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Deborah Cruz

Mothering single, single parent, moms, mother, single, alone, children, babies, mothering, single
Parenting

Mothering Single ~Things to Never Say

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Mothering Single~ I had to do this for almost two years. Mothering single is hard, probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life this far. There is something about finding yourself mothering single and knowing that you actually have a husband but he’s not present to help that makes the situation even more excruciatingly painful. Mothering single is by far the most stressful situation that I’ve ever had to survive. Even more stressful than doing all of the parenting alone was trying to explain to everyone else in the world what exactly sometimes mothering single entails or even is for that matter.

Mothering single, single parent, moms, mother, single, alone, children, babies, mothering, single

 

Here are the definitions for Single Mother and Mothering single. I hope this helps clarify the difference for those of you who like to think that women who are mothering single are nothing more than complaining housewives who are lonely. I promise it is much more than that.

Single Mother~

a woman who has a dependent child or dependent children and who is widowed, divorced, or unmarried.

Mothering Single~  

A woman who does more than 80% of the parenting on her own as there is no father present on a daily basis to assist with parenting duties. A mother who is mothering single may, in fact, be married but she is left alone ( perhaps as a work widow, military spouse or the victim of a commuter marriage) physically and emotionally, all children are dependent solely on her for their care, well being and safety.

Here are a few things that you should NEVER say to a woman who is mothering single.

Mothering Single No, Nos

  • Wow! Mothering single must be really hard. I don’t know how you do it. ( Wow! I don’t know how the hell I do it either. It’s hard work but thanks for the reminder of my ineptitude and your shock at my making it this far.)
  • I wish my husband lived  in a different state all week long. I’d love to try mothering single. ( Be my guest and be careful what you wish for. It’s much harder than in looks especially when it is not self imposed.)
  • I bet you have loads of me time with your husband gone. What do you do with all that free time? ( Well, I was going to write a book but that’s hard to do in 15 minutes a day of free time. I opted for taking a shower and brushing my teeth).
  • At least you don’t have to explain every single thing you do to your husband.( Don’t get it twisted sister, I run this household and I am not a raging child. I don’t have to explain anything I do.He respects me and trusts me,That is all.)
  • So how is it being a kept woman? (Kept what? Half sane, completely exhausted and a time bomb of nervous breakdown? Yeah, It’s Suh-WEET bitches. I love it. What’s it like being an insensitive asshole?)
  • I wish I had the house all to myself and no one to bother me about the house and dinner.You are so lucky. Mothering single sounds like it rocks. (Yes, it is quite liberating to sit alone at night in an empty house after spending the past two hours getting distraught little girls to sleep who cried themselves into slumber because they missed their Daddy so much. Yes, that is probably my favorite part of the day paralleled only by the waking them up with no backup.)
  • You should just get yourself a sister wife ( nanny, babysitter) and forget about this mothering single nonsense. Why make it harder on yourself than it needs to be? ( Yes, I will do that with all the leftover cash we have lying around. Why didn’t I think of that. Sometimes I forget that we are the Rockefellers.)
  • I know how you feel, my husband was out of town for 3 days last month. I was mothering single too. It nearly killed me. (Ahem, that is not the same as your husband living in another state and only coming home 8 days of the entire month..if you are lucky.F*ck You, Bozo!)
  • That’s awesome. So you can come and go as you please and go out with friends whenever you want?(Sure, I can do whatever the hell I want as long as that includes going to story time at the library and Chuck E Cheese. All that energy I have left from doing every single thing alone really is frustrating. I just wish that I had more to do.)
  • You don’t have to worry about what you look like. ( Of course not, because unlike you I live in a world with no mirrors and where all the people are blind Wait a minute, I gotta go the villagers with their pitchforks and torches are here again .)
  • Aren’t you afraid he will cheat while you are home mothering single? ( Well, I wasn’t until you said that.)
  • At least your husband has a job. You should be grateful all you have to do is some mothering single! (Oh yeah, I am grateful. Grateful that with living in separate states and paying for two residences, sacrificing all of our time together as a family and we still have a really tight budget.That is awesome!)
  • I don’t understand why you can’t come to this x,y,z function on Saturday, it’s only one afternoon of your life. ( Yes, it’s also on of the only two days we spend together a week)
  • You look so tired.You really should take a nap. (Sure, I will put that on the list, right after waxing my mustache and shaving my legs. By the way, you look so ugly maybe you should do the rest of us a solid and put a paper bag on that thing.)
  • Maybe mothering single is not for you. (Really? Because this is exactly what I signed up for when I got married, to raise kids on my own and be alone all the time. I was born for this shit!)

I am fully aware that being a single mother is not the same as mothering single but I think they are both equally as hard. Either way, the mom is doing most or all of the parenting, with the fate of her children resting squarely on her shoulders. What is the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you in regards to your marriage or your children without knowing the facts first? Love to hear your answers. I have a feeling there are some things worse than sometimes mothering single.

mothering single,mother, parenting, single,single mom, children, babies

 Mothering Single

 

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Parenting

Autumn ~ When Pumpkin Attack

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Pumpkin ~You know that Autumn has arrived when the sky above the pumpkin patch lingers and soaks up all the colors of the leaves, fields and pumpkins below holding the color like a mother cradling her child, smiling upon the world for all to bask in her radiant glow. Autumn has arrived officially at the pumpkin patch. Pumpkins can be harvested through the utilization of tractors. Those tractors must be at their peak condition. If not, it probably needs some fixing or some new parts which may be found from the number one source for compact tractor parts and foreign tractor parts.

Pumpkin, autumn, sky, fall, October, pumpkin patch

Pumpkin Sky

Friday, we took our girls to the pumpkin patch. We’ve just recently relocated here, so this is the first of many traditions that we are forced to replace in our new surroundings. This is, by far, one of those holiday season traditions that our family most eagerly awaits every year. Expectations were high. Luckily, the Indian summer did not disappoint. As we arrived at the pumpkin patch, we were greeted by an autumn sky that illuminated the entire patch as if it were saying putting a spotlight on all of nature’s gifts; the grass so green, an amber sky and an array of warm colors on the trees. Enjoy and bask in all the pulchritudinous that the world has to offer you. With the sun shining on my face and my daughter’s smile beaming in my direction, I was thankful. Life was good.

Pumpkin, autumn, sky, fall, October, pumpkin patch

Seriously, isn’t this kid the cutest?

My girls were so excited to be at the pumpkin patch; to be together. We took a hay ride, the girls took a barrel train ride as it started to sprinkle but they didn’t care, they claimed queen of the mountain as they took the straw hill. There were cut out boards where I photographed the girls giggling as they pretended to be the farmer and his wife and the infectious laughter that exuded from within when they pretended to be the farmer and his cow was contagious. In those moments, my soul was full. The girls fawned over the animals at the petting zoo; a Shetland pony with a crooked grin, a donkey who stunk to high heaven but wanted nothing more than to have my sweet girl’s attention, a goat with a tangled horn, the wooliest sheep that I’ve ever seen and a couple of kid face licking cow. The girls were in pure heaven.

Innocuous Pumpkin, you say?

Pumpkin, autumn, sky, fall, October, pumpkin patch

Then we headed out to the pumpkin patch. The Big Guy and I told the girls that they could pick any pumpkin they wanted. They choose, he carves, I carry pumpkins to and from and remove pumpkin guts, as they are too squeamish to do so. I’m only appropriated the most glamorous jobs of the household. Unfortunately, herein lies the problem. Between paparazzi duties and carrying one of the great pumpkins, let’s just call him the Greatest Pumpkin because he weighed a solid 30 pounds if he weighed ten, I did some damage to my person. That’s right, I fought that pumpkin all the way to the car and he attacked me. This is why this post may not make a lot of sense, as my back went out and I am heavily medicated to be able to walk upright.

They say most crimes are perpetrated by someone close to you; someone you know and trust. Well, Great pumpkin, sir, you are no gentleman. I have been accosted by your rotundness, afflicted by your obesity and damaged by your girth. Happiest of holiday seasons to you and yours. Beware those jolly, happy bright orange vegetables, their looks are deceiving. What is your family’s favorite holiday tradition? Do you do the pumpkin patch?

Pumpkin, autumn, sky, fall, October, pumpkin patch

The Great Pumpkin

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Throat Punch Thursday,guns, sandy hook, valeria levitin
Throat Punch Thursday

Throat Punch Thursday~ Prenup Agreement~You look Better with the Lights Off Edition

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Throat Punch Thursday~Prenup agreement~You Look Better with The Lights Off

Prenup Agreement ~ A prenuptial agreement, often shortened to “prenup,” is a legal agreement entered into by an engaged couple prior to being married. The prenuptial agreement provides for an agreed upon distribution of assets if the marriage ends in divorce.

Let me preface this by saying that I am absolutely anti-prenup in 99% of marriages. If you are a zillionaire whose family earned their zillions by working their asses off with the sweat of their brow dripping in their eyes and you marry a pauper who wears a t-shirt that says Looking for Daddy Warbucks then yeah, get yourself a prenup. Protect those zillions. But if you are a college student who marries his college sweetheart and you both don’t have shit, save yourself an argument and don’t even bring the ridiculousness that is a prenup up to your partner. You have nothing. Anything you earn will be while you are together.

Just say no to the prenup!

I think my biggest problem with the idea of the prenup is that it says to the world, this isn’t going to last long and when it all blows up I don’t want you walking away with any of my shit. If this is the case, maybe rather than a prenup to squelch your commitment fears you should reconsider the entire idea of marriage.I know that celebrities have even taken the prenup as far as stipulating how often relations will take place and how many children are allowed into the relationship.

Many prenups even stipulate that cheating will result in a bigger financial piece of pie for the victim and the adulterer forfeits what they may have otherwise earned in the divorce. Earned.in.The.DIVORCE. Do these assholes even believe the shit they are saying?  Is the collective self esteem in Hollywood so low that people actually sign this bullshit? Seriously, I’d just assume paper cut your face with that document, douce you in salt water and gasoline and then set you on fire than sign away my soul to you. You heartless bastard.

This Prenup takes the cake

But this morning on the radio, I heard the most preposterous prenup clause that I could have ever imagined; a weight clause. Yes, it is as awful as it sounds. It is a clause, in the already insulting prenup, that stipulates that a partner must maintain a certain weight or within a 10 pound flex for a predetermined amount of time. What The F*CK? Can you imagine the idiot who presents this to the woman that he has proposed to? “Yes, please do me the honor of marrying me but the minute you gain ten pounds, I am out and you will be left penniless!” “Why yes honey, you do look better with the lights off!” Yes, my jaw was on the floor when I heard this craziness.

Imagine what kind of vain, self centered asshole would not only make you sign a prenup promising not to take all his money when he does you wrong but he even stipulates that if you gain some junk in the trunk, he’s got the right to call you fat and dump you..guilt free. Is the institution of marriage no longer sacred? In a world of people marrying on a dare in Vegas, changing partners as often as they change their underwear and divorcing one another over a weight gain, has marriage lost all of it’s integrity?

This week’s throat punch most definitely goes to the moronic betrothed who has not only the balls but the lack of any common sense to ask their partner to sign a fat clause in their prenup. May your days be long and lonely and may you , yourself, be the picture of what not to do in marriage. As a precautionary measure, I feel that it is my duty to warn anyone who is thinking that this is a good idea to reconsider lest you like to be throat punched and then set on fire.

throat Punch thursday,Prenup

What are your thoughts on the prenup? Did you have a prenup? Would you ask your spouse for a prenup? What do you, honestly, think about the weight maintenance clause? Would you be insulted if asked to sign it? If you could add any clause to a prenup what would you add? Me? I think I’d add the pick up your socks, put the roll on the toilet paper holder, listen when I talk, help put the kids to bed clause. If a fat clause can be put into a prenup, how about a guaranteed orgasm prenup? Yeah, boys…you are not so fast to get behind that one are you?

Prenup ~Beware the Fat Clause

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beauty, #Cleverbeauty, #Spon
Beauty

Fall Beauty tricks to get your Outside matching your Inside

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

#cleverbeauty

Beauty~ Thanks to Walgreens for underwriting this post. I was paid as a member of the Clever Girls Collective, but the content is all mine. Visit https://moms.dailybuzz.com/channel/style.

Today, I am going to share some of my beauty secrets. Now, I don’t share these with just anybody so you should feel pretty special. But seriously, who doesn’t want to live in a world full of beautiful truthful mommies running around all over the place? I know I would love it. You are all gorgeous on the inside, I know this for a fact from all the lovely comments you leave, and I am sure that he outside matches the inside so let’s help keep it that way.

Here are my fall beauty tips for keeping your outside beauty in sync with your inside beauty.

  • Start the day with a hot bath and an invigorating, exfoliating body wash. I promise it wakes up your senses and get’s you going on those cold, dark mornings of late fall. And if you rinse off in cool water, it helps close up all those pores and hair follicles. BONUS!
  • The exfoliating wash will help get rid of some of that dry skin and eliminate some of that awful itching that comes to us in the fall and winter months. If you really want to revitalize the way you look, you can actually opt for cosmetic treatments such as juvederm.
  • Moisturize*Moisturize*Moisturize* I can not stress this enough. Honestly, you should be moisturizing every single day of the year , every season, from the age of puberty on but you most definitely need to moisturize during the colder, drier months. Moisturize your face at night with a night time wrinkle reducer, in the morning use a tinted moisturizer with some SPF protection. It will keep your skin hydrated and not pasty, plus help hold off crows feet. (*Also, wear your sunglasses year round.) When you get out of the shower, moisturize immediately. Lock in the moisture. And for those crazy dry feet,(* Shhhh, top secret beauty secret) slather those suckers in Vaseline ( I like the coco butter scented one) and put on some cozy socks to let them marinate for a bit. I swear it works.
  • Shave your legs and paint your toenails! I know you think no one will see your legs or toes until spring but just remember this…if you feel pretty , you will look pretty. I always feel prettier when I’m presentable, besides I’ve seen a lot of wool shorts for this fall!

Beauty, you are worth it!

  • Drink your water!I mean it , drink 64 ounces of water a day. It makes you look good. Your skin will glow. Your skin will be hydrated and not itch.It also helps flush your body of all that water weight we ladies tend to collect around shark week. Eat better. You need to get all of your daily recommended amount of vitamins,so eating fresh food and taking an actual vitamin can help replenish some of those nutrients that you will be lacking by being shut indoors and hibernating over the colder months. Bonus: Vitamins make your hair, nails and skin look better and grow. Hello, what’s sexier than a woman with long flowing hair, glowing, blemish free skin and nails that can beckon you to come hither?
  • Whiten your teeth. I love the professional crest white strips professional effects. This best invisalign dentist nyc told me that they work as good as anything he would do in his office with the exception of the Zoom treatments, especially if your teeth are not that discolored. You know your skin will be paler so whitening will help your teeth look whiter versus the yellow tinged color they can look against pale skin after a autumn filled with hot coco, hot coffee, hot tea, hot toddies, Diet Coke and red wine! A girls gotta warm up.
  • Wash your hair less. I know it sounds gross but again, the world is a drier place in the fall. In the summer, we are running all over town sweating glistening and our hair is full of oils and sunshine.In fall, our hair starts to dry out like the leaves on the trees. My suggestion, wash your hair every other day. I know it may sound disgusting to some of you but , in the long run, it will be better for you. OK, if you just can’t do it, wash every other day and on off days use a dry Shampoo. Also, hot oil treatments are your friend. Just pretend you are at a spa and spoil yourself. Or if you want to go the crunchy route, I hear mayonnaise brings out a wicked shine to your hair.
  • Last, but certainly not least, I change my make up to all of my warm fall colors. No, your bright pink grapefruit kiss does not look good on your pasty skin in November. Think the colors of the fall foliage; warm colors. And don’t put away that bronzer, you still need some color. It’ll give you a little kiss of summer, smack dab in the middle of fall. You will glow.

These are my tips for looking like a hot Mommy in the fall. A few changes to accommodate for the weather and a few minutes of “me” time is all it takes. I promise you can sneak it in. They say beauty is pain, but really with these simple tips beauty is no pain at all! What are some of your go to fall beauty tips and tricks?

Thank you to Walgreens for sponsoring this blog post. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. All opinions and beauty tricks are my own.

Beauty is as beauty does

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Pregnant, baby, pregnancy
Parenting

Breaking News~ Guess who’s Pregnant!

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Guess who’s Pregnant! ~ Lately, it seems, everyone that I know is pregnant. Everyone. It’s like it’s in the water. This, in turn, means that everyone and their mama is asking the Big Guy and I when we are going to have another baby. People, I know I was the  absolute picture of pregnant. I know that I had that pregnant glow for what seemed like forever and I realize that the Big Guy and I make damn cute kids. Damn cute! It’s not being dramatic to say that they are quite possibly the cutest babies that I’ve ever seen, it’s stating a fact. So, I see why everyone keeps asking when we are getting pregnant again. I do. I really do. But that’s a personal question. It’s like asking a woman when she’s going to get her shark week next. Seriously, it is. It’s no bueno. Plus, it’s an uncomfortable question to be asked when out and about or at an unsuspecting family function ( a wedding, ahem) or a random dinner with friends (you know who you are). Tidewater Physicians provide obstetrics & gynecology services for new soon to be mothers, get a check-up from them if you’re expecting.

Can You Believe who’s PREGNANT?

Pregnant, baby, pregnancy

No one is safe from this kind of badgering. I mean it’s come from strangers, passersby to long time friends who I’ve actually had long drawn out conversations with about this very topic! The Big Guy has taken to saying ” Oh NO! We are done!” Somehow, this hits my ears and is transformed, Chinese telephone like, into “Hell NO! I am never going near that stretched out, herpes (*Disclaimer: NO I DON’T have the Herpes, this was said for effect) infested, black hole again! EVER! NEVER! I HATE BABIES!!!” ( of course, this is shouted ( in my head) for effect.) I, on the other hand, coyly answer with a sheepish smile, ” I don’t know. I think we may be done.” then I add a wink for posterity. Because, I love me some babies and let’s be honest, I don’t like other people making decisions for me about anything. Plus, really, it’s nobody’s business. But the Big Guy and I have went round and round about the answering part. I have actually been very offended by his response, even though I have no intention of having another baby at this point. I mean, I am seriously, 99.7 % sure that I don’t want another baby. I may be asking my sister’s to borrow theirs, or encouraging my brothers to have some but me? I think it may be time to close down the baby factory. Make things a little more fun and a little less function. Know what I mean? Still, people will ask.

Are you going to get pregnant soon?

Not if I have anything to do with it! But see, that’s not a nice answer and it could probably be offensive so I have thought up a list of alternative answers that the Big Guy can give as I don’t like the implications of the current answer.

  • Yes, we are going to start trying to get pregnant… Just as soon as the Publisher’s Clearing House people ever show up with our check they promised.
  • What? She is pregnant..with triplets! Can’t you tell? I’d recommend you get Mid Atlantic Women’s Care Ob-Gyn care in Virginia.
  • Yes, we are starting in 5 minutes, can you please leave. We’d like to at least copulate in private.
  • We were going to get pregnant but then we found out that we are related and it would just be too risky to be my baby’s uncle daddy.
  • Yes, she’s ovulating as we speak. In fact, I should go.You could be making us miss our only chance for having this baby.
  • We plan to get pregnant as soon as the the older two can wipe their own asses.
  • Yes, Santa is bringing us a pregnancy for Christmas.
  • We were going to get pregnant but we decided instead that we’d like to sleep again in the next couple of years.
  • We are going to get pregnant, the absolute second that I can carry the baby.We are looking into it.
  • We will not be getting pregnant, we’ve decided that we don’t like children.
  • Hell yeah, we’re getting pregnant. I can’t keep my hands off that hot biatch!
  • Her uterus fell out when we had the last one, we can’t get pregnant again. We’re looking for a surrogate, is your wife available?
  • Uhhmm yeah! We’re going to beat those damn Duggars!
  • We were but then my wife remembered that it’s really painful to go through child birth and would rather have all of her fingernails pulled out and her eyelids cut off, since she won’t be sleeping ever again anyways.
  • We are..as soon as there is no more racism, sexism or homophobia in the world.
  • My wife just found out that she’s allergic to sperm, please back away from her with any sperm wielding appendages. (*credit to Casey @ MooshIndy)

What’s the best answer you’ve ever given a space invader when they’ve asked if and when you were going to get pregnant again? Please leave your suggestions on how the Big Guy and I should answer next time someone asks. Can’t wait to hear your creative suggestions. Do you think it’s okay to ask someone  something so personal? Why? Why not?

Speaking of being pregnant, today I am guest posting at Moonfrye about the Things I wish I knew before I became a Mommy. Would love it if you could stop by and leave some love.

 No we are not PREGNANT!

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Obesity, Tara Lynn
Throat Punch Thursday

Throat Punch Thursday~ Unhealthiness, Thy Name is Obesity

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

 

Throat Punch Thursday~ Obesity, Tara Lynn

Obesity~ The epidemic that is causing broken hearts and leaving dead bodies in it’s wake all across the world but more specifically in my own home country of  the United States. It’s no wonder either. We are a people that live fast paced, on the go and high stress existences. We are always running to and fro and we are overworked and overwhelmed. We are a land of overachievers. In our quest for trying to be the best, we are dropping the ball in one particular area of our life, the most important area..our health. We are mindlessly stress eating too often, everything is super-sized while saturated in grease and we are so busy behind our computers or at our desks that we never get enough exercise. Even when we have the good intentions to work out, we have to beg, borrow and steal to find the time, energy and a babysitter. Sounds to me like obesity is the logical evolution of our current collective lifestyle. But I say NO more!

Just Say No to Obesity

Recently, the answer has been to make fat acceptable. That’s right, I just used the word FAT. Overweight. Obese. However you spin it. If your BMI is over 30 you are a victim, willing participant or whatever the case may be of the epidemic of obesity. Just because we are afraid to hurt one another’s feelings, feel the need to be politically correct and keep changing the size of clothing to pretend we are smaller than we actually are does not mean that we are healthy.It just means that we are packaging obesity in a different way, a prettier package. The only way to be healthy is to put down the fork, get up and get moving and make healthier choices all around. But first, we need to be honest with ourselves! Obesity is no joke. Just because we all pretend it’s cute,package it in fancy clothes and commiserate does not make it any less damaging to our health. That is the point, I am making. That is why the obesity epidemic gets my throat punch. I am fully aware that there are medical conditions that cause some people to be heavy and it’s beyond their control but I’d suspect that only accounts for about 1% of obesity cases. I know most of us don’t do it on purpose, though there are those rare cases of those who do. Most of us got fat the good old fashioned way…we ate too much.

What got me so fired up, you ask? This piece was posted on Facebook, apparently it is spreading like a grassroots fire. I have provided it here…

 A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was “This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

“Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defends and admires.

Is this how Obesity is protected by vilifying the Alternative?

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I’d rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn’t enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: “How amazing am I ?! “

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Obesity, Tara Lynn

Tara Lynn

 

People can say that it is awesome that Tara Lynn is on the cover of a magazine. She is beautiful.  Kudos can be given because they see a woman who may look a bit more like who they see in the mirror versus a Adriana Lima. I get that. But I also get that it is NOT healthy. To be honest, if I wanted to see chunky on display, I’d look in the mirror. There has to be healthy sizes in between, maybe something in the 8-14 spectrum. What I would consider to be the average sizes, or what I have been lead to believe is average by what I see around me. Pretending that heavy is healthy is a white lie that may seem innocuous when being said to your best friend, your sister or yourself but think of the ripple effect. One person tells another person who tells another person that unhealthy is acceptable. We spare hurting feelings but we are literally killing one another with kindness. Obesity is an epidemic…like the plague the only difference is that we pretend that it’s not deadly. We treat it as a social disease rather than an honest to goodness medical threat. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to be a damn whale or a mermaid, I want to be a healthy human. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy. Why do we have to accept obesity as the status quo? What are your thoughts on the obesity epidemic?

Unhealthiness, Thy Name is Obesity

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For Richer and For Poorer
Marriage and Relationships

For Richer and for Poorer

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

For Richer and For Poorer

For Richer and for Poorer

For Richer and for Poorer ~ Til Death do us part. Marriage is a beautiful thing indeed. I spent the past weekend at the wedding of my brother-in-law and my gorgeous new sister-in-law. It was one of the most lovely weddings that I’ve ever had the joy of witnessing. I sat there listening to the vows and I got a little choked up, remembering my own. I was transported back to a day, much like this one, when the Big Guy and I stood at the alter in front of everyone we knew and declared our love for one another. That moment..that is the moment it becomes real. That is the moment that your life is joined to his and two become one. What’s his is yours and what’s yours is his and all of it is ours.

It was a beautiful weekend soaked in love and drenched in emotion. I think everyone who was there could genuinely feel the love between those two. It was in fact palpable. It filled the space of the venue and it was contagious. We all were basking in the glow of the love light that those two were emitting. I honestly wish them the best of everything that life has to offer. They deserve it and so much more. I hate the reality hangover of marriage after the night of fantasy at the wedding. It’s a bitter pill to swallow. I hope they can ease into it, float to it from above and descend on reality like a butterfly onto your shoulder…slowly, gracefully and with ease.

The Big Guy and I have long since crashed into marriage reality. We hit it like a parachutist hitting the ocean…like hitting cement and expecting a soft place to land. I found this to be the truest fact about my marriage, life is beautiful and awesome together. Having someone to love so completely and unconditionally is a gift that is unexplainable. It is having a soft place to land, even if it is on your spouse.The key to marriage is to remember what is important. The most important thing, for us, is that unconditional, unwavering, unfailing love and devotion to one another in good times and bad,

for Richer and for Poorer!

The problem is, the only thing that we have discovered that can cause a crack in the foundation of an otherwise strong marriage (faster than anything else), is the poorer part. Not because anybody’s a gold digger, or somebody has a crazed need to wear only top brands, drink top shelf and live topside all the time. No, I’m talking about those times when you are starting out and you have no money. You are finishing up college and you are broke. You have to unexpectedly move because of a job change. You unexpectedly lose a job because of a down economy. You have children and had no idea what those little people cost. Cars tear up. People die. Roofs leak. Tuition needs to be paid. Kids want extra-curriculars. Sometimes you just really want that extra slice of life; those nice jeans, a fancy bra, a vacation that isn’t to a relatives house. Life happens.

Finances cause arguments in couples. It’ a fact. If you don’t already know this, then you are not in a committed (joined financially) relationship. There is an easing into it that must take place. But if you can always remember that if you have the love, you are already richer than most in life. You will be better than fine. You will thrive.

Life together is amazing, much better than life apart could ever be. This I know to be true. So who cares about money? Sure, it buys food and clothes and shelter, but where there is love..real love, the kind that can literally keep you warm at night, keep your heart full and your mind still… everything else is secondary. For richer in love and poorer in funds is better than the alternative. But if you want to ensure constant bliss, put a little rainy day fund away…just in case of an unexpected leaky roof.

To Kate and Jeff, God Bless you both and may your roof never leak. We love yous…for richer and for poorer ! XO

For Richer and for Poorer

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Guest Posts

Celebrate Good Times

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Celebrate~ Today is one of my favorite people in the entire universe’s ( bloggy or otherwise) blogiversary, Bruna at Bee’s with Honey. She is an amazing wife, mother, writer and friend. We met through Twitter and I must tell you all , do yourself a favor and follow this wonderful lady with a big smile  and big heart. I am sure that you will love her as much as I do.

Celebrate Good Times

Bruna asked me to guest post and I gladly jumped at the honor to do so. I can’t say enough good things about this great woman. She is the type of friend who is all in . I know that you know what I mean. There are not too many of thosetypes of connections left in today’s world of cyber this and social that. We are all so busy texting, telecommuting, tweeting and living in our internet that we stay connected virtually but we are able to keep our distance.

Celebrate Real Connections

Bruna connects with others at a very human level. It is apparent through her writing what an authentic person she is. I am blessed to count myself as one of her friends and I don’t mean just an “online” friend. Our friendship transcends a computer screen because Bruna is the type of woman who is made of such substance that the friendship is as genuine as any person I have ever met in real life.

Do yourself a favor and check this wonderful lady out and wish her a very happy 1st ever blogiversary! You’ll be glad that you did!

Bees With Honey

Celebrate

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