Chicago,baby, pregnancy, conception, family travel, teen, parenting, Deborah Cruz, the truth, Disney
FashionGirl Mom

How to have a Quality Fashion Wardrobe on a Budget

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Do you dream of a high fashion wardrobe but you don’t have a trendy label fashion budget? I love clothes and so do my girls and (shhh) even the Big Guy. Fashion is our passion after travel and equal to food. We love nice clothes that feel good, wear well and look good on us. My favorite clothes are the ones that are made so well that you feel naked when you wear them. Not too bulky. Not too tight. No gross cheapy fabrics that hang weird. I want clothes that fit and move with my body and look and feel good on me. When I learned to shop smart, it elevated my fashion game to a whole new level.

My current wardrobe is pretty amazing. I’ve been a “clothes whore” since it was “clothes horse”. That’s how long I’ve been addicted to fashion. I got my first job just for that specific reason, to buy myself a trendy fashion wardrobe. But, full disclosure, I’m also pretty budget-conscious. What can I say, I grew up poor and as much as I love the good life and nice things, spending money on myself isn’t something that I think I will ever be comfortable with.

Now, before you go thinking I’m cheap. I’m not. But I am very aware and I love a good sale. I don’t love a sale for the sake of a sale. I know people like that. No, I don’t have a stock room full of Rag and Bone Jeans or Free People dresses because they were on sale for half off. I don’t hoard clothes the way Mama June hoards toilet paper. I only like to spend money on things I want and to some degree need. And unfortunately, I couldn’t wear a stock room full of jeans in a lifetime.

READ ALSO: Fashion Police, please

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I realized a long time ago that it makes more sense to spend $150 on a good pair of jeans that I’ll wear every day than a $25 on a pair of jeans that I will never wear. In one case, I’ve wasted $25. In the other case, I’ve gotten every bit of $150 of use out of those jeans. This is how I approach shopping. I am in it for the long game most days. I look at a good piece of fashion as an investment.

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There definitely is a difference in higher quality products versus lesser quality ones. You definitely get what you pay for unless you shop wisely. I’ll be honest, I want $500 quality for $100 so I shop like it’s my job.

How to have a high quality fashion wardrobe, fashion on a budget, quality fashion, high fashion for less money, Nordtroms, Macys, Nordstrom Sale, Prime Day, Von Maur, back-to-school

If you want to take your wardrobe from Target and Kohls to Nordstrom and Macy’s or even to Louis Vuitton and Burberry, these tricks work to get you the fashion wardrobe that you want and deserve. Believe me when I tell you, once you go quality fashion over trendy chic ( though, I still do love Primark, Zara and Target for cute trendy pieces for myself and the girls) you will never go back. It’s like trying to go back to a PC after using Mac. It’s just too impossible to do. You can’t unknow the good life.

Here are my tips for owning an amazing, high-quality fashion wardrobe on a budget that will last forever and fit like they were made for your body.

  1. How to have a high quality fashion wardrobe, fashion on a budget, quality fashion, high fashion for less money, Nordtroms, Macys, Nordstrom Sale, Prime Day, Von Maur, back-to-schoolShop your favorite brands when they are on sale.

Fashion seasons don’t match up with actual seasons. So don’t worry about being out of style. By the time the average person is buying their swimsuits, the fashion industry is marking it down because it’s already out of season. Fashion has to be ahead of the curve, you do not. For example, the day after the 4th of July, you can find crazy sales on bathing suits and summer clothing. If you live in the Midwest, like me, you know summer doesn’t really start until July anyway.

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2. Christmas in July.

All the Big brands have Christmas in July sales and the sales are amazing. With a little planning, you can save a ton on everything from half price appliances, to hot tubs and especially fashion.

How to have a high quality fashion wardrobe, fashion on a budget, quality fashion, high fashion for less money, Nordtroms, Macys, Nordstrom Sale, Prime Day, Von Maur, back-to-school

3.Nordstroms Annual Sale

It’s everything you want, on sale. All the name brands that your heart desires. You just have to be patient. Building an amazing wardrobe is a long game.

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4.Macy’s Stackable Sales

Ok, Macy’s lets you stack sales up to 5, I believe. So does Kohls for that matter ( if you are thinking back-to-school for the kids). Also, in case you weren’t aware, there are constantly sales going on at Macy’s. Like constantly. I am a Free People junkie. I will freely admit that I am obsessed with their products. I have gotten great deals where I have paid less than half.

  1. Prime Day

Not sure that you are going to find crazy couture on Prime Day but whatever you find will be a steal and even if it’s just a few really good quality pieces, a deal is a deal and that’s money to be spent on something else. For instance, I’ve been eyeballing a pair of Stella McCartney shoes. While the shoes are most likely not on a Prime Day sale, maybe something else is and that extra saved money can go towards my Stellas.

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6.Back-to-School

When it’s back-to-school time, everybody is shopping for their children but guess what? Sales are not just restricted to your children. College-aged people go “back-to-school” too and they are full human sized. Get your sale on. Everything is on sale. Go take advantage.

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7. Outlet Malls

Not all outlet malls are created equal. You need to find yourself a good fashion outlet mall. I have a couple favorites. I’ve scored some crazy deals on Burberry and Kate Spade at these malls. You just have to go there with an open mind.

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8. Shop the Sales Rooms and Racks at your favorite high-end stores.

One of my absolute favorite stores to shop at is Von Maur and they have amazing sales. Eventually, everything ends up on the sale rack and they do 3 markdowns and being that I’ve been a loyal customer for over a decade, I know the days they do first markdowns and subsequent markdowns. Plus, they have absolutely the best customer service, no interest, free shipping and gift wrapping. They are heaven to my budget friendly high fashion wardrobe heart. Did I mention they have an entire room for markdown shoes? Also, FYI, places like Intermix and Anthropologie also have great sales racks. You just have to be willing to take the time to search for them. You may be thinking, that sounds like so much work and I don’t have the time. I get that. I really do but what if you could find a Burberry bag for $100 that is normally $800. Is it worth it then?

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9. Try it before You make a Huge Investment

Last but not least, if you want something trendy and you are not sure it’s “your style” but you want to try it, by all means, hit up your local Target, H&M, Zara or Primark. The prices are definitely affordable, the clothes are cute and you get a big bang for your buck. The thing is don’t expect Burberry quality at Target prices. Though, I highly recommend checking out the Target special collaborations whenever they are available. It’s a great way to dip your toe into high fashion without high fashion prices.

How to have a high quality fashion wardrobe, fashion on a budget, quality fashion, high fashion for less money, Nordtroms, Macys, Nordstrom Sale, Prime Day, Von Maur, back-to-school

10. Consignment

It is not a dirty word. I am not telling you to go to Good Will and find yourself some couture. Though, depending on where you live, that may be an option. Where I live, in the burbs, it is not. But if you are are in Chicago, NYC or L.A. gently used high fashion at a bargain basement price may not be a bad thing. In fact, in my mind, that would make you the winner, winner chicken dinner. Hell, you may even have money left to buy yourself some groceries.

There are sites like ThreadUp that can help you get that high fashion wardrobe that you covet on a reality-based mom’s budget. My favorite non-traditional ways to shop is via my favorite fashion bloggers. Look, I’m aware that some influencers might promote items because they are being paid to but honestly, I don’t care. I care about how it looks, how it fits and what it cost.

One of my absolute favorite fashion bloggers, Paola Alberdi of Blank Itinerary, always features a swipe up feature on her outfits on Instagram and not only does she share the brands she is wearing, she shares ” for less”  copy this look styles. Occasionally, if she is going to get rid of something she no longer uses, she will offer it up at a huge discount to her fans.

To be honest, you can have the fashion wardrobe that you’ve always wanted on a budget, you just have to be willing to plan and check often. It won’t be a Target budget but it’ll be worth it. You just have to decide how much you want a piece and figure out the best way to get it at an affordable price.

READ ALSO: Honey, where did all the Toilet Paper Go?

I know there are women who know how to coupon like it’s their job. They have mastered the art of saving money on food and household goods. I wish I could. I hate paying for toilet paper. But, as it stands, I can’t even remember to present the coupons…that I picked off the product…in the store to the cashier.

But, I can sniff out a Kate Spade bag on final markdown like a drug-seeking German shepherd at the airport. This is my gift and I am teaching my girls the same. Why pay full price when you can get whatever you want on sale? That’s the key…what.you.want! Life is too short to put up with uncomfortable fashion to save a few bucks and, repeat after me, every woman deserves a Louis Vuitton. And believe me, it all goes on sale. You just have to want it, look for it and be patient.

What are your secrets for how to get a high fashion wardrobe on a budget?

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Google, Be Internet Awesome, Se Genial En Internet, Gallistel Language Academy, Chicago, Keeping kids safe online, Teaching kids how to navigate the internet, Online Safety for kids
ParentingTech

How to Teach Your Kids to Be Internet Awesome and Stay Safe Online

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Disclosure: This is a compensated campaign and I was hosted by Google and #WeAllGrow Latina Network to experience the Be Internet Awesome / Se Genial en Internet program and get pointers on how to stay safe online firsthand but all opinions are my own.

Trying to teach your kids to be internet awesome and stay safe online? Are you amazed by how tech savvy and online in tune your children are? I am. I didn’t use the Internet until the late 90’s when I was in college. In fact, the word processor (for you people too young to remember it was a really fancy, digital typewriter) that I owned had to be pried from my hands and I went kicking and screaming. My then tech-savvy boyfriend, now husband of 20 years, chided me for holding on to such an antiquated and outdated piece of machinery. Hey, it did the job of typing up my college papers and that was all I needed. Or was it?

I mean, I had no idea the scope of what the Internet could be. I definitely had no idea how to be internet awesome or safe. The internet was all new when I was in college. I existed before social media and the internet. Nobody was Googling me before an interview.

Google, Be Internet Awesome, Se Genial En Internet, Gallistel Language Academy, Chicago, Keeping kids safe online, Teaching kids how to navigate the internet, Online Safety for kidsGoogle, Be Internet Awesome, Se Genial En Internet, Gallistel Language Academy, Chicago, Keeping kids safe online, Teaching kids how to navigate the internet, Online Safety for kids

Now, I could not survive without being able to Google everything. Like what actor played in that movie that we saw last week who played in that other movie? You know the one. Or being able to Google the passage in the Lord of the Flies that reminds me of that other book? You know the one. Or what was the name of that restaurant that we ate at in the little city when we took our road trip that one year? The one with the weird foods but the really cool assortment of craft beers. This makes me realize how dependent we’ve become on the internet and how it became a necessity in our daily lives.

I Google everything and everyone. Google everyone, how scary is that? Most people Google you now before they even meet you. Our children live in a time where very little is private, most relationships begin online and they are slowly forgetting how to interact face to face. The thing is while I am wowed by evolution, I sometimes feel like maybe we’ve gone socially backward while thrusting ourselves technologically forward. This is what scares me.

READ ALSO: Protecting Your Privacy Online

I know to be wary. I went to college before social media. And while I live and thrive in social media now, I am forever grateful that it did not exist when I was a teenager. I did enough ridiculous things that I wish I could forget. Things I would never want to be living forever on the Internet. When I think of what could have ended up online, I cringe. This makes me really want to protect my children from the Internet and themselves. But how do I do it?

How do I teach my kids to be internet awesome and stay safe online?

Yes, there are many ways to put parental restrictions on the Internet and you can try to limit your child’s exposure but the fact of the matter is that you can’t keep them in that internet bubble forever. The best thing that we can do for our children is to teach them to use the internet responsibly. We won’t be there forever so we need to teach them to make good choices. Respect themselves. Respect others and to have a healthy distrust in people that they have never met in person because a person behind a screen can pretend to be anyone and people aren’t always who they pretend to be online, or in person for that matter. It’s basically like teaching them about sex, drugs and alcohol. The internet can be an amazing place but it can also be that dangerous in the hands of unsuspecting, naive children.

When our children are young, we do our best to help them get the most out of the internet while protecting them from the risks and downsides of the online world. As children mature into the tween and teen years, our roles shift from helping them learn to make their own safe and thoughtful decisions as they begin to navigate their digital lives.

Google, Be Internet Awesome, Se Genial En Internet, Gallistel Language Academy, Chicago, Keeping kids safe online, Teaching kids how to navigate the internet, Online Safety for kids

Google believes in partnering with teachers and parents to prepare students to be internet awesome:

Think critically and evaluate websites, email and other content online.

Protect themselves from online threats, including bullying and scams.

Get smart about sharing: what, when, how, and with whom.

Be kind and respectful toward other people online, including respecting their privacy.

Ask for help with tricky situation from a parent or other trusted adult.

Google, Be Internet Awesome, Se Genial En Internet, Gallistel Language Academy, Chicago, Keeping kids safe online, Teaching kids how to navigate the internet, Online Safety for kids

To aid parents in this new milestone, this year, Google has developed a multifaceted program, Be Internet Awesome/ Se Genial En Internet designed to teach kids the skills they need to be safe and smart online. This FREE digital citizenship and online safety program are available to everyone.

READ ALSO: Cyber Fan or Cyberstalker and how to know the difference

Google, Be Internet Awesome, Se Genial En Internet, Gallistel Language Academy, Chicago, Keeping kids safe online, Teaching kids how to navigate the internet, Online Safety for kids

One of the resources, Interland, is a browser-based game that makes learning these skills interactive and fun – just like the Internet itself. Developed by Google in partnership with educators, researchers, and online-safety experts at iKeepSafe.org, Be Internet Awesome/ Se Genial En Internet provides fun, age-appropriate learning experiences built around five foundational lessons:

  • Share with Care | Online Reputation
  • Donʼt Fall for Fake | Phishing & Scams
  • Secure Your Secrets | Privacy & Security
  • Itʼs Cool to Be Kind | Online Harassment
  • When in Doubt, Talk It Out | Inappropriate Content

Smart, safe technology usage can enable students to help drive their own learning and help schools function better. It is a definite step toward ensuring that all students learning, exploring, and staying safe online, inside and outside school walls.

Google, Be Internet Awesome, Se Genial En Internet, Gallistel Language Academy, Chicago, Keeping kids safe online, Teaching kids how to navigate the internet, Online Safety for kids

Last week, I saw the program in action at an event hosted by Google for students and their parents at Gallistel Language Academy in Chicago. It was moving to see all these parents show up for their children on a weekday, in the middle of the day. They know that it’s important that we teach our kids to be safe online because we can’t watch them every minute of every day.

Google, Be Internet Awesome, Se Genial En Internet, Gallistel Language Academy, Chicago, Keeping kids safe online, Teaching kids how to navigate the internet, Online Safety for kids

The event was packed with eager children and willing parents, experiencing the Be Internet Awesome program; playing Interland and learning valuable lessons about the digital world. Google had plenty of staff on site to walk families through the program. The kids even received a certificate once they completed Interland and were certified to be internet awesome. It was a great learning experience and I loved seeing how proud the families were of their children.

But Be Internet Awesome/ Se Genial en Internet is not just for those who could attend the event, you can teach your own children to be internet awesome by visiting the Be internet awesome website and letting your kids learn how to navigate their digital lives safely.

Google, Be Internet Awesome, Se Genial En Internet, Gallistel Language Academy, Chicago, Keeping kids safe online, Teaching kids how to navigate the internet, Online Safety for kids

What’s the most important thing you think your child needs to know to be internet safe? Does your child know how to be awesome online / se genial en internet and stay safe online? Are you sure?

How do you teach your kids to be internet awesome/ se genial en internet and stay safe online?

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Aretha Franklin, Do Right Woman, Pancreatic Cancer, Grandma, Family relationships, Latina, Aretha Franklin Dead
LatinaNews

You’ve Got to Do Right Woman

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

The Queen of Soul has left this world. Aretha Franklin, the original Do Right Woman, has died from pancreatic cancer earlier this morning at 9:50 a.m.

Aretha Franklin, whose voice was sweeter than honey, was one of the most admired singers of all time. She died this morning at the age of 76 after battling advanced pancreatic cancer. She died loved and surrounded by family and friends in Detroit. The Queen of Soul, a woman’s voice who has been around for my entire life, is no longer on this earth and it’s hitting me in a way that I never expected.

Yes, I loved Aretha Franklin ‘s voice and I respected the fire in the belly of that fierce Feminist woman who commanded everyone’s attention and respect. She was a woman who fought for the betterment of other women. She believed in empowering her sisters. She was a big, beautiful force of nature in this world. She was goodness and light and it saddens me that she is gone.

But, I’m sitting here sobbing and I couldn’t figure out why a stranger’s death would have such a profound effect on me. Then I realized, my grandmother died from pancreatic cancer a few years ago on July 8, 2011. She was just a couple years older than Lady Aretha. I’m not crying for the reasons you might think.

READ ALSO: The END of the World as We Know It

I’ve never written about this before because my relationship with my paternal grandmother has always been very private and personal for me. It was strained when it existed. It was the sum product of the relationship she had with my father and the way she treated most of the people that she was supposed to love. I had the misfortune of being old enough to witness and understand too much.

I found out that my grandmother had pancreatic and stomach cancer by an out of the blue phone call one night from my aunt as I was putting my babies to bed. Begging and then demanding that I get on the phone and tell my grandmother that I loved her, that I let her know things were fine between us, and I do it all in Spanish. It was a call for forgiveness after a lifetime of not caring about the consequences of her actions.

I did as I was told. I told the frail voice on the other end, “Te amo, Abuelita.” But I didn’t feel it and if all she wanted was the words to be said, I had done my part but if she had wanted more, she was left wanting. I cried when I hung up because I never wanted her to be in such physical pain, no matter our differences. I cried because I knew this would crush my dad.

This was the first time I had heard from her since my baby shower in 2005 that she had unexpectedly shown up at. She hadn’t been invited because we had no contact. Previous to that, I saw her at my bridal shower that she crashed in 1999. Before that, I think it was when she lived with us in the mid 80’s. I was not a priority to her. Or maybe she didn’t know how to come back from the painful way she had behaved when I was a child. I think maybe she wanted to have a relationship in her old age but had no idea how to reach out in any meaningful way. I had already long given up hope for one.

I was a new mom with little girls. I had long moved on from caring whether or not she cared about me. I only met her a handful of times before she moved in with us when she left my grandfather behind in Mexico to come to live in the United States with her children. My father adored her no matter what she did. In his eyes, even when he knew she did wrong, he chose to look passed it.

READ ALSO: Sometimes the Most Important Things to be Said Don’t Require Words

She fought with my dad over everything. She never liked my mom and was unkind to her. She got mad at my dad if he couldn’t give her all of his attention immediately. She gave no consideration that he was a husband and father of 6 children. To her, he was her son first and foremost and anything he did, she took as a purposeful and personal affront to her. There was no way to win. He lost because he chose his family over her every beck and call.

One day when my 4-year-old brother ran to his grandmother screaming, “Grandma, Grandma” she stopped him cold and pushed him away saying, “I am not your grandma.” My little brother, the sweetest kid I’ve ever known, walked away deflated and crying. I witnessed the deflation and, at that moment, I saw the petty, coldness reveal itself. I was 11-years-old.

I realize you can’t judge someone on one terrible moment in time but that was just one of many moments like this. I don’t want to speak ill of my dead grandmother out of respect for my father. He loved and still loves her very much. He has seen all of her faults and she has done unspeakable hurts to him as a child but he has forgiven her and so have I. I have no room in my heart for hatred. I am thankful that she brought my father into this world and, for that, I will always be grateful and love her.

But when she was dying, she wanted to make an amends with everyone she had wronged. She wanted forgiveness at the very moment I was learning what it was like to be a mother. You see, by the time she called me, I had figured out that my children were the most important thing in the world to me and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for them. Nothing. I definitely would not have taken my 9 children and pushed them to be at odds with one another to prove their love for me.

I can’t explain the whole story of her lifetime, it’s so long. But from the beginning, she had a hard life. She was orphaned, raped by someone she knew, thrown out and living on the streets and a mother by the age of 13. The world made her hard from the very beginning but even when she met my grandfather and they got married and he took on the responsibility of her child and they went on to have 8 more children together, she had been hungry for too long. She had become feral and she never softened.  She stayed hungry and autonomous.

She pushed everyone who could ever love her away. Maybe she believed herself unlovable. If that is the case, I feel sorry for her. Her children loved her blindly and unconditionally and she never could reciprocate entirely. She was too guarded.

The thing is the weeks leading up to her death, everyone came from near and far to visit her, let her make amends, give their forgiveness and be there to support her in her final days. They congregated around her hospital bed in my aunt’s living room praying the rosary and crying, supporting one another; being there for one another like only family can. I’m sure the love was palpable but I wouldn’t go. I know that sounds cold and harsh.

I wasn’t trying to withhold anything but I couldn’t go there and pretend that I belonged. We never had a relationship. I told my father that if he needed me there for support, I would go for him. But, my going had nothing to do with her. I didn’t need to say goodbye because we had never really said hello. We never really got to know each other and that’s how she had wanted it my entire childhood. She had lived withholding love for so long that she had to think about it to remember to hug us so mostly she didn’t. My dad told me that he understood and it was fine if I didn’t go. So I didn’t.

She died. I never even cried. I remember the date she died because remember that little 4-year-old brother of mine who she told she was not his grandma? She died on his 32nd birthday. Neither of us cried. Neither of us went to say goodbye.

Over the years since, I have seen a few pictures of her smiling. She looked happy in her way. I only saw her smile once in my life, that was at my baby shower. I think she was excited, in her way, that her first granddaughter was going to have a daughter. I’ll always love her for loving the idea of my daughter and loving my father, even if she didn’t love me. Or maybe she did, in her way.

Aretha Franklin, Do Right Woman, Pancreatic Cancer, Grandma, Family relationships, Latina, Aretha Franklin Dead

Today, when I read about Aretha Franklin dying of pancreatic cancer, the painful, terrible disease that killed my last living grandparent, I cried for my grandma. It took me 7 years but today, it hurt remembering that she was gone. It hurt remembering that she is no longer here on this earth for her children. It pains me knowing that my father hurts every day missing his mother. It hurt knowing that there are no more chances for redemption for her.

Today the true forgiveness washed over me and I let the pain go. I wrote about it. “Te Amo, Abuelita.” Today, these words have weight. She never did get to meet my girls. But then again, she never asked to and maybe that was her gift to me. No words to hurt, no deeds to be undone just the fond, edited memories recounted by my father with love to his granddaughters.

As I sit here listening to Do Right Woman on a loop, I hope you rest in Peace Aretha Franklin and you too, abuela.

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Kitchen appliances you need, 5 Kitchen Appliances You Need to Get Healthy, tips to live longer, tips to get healthy
FoodHealth

5 Kitchen Appliances You Need to get Healthy

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

I’ve made a list of  5 kitchen appliances you need to get healthy. I am, once again, trying to get my groove back. Well, not so much my groove, per se, but I am trying to see my feet again. Not that I’m walking around waiting for my spot on My 600-lb to air or anything. No one is coming anytime soon to airlift me out of my house with the jaws of life (knock on wood) but I could definitely be in better shape.

Yes, I’ve been here before. My never-ending quest for perfection. But this time, it really is different. This has nothing to do with perfection and everything to do with just wanting to look and feel good. It really isn’t so much vanity as just wanting to buy off the rack and have things fit correctly.  And if I could get rid of this Mother’s apron belly and my bat wings, even better. Okay, maybe I am a little vain.

READ ALSO: The Weight of my World is a Number on the Scale

The thing is this time, I really don’t care what other people think. The Big Guy is finally on board with trying to lose some weight himself. Like, it was his idea and he’s committed to it. I’m not embarrassed by my body. I love it. It’s a little broken but mostly, it is really strong. What I do want is to feel comfortable in my own skin, to be healthy and to not have to consider whether or not my body will be a hindrance to me in certain activities. For example, I just decided to skip an activity in Cozumel that would include me wearing a wetsuit in public.

To make it easier to get healthy, I wanted some appliances that could contribute to a healthier way of eating. Appliances that make eating healthy less cumbersome. I also wanted to be able to eat things that were recognizable to me and tasted good, just healthier versions.

This is my list of 5 kitchen appliances you need to get healthy

Hamilton Beach Rice and Hot Cereal Cooker, 5 kitchen appliances you need to get healthy, kitchen appliances you need

Hamilton Beach Rice and Hot Cereal Cooker

I don’t know how it does it but this magical appliance cooks rice (yes, even brown rice and whole grains) and steams vegetables perfectly simultaneously.  I’m telling you, it is magic. I can do pretty well with white rice and Spanish rice on my own but brown rice and whole grain perfection has alluded me.

It’s also pretty fantastic at making overnight oatmeal for a healthy breakfast in the morning for the entire family. It’s about to get really cold here in the Midwest and there is nothing that beats hot cereal for breakfast. Plus, why not eliminate some of the hassles of trying to do all the things, plus wrangle children in the morning? Did I mention cooks rice perfectly?

Disclosure: I was provided a Rice and Hot Cereal Cooker by Hamilton Beach for review purposes but all opinions are my own.

Juicer

I have a Breville but there are many options out there. This just happens to be the one I have and I love it. I like to juice for breakfast. It fills me up and gives me an energy boost. You may be asking, why not just drink coffee? While coffee is delicious, it is acidic and I’m pretty sure that the last time I was in the ER with my gallbladder attack, they told me that I had an ulcer. I’m 100% certain in this statement, as I could not hear over my own sobbing and vomiting of all the bile. Either way, I drink coffee in small quantities.

Too much caffeine makes this insomniac manic. Which reminds me, I don’t recommend a juice fast and the reason I only do breakfast juicing is that when I’ve done a juice fast, I became extremely manic. It takes a lot of fruit and veggies to make a glass of juice. Fruit has a lot of natural sugars. For me, sugar is sugar. My mania knows no difference. But still, for a healthy and delicious morning pick me up, juice.

Ninja Smart Screen Kitchen System with FreshVac Technology

One smart base, three high-performance appliances: the 72 oz. FreshVac Pitcher
(64 oz. max liquid capacity), 20 oz. Single Serve FreshVac Cup, and 40 oz. Precision Processor. It makes getting your daily smoothies in easy and quick. Kids come home from school hangry, smoothies in minutes. This is one of my favorite appliance buys. It does so much.

Airfryer

The Big Guy has gone on the Mediterranean diet so we are trying to reduce frying and incorporate a healthier option. Whatever you can deep fry, you can air fry, it is safer and healthier like having a portable convection-type oven at your fingertips. The Bella Air Fryer is a multi-functional unit with traditional fryer functions can air fry French fries, onion rings and chicken nuggets. PLUS, apparently, you can also bake small cakes, cook small chickens and meat roasts and even bread. Really simple and convenient to use you can cook a 1/2 bag of frozen French fries in 15 minutes using no oil at all.

Food scale

I have the EatSmart Digital Nutrition Scale. It’s a Professional Food and Nutrient Calculator that Calculate calories, carbs, fiber, sodium, fats, vitamin k and six other nutrients from thousands of packaged and 999 whole foods. It’s lightweight and stores easily under my counter.

Weighs in grams (to nearest whole gram) and ounces (to nearest .1 ounce); Max weight 11 pounds. It’s so simple but so important. Once you get those portions under control, you’ll be amazed at how your weight begins to level off.

READ ALSO: Fat Girl Walking

These are my 5 kitchen appliances you need to get healthy. What can you not live without in your kitchen? Do you think that the appliances you have in your kitchen are as important as the food you eat?

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first day of school, back to school, the different kinds of moms you meet on the first day of school, letting go
Mom Life

The Different Kinds of Moms You Meet on the First Day of School

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

How can it already be the first day of school? This morning my girls went back to school and, honestly, I am not ok with it. Usually, by this point in the summer, I am ready for them to go back to school. We all begin to get a little bored with one another and crave our routine but not today.

This morning, I wanted to sleep in and cuddle a little longer. I wanted my morning pile in. I wanted brunch and long conversations about nothing. I wanted to watch all the cheesy horror movies and rom coms together. I wanted a few more lazy days of togetherness. I wanted it to be harder for them to go but it wasn’t. It was one of the easiest mornings we’ve ever had.

We just got back from a relaxing RV beach vacation in Cape Hatteras on Monday. Tuesday, I took the girls to get their new back to school/big girl haircuts and pick up some back to school supplies. Yesterday, we had a lazy girl’s day with grandma and today, I swear my girls aged 3 years since we returned from vacation. I’m not joking, I’m positive Bella grew 2 inches this week because she’s at least 2 inches taller than me now and she wasn’t last week.

I used to write about wanting to collapse in the kindergarten corridor because all the new moms were doing it. Misery enjoys company and if everyone else is doing it, well, there’s no shame in assuming the fetal position and sobbing like a baby.  Then I moved on to doing a sort of ninja warrior sprint through the kindergarten hallway to get to my slightly older girls’ classrooms.

READ ALSO: Why 3rd Grade Sucks and I prefer the Weeping Mothers of K-2

By last year, I was cocky. I wasn’t crying. I was thrilled about the sound of silence that fills an empty house. I even brazenly walked my girls, right past those collapsed moms, stepping over the one by one, chest puffed out as I walked my girls to the middle school corridor. I walked them into their classes and kissed them just because I could. I knew they wanted to run rather than let the other kids see but unfortunately for them, years of being the cool room mom have made my presence always acknowledged by the kids.

But this morning, my big girls with their long legs and new hairstyles didn’t need me to walk them in. There was no box full of Kleenex and disinfectant wipes to use as an excuse so I dropped them in the drop off line like all the other parents. Both of them in the middle school corridor this year.

I would have been fine except the Big Guy, who obviously hates me when he kissed us each goodbye this morning told the girls to have a great first day. Bella, my eighth grader, said, “Nah, it’s going to be boring.” because that’s what eighth graders do because they are actually too cool for school. To which my brilliant and cruel husband responded, “Well, enjoy it kiddo because next year it’s off to high school for you.” Then, he left and I fell down dead. He killed me and I’m sure he didn’t think twice or even realize that I am wounded.

READ ALSO: The First Day of Kindergarten

So instead of dropping my girls off this morning and doing my happy dance for uninterrupted work time and no more background noise of tween/teen bickering, I dropped my girls off with a swift kiss and an I love you. I think my voice may have even cracked as I swallowed hard to compose myself. I don’t think they even noticed and that’s what I want. Independent, happy young ladies who face every new day and challenge like it’s an adventure. I let go and it freaking hurt. Hey, what’s going on? This isn’t kindergarten.

I won’t lie, I thought of pulling into the primary parking lot and taking a stroll into the kindergarten corridor to be among my people this morning because I could have used a good fetal position ugly cry. The girls would have never known. Instead, I came home and wrote a sad post about letting go when you don’t want to and holding on for as long as you can. But eventually, we all have to let go. And damn it, next year there’s high school. I wonder if they have a secret freshman mom hallway where I can ugly cry? Well, you know me, where there’s a will there’s a way. If there isn’t one, I’ll make one.

Happy first day of school moms.

Whether you are celebrating or sobbing, you’re doing it right and don’t get too cocky, motherhood is not a straight line. There is an unexpected ebb and flow to it. Some days you are on top of the world and other days, you are in desperate need of life’s kindergarten corridors.

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Mourning Orca Mother, Tahlequah, Orca Whales, Loss, J-35, Orca mother mourns loss of newborn calf
News

Mourning Orca Mother Won’t Let Go of Dead Baby Calf and I Get It

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Tahlequah, also known as J-35, is a 20-year-old female orca whale whose calf died just 30 minutes after being born. This mourning orca mother has refused to let go of her dead baby calf ever since, carrying the infant either by one fin, or pushing it through the water on her head. Today marks day 17 and this grieving mother is still carrying the body of her baby through the waters of the Pacific Northwest.

The world is watching and mourning the loss with this grief-stricken Orca mother as she has swum hundreds of miles with her baby. Orca whales have a gestation period of 15 to 18 months. To feel your baby alive, growing in your body and then just as suddenly be gone is incredibly hard to process. Herself and others in her pod are in grave danger because they are neglecting themselves in tribute to this loss.

I get it. I think any mother who has ever lost a child gets it. You don’t want to let go because letting go makes it real. Being real means finality. Finality means that your baby is dead and that is a hurt too hard for any mother’s heart to bare. It is inconceivable and when you are experiencing it, you do lose sight of everything and everyone else.

READ ALSO: ALL I Can do is Cry

As much as you want the pain to go away, you want to embrace it and feel every bit of it because “it” is the only thing you have left of your baby. That pain is the placeholder of where your baby is supposed to be and some part of you never wants to let it go even when the pain is so heavy and dark that it burns your lungs to breathe. You don’t care. You don’t care if you breathe because when your baby dies, some part of you (as a mother) dies too. We feel it and it hurts beyond measure.

Tahlequah is part of an endangered pod of southern resident killer whales. There are only 75 left in the PNW. Her calf was born alive near the San Juan Islands in Washington state but died just 30 minutes later. She has since swum hundreds of miles toward British Columbia, carrying her child with her the entire way.

My heart breaks for this mother whale because I know this deep, unrelenting sadness too well. Unfortunately, too many mothers do. It has been 6 years since my baby died. I spent a month in bed sobbing and tortured. I numbed my pain with medication and solitude. I was not fit for company and I was so sad and felt such despair that I had no appetite. I had no desire to exist. All I could do was focus on what I had lost and scramble to try to hold on to it before even the clarity of the memory disappeared.

I was not logical or rational. I was grief-stricken and heartbroken like only a mother who has lost their child can be. It is a loss beyond comprehension. The pain of living in a world where your child does not is the cruelest there is. To wake up every day knowing that your child is not afforded that same luxury brings with it a guilt that one cannot begin to understand without having tasted its bitter reality for themselves.

READ ALSO: Some Things Change You Forever

Tahlequah is just doing what every single mother who has lost their baby, no matter the stage of pregnancy or life that “baby” may have been at would do, she is holding on for as long as she can because she knows that once she lets go, she will never feel that baby again. Once her baby is gone, she is gone forever.

I am glad the world is watching and empathizing with this mourning mother Orca. I am glad that this whale’s desperate actions can give words to the universal feelings of loss all grieving mothers, especially humans, feel when they lose a child. I hope the compassion spills over and the next time a mother comes into our lives who has lost her own baby, we can treat her with a little more tenderness and compassion.

We mothers who have lost our babies, we carry on. We survive. But we are not the same woman we were the day before. We are broken and we have a hurt that is eternal and can never be healed. Just because time passes and from the outside, it looks like we are ok, know that we are not and we will never be again. Our wounds leave more than our arms empty; they leave irreparable scars on our hearts. When our babies die, they take a part of us with them.

As soon as I knew that I was pregnant, I loved that baby. I love the baby I never got to hold as much as I do my two daughters who I hold every single day and I don’t think that love will ever dissipate. But where all this love lives in my soul, there is no tangible direction to guide it. It exists and yet, sometimes it feels like my third child only existed in my mind. This is why we can’t let go. We mothers keep their memories alive so that the world knows they were once here, no matter how briefly.

I think every mother who has lost a child can relate to Tahlequah on a cellular level. We wish that society could recognize how deep this loss is felt and how it changes us down to our very core. Too soon, Tahlequah will have to let go but at least she’s had these days, few as they may be. Most human moms are not privileged to have that time. We are told that our baby is dead and just as quickly, our baby is gone from our eyes, from our arms and from this world. There is no gradual time of acceptance.

Our society dictates that a dead baby is taboo. They’ve decided that it’s better for us to remove the evidence but its too fast. Our hearts can’t shift gears so quickly. I remember, quite literally, howling in pain like a wounded animal when it hit me that I had to let go of my baby. Thinking of that moment in my car, alone with my dead baby inside me, before a preschool pick-up, trying to digest it all and not die breaks my heart right now. Our culture dictated that I pull myself together and move on but I had no idea how to. I couldn’t even speak. How was I supposed to function and go on like nothing happened? How was I supposed to forget.

I know that soon Tahlequah is going to have to let her baby go. Her body will grow too weak and weary to carry on, though she will try. She may even try until her very last breath. Believe me, I get it. There were dark moments when it first happened that I wished I could just die so the pain would stop but, unlike Tahlequah, I had to carry on for my living girls. That’s what mothers do. We push through the most difficult moments of life by loving and serving others. This is not as selfless as it sounds, this is them (our living loved ones) giving us the purpose to live even when it hurts so bad we’d rather die.

Tahlequah is in a grief loop. She can’t let go but she has to. We all have to physically let go of our babies but we keep them in our hearts for the rest of our lives. Not a day goes by that I don’t remember, but eventually, you are able to breathe again.

Tahlequah is every mother who has ever lost a child.

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TechTravel

Camping 101 Everything You Need for an Amazing Camping Trip

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Disclosure: I have been compensated in the form of a Best Buy Gift Card but all opinions about camping and the Ultimate Ears MEGABLAST and BLAST portable speakers are my own.

Family travel is our life. There is nothing that we love more than the four of us jumping in a plane, train, automobile, boat and in this case, an RV and going on an adventure. Yes, today we go on our first ever RV trip and we are ecstatic.

Last year, we went on our first ever camping trip. Though it was more like glamping because we stayed in a parked model, which is basically a beautiful cabin with all the amenities of home sweet home. Seriously, there was air conditioning, television, a full-size bathtub, stove top, microwave and full sized refrigerator. We even had a pergola and a deck with a built-in fire pit just outside our door. It was glorious and, for a first camping trip, I’m pretty sure we were spoiled rotten.

We spent our nights roasting s’mores and playing games and our days exploring Traverse City, Michigan; taking in the sights and soaking in the sun and playing on as many of Traverse City’s beaches as we could get to. It was unforgettable and it made me a convert from a strictly 5-star resort girl to a camping enthusiast. There is just something about being outside alone with your thoughts and your family that does the heart good.

Now, if you’ve never been camping you may not know what you should bring. Really, every person needs different things but there are a few things that I think every single person should bring to have the best camping experience possible. Here is my list.

Many campgrounds have a small store on the premises with some of the basic supplies in case you forget something and you will have to buy wood for campfires where you camp because it is illegal to transport campfire wood across state lines. Some campgrounds even have cafes, ice cream shops and souvenir shops

Basic Grocery list:

Cereal / Milk

Eggs / bread / bacon

Sandwich meats / chips

Steaks / chicken / hot dogs / hamburgers – anything you want to grill

Ketchup / mustard / butter / salt / pepper / spices

Any veggies or salads you’ll want with your barbeque – or shop at local farm stands for really fresh, local ingredients. This is our preference.

Sodas / beer / wine / bottled water

Snacks

Coffee / tea/ cream / sugar

Charcoal (or you can buy it at the campground store)

Chocolate bars, marshmallows, graham crackers, long skewers for s’mores, because let’s be honest, you’re not camping until you’re eating s’mores fresh off a bonfire; bonus points if it’s on a beach.

What else to bring:

Soap, shampoo, toiletries

Bug spray, sunscreen

Music / iPod and wireless speakers

Cell phone and charger

Camera / video recorder and charger or fresh batteries

Portable grill – not all campgrounds include them. Luckily, we double checked this year because we had just set our portable grill out to the curb!

Spatula or tongs for grill

Pots, pans, pots, mixing bowls

Paper towels / foil / plastic wrap / paper plates / napkins / plastic ware

Toilet paper

Wet wipes

Garbage bags

Dish detergent / dish towel

Matches / lighter for grill

Bottle and wine opener / can opener

First aid supplies (find out more about first aid in hamilton with c2c)

emergency responder course

Flashlight / battery operated lantern

Folding chairs and picnic blanket

Games / cards / puzzles

Binoculars

Pillows, sheets, blankets / sleeping bags are great if you have them!

Bath and beach towels

One of the most important things for my family is the wireless speaker.  We love music. The new features of the Ultimate Ears MEGABLAST and BLAST portable speakers make them the perfect summer accessory.

Features of MegaBlast:

Ultimate Ears most powerful speaker with stunning clarity and deep, heart-pounding bass, brings music to life. Absolutely perfect for sitting around the campfire with friends or a day at the beach.

Taking camping to the next level, Mega Blast hands-free Amazon Alexa built-in lets you have more time to enjoy your summer. Ask Alexa to blast tunes, discover new music, crank the volume and find new restaurants.

Bluetooth and Wi-Fi capable

Wi-Fi connection range for the speaker is 330′. Bluetooth range is 150ft.

Rechargeable battery

Enjoy up to 16 hours with a large built-in battery. Play and charge the speaker simultaneously using the optional cradle or included wall charger. You can sit around that bonfire way into the night.

Features of the Ultimate Ears Blast:

Blasting 360° intensely rich sound with stunning clarity and deep, heart-pounding bass, brings music to life. You will never forget these summer nights camping with friends.

Water-resistant and dustproof design. The IP67 rated speaker can be immersed in liquid up to 1m for up to 30 minutes. No worries if there’s an unexpected downpour.

Two 35mm active drivers alongside with two 81mm x 39mm passive radiators provide crisp and clear sound.

Multiple microphones with beamforming technology and noise cancellation enable a smooth far-field voice recognition and control experience. And that’s not all.

 

A better way to listen with Spotify Connect (coming soon): MEGABLAST and BLAST will be the first Ultimate Ears speakers to integrate Spotify Connect. When on Wi-Fi, open the Spotify app on your phone and play music directly to our speakers (under “Devices Available”) without the need to pair through Bluetooth. Music fans can also stream the highest quality sound possible from Spotify. With Spotify Connect, text message or make calls without interrupting the music and save your phone’s battery.

New grouping experience for smart speakers (coming soon): You can group up to eight MEGABLAST and BLAST speakers on Bluetooth and Wi-Fi. Stereo mode is supported when you connect two MEGABLAST or BLAST speakers. Optimized to take advantage of the speakers’ built-in Wi-Fi capability, you will experience greater range for grouped speakers and improved connection reliability. Grouping is expected to be available later this year.

What do you think is the most important thing to take with you on a camping trip?

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