Deborah Cruz
Wow, if you thought dates were important when you were single~ that’s nothing in comparison to how vital they are to married life. When you are single, dating is like a popularity contest. A status symbol. It separates the haves from the have nots. When you are single, dating feels like it could be life or death, social life or death, that is. When you are married with children, dates mean something quite different. It still means life or death, but this time it is more literally the life or death of a crucial relationship; your marriage.
I can not stress enough, how important alone time is with your spouse significant other the person who got you tied up in this mess in the first place. It took me a while for this lesson to sink in.Hell, who am I kidding? I fought it tooth and nail.But it has finally sunk in that my girls will be perfectly fine and not doomed to years of therapy or their imminent death just because I decide to have a night out with the big guy. They are in perfectly capable hands if I elect to leave them in the care of a trusted, thoroughly investigated caregiver (i.e. My Mom or my Mother in law~ baby steps people, baby steps!).
Remember when you were single and a date was all about the what ifs and possibilities? What you wore? Where you went?Would you or wouldn’t you give up the goodies? His apartment or yours? Now, its actually about what it was always meant to be about… spending time alone with the other person.
What will you wear? Who cares what you wear! Of course you want to look nice for your honey. Hell, smoking hot if you can pull it off! But keep in mind, he’s probably seen you give birth, and lets face it, there’s nowhere to go but up from there!
Where will you go? Seriously? Do we really care? As long as we are getting out of the house, alone, able to have an adult conversation across a table with one another, isn’t the rest all gravy? I mean, I’m sure usually when that happens, we end up somewhere gazing through a blur of exhaustion at one another thinking, “Holy shit it’s quiet in here. I sure could go for a nap but its so nice being alone with you baby! Instead, I’ll have a red bull and a vodka so I can stay up and enjoy our time together!”
Will you or won’t you? Of course you will, provided the kids stay in their own beds ,the red bull and vodka do their job and keep you awake, you can keep your eyes open after eating an entire warm meal in one sitting, and all the cuddling hasn’t relaxed you into a comma! I actually think, for couples with children, “dessert” before dinner is a good idea, if you can swing it. You’d feel a lot sexier with an empty belly ( at least I know I would), plus it would be before the heavy, comforting meal, the dark theater and the cuddling.Problem solved! Yes, the more I think of it, a little naughty before the nice date would be perfect.
Who’s place? Obviously the home that you share.Pick a room, any room..it’s your house. If you’re really feeling adventurous, get a hotel for the evening, Sybaris anyone? Get your married freak on.You deserve it, damn it!
Personally, the big guy and I have not yet made it to the Sybaris but let me tell you, the big guy spontaneously took me to a movie ( while we were visiting the in laws this past weekend). Grandma (trusted and thoroughly investigated caregiver..check)watched the girls. She even volunteered to sleep in the room with them so I could actually “Sleep” alone with the big guy ( because normally there are 2 little girls in the bed with us). Personally, I think Grandma is bucking for that illusive Grandson ( barking up wrong tree Grandma). Hey, its a theory. Or perhaps I just really look like I need some alone time with the big guy. No matter the reason, it was fabulous. I even got to fall asleep in the big guys arms ( right next to him and everything…you co sleeper Mommies know exactly what I mean). I woke up well rested with a smile on my face. That was until Grandma looks over at me at breakfast and asks ( NOT in her indoor voice either) “Did you guys mess my sheets?” She was chuckling and I turned about 27 shades of red. I thought to myself, “I’ll never tell but I’m pretty sure I just shat myself!Thanks for asking!” With that, the spell was broken! But it sure was nice while it lasted!
1. Who is your “what-if” person?
(What-if person being what if I married this person or am now in a relationship with “this” person)
I have no what if person. I live in the now. Who cares what if? The only possible what ifs are people of the past who didn’t make the cut into my future. I am married to my best friend and true soul mate. I am just lucky to have recognized perfection when it stared me in the eyes, and to have been smart enough to jump in full force, to the most amazing journey of my life, Why would I ever question that?
2. What is your nickname?
Debi, Mommy, “Debilukikuki ” Don’t laugh..my Dad made up crazy nicknames for all of his 6 children and now his 7 grandchildren, Babe, Sugar!
3. If you could choose how you died, how would you like to die?
I’d love to say in bed, in peace surrounded by the ones I love but if the punishment fits the crime (Meaning dying the way I lived..loud and obnoxious) I’d say it will more likely be some blaze of glory. I am thinking possibly spontaneously bursting into song and that turning into flames. I think for safety’s sake, I am going to invest in loads of fire extinguishers and randomly place them around my house…just to be safe.
4. If you could have named yourself, which name would you have picked?
I like Lola, its fun, its sexy, its exotic..a lot like me. OR I’d use my middle name as my first name…Asuzenna (AH-SU_ZEE_Na).
5. Who were you named after or for what reason did your parents choose your name?
I was actually named after my Mom’s best friend (Debbie) and my Dad’s sister (Asusana) so I got a bastardized version of the two. Happy Monday!
Hey Hey Hey..It’s Sunday..Time for another super exciting edition of Getting to know YOU..
*wanna play..copy the questions..answer them..then go to MannLand5 and link up*
The Q’s..
1. Thong or Granny Panties?
I am a thong girl. I can’t do the whole Granny panty thing, not enough junk in the trunk to accommodate all that material. J-Lo , I am not!
2. If you see a guy with his fly down, do you tell him?
If I know him, for sure. If not, probably not. Don’t want some random to think I am coming on to him!
3. Spanx or no Spanx?
I hate them, but I am guilty of partaking. Normally not but if I am sporting a dress that is really fitted, don’t want any lumps that aren’t suppose to be there….I smooth!
4. Do you sleep in your sheets?
No,I sleep on my sheets under a down comforter..with one foot sticking out of the side:)LOL I get really hot , really easy…not a fan of being hot (temperature wise anyways) at bedtime!
5. What is your favorite Disney character?
I like Tiana from Princess and the frog because she hung on to her dreams and pursued them and made them a reality..through hard work and determination!
6. Dream vacation spot?
Italy,Spain, Greece, pretty much anywhere on the Mediterranean or tropical and warm.
7. What is your dream job?
Dream job would definitely be parlaying my love blog into a column, then a book, and eventually become the next Dooce like blogger on the scene..it could only be made more dreamy if I could do it all while traveling the world with the big guy and my girls!
8. Who is your hero and why?
My hero is anyone who pursues their dreams and never gives up, exhausting all potential.I am also particularly fond of people who live their lives in a way that they actually treat others the way they want to be treated in the world. And people who have respect for themselves, the planet,and others. If I had to pick one person, I would pick my friend Jennifer because she is an amazing human being and I aspire to be more like her!
Fawk you to the excruciatingly miserable heat! Hey Heat, you suck! I’m melting and frizzing up over here..NOT COOL! Thank God I get to take my family to a baseball heat stroke game tonight. It shouldbe ever so pleasant melting out under the lights.
Fawk you to being chunky! This goes hand in hand with the heat, chunky in the heat = A very unhappy Mommy! Sweaty kids hanging on a already glistening Mommy , not my idea of family fun time.
Fawk you to me for not doing the exercise I was supposed to do this week.If I had, maybe I wouldn’t be so dang hot right now. But in my defense, I am pretty sure I would have had a heat stroke and died had I tried to do Turbo Jam in this weather. Then what would have become of my poor sweaty children? They would have been left to their own devices …bathing in the pool as my carcas rotted on the living room floor until my husband made it back in town on Friday. So ,really, its not my fault at all!
Fawk you to the 133 million under cover cops that are patroling the highways this weekend.I’ve got people to see and places to go, you are only slowing me down and making things a wee bit more dangerous when I have to drive constantly watching my rear view mirror.
Fawk you to stupid people ( damn heat induced grouchy attitude) ! But let me be honest, I have no tolerance for stupid people especially when I am in line at Walmart trying to buy some hot dogs and wine for tomorrows lunchtime bbq! Don’t jugdge me…I just realized how incredibly redneck that sentence made me sound. I actually made the remark about how redneck I felt buying hotdogs and wine at WALMART while in line there. The brain trust behind the register, obviously, did not see the humor in it. So, FAWK her too!
But really, lets be honest..it more like this
Slipping through my fingers~ It won’t be like this for long. I know it seems like I have been dwelling on this topic lately but its just been that kind of a week. My little girls seem to be growing up at lightening speed this summer and, quite honestly, its breaking my heart a little bit. Where did my chubby little newborns crying for me to breastfeed them in the middle of the night go? I may have been terminally exhausted but it was a blissful exhaustion. I wore my exhaustion proudly as some sort of badge, screaming to the world, I am A Mommy! I am AWESOME!
Slipping through my Fingers
It’s true there is a feeling of entitlement that comes with giving birth. Nothing feels quite like it. Sure, I complained about having no sleep, and was constantly questioning the Gods why she never stopped crying. But secretly,(shhhh) I really didn’t mind at all. Much like I never really minded the unplanned co-sleeping, kissing booboos, or being the only person who could make their world right again. The same way I never minded having to lay down and cuddle them to get them to sleep, or have a lost lovey fed exed in from Grandma ChaCha because my toddler was inconsolable nor did I mind the tears they shed when I left them for the first time with someone else because ,secretly, I loved it all!I love being their everything even if it is a drag sometimes.
It seemed a lifetime before my little babies were capable of doing the simplest of tasks. Then ,it was like I looked away for a moment and suddenly , they were capable. Every milestone filled us with elation and pride. That first word couldn’t come fast enough; hearing their voices for the first time was like hearing the voice of God. Then quickly came rolling over, crawling, cruising, walking, etc..it all happened so fast it was like every accomplishment was hurled at me and knocked me onto my ass to sit helplessly and be witness to it all. The thing that no one ever tells you is that with every single new accomplishment, new worries ensue. Of course I wanted them to be more independent. But with each iota of independence they gained, I had to relinquish a little bit of my heart. I am so proud to be the Mommy of such bright and independent little girls, but the pride is short lived and quickly heartache takes its place, as I realize soon ….they won’t need me at all!
I can hardly believe how fast these past 5 years have passed and how much my life has changed from having my girls. Having them has certainly given me a greater purpose and increased my quality of life exponentially, in most regards. I can barely stand the thought that one day, in the not so distant future, I won’t be able to see them every day, and worse, they won’t mind.Why doesn’t anyone tell us about this before we get pregnant. The letting go has got to be the hardest part of Motherhood. I used to think they couldn’t live without me, but really, it’s me who will have difficulty surviving without seeing them every day. How do you survive when your heart has left your body? How do you function? They are like oxygen to my soul.Not in some creepy,I’m going to lock them in the basement until they are 40 type of way, I just mean how can you love someone so much and be expected to exist without them in your life at full capacity?
These precious moments that we have the privilege of being part of in our children’s lives pass by far too quickly.My rational self knows this is how this relationship is supposed to play out; my heart, however, has major problems with this whole situation and I am not afraid tell you, I think it is is trying to organize a coup on my good sense.This makes me reexamine my relationship with my own Mother. One day it will be me waiting patiently at home for my girls to call, and its likely that the calls will never come soon or frequent enough. Soon, I will be the one wanting and needing their attention. Sorry, Mom! Hey, karma..pay attention, none of this coming back around shit! I said I was sorry! Mom already has you working in cahoots with her to give me ” a couple little girls that act just like you (me)!” So, karma, lets stop all the craziness. I don’t want what I gave , I want more from my relationship with my own girls!
I just hope the Mother /Daughter relationship with my girls grows into friendship as they grow up.I want to be a woman who they look up to , want to emulate, and spend time with because of the kind of woman I am not just because they have to because I gave birth to them. I want them to come to me for advice and honesty and value my opinion. This is something that I have to work at now, because it won’t be like this for long.
But for now, I am going to cherish every single moment of co-sleeping snuggling and random “I LOVE YOU”s that I can get my hands on!
I had to share this video because, as some of you know, this is the song that my Bella looked me in the eyes and said ,”Mommy, this is me and your song!” She was dead serious and I was stopped dead in my tracks and brought to tears; as I am every single time I hear this damn song!I’m telling you, these girls of mine…they have got to stop growing up so fast!
Mommy Truisms; Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Motherhood
Mommy truisms ~The truth, the whole truth and nothing but my entire truth. I wish someone would have told me the truth, but I’ m sure I wouldn’t have believed them if they had tried! But no more, I refuse to further take part in the vicious cycle of perpetuating the myth of constant Motherhood bliss by sharing my brutally honest truth about Motherhood!
- When receiving your epidural during transition labor (first of all, if you are in transition labor..you’ve missed your window of escaping the ordeal pain free), you certainly do not care what the consequences are of an epidural mishap. Chronic migraines? Possibility of paralysis? Death? Bring it on, at that point anything was better than the pain of my labor!
- Looking into the eyes of your newborn for the first time is, indeed, a Godlike moment filled with spirituality and you better believe it will change your life forever.
- A baby changes everything is by far the most honest and underestimated advertising slogan of the century; of all time! Hell yeah; Pregnancy changes everything!
- No penis ever blacked a fetus’ eye! I promise you, it doesn’t happen ..no matter what your husband wants to believe!
- Sometimes giving into whining, screaming and tantrums is an absolute must. Do not feel like a failure! Do not beat yourself up over it! Let it go! Serenity now!
- Mom’s Night out is imperative to your sanity! Do it! Everyone will be happier, your husband will get lucky, and the kids will be glad Mommy has pulled the grouchy stick out of her ass! Trust me, I learned this the hard way!
- Alone time with your husband is an absolute necessity for the survival of your marriage! Don’t feel guilty, if it weren’t for the love that you two share, those kiddies wouldn’t be here. Love your man, love yourself, love your life and you will be capable of loving your children even more.
- Sometimes a large glass of wine, after the kids go to bed, is what needs to be done to help you decompress enough to move past all of the chaos of the day. Don’t feel guilty! Keep that damn bottle chilled and when you really need it, uncork it, and sip it until you feel all warm and fuzzy inside and all the shit (literal and metaphorical) from the day falls off of you..like a nightie on your honeymoon.
- Stay at Home Mom(SAHM) is the most underpaid, overworked, 24/7 job that a woman can ever undertake. It will let you know what you are really made of. It’s the only job that will take you from the throes of hell to the gates of heaven within a 24 hour period and sometimes simultaneously.
- Mommies who work outside of the home, they have double the work. We SAHM Mommies may be envious at times because they get to leave the house for a few hours, but then they have to deal with the guilt of leaving their children plus come home and do what we do all day…in 4 hours. So, cut each other some slack, its hard all the way around. There’s no getting around it; raising healthy, happy, intelligent,independent, socially responsible humans is a lot of hard work! But I believe its worth it because in the end, no money can substitute for what a random “Me Love you MOMMY” feels like. That is priceless!