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Deborah Cruz

Mom Life

No Roaring Allowed

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Now that my post from yesterday has confirmed all of your suspicions that I am ,in fact, not perfect. I just wanted to thank you for your support on a dark day in my Mommy history. I also wanted to let you all know that the breakdown may have been exactly what we all needed. We woke up in a much better disposition and I think we all had a little more consideration for each others feelings today. Gabs realized that maybe whining and screaming constantly is not the best way to accomplish her goals for the day. Bella realized that maybe it would be much easier to just actually listen to Mommy and help her out when she asks than to argue and end up miserable and without television and Barbies. Myself, I realized that I love these two little monkeys more than life itself and sometimes I gotta say to hell with the stress inducing responsibilities; dance when I should be folding laundry, go outside and push them on the swing set even though I really should be doing the dishes, hug them tight when they are frustrated and screaming rather than joining in and aggravating the situation.I have learned that I got to get my priorities back on track. I think we all learned from yesterdays fiasco. The truth of the matter is this; we are all human and humans make mistakes. What separates us from the animals is that we can learn and grow from the error of our ways. If not, we are nothing more than lions roaring into the abyss. I, for one, have decided that “roaring” is no longer a part of my repertoire that I am willing to embrace.

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ParentingPets

Dog food for breakfast

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

A few seconds ago, as we progressed through our normal morning routine, my 2 year old gave our dog her treats, which had peanut butter on them. Not special dog peanut butter, just plain old Peter Pan peanut butter. My two year old had peanut butter  on her fingers and asked what she should do. I said just lick it off. It was peanut butter from the spoon . Anyways, no sooner then she had put her finger in her mouth, she ran to the bathroom. I was worried. “What’s wrong?” Gabs: “Nothing. Me spit. Why you feed me dog food! Now, me sick! NOW..me have to go to the DOCTUH!!!!” I felt bad for her, because obviously it grossed her out that the peanut butter  that had made its way onto her finger would eventually end up in the dogs mouth. But in that moment, my 2 year old irate with a mouth full of spit, going off on me…was pretty priceless.

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Emily Doe, victim statement, Brock Turner, Stanford, swimmer, rape, rapist, kid, roared, roar, tantrums, mommy moment, bad parenting
Confessions

That Day I Roared at My Daughter

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Can someone please teach me how to parent with patience? Have you ever roared at someone? I mean yelled so loudly that you would almost certainly scare an adult and definitely frighten a small child. The entire point of this blog is to be honest with you. Not just when my kids are adorable, sweet and hilarious but also when they are being raging lunatics, whining brats and pretty much straight up assholes or when I am.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, they are my world so welcome to my world! A crappy day in the life of an otherwise perfect life. Daddy’s been traveling a lot for an out of town job, so I am basically single Mommying it (which sucks , by the way. I’m not cut out for it , I don’t have the stomach or patience for it.)

It’s basically been a ‘No’ fest, with lots of ‘I don’t want to’s’, refusals to sleep, eat, basically to adhere to any and all rules I may have. To make things worse, my 2-year-old has developed quite the knack for incessant whining and sporadic screaming outbursts…. for absolutely no reason at all.

As you all already know, there is no rationalizing with a 2-year-old. So, Ive found myself doing a lot of threatening. Threatening that I was calling the cops to come take her away ( he can come take me away…. Please come take someone away).

Threatening to send her to her Grandma’s, child services…. You get the picture?

I’ve become a really shitty mom( at least that’s the way I feel..no I am pretty sure I have been a pretty shitty Mommy) saying things I don’t mean, trying to get her to stop this behavior without physically beating her tiny little tush. I don’t spank because I’m afraid that with my temper I couldn’t stop. Plus I got spanked and I didn’t like it. It hurt, it was scary, and it sucked…. but I did behave.

So yesterday , I went off the deep end and yelled. I yelled so loudly that it reminded me of when a lion roars. And then, I cried and apologized because it was such a shitty thing to do to someone so little who I love so much!

I cried, then she cried, then her sister cried…I think we were all tired and emotional because Sunday’s are the days Daddy leaves back out of town. I’m not making excuses for my shitty behavior, I am repenting.

I am sharing because I know I am not the only Mommy who has fell off the deep end and landed in a pile of emotional wreckage. Today’s a new day, things are better. I’m really employing the positive reinforcement. I wonder, how many stars do I get for keeping my cool and not crying? Happy Mothering.

lion, kid, roared, roar, tantrums, mommy moment, bad parenting

Have you ever Roared at Your Child?

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Confessions

Don’t believe the hype

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Who’s the spin doctor for Motherhood? Seriously, who was it who decided to tell us that when we get pregnant we ‘glow ‘ and ‘ never look more beautiful’ ?Did I really , could I really, have been so naive to believe that harboring a fugitive parasite in my body for 10 months could make me beautiful. Saying it out loud sounds ridiculous.You’d think someone with a 147 IQ would have known better. Let’s be honest , when I was pregnant , I felt nauseaus, bloated , fat, ugly, unlike myself , grouchy, mean, horny , hateful, hungry , tired and like I had to pee a lot. But not once , do I ever remember feeling beautiful or glowing . I guess if they told us the truth the species would die out . I guess it’s not all so bad, I did go back for seconds. Pretty sure I’ve learned my lesson now, though . Happy Mothering, may it be all it’s cracked up to be.

-Truthful Mommy xoxo

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Parenting

The things that come out of her mouth

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

As we are playing on the swing set in our back yard, I am telling my girls they have 5 minutes left before we go in for naps. They ignore me, as most often they do. I say once more, “5 minutes til we go in for naps!” (that by the way never did come to fruition.) Suddenly, my 5 year old looks at me and says, ” Mom, just because I am talking to Gabs and not looking at you, I CAN still hear you….I have a super power!” Me: “Oh , yeah. What would that be? (besides the obvious, ignoring the sound of my voice without even flinching)” Bella: “I’m a SUPER LISTENER! I hear everything!” OK, that’s news to me because she may hear me but she certainly does not always listen:)

The other day, while visiting my in laws (no less), we all go to dinner. On the way home in the car,we are discussing the idea of my husband and I going on a date. My husband and I had been excited about the idea of potentially being able to go out on a date…by ourselves. My girls love having Grandma babysit….junk food, later bedtime, so on and so forth. It was going to be a win win situation. My 5 year old interjects into the conversation,” Mommy, you should go out with Daddy. Have fun! Stay out as late as you want. But NOT TOO much fun or you’ll come back with another baby!” Thanks a lot for the warning. I’m sure your Grandparents loved the information as well. My girls, they know no boundaries! I love it. I had to laugh, it was adorable and just totally hilarious the things her little mind cooks up.

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Parenting

Chronicle of a Drama Queen

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

My daughter is 5 years old and has an ever expanding vocabulary. It is very impressive to me that my five year old uses such phrases as “apparently”, “vehicle”, “actually”, “FYI”, and so on and so forth and she uses them in perfect context. Sometimes though she still has a little difficulty. I give her credit for trying and I thoroughly enjoy her faux pas. The other day, she had taken a spill in the driveway as she was excitedly running to greet her Daddy when he got home. Her sister and she were bolting out of the door , very much like two horses bolting out the gate at the races, when there was a flurry of legs, feet, and arms…all entangled, bringing the festivities to a screaching halt. Poor baby, she had road rash on her knees and elbows and her sister was miraculously fairly unscaethed. After , what seemed like hours of cleaning,bandaging , and kissing booboos. Through tear stained cheeks, with the utmost seriousness, my five year old looks at me and says, ” Oh Mom! I hope I’m not going to look like this for very long. I can’t go to Brianna’s (my neice) CONVERSATION (confirmation) looking like THIS!!!!”

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Girl Mom

Queen of the Masses

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Lately, its been a real chore to get my 2 year old, Gabs, to sit quiet and still during mass. I’m sure it has something to do with her being 2, her being bored, it being spring, and a laundry list of other reasons. The main reason being that she is 2. I am lucky enough to go to a church with , what I’d consider, to be one of the highest kid to adult ratios. In fact, I am sure there are more children then there are adults. When children’s liturgy convenes, at minimum, 2/3rds of the church disappears. Yes, they are true Catholics. Some parents have as many as 8 children. God bless them. I have 2 and it feels like 10. What must eight feel like? 40? These women look relatively beautiful and composed. I think I may be one of the most disheveled of the bunch. I always come to mass armed; snack, drink, book, baby, barbie. We normally don’t sit in the crying room because well, the entire church is a crying room (refer to inordinate amount of children:) The girls come in and sit right down in their pretty little matching dresses ( yes, I am one of those Moms. My girls match. Hey, they are 2 and 5, really, how much longer will I be able to do this? Don’t feel too sorry for them. I don’t dress them funny or anything.) and they sit down. They look so innocent. I always think hope that this will be the day. This will be the day they behave for the entire mass. One can dream. Gabs normally gets bored about 3 minutes in; as soon as everyone stands up and she can’t see. I offer to pick her up. I really do. But if her big sister is standing, then darn it, so is she. Then we sit. She starts asking for snacks, quite loudly. “MOmmmmmma…me WANT snack!” Me (whispering. dying of embarrassment): “One second sweetie. Wait til Father is finished with the opening prayer,please.” Gabs: “NOW!!” Yes, I am pretty sure all 5 rows surrounding us, front and back have heard. Hell, let’s be honest…Father heard and now my secrets out. I’m letting my kids snack in church. Shame on me. Last weekend, the bulletin asked that “all parishioners”  keep their area of pews picked up before leaving mass; not leaving behind any wrappers, crumbs, etc. Yeah, I’m pretty sure he was referring to the Cheerios that rain down all over that church. Oops! At least I’m not the only one. I try to keep them picked up but I swear those things have legs. I am bringing one of those tiny hand held Dustbuster in my purse next time. I wonder how they would feel about me leaving behind a child:)
Anyways, so that is mass. Gabs making up words to all the hymns. Worse yet, she thinks it is hilarious to sing louder than anyone else around her. Her sister, Bella, she doesn’t always sing but she likes to get her groove on at church. She dances and sometimes she tries to make others dance as well (like unsuspecting little copy cat toddlers, who giggle with delight, as I get shot a “can’t you keep your kid still” stare. NO, NO I Can’t. Can you?” As long as it is relatively quiet and and the girls pay as much attentions as their little brains can muster, I am good. A+ for effort. Then, when I think its safe and we are almost outta that joint  until the next weekend, time for Eucharist. The most holy time of the entire mass. The receiving of blessings and the body and blood of Christ. I look forward to it. It helps get me through to the next weekend. The girls always want to accompany me; they think the blessing received from the Father is the best (even though they both have been known to try and swipe a little body of Christ). We head up to the front of church in a line that lasts for about 15 minutes (its a huge church with all these wonderful parents and the plethora of children that they are blessed with). The whole time ,I am praying “Please God just let me make it to Father and safely back to the return trip to my pew!” I know you are thinking , why doesn’t she leave those brats in the pew. Seriously, you know what would happen. They’d scream the entire time.
This past week, we went to the front. The girls were perfect. They received their blessings, said amen, and promptly turned to return to our seats. I see the light of the open door at the back of the church and I think to myself..one more week, I made it. We’re safe. Or so  I thought. As we are walking back, I am in holy hang your head enjoy the moment mode. I look up and I notice everybody smiling, on the verge of giggling. What the heck. Is my dress tucked in my panties. That’s not very Christian….Help a sister out. Then I see the eyes are fixed on my Gabs. My deliciously wonderful, over the top, not giving a shit what anybody thinks..Gabs! Apparently, she thought she had been elected Queen of the Mass. She was walking down the aisle doing the beauty queen wave to all her loyal subjects, complete with big cheesy Vaseline smile! OMG!!!! I can’t take these kids anywhere.

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