When did you talk to your child about sex? Was it thoroughly planned and mapped out? Or did they walk in on you and your husband in the heat of the moment and you had to give an explanation? Or did you wait until it came up organically? Or did you wait until they came to you?
It’s a crazy world when you have to take your parents to court to avoid having a forced abortion. Look, I get where a parent might feel that it is their job to save their child from themselves. We do. I do. But you know the saying, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure and people, there is nothing you can do to force this cure on your child short of tying her down and violating her. Plus, there are abortion alternatives that you can consider and discuss.
I was listening to the radio on the way to drop off this morning and the DJ’s on the Bert Show were talking about two Dutch TV hosts, Dennis Storm and Valerio Zeno who decided to undergo electro-stimulations (they simulate contractions) for their show, “Guinea Pigs.” using a neuromuscular electrical stimulator. That piqued my interest but then they went on to say that they were going to do the same; live streaming on Ustream from their studio, I did what any woman who has experienced transition labor without a damn epidural would do, I raced home to watch. Men can experience the contractions of labor.
Even though it wasn’t as intense as real child labor, I think they got the picture. Growing little people and giving birth is not for the faint of heart. When will men realize that women, even though we are referred to as the weaker sex and may be smaller than men, we are built tough? We make hard decisions because we have to. We sacrifice our lives and ourselves, not because it’s easier for us but because we know it has to be done. We choose to do the right thing not because it’s easy but in spite of how hard it is; like giving birth.
READ ALSO: What giving Birth Feels Like
Men usually have more physical strength than women but we have a mind over matter mentality that is unparalleled. We have a way of seeing our way through to the other side. We have a quiet inner peace that gives us the strength to carry on when most others would quit.
I watched the video and it was funny to see how they reacted to the simulated contractions. But going through an entire 5 minutes of childbirth can never prepare anyone for what giving birth is really like.
READ ALSO: The Day I became a Mother
Giving birth is a full-body experience. It is physical, mental and spiritual. When I gave birth, I was in so much pain that it was all I could do to stay focused on the task at hand. About 5 hours into it, I wanted, with all that I was, to quit the whole thing. The pain was immeasurable. I didn’t have the benefit of my labor originating from a mechanism that I could control. There was no on/off switch and there was certainly no guaranteed 20 second rest period in between contractions and there was no promise that the pain of the contraction would only last 15 seconds. During the transition labor of my first birth, my contractions were so closely staggered that they felt constant.
I, honestly, thought I was going to die. There was no laughing. There was only quiet prayers for the pain to stop by any means possible. Either the baby needed to come out so the pain would stop or I was going to throw myself out of a window. I couldn’t have taken it much longer than I did. After the first one, I was not sure that I would ever have another baby. I was afraid. I was terrified. But I did.
READ ALSO: That One Time I went into Heat at Panda Express
This neuromuscular electrical stimulator is great to perhaps give men a glimpse into what labor contractions feel like but they can not replicate the state of mind that women experience when giving birth. It is a simultaneous end and beginning. The end of who we were and the birth of who we will become. The birth of our own child. There is nothing like the experience in the world and no two experiences are alike, even in the same woman.
Birth is messy. It is an out of body experience. It transcends space and time and in the end, you know that you did something completely amazing. You brought a miracle to life. You witnessed it’s creation and now you have the privilege of loving that child and raising it to be the change you want to see in the world. It is life-changing. It’s so much deeper than just learning the boundaries of your pain threshold, which is what the neuromuscular electrical stimulator has reduced the experience to.
Would you want your husband to experience the Neuromuscular Electrical Stimulator while you were in labor?
As you may have noticed, change is inevitable in life in general for all of us and, more specifically, on my site in the last few days. If this is your first time here, you probably only noticed that holy smokes this woman likes her pink, like her men, hot! But really what you don’t know is that yes, while I do like the Big Guy hot, like my pink, my site has gotten a complete overhaul this past weekend. Thanks to my tech guru/ web design genius, the Big Guy. Hey, you know what they say, it’s cheaper to keep him. No way could I afford what he would charge for the pain in the ass kind of person I am to design for, especially since he undertook this task on my shark week. He is so brave. This was by far my favorite Valentine’s Day gift thus far.
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If you need me, I’ll be loving on these people today!
Today is Valentine’s Day and it is no surprise to any of you who read this blog that I love the Big Guy and our girls truly, madly, deeply and unconditionally. Just as I am sure all of you do your partner in crime life and your children. But today, on this Valentine’s Day, I am loving them truly, madly and deeply in real time. Aside from spending my waking moments loving on these people today ( right after the Big Guy and I see our way past this massive blow up we had this morning over who knows what) he and I will be spending the day at the girls valentine’s Day parties and then to our romantic supper for 4 ( because that’s how we roll) and then on to a grown up movie ( no not THAT kind of movie) and maybe some sweet Mommy and Daddy time in the conjugalorium. Oh yeah, the massive blow up….already forgotten.
Anyways, I know you are all busy living on your people in real time too today so I am sure you will understand when I leave you with these awesome testaments to love and marriage. They may make you laugh, they may make you cry and if they don’t suit you, keep looking around, we’ve got love covered ( the good, bad and ugly of it).
Older, Wiser, Faster and Deeper
And don’t even get me started on how much I love my girls.
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I’ve heard some pretty outlandish things but what I heard on the radio the other morning had to be in the top three. A recent survey found that ¾ of all married women would rather get help from divorce solicitors chester or from a divorce attorney to divorce their spouse than be doomed to a life of a stay-at-home mother. Wow! Holy insult batman.
You know that moment when you drop your little one off at school and you don’t watch them all the way into the building and then you question whether or not they got safely into the building the entire drive home? It happens almost instantly as soon as you drop them off. Yeah that happened to me today, again and I was wondering, what do you do when that happens?
There is a lot of crazy shit we moms do. I used to be carefree and a bit of a thrill seeker but then I had kids and I changed. They changed me. Not only was a perpetual worry wart about them, I began to obsess about my own actions because now every single thing I did had a ripple effect on them and I want every thing to be perfect for them.
Have you heard of right wing Christian radio host, Kevin Swanson? Well, if you are a woman you may want to commit the name to memory. He is the asshole who has declared war on you for taking the pill. He wants you to know that by taking birth control you have essentially turned your uterus into a fetus graveyard; embedded into your lining are all the babies that could have been. Think of it as the home of babies past; what might have been if you weren’t such a raging, sinning birth control pill popping whore.
I don’t know how unfertilized eggs become mini babies who are forever banished to your uterine lining to haunt you but apparently this is the flavor of crazy he’s peddling. I’m convinced that at the last right wing rally they served some really bad acid that has turned all the right wingers brains into jello or maybe the dead fetuses inhabiting their wives’ uteruses have reached out during marital relations and usurped their brain; right out of the tip of their penises. Sounds ludicrous, right? Absolutely. It’s about as ludicrous as what this asshole is saying on the radio. Too bad his mom didn’t take birth control, and then maybe he could only speak his craziness to his hundreds of tiny, tiny fetus womb mates.
So apparently, Todd Aiken, Paul Ryan, Joe Walsh, Mitt Romney and Terry England are not where the “we want to revoke women’s rights” right wing freak club ends. There is someone out there who has surpassed all of these men in his stupidity, with the exception of Todd Aiken, in my opinion, Mr. Kevin Swanson.
I’m beginning to get some evidence from certain doctors and certain scientists that have done research on women’s wombs after they’ve gone through the surgery, and they’ve compared the wombs of women who were on the birth control pill to those who were not on the birth control pill. And they have found that with women who are on the birth control pill, there are these little tiny fetuses, these little babies that are embedded into the womb. They’re just like dead babies. They’re on the inside of the womb. And these wombs of women who have been on the birth control pill effectively have become graveyards for lots and lots of little babies.
I take a personal offense to this man’s ignorant statement. I have suffered a miscarriage, I know many women who have had lost babies, women who have battled infertility and have taken babies to term only to lose them and this idiot wants to tell me that even though my own body couldn’t carry the baby that I lost, that we so badly wanted, there are many tiny fetuses embedded in my uterus from the few years that I took birth control in college. What’s next? Is he going to blame me and all the mothers who have lost babies or can’t get pregnant for our inabilities because we took birth control at some point in our past?
Seldom do I have a Throat Punch that galls me so much and that is saying a lot since I generally reserve throat punches for people who have either monumentally fucked up in their choices or have down right done something evil. Of course, Kevin Swanson is not the first right-winger to try to squash women’s rights and I’m sure he won’t be the last.
There are a lot of ignorant people in the world and I truly thought I had heard the most insulting men to ever speak out against women during this last election but obviously, I was wrong.
Honestly, if you don’t have a uterus or vagina, I am imploring you to keep your opinions to yourself. I don’t need you in my uterus, especially now that I know there is no room in there anyways.
Mr. Swanson, fuck you and all those like you! My uterus is my business. When you can get pregnant, give birth, be objectified and propertied and suffer a lifetime of being treated with no respect and as a second-class citizen, who people like you believe should be seen and not heard, then you can have an opinion, until then here is a throat punch to shut you up. You are by far one of the dumbest and douchiest of right-wingers that I have yet had the misfortune to hear speak. Do us all a favor and please SHUT THE FUCK UP!
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Two weeks ago, I was working from home, as I always do and I received a phone call. The kind of phone call a girl from the Midwest will never forget. It was the producers from 20/20. Yes, I did fall on the floor in shock. I’d been vetted.
The producer called because they were doing a show on white lies that moms tell. I know, I was conflicted because I am, after all, Truthful Mommy and I’m not exactly known for my lying capabilities. Sure, I tell the occasional white lie to my children but overall, I’m not much of a liar. I’m not good at it. I never have been. My face gives me away every time.
In Carson, California the unthinkable has happened, sexual abuse between preschoolers. A preschool is closing after parents found out that a 5-year-old female classmate allegedly had been sexually abusing some of her 4-year-old male classmates. It is sickening when you hear of an adult molesting a child but it is heartbreaking when you hear of a small child molesting other children.
Students in the preschool class at the First Lutheran Church of Carson School would engage in oral sex during naptime, in the tunnel slide on the playground and in an outside bathroom. What the fuck is going on?