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Why do Bloggers Judge Mom Bloggers so Harshly?

by Deborah Cruz 2014/01/22

I read a post by my friend Jessica, referencing a post by GOMI and the dastardly state of mom bloggers. The story goes a little something like this, mommy blogger pauses to take and Instagram a photo from the ER where her toddler is being held down by his father so that said toddler’s head could be stitched up. I am usually inclined to agree with Jessica on many topics, GOMI not so much.

However, when I first read this, I agreed with Jessica and GOMI. I really did and then I took a moment and thought about it; really thought about it. We don’t live in the world we grew up in. We live in a digital world and everyone over shares. TMI and inappropriate shares are the norm. For Pete’s sake, the Pope has a Twitter account. Women live tweet their births. Nothing is sacred any more. It’s just the way it is.

I understand the whole argument that she should have been spending the time holding her son’s hand instead of taking and editing a photo. I can see that it looks, from the outside, like it’s all very calculated and callous and maybe it was. I just know that many bloggers have been guilty of exercising impropriety in inappropriate times. Is it for traffic? Or is it force of habit? Bad judgment? Or maybe it’s the only way they know how to document their lives? At first read, it felt like this mom blogger should have put down the phone and held her son’s hand.

Then I remembered that I am the same person who left the obstetrician’s office after being told that my baby had no heartbeat and in the midst of my heart breaking pain and through my own primal cries, I wrote it out. I felt like a trapped animal and I needed to purge myself of the pain, to make sense of it and I wrote it all down. I had 15 minutes before I needed to pick up my 4-year-old from preschool. I had to get my shit together. I needed to process the emotions. I needed to get a hold of my own breakdown. I know that to anyone who doesn’t blog, that probably seemed like an odd thing to do.

At the time I was blogging daily and I knew that this miscarriage was going to fuck me up mentally and it did. I knew I couldn’t skim over it or hide it from my regular readers or the people in my every day life. I hadn’t even told family yet but this wasn’t something that I could keep a secret from them for the rest of my life. I couldn’t write authentically and transparently while hiding a major life event. I couldn’t move through my real life keeping something like this from my friends and family. That night, I texted my family and told them what had happened but asked them to please not call me. I was too fragile to speak or even hear the sadness or pity in their voices.

The next morning before I left to the hospital for my D & E, I scheduled that note from my phone to go live. There was no thought or editing that went into it. It was a purge. I needed two things; to process and to purge. My world was collapsing around me and my first thought was to write it down and get it out.

What I didn’t do was share the last photo of my baby; the ultrasound taken at the request of my 4-year-old so that she had a photo of “her baby”. No, I never even considered sharing it because that is private. That is just for my family. That is one of my most precious possessions and it’s not for sell. Just as I am sure there are things that the mom blogger in question does not share. But everyone’s line in the sand is different.

Maybe for that blogger, she took the photo and Instagramed out of habit. Maybe she has become so accustomed to documenting every moment of her life via social media and her blog that it was the most natural thing to do. We are creatures of habit and there is comfort and reassurance in routine. In the moments of life when we are terrified, we go on autopilot.Would it have been okay had she written about it but not taken the photo? Would it have been fine if she tweeted about how scared she was instead of snapped a photo on her phone? Who decides? Why is one way acceptable and the other not? How are we supposed to blog like no one is reading when everyone is judging? I won’t judge this mom because no one knows why she did what she did and quite frankly, who are we to judge?

Do you think everything bloggers do is for traffic or is there a genuine compulsory desire to share their lives?

Why do you think bloggers share and over share their lives?

Image via Flickr/ Tom & Katrien

2014/01/22 6 comments

Chicago, Facebook Live, Throat Punch Thursday,Brittany Herring, Hate Crime, Donald Trump

Throat Punch Thursday ~ When Bloggers Attack Edition

by Deborah Cruz 2011/06/30

written by Deborah Cruz

Throat Punch Thursday ~ When Bloggers Attack Edition

Yesterday, I caught a tweet between bloggers referring to the Guardian’s article about Heather Armstrong’s ( @Dooce) trip to Bangladesh with Every Mother Counts. Of course, I read the article and to my dismay it was a condescending piece of crap. I have been following Heather’s recount of her trip to Bangladesh on her blog. I have been touched by the photos, moved by her words and called to action by what she saw.

But the Guardian article basically threw bloggers, and Heather Armstrong in particular, under the theoretical bus as being pompous westerners who have no business and no understanding of the situation. We are humans. We have empathy and compassion. No worries that we need to be warned “bloggers are firmly discouraged from poking paupers with sticks and asking people to wave their stumps for the cameras”. We may not be rich enough to save the world with our money, nor do we pretend to be but we have a reach. We have followers who listen to what we say and if we can bring a situation that needs attention to the light, what is wrong with that? We are trying to make a difference. We are proactive. Heather Armstrong is being the change she wants to see in the world. She got up off her ass and made the trip to Bangladesh to experience the situation firsthand so that she could give an honest , firsthand experience to the world. Obviously, this all disgusted me. It seemed to hurt and outrage Heather, as was evident on Twitter. I don’t blame her. What joy do journalists get from spewing condescending comments geared towards bloggers like venom? Does it make them feel better about themselves? Do they think it’s funny? So, to the Guardian..oh yeah, and especially you Rowan Davies, you get a Throat Punch for being a completely condescending, not checking your facts asshole.

Throat Punch Thursday ~ When Bloggers Attack Edition

As I was reading Liz at Mom 101 perfectly written and poised post about WHY bloggers share the stories, I was touched by the support and the community we bloggers have with one another, for one another. She touched on how we can make a change in the world and how the world changes us, from a personal perspective. I thought to myself “Thank God, a voice of reason. Retribution and understanding!”

But then the day got even more bizarre. I came in on the middle of a Twitter conversation between Heather Armstrong and Anna Viele ( ABDPBT). I have read both ladies and think they are both good bloggers, in their own right. I’m not going to comment on the conversation because I don’t know all the facts, all I know is that it got really ugly really fast. There was hurtful things said and not really by the two involved, it was more by the people watching it go down and throwing in their two cents. I thought two grown women should be able to handle their own disagreement. I’ve been the one attacked for having the unpopular opinion, so I know how that feels. No BUENO!

I guess my qualm is with the fact that we lost sight of the original issue. We, as bloggers, should have been supportive of one of our own going forth into the world and trying to make the world a better place rather than attacking one another and taking sides about semantics. And if there is a disagreement to be had, have it in the privacy of email or DM. Why do it so publicly? It only stands to humiliate and anger. I understand completely, Heather and Jon taking a stance on the situation, as it was directly pertaining to their lives. They have every right to defend themselves against insults. But what was all the name calling by people who I am not sure were aware of what the original issue was ( people who were not directly involved int he conversation)…the condescending and nonfactual article by the Guardian! So, again, I am giving ANOTHER Throat Punch to the Guardian for inciting a riot within our blogging community. Can’t we all just get along and spread bloggers peace to the world?

2011/06/30 12 comments

Parenting

Mommy Competition or More Bullshit that I’m sick of

by Deborah Cruz 2011/04/19

written by Deborah Cruz

This post is for my fellow Mommy bloggers. I know some of you don’t like to be pigeonholed by the term. I, myself, am pretty proud of it. I have only been writing this blog for about 2 years, but in that time I have surrounded myself with a wonderful community or women and men; mostly parents and bloggers. I have met amazing women all over the globe. My friend and advice pool has increased exponentially. I have also learned that there is a definite pecking order in the community, as there is in any social circle. People with seniority are obviously going to know more about the field and have more experience and insight. This is nothing new. This is the way of the world.

Last night, I was checking my Twitter stream and I saw a confusing tweet about Top Tier (more seasoned) Mommy Bloggers and it linked to a post. I won’t link that post because I don’t like to give traffic to what I think is a malicious rant. I wasn’t sure if the tweet was in agreement of the post or against it. So, my interest was piqued and I had to read it for myself.The jist was that it was a complaint rant ( a whine, if you will) about how Top Tier Mommy bloggers are aloof and “take” all the opportunities and that the only reason they have the opportunities that they have is because they were here first.She went on to insinuate that the entire “community” that they inundate themselves with is nothing more than a handful of other Top Tier Mommy bloggers. The entire post felt to me like a platform to attack. Of course, it is her blog and she is entitled to say whatever she wants about whatever she wants.It’s her opinion but it really felt like sour grapes to me.

I am NOT a big name blogger, by any means. I fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum of Mommy bloggers.But I can say this with complete authority, these women are where they are because they are talented writers, they work hard to network, they put themselves out there with their writing and most have been working hard at this for years.YEARS!The writer of the post says that the Top Tier Mommy bloggers “worm” their way into every single internet uproar referencing the Today Moms and Babble.com. These bloggers are the authority because they’ve been doing it the longest and gotten exposure for being pioneers in the field. The Today Show and Babble go to them first because the Top Tier Mommy bloggers are the ones who have been here for the longest. FYI, I know several “new” bloggers (especially int he NYC area) who have several media opportunities. So, it’s not just about being in that elite group. You have to be available and engage in social media. You can’t sit on a Mommy blogger throne and just think you are so special that the world must come to you. We are all moms. We grow babies and share our experience, have opinions..the end. Most are not independently wealthy, they are paid in prestige. They are paid in mattresses, trips and cameras.They write because they love to write. They write to maintain their sanity.They write because they have something to say. They keep writing because we are reading. I admire them for their fortitude and ambition.It’s hard to keep working so diligently on a goal that is almost impossible to reach.Mommy blogging is about as hard as actual Mommying, with much less rewards.

I wonder if the blogger who wrote the post has even ever tried to reach out to these so called Top Tier bloggers? I have. I have networked and chit chatted with just about every single one of them via Twitter, FB, our blogs, email and various other blogging platforms. You know what? The ones I’ve interacted with are very friendly, willing to guide/mentor a new blogger, gracious and smart. They don’t shut new bloggers out. But, as a new blogger, you have to be willing to engage, introduce yourself. They don’t know you. How could they? You’ve never met. It’s common sense, just like in your real life relationships.You have to make an effort. You can’t sit on your ass and expect Mohammad to come to the mountain. Most of us are not that fucking special.In fact, no one is that fucking special. Life is about relationships. You get out what you put in.

It’s ridiculous that I have to defend these ladies for doing nothing wrong. This post I read talks about community and the TOP TIER bloggers keeping it very elite and cliquey when she herself is the one who is attacking; shutting them out. They are not writing about keeping people out. She is. I think this is more a case of sour grapes than anything else. This is where the dysfunction comes from in this community.Not from Top Tier Mommy bloggers shutting people out but from whiny bloggers giving up and looking for someone else to blame for their own shortcomings. Work hard, persist and persevere or give up and shut up. Either way, stop complaining.

2011/04/19 25 comments

Blogging

Bloggers are Full of Shit

by Deborah Cruz 2013/10/15

written by Deborah Cruz

Bloggers are full of shit. Some of them anyways. I’ve recently noticed a trend among a few select bloggers who specifically go against the grain just to stir the pot. I am not bashing male bloggers, some of my favorite people on the Internet are dad bloggers but there are a few who have been hitting a nerve. It’s like Rush Limbaugh and Howard Stern had a devil baby who is a pathological liar. You know who I’m talking about. Bloggers are story tellers, some truth, some fiction and then sometimes a little bit of creative license (bullshitting if you will) mixed in just to keep things interesting.

I not saying that they post on the occasional controversial topic. We all do that. These particular “bloggers” are all drama, all the time. They’re so full of shit, I’m not even sure if they know the difference between what’s real and what’s made up anymore. It’s exhausting just reading. I can’t imagine how taxing it must be to actually be the one trying to keep all that shit straight. Controversial things happen and we have opinions that is natural and hey, if we’re being honest, it’s not being a troll to throw your name in the hat for consideration by the almighty Google. What I am referring to is the intentional and habitual abuse of salacious titles and creating controversy where there is none just for the sheer joy of pissing people off and increasing traffic. Stop fanning the flames of the mommy war or any war for that matter. Matt Walsh I’m looking at you.

We’ve all fallen prey to these sort of blog posts. It either turns out to be the old bait and switch or the post is so outlandish that you think your head might explode Scanners style while reading it, all while assuming that you must be getting punked. Surely, this is not intended to be taken seriously. When did the guy next door turn into a rabid Bill O’Reilly? Maybe he took some bath salts or got a bad batch of Krokodil before sitting down to type, either way, this dude is a little bit batshit crazy.

Look, I don’t mind a little creative license but fuck is any of it true anymore? Is everything just part of the “storyline” , added for effect? Stop superimposing yourself into the “mommy wars”, you don’t belong there. You are not a mommy. Stop creating controversy. We all know it’s bullshit and if you are going to keep writing it, for the love of God, man, can you give us a disclaimer that reads that this piece is fiction? I mean, at least do us the courtesy of not pretending that we are stupid and please stop writing press releases about it. It’s nothing personal guys, I just wish we could get something with a little more meat to it. Give me some of your truth.

It’s like when you are pissed at your sister, you can call her on her bullshit but nobody else better say a word? Well, it’s sort of like that. We women live as women and we may not walk in everyone’s shoes but at least we share the plumbing to have an inkling of what’s going on with other women, men do not; at least not from the firsthand perspective. Men are allowed to have an opinion about anything they want but if you don’t have breasts, a uterus, a vagina and clitoris,

I don’t care what you think I should do with mine because you have no point of personal reference.

*** I am only talking about ME, you are welcome to weigh in on your wives, daughters and loved ones.

Don’t tell me how I should feel about breastfeeding! Don’t tell me whether or not I should have a home birth or one at the hospital. Do NOT even try to give an opinion about whether my labor should be medicated or not. I don’t need your feelings on abortion, transvaginal ultrasounds, date rape, miscarriage, stay-at home, work-at-home or work-out-of-the-home. I don’t care what your opinion is about my breast size, breast augmentation or how, when, why I get pregnant. I don’t need you to weigh in on what size my ass should be or how often I should be want sex. I don’t need you to intervene on our behalf to other women in the mommy wars. I’ve got it covered. I don’t need you to be my shining knight in this area. I have my husband for that. I don’t need you to tell me that I shouldn’t experience mommy guilt or worry about whether or not my perfect balancing act of helicopter mom and free-range mom are coming dangerously close to falling completely uncrunchy. I don’t need you to tell me how hard being a mother is, I know and I certainly don’t need any commentary from you on how I should feel or behave as a mother, me and my uterus got it covered.Thanks.

If you really want to contribute to the conversation be a more interested husband, engaged father, committed boyfriend. Worry about you. Treat women like people, not china on the highest shelf in the cabinet. Go commiserate with your fellow penis people. Just write about something real that you actually have experience with and if that includes miscarriage, abortion, breasts, stay-at-home parenting, work-at-home parenting or whatever else that may include go for it. But leave the stupid controversy on topics you have no experience with to someone better equipped to understand the situation.

End rant.

Has anyone else noticed this happening? What happens when the blogging veil comes down and you realize that the blogger you used to love is full of shit?

***Update, those of you who know me know that I am not a feminist, angry bitter person and I don’t mind sharing traffic so, per the advice of many dad bloggers, I added the links to those full-of-shit bloggers that I was referring to so you can all know I am not speaking to the general population. In fact, I even linked to a couple of my favorite dad bloggers just so you know they rock. You who have read me before today know that the Big Guy, my husband, is my favorite person in the world and he is involved in every facet of parenting our children and he is my trusted confidant in all things in life. He gives me his honest opinion about everything because I respect what he thinks and he is usually my voice of reason and when it is something that he cannot personally relate to..like how it feels to give birth or labor for 13 hours or have your body fail you in a pregnancy, he is there to support me and reassure me that it will all be alright, as I am for him. I’m really not the C U Next Thursday, you all believe me to be.

2013/10/15 41 comments

Throat Punch Thursday

I think Martha Stewart Might Hate Bloggers but I’m No Expert

by Deborah Cruz 2013/10/16

written by Deborah Cruz

My Throat Punch Thursday this week goes to the lady with the disdain for the bloggers who work for her, Ms. Martha Stewart herself. You, my friends, are no experts and Ms. Stewart has a gripe about that. Well, I have a gripe with Ms. Martha Stewart and her condescending attitude towards bloggers and it all stems from this direct quote she gave in an interview.

“Who are these bloggers? They’re not trained editors at Vogue magazine. There are bloggers writing recipes that aren’t tested that aren’t necessarily very good, or are copies of what really good editors have created and done. Bloggers create a kind of a popularity but they are not the experts. We have to understand that.” ~ Martha Stewart

Last I checked, Martha Stewart’s degree from Barnard was in History and Architectural history not home décor, home furnishings, cooking, stain removal or fashion. Unless she’s gotten degrees in interior decorating, fashion and the culinary arts, what the hell makes her an expert in her fields? Experience? If it’s experience, maybe we have some of that too. Is it old age? I mean is it generally accepted that since she is an old, middle-class, white woman whose been cooking and cleaning for decades in Westport then she must be an expert? Maybe and maybe we’ve amassed some experience and wisdom with age too. I think Martha Stewart is full of shit. I think hurdling towards irrelevance at warped speed and realizing that with the invention of Pinterest, You tube, Instagram and blogs she is quickly becoming obsolete.

Of course, to be honest, I’m a blogger and I never claimed to be an expert on anything but my own opinions. Oh, and I do have degrees in Political Science, History, Sociology and Criminology and a masters in Liberal Studies. But I am not an editor at Vogue, nor have I ever claimed to be. If I were, I’d probably be working at Vogue on a fashion spread and NOT giving Martha Stewart a thought.

Anyways, I am derailing, the point is this Martha Stewart, you are speaking out of both sides of your face. You say you have a gripe with bloggers. Who the hell are we? I am not a trained editor at Vogue but I was a trained editor for 8 years. Since when did editors start creating recipes? Don’t cooks develop recipes? The thing is most of us are not qualified to lick your boots edit for Vogue according to you but we are perfectly poised to shill your products, earn you money via your ad network and kiss your ass just as long as everyone knows You.Understand.That. We.Are.Not.Experts!

Martha, do you need a nap? Some coffee? Are you drunk? I’m not expert (though I am exceptionally well versed in the DSM) but I’d say you might be experiencing some sort of fugue because you have forgotten who you are and whose been helping you make money. You remember us, those lowly bloggers who you dismissed at BlogHer but took your payment in full for speaking. Then approached many of us under the cover of email to join your ad network. Then you publicly denounce us as having no value; no expertise. Basically we are good cheerleaders and that’s about it, in your mind. But you are wrong, we are thoughtful consumers with a platform and really big reach and the reach many of us were using to earn you money will now be used to encourage other thoughtful consumers to not give their money to you.

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2013/10/16 4 comments

Blogging

Mommy Bloggers of the World Unite

by Deborah Cruz 2011/06/22

written by Deborah Cruz

Call to action: Mommy Bloggers of the world Unite.

I have the greatest job in the world. I am a Mommy. On top of that, I am a Mommy Blogger; triple bonus. I adore my life on most days. I can’t even tell you how much I love combining two of my greatest passions in the world. But there is only one problem, financially speaking, being a Mommy blogger is almost as thankless and unpaid a job as mothering. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE doing both (on most days) but thus far it seems there is a lot of assumption that I owe people something.

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Mommy Bloggers of teh World Unite, bloggers, mommy, social media, blogging

Photo courtesy of Google image/ Photographer name not available

I love being a Mommy and parenting. I may not be paid in money but I am certainly compensated in hugs and kisses, “I love you”s, pride and joy. There is something about giving and receiving unconditional love that transcends any monetary value. It is truly priceless. So, really, parenting may be some of the hardest work that I’ve ever done but it is not without its reward. It has changed me in ways that I could not have ever fathomed and it has made me a better person in the world. Truly.

Being a Mommy blogger, I really enjoy meeting new people and connecting via social media. Seriously, these connections have saved my life on many occasions. Being able to share my journey of motherhood through blogging has been a dream come true in many ways. Many of the Mommy Bloggers that I know are quite frankly brilliant. These women know the ins and outs of social media, can light up Twitter like a Christmas tree, get a cause out on Facebook in lightening speed and blog change better than any so-called professional. It’s because we have learned by hands on experience. We are living social media. For so long, moms have needed a connection to the outside world while being home all day with little people. You can’t teach the social media savvy we have. It comes from experience and a place of authentic enthusiasm. We love what we do and we are good at it. We are influential through our connections via our loyal blog communities, our Facebook friends, Twitter followers and all the other social media outlets we allow ourselves to become productive members of on a daily basis.

Mommy Bloggers of the World Unite

My issue is that for some reason, many brands think that we should work for free. It’s insulting! I have been approached to write dissertations in exchange for lip-gloss, spread drug propaganda for FREE and plaster my sidebar with widgets in exchange for dildos. What am I? A whore? Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for supporting a brand that I love. Hell, I’ll shout it from the rooftops. Why wouldn’t I spread it like wildfire if I had the world’s best camera or tried the universe’s best weight loss program? I’m not greedy. I want to share the good news with my friends, family and readers.

But if I take the time and effort to truly experience your product/brand and write an honest product review don’t I deserve to be paid in actual money? Seriously, you are not my children so you can’t pay me in hugs, kisses and ‘I love you’s. You will never compensate me in pride or grandchildren. No thank you on the dildos, lip-gloss and the toilet paper, for that matter. And if one more person asks me to write a post for coupons I may reach through the computer and across the Internet and choke someone out. If I do it for free that’s called a favor and I’m pretty sure that we are not friends, so what would motivate me to write about your product for free? Would you ask your doctor to operate on you, as a favor? Would you ask the waiter to let you have your food gratis, as a favor? Would you ask your dentist to do your root canal, as a favor? No. Hell no, you wouldn’t and you’d feel stupid for even considering asking it. But why is it OK for you to ask me to spend my time, my effort and my skill doing you a favor? Bloggers are people too. We deserve to be paid for our skill, for our marketing capabilities and for our reach. Because remember, we have something just money can’t buy..loyal readers, earned trust and WE CAN BLOG IT with integrity.

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Image of Rosie the Blogger, © Michael Licht

So, fellow Mommy Bloggers please stand united with me and demand that you be compensated for your time, your effort and your skill. Let the world know that we may be cheap but we are not easy and we’re certainly not free. Every moment a Mommy blogger spends writing about your brand is a moment we are sacrificing with our children and that time is precious and should be compensated accordingly. (*Thank you Lauren for reminding me of that important point.)

Mommy Bloggers of the World Unite

Button can be found under the “buttons” tab at the top of page.

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2011/06/22 46 comments

Blogging

Five Fabulous Bloggers

by Deborah Cruz 2011/05/25

written by Deborah Cruz

fab five bloggers

Thanks to Trop50 for sponsoring my writing about fabulous bloggers. This year Trop50 is granting 50 Fabulous Wishes. Click here to enter for a chance to win $1,000 to celebrate a friend with a refreshing attitude about looking and feeling fabulous!

I have been absent from my weekly Fab Five Friday due to the fact that I have been running an entire month of bloggy love. I’ve been sharing amazing bloggers with you every Monday thru Thursday in an effort to share my favorite reads with you. But I have a mother of all Fab Fives today…right smack dab in the middle of the week.

krysta,my life in food *Krysta of My Life in Food is an amazing food blogger but she also blogs about life and her family. She is an absolute sweetheart and can cook like the love child of Paula Dean and the Barefoot Contessa. I love visiting her blog because it is great recipes for every woman. They may look gourmet and even taste it, but Krysta breaks it down so that even the most amateur cook ( like myself) can whip up a respectable meal for their family. She’s a little hidden gem blog that I look forward to visiting as often as possible, now I am sharing her with you. I am serious when I tell you, you MUST follow her. She really is too awesome not to…and adorable, did I mention how adorable she is?

*Melissa of Married my Sugar Daddy is truly one of the most entertaining bloggers I read. She writes with wit,charm and honesty. The combination is magical. You will find yourself laughing, crying and shaking your head in complete agreement with her posts. She is a talented writer and you will thank me for introducing you to Melissa and her tales of marrying the love of her life, Sugar Daddy, and living her fairytale; which includes children, no sleep and a constant state of wondering if she’s doing it all right. My kind of fairytale!

*Josh of Dad Street My name is Josh, I’m completely and utterly in love with my children and when I’m not drooling over them I’m doing one of the following: drinking wine, taking pictures, playing with my iPhone, listening to an audio book, trying some kind of new food, surfing online, sleeping, watching TV, yappin’ on the phone, and last but not least trying to spend quality time with “The Boss”. Oh, and I’m extremely sarcastic so please note that about 92% of what I say is crap. True crap but crap nonetheless…

What’s not to love,right? So, if you are not familiar with Josh, please do yourself a favor and stop over at www.DadStreet.com and check him out.

*Cecily of Uppercase Woman (*These are Cecily’s words not mine) Cecily Kellogg is a writer. She also deeply loves using the worst possible language, she’s unapologetically fat, a feminist, a former drunk and junkie with fifteen years sober, a wife, and a mother of the most beautiful little girl in the world. She’s also very liberal (there are drag queens more politically conservative). She’s also famous in the most obscure way she could find: as @CecilyK on Twitter.

I think Cecily is awesome because she is honest and forthright.I have gotten to know her best through Twitter and it has lead me to her blog.It is all very transparent and I love the fact that she lays it all out there for us to read. She is unapologetic in the best possible way.I love no B.S. and she certainly delivers. If you want to be engaged, entertained and feel like you are part of a conversation and not just a third party observer…Cecily is your blogger.

Last, but certainly not least,

* Anissa of #FreeAnissa This was me before I got married, had three kids, had a stroke, had a toddler with cancer, started a blog, then had more strokes, and became inspirational. You may not be able to tell from there, but I am totally rolling my eyes. *This excerpt from her About page should give you just a taste of her incredible sense of humor.

I have gotten to know Anissa, as I get to know most of my favorite bloggers, via Twitter and that led me to her blog. Anissa has a unique perspective on life and an equally unique voice in the world. She is strong, smart and just about as funny as they come. She finds wit and humor in the mundane and ordinary. She makes me appreciate the little things by pointing out the triviality it plays in the big picture. She will not allow herself to be defined by circumstances. She exceeds the bar in every way. And for all that she does, she still finds time to offer kindness to a fellow blogger. She is fast becoming one of my favorite bloggers in the blogiverse. Do yourself a favor and go and read her blog. I give you my word, you will be thanking me for introducing you to such awesomeness.

Don’t forget to enter the 50 Fabulous Wishes contest for a chance to win $1,000 to celebrate a friend with a refreshing attitude about looking and feeling fabulous. I was selected for this Tropicana Trop50 sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do. I received compensation to use and facilitate my post.[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

2011/05/25 6 comments

Blogging

…and Then Blogging became A Pissing Contest

by Deborah Cruz 2013/12/09

written by Deborah Cruz

They like me, they really, really like me! These are the words running through my head as I read the email that I had been selected as one of Babble’s top 100 bloggers of 2013 reader’s choice in the Latina category.

I’ve been blogging for almost 5 years and in that time, I’ve come to know and love a lot of bloggers. I know it’s cliché but you ladies have become my true tribe. You’ve seen me through some of the best and worst days of my life and some of you are like sisters to me, even though we’ve never met. I know it’s genuine because those of you who I have met in person, it was like seeing an old friend not meeting someone for the very first time. Many of you are on my speed dial. I love you broads. Blogging is about so much more than just tapping away at a keyboard; it is sharing our stories, our lives with other people. For me, it’s about opening up and being real.

Friday, Babble announced it’s top 100 bloggers of the year. It wasn’t just mom bloggers this year but spanned 10 different niches. I was chosen as the reader’s choice Latina blogger and I am honored. I’ve been sharing my life, my children, my successes and failures with you all in a very honest way over the years and that is scary. To be acknowledged for that, was surprising because I usually feel like I am writing for an audience of one…myself.

Honestly, I was shocked. I am not the most popular blogger on the Internet, I don’t have the outrageous top tier numbers nor do I write about what everyone wants to read. I am honest and sometimes abrasive. I know I piss people off. I am the Throat Punch Thursday girl, for God’s sake. I am a loose canon sometimes who writes without a filter and that is not exactly attractive to some people. I am rough around the edges, so to be chosen by Babble was flattering but to be the reader’s choice was humbling.

I have seen so many of my talented friends receive this award in the past years and I have always been happy for them; ecstatic! Because, lets face it, we bloggers are the book nerds, introverted, quirky and deep types. We’ve spent our entire lives afraid that people will figure out who we really are and yet we bravely write it out and share it on our sites. We make ourselves vulnerable by exposing ourselves through our writing. This is why I love my blogger friends so much. Our blogs are the one place in life where I feel like we are all seeing one another’s true selves. That means something to me.

Anyways, I was excited about this award because honestly, I am never nominated or win anything. Congratulations came pouring in from my blogger friends around the globe. Some of you made me cry with your too kind words. It felt great and then I began reading the flippant comments on Facebook about how meaningless the Top 100 was. How it was “stupid”, how no one cared about these bloggers, how no one wanted to scroll through these writer’s life stories, how it was bullshit and all the winners were not very good bloggers. It took the wind out of my sails a bit. It tarnished it.

I know the award means nothing really; there’s no new job, money, trophy or car involved. My life won’t change because Babble has given me this award. But for someone who’s stayed true in her writing, to who she is, being chosen by the readers as their choice was something. It is validation that my fellow bloggers appreciate my writing, respect me enough to choose me to represent them and that somebody else reads what I say besides my mom.

I am proud to announce that I am one of Babble’s Top 100 bloggers; Latina Reader’s choice and next year, when you win, I will be genuinely happy for you because you deserve it and I am happy when my friends succeed. I am sorry if you don’t like those who were chosen on this year’s list. But mostly, I feel sorry for those who were belittling the list ( and in effect the winners) because it would suck to be that jaded and cynical. Thank you all so much for the very sweet and kind words over the past few days. They mean more than you will ever know and thank you Babble for selecting me to be on this list. But most of all, thank all of you who read me because without you I’d still be writing to an audience of one.

2013/12/09 5 comments

money, sponsored post, how much to charge

Blogging

How much to charge for a Sponsored Post & Why YOU Need a Media Kit

by Deborah Cruz 2012/02/16

written by Deborah Cruz

How much to charge for a sponsored post? That is the question all bloggers struggle with, even lose sleep over. No one wants to be shortchanged or work for free. I know I don’t but how much to charge for a sponsored post is a hard question to answer.

I could ask you to first ask yourself, what do you think your talent is worth? How about your time? Time away from your family? Your social media influence? Your community?

Are you a wordsmith whose words cast a magical spell over your readers? Are you a humorist who can make people laugh at and enjoy reading about absolutely any topic? Do your words tug at heartstrings and illicit empathy and understanding, camaraderie? Are you a salesman who can weave a web of silk and turn any piece of shit into shinola with your turn of phrase? Or are you a press release regurgitator? It’s no matter; there is a place for all of us.

I read an article last week by Cecily Kellogg on MomCrunch that enlightened me and shed some light on the age old question, how much to charge for a sponsored post?
This is the simple formula that she came up with. I say simple because when I read it I thought to myself, wow that makes sense. But not simple in the fact that I would have ever figured it out had it not been for Cecily’s generosity in posting the piece.

Here it is.

How much to charge for a sponsored post:

Algorithm                                                                                                    Example
Number of total Monthly page views                                                    100,000
(Add to that) Your total Number of Twitter Followers                      10,000 = 110,000
(Divide that total by)Your Google Page Rank                                      3 = 37,778
(Multiply that total by .01)                                                                       37,778 * .01 = 378
Divide the entire total by 2 378/2

= How much to charge for a sponsored post $189.00

**If your Google page rank is higher than 5, this algorithm will not work out in your favor. I personally decided that when calculating my rate of how much to charge for a sponsored post, I would skip the multiply by .01 step. If this were the case in the example, the pay for the blogger would be about $380 per sponsored post rather than the $189. I think if you have 100,000 page views per month and 10,000 Twitter followers, you would charge somewhere around of $200- $300 per post. The more influential the blogger, the more you can charge for a sponsored post.

In my case, I now charge between $100-$300 per sponsored post. Add to that another $50-$100 for a widget in the sidebar, per month. My rates of how much to charge for a sponsored post have recently gone up. Of course, this all depends on my relationship with the brand. These are all things to consider when deciding whether or not to even take a sponsored post.

I can’t tell you what I would charge for text links because I simply refuse to do them. I feel it will litter my blog and make it a commercial. I hate commercials. That is my philosophy for my own blog.

I also don’t let companies post press releases on my blog for pay. I can’t be a billboard or I would probably lose my readers. I can’t take that gamble. I’ve been building my reputation and this blog for almost 3 years; I can’t just give away my relationship with my community. It’s priceless.

Never ever work with a brand that you don’t genuinely support. If you are a vegetarian, don’t take a sponsored post from the National Pork board. Your readers will figure out that you are selling them a product that you, yourself, would not use and you will lose any and all integrity that you had. You will lose your authenticity. You cannot get that back. Keep that in mind.

Something else, in my opinion, that all bloggers absolutely need to be equipped with is a media kit. If you ever want to justify your rates, solicit sponsorships, or just demonstrate to brands why they should work with you over any of a million other bloggers, you need a media kit. It lists your stats and a quick blog bio in a handy easy to access format. Your media kit is your online business card and resume.

Start by making sure that you have a Google Analytics account and, my personal recommendation, a statcounter.com account. This was a piece of invaluable piece of advice given to me by blogging diva, Jessica Gottlieb and she should know.I listened. I’m glad I did. I suggest that you do the same. Armed with your stats, you can make an awesome media kit to wow even the most selective brands. I have compiled a very comprehensive how to write a media kit for your blog post that I urge you to take advantage of now.

Lifting the Veil on Making Money in Blogging is a collaborative effort among several bloggers that aims to address questions surrounding the monetizing issue in an attempt to shed some light on what is often treated as a very taboo aspect of blogging; it seems everyone wonders how to do it, yet no one really talks about it. Until now. There are as many ways to earn money blogging as to blog so check out the other bloggers participating in Lifting the Veil On Making Money In Blogging:

Katie (Sluiter Nation): Not My Business, Baby (why you do NOT want to monetize your blog)
Devan (Accustomed Chaos): Monetizing Your Blog: Why’s & How’s of Making Money (why you do monetize and how you do it)
Kristin (What She Said): Getting Paid to Blog: So Many Questions, So Little Time. (newbie in the monetizing world)
Tina (Life Without Pink): Tips For Building Successful Relationships With Brands and Scoring Paying Opportunities (pitching brands, sponsored events, ambassadorships)
Gigi (Kludgy Mom): So You Want To Be A Freelancer? What You Need To Know. (freelance work)
Natalie (Mommy of a Monster): So You Wanna Make Money Blogging? How To Get Sponsored Posts (sponsored posts)
Alex (Late Enough) “ Writers Teach, Why Can’t Bloggers?“

Check these amazing posts out. This is a great group of generous bloggers, who have learned a lot along the way. We just want to help other bloggers learn to navigate the monetization of their blog and demystify some of the biggest secrets of blogging. Hope this post helps you know how much to charge for a sponsored post and how to write a media kit.

How much to charge for a sponsored post

2012/02/16 65 comments

Blogging

Throat Punch Thursday~ You Dirty Mommy Blogger Edition

by Deborah Cruz 2011/07/07

written by Deborah Cruz

Lately, there’s been a lot of controversy over the term Mommy Blogger. Yes, I know I should be giving a hefty Throat Punch to Casey Anthony for being worst mom of the century but I think I’ve wasted enough time on making this sad and sorry woman into a celebrity. This is my last opinion on the subject: Casey Anthony is a woman who clearly has problems and has to live the rest of her life knowing that she has let her daughter down; that she will never hold Caylee in her arms again and that no matter what the jury decided, in the American Public’s eye, she is guilty in thought, word and action. In the end, she is alone and she is culpable.

Moving on, as I was saying, the very term

Mommy Blogger

seems to be inciting revolutions. I am a Mommy who is a blogger. But I don’t blog about JUST being a Mommy. I am a human, with a vast array of thoughts and emotions. I have 38 years of life, experience and wisdom to share. I am worth more than the sum total of all my parts. It’s really disturbing to me to hear Moms who are bloggers disgusted and disgruntled by the fact that they are called mommy bloggers. It is said in the blogging community almost as a dirty word or an insult.

You know how you hear that teachers are not being paid very much and you think “what? These are the people educating our future” and then you think to yourself, “These people she be paid a million dollars a year.” They ARE making a difference. This is how I feel about Mommy bloggers.

Or when you realize that there are entire countries where men think women are useless and have no voice. No opinion. No merit. It begs the question, how the fuck do you think you got here? There are entire continents that don’t want baby girls. But baby girls grow up to be women and women have babies. Babies perpetuate the human race. See where I’m going with this? Mommies are what make the world go round. Mommy bloggers share these experiences.

Mommy Blogger

So,when I hear a negative connotation associated with being a Mommy Blogger, it pisses me off. I work hard on my blog. I pour my heart, blood, sweat and tears onto the page to share with my readers. It’s not always about babies pooping, first days of kindergarten or photos of how cute my kids are. It’s not always gushing. Sometimes it a woman on the ledge sharing the deepest recesses of hardest moments of life. Sometimes I blog about how current events are effecting the world. Other times I use my life experiences and education to help my readers broaden their horizons and open their minds. Some days, I am pure sunshine and rainbows and am here to make you smile and laugh heartily. Either way, I think I serve a purpose for my readers and I know having the opportunity to share serves a purpose for me.

The worst part is that not only is the term Mommy Blogger used in a derogatory way, it’s used most often by other bloggers. Worse still is the jealousy and competition that comes, not only from traditional journalists, but that from within the blogging community itself. I have met some amazing Mommies who are bloggers. I have learned so many important life lessons by sharing a community with these wise women…these mothers. But then, every once in a while, I see envy and competition raise it’s head. Is this where the negative view of Mommy Blogger is derived from?

The Throat Punch this week goes to self-loathing Mommy Bloggers and all those who think that just because a blogger is a Mommy that she is less respectable than any other writer in social media. Shame on you! We are Mommies who Blog…hear us roar! And just because we share about parenting, doesn’t give you carte blanche to know every single thought we’ve ever had or the right to delve deeper than we are willing to share.

What is your definition of a Mommy Blogger? Are you a Mommy Blogger? Are you embarrassed to be called such? Or are you loud and proud? Love to hear your thoughts.

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Proud Mommy Blogger

2011/07/07 28 comments

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