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Discipline~ using your inside voice outside...your head, behavior, training, self-control, misbehavior,parents, child discipline

Have you ever thought something in your head and in your head it’s really freaking funny? Lacking the discipline to keep it there, you say the words out loud and are met with the ” Is she F to the bomb out of her mind” look? No? Just me, eh?

So, let’s just say that your kids are being complete crack ninjas (of the cutest kind mind you) and you think to yourself, jeez…I’d really like to return these little maniacs to the baby store. But we never say such things out loud because we’d be seen as horrible people who are at the very least social deviants and at the most not fit for parenting at all. DCFS would be called immediately. Instead, we stand there in silence, biting our tongues while our hair falls out in clumps from stress and we develop ulcers…. and we smile. You know that ridiculous ” I have no clue what the hell to do and I can NOT control these ninjas without medicinal help!” look. And as our children misbehave, we simply take a deep breath and pray for time to pass quickly. Believe me, I know adults sometimes need a time out too.Nobody’s perfect, right?

In reality, what choices do we have? In a calm and quiet voice, bend to their eye level and try to reason with children beneath the age of reason? Have you seen anyone ever actually do this? I have and while it is perfectly PC and I wish I could be more like that Mama, it seldom works and is usually met with a resounding “NO!” which really translates in baby speak as a forceful “F*ck YOU!”

Perhaps, you could send them on their way to a nice long (age appropriate= 1 minute per year of life) “time out”. Excuse me but if the time out is under 2 minutes, foggedaboutit. It’s simply not going to work. If your child is too young to walk, time out won’t work. Aside from the fact they will just crawl away, the child will flee out of sheer incomprehension. I tried this and ended up chasing a giggling toddler around the room like Benny Hill. She thought it was a game…. catch the baby. I am the one who ended up in tears and apologizing.

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Discipline~ using your inside voice outside...your head, behavior, training, self-control, misbehavior,parents, child discipline

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If the child is too old for time out, they sit there ignoring you and waiting out the time out. They are content with this time to gather their thoughts and plan their bedtime revolt.

You can’t spank your child no more than you can kick your dog. You just can’t so just let that idea slip right out of your head.

Sure, you have your thoughts of effective discipline but never actually do them and you NEVER speak of them. These are the dreams of medieval discipline that we fantasize about when 7 children under the age of 5 are screaming and ignoring while we curl up in a corner crying in the fetal position.The key is NOT to speak of them in polite society.

Discipline~ Using Your inside Voice Outside…your head

“Come here you little punk, I bet a good dose of water-boarding will make you pick up those damn Polly pockets and Legos!”

“Oh yeah, NO to me? NO to you! NO dinner! No toys! No clothes! No play dates! I’m taking it all away!!!”

“You hate me? Well, I don’t like you either!”

“Why? Why? Because, I said so that’s why. Now stop asking me so many flipping questions!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!”

“Please, for the love of GOD, GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP!!!!!!!”

Then there is that one comment that you think might be acceptable to say out loud, funny even in the right context. When my hairdresser asked why I would get my girls names tattooed on my wrists:

“Well, I figure since they are the ones who make me want to slit my wrists perhaps if I see their sweet names there on my wrists it could give me something to live for. Or get a sharper razor.”

I was joking OBVIOUSLY but her face told me that that was one of those statements that most definitely should have stayed INSIDE MY HEAD!

Discipline~ Using Your inside Voice Outside…your head

So, now I have two problems, she thinks I’m an asshole and I have to find a new hairdresser. I should have exercised some discipline of my own filter.[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

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Before your heads explode, I am not referring to my children. I am not referring to any child on this entire planet. I was spanked as a little one and believe me when I say that I have been all over the spectrum on this subject. The bottom line is that I can’t do it, though on some days, I really wish I could. I understand why some people do, but I just couldn’t ever imagine taking hand to child and inflicting such pain and humiliation. But alas, I’m not talking about that here.That could be an entirely different post.

The “Bitch” to which I am referring is other adults. When my children are naughty and don’t behave, there are repercussions. Things are taken away, they are scolded, timed out, sent to their room.When they behave badly, they are disciplined. When my dog doesn’t listen, or pees on the floor, or heaven forbid *poops* on my floor, chews up toys, etcetera, she is disciplined. She is put outside. She is sent to another room.She is scolded. Tapped on the snout with a paper. Regardless, if she behaves badly; she is disciplined. I mean isn’t this what we are trying to instill in our children? We want our children to respect themselves and others. We want them to be good citizens of the world. We need to know that they are being released into the world with a functioning moral compass.

As adults, I expect more out of people. I expect you to have the good sense to consider other people’s feelings before speaking malicious words. I expect you to have the restraint to control yourself from acting on every impulse. I expect you to be able to keep your id and ego at bay in consideration of others. I  anticipate that you will behave age appropriately. I don’t expect people to walk the earth on egg shells out of complete disregard for themselves but I also suspect that you should know the breadth and width to which your ripple in life may carry on. No one is perfect but I expect we all ,as adults, have the capacity to employ certain behaviors that make us better people than if we did not utilize them.

But, alas, I obviously put too much faith into the species. Some people actually do need to be disciplined because whatever their parents did or did not do, didn’t take. Sometimes you just have to smack a bitch. I’ve been going through life with the belief that good things come to good people, people are generally good, and life is too short for grudges. I’ve been giving people the benefit of the doubt and turning cheeks.I may be snarky but I am not malicious.When it comes down to it, I’ve tried to make myself into someone who I’d want to be friends with. Through my children, I have learned even greater tolerance and understanding. I know I’m mouthy and I’m not everybody’s flavor of crazy but nobody is. In the end, I am honest and more importantly than that, and I’m sure the people I know can attest to this, I am genuine.

So, I’m putting you on notice, if you are on a rampage to obliterate the happiness of those you come into contact with, I WILL remove myself from your life.Remember that, write it down, know it in your heart.And if you deem it necessary  to carry on with this bad behavior, you will be disciplined. I will no longer turn the other cheek, I will no longer pretend that your words don’t hurt me. You will no longer get away with your despicable behavior in my world.You will be disciplined. I WILL smack a bitch.

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spanking, child abuse, sad child

Do you believe in spanking your child as a disciplining technique? Do you spank your kids? I’ve threatened it lots of times. I may have even tapped my daughter’s tush once or twice but it just never felt right. It felt wrong. I’ve written about whether or not you should spank your kids many different times on various different outlets and my opinion has always been that you probably shouldn’t spank your kid but it’s YOUR kid so it’s really up to you. Parenting is a touchy subject and I remember how pissed off people got when I said that cry it out was like abuse. I never truly wanted to offend anyone’s parenting technique; not on purpose. The other day a photo appeared in my FB tread and it’s been sitting with me and bothering me ever since.

spanking , child abuse, bad parenting

Deep down, I think that if you are spanking your child you are a jerk.

You either don’t know how or don’t want to use your words. You’d prefer to get angry, get frustrated and hit rather than dealing with bad behavior and sorting it out. Hey, I get it. I do. I have moments when I would love to spank my girls. Sometimes they behave really badly. They talk back and they don’t listen and sometimes I am just too damn tired to argue and grabbing a belt or a switch would make that all disappear. One good, swift smack would probably stop them out of pure shock and awe.

But as a child who used to get hit often, as in it was the primary source of discipline, I can tell you that your child will fear you. They will not respect you and they will avoid being caught doing bad behavior and lie if they are caught. It is not a deterrent to stop bad behavior. It is a deterrent to being honest with you. Your child will learn to fear you and hate the feeling of fear. Your child will be afraid of you. Your child will not trust you. And you can spin it anyway you like, spanking is not going to get the result you want. It will not teach discipline and promote good behavior, it will make your child afraid to get caught doing something wrong and there is a difference.

If you’re spanking your child for biting their sibling, what kind of sick and twisted, ass backwards message are you sending?

Don’t bite your brother but it’s okay for me to hit you. So, I am here to recant any wishy-washiness that I may have ever led you to believe that I have on the subject of spanking. It is never all right. It is always wrong and if you spank your child, you are most certainly not disciplining them in any meaningful way.

You are teaching them that physical attacks are okay to deal with your anger. You are teaching them that they can’t trust you. You are teaching them that you are mean and angry, that they should fear…not respect you. By spanking your children, you are undermining your own authority. So don’t spank your child. Love your child. Discipline your child when you are calm and thinking clearly because responding to bad behavior when you are angry only leads to bad choices that will inevitably damage your relationship with your child.

Think back to when you were a child, if you were spanked, was the feeling you felt when being spanked fear or respect? I know for me, when I was spanked, it was fear 100% of the time. Not once did I think to myself, wow, I respect my parents so much for sticking to their guns and punishing me with physical pain.

Do you think spanking is an effective form of discipline?

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poop inspection, Gustine Texas, strip search , elementary school children

Apparently, in Gustine, Texas (wherever the hell that may be) a group of elementary school students were “asked” to lower their pants for a semi-strip search and poop inspection of their tiny tushes on Monday.(OK, I just used the word tushes instead of asses but make no mistake, this is not acceptable or meant to be funny.)

School faculty members told two dozen co-ed students , aged 11, to drop their underwear after continually finding feces on the gym floor.

Students were separated into groups of boys and girls and ordered to “pull down their pants” so administrators could “check if they could find anything.” WHAT.THE.F*CK??? This is not the first time a teacher in Texas has stepped over the line in the pursuit of discipline.

As a mother of a 9-year-old, ordering an 11-year-old prepubescent child to drop their pants for “poop” inspection is not only way out of line, it is humiliating and demeaning and who the fuck are these teachers to be looking at kids’ asses anyway? This is a complete invasion of privacy. Can you say mama’s gonna go bat shit crazy?

Gustine Independent School District Superintendent Ken Baugh acknowledged that making kids “drop their pants” goes too far. However, he said the students were only asked to lower their pants a little to determine who the defecating culprit was. As far as I’m concerned low enough to check for feces is low enough to expose their private parts. His reasoning is about as stupid as saying you had sex just a little…just the tip. Wrong is wrong and if this were my child, I’d be filing charges against these idiots.

I completely understand the frustration the faculty was feeling at finding feces on the floor repeatedly but in no world is inspecting a kid’s ( that you haven’t given birth to) ass for poop or anything else ever an acceptable form of discipline. No matter how annoyed and/or pissed off you may be about random defecation hijinks.

These parents have every right to be irate but I’d be doing more than just attending a school board meeting. I’d be taking the entire school to court, demanding an apology to my child and gathering a group of like minded parents to beat the asses of those teachers responsible. The school humiliated these children, illegally strip searched and invaded their privacy on school grounds, with no officers or parents present. They just did whatever the hell they wanted to. Where are the boundaries? Do these teachers think they are untouchable? They could have done anything to these children while their pants were down and no one was around. We entrust our children to them every day and they have breached that trust in an irreconcilable way.

What would you do if your child was told to strip down for a poop inspection?

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Ok folks, this is not a drill. We are in full teen mom mode. We’re over here parenting teenage girls. Well, a champion eye roller tween with cramps and a newly minted 14-year-old so the end is nigh and all of that, I suppose. At least that is what the world would have you believe about parenting teenagers but it’s a lie.

Obviously, no teen parenting experience is the same just like no birth or the first day of kindergarten is the same. I feel like maybe I should knock on some wood before I type this post. You know how fate likes to make fools of us all. But, dare I say, I kind of love parenting my tween and teenage girls possibly even more than when they were toddlers.

I’m in that point of parenting where I have to be the adult. Yep, either I act like an adult or this train derails. Now, I’m not saying that means that I need to go hard and fast on the discipline. Doing that would only make that train jump the tracks. Believe me, I’m talking from experience. No, I’m playing the long game, as I have since they were toddlers, and I’m following my gut. That’s the real trick to winning the parenting teens game. No matter how hard they push you away, if your gut tells you something, listen. Your mama and papa instincts are smarter than you are.

READ ALSO: Tips for Raising Teenage Girls Pt. 1

Sometimes, it’s hard looking at an overgrown child with their own thoughts and beliefs and not giving them what they want. Teens like their space. They value friendships above all else. I know this from being a teen myself. Now, that I am a teen mom, I am trying to keep all of this in mind. I listen, even when I find it mundane or infuriatingly contradictory because we need to hear what our teenage girls and boys are saying to us. They really aren’t much different from their toddler selves in terms of what they need from us. They need love, compassion, guidance and understanding not a punishing dictator, even if we do know better. Like my mother always told me, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

Keep in mind that your teenage son or teen daughter is still that beautiful little human being that they laid on your chest and you brought home from the hospital. That tiny, helpless human being that you loved more than life itself is still right there inside of the angry kid, bickering with her sister and talking back to you. Remember when your teen was a baby and he cried out in frustration because he couldn’t communicate his needs to you and you had to use your mom superpowers and figure it out? It’s the exact same thing. They need you, the world is new and scary again, and they don’t know how to tell you or ask you for what they need.

READ ALSO: Tips for Raising Teenage Girls Pt. 2

The thing is society has played a cruel joke on all of us. They’ve falsely made us all believe that once our kids are a certain age/size that they are capable of doing almost everything. We expect them to behave accordingly. This, in turn, makes our children believe that when they are a certain age/size they are expected to know everything. Secret: They don’t know and how can they? We’re not done raising them. They still need all of our unconditional love, understanding, patience, guidance and compassion; probably now more than ever.

I liken it to when my girls were little. They were always off the charts, size wise, so people always expected them to be further ahead in their developmental skills. I distinctly remember one occasion when Bella was just over one (she was easily the size of a 3 or 4-year-old) and we were in the grocery store and Bella was talking baby talk to me and an older woman came up to us and very condemningly said, “Shouldn’t she be “using her words”?” I nearly swallowed my tongue but managed not to hit the woman and squeak out, “She is using her words. She’s one.” I knew from that moment on that I would spend my parenting tenure being my child’s advocate and to do that, I needed to communicate with my children openly and honestly to really know what they needed from me.

READ ALSO: Tips for Raising Teenage Girls Pt. 3

I’ll be honest, parenting a teenager is not that different from parenting a toddler. The key is paying attention (even when they make it difficult), giving them grace and space when they need it (not always when they want it) and as angry as they can make you, remember growing up is hard on them too. They are afraid and feeling like they’ve lost their place in the world. Everything they knew up to this point is changing, including their own bodies and minds. Give them wings to fly but be there to catch them when they start to crash and burn. Most importantly, keep talking to them, keep listening and look past the angst and anger façade…your baby is still in there.

Tips for Parenting Teenage Girls from a Teen Mom

Unconditional Love

Always, every day, no matter what… love them like you loved that baby they laid on your chest. They are still in there hiding behind the eye rolls, smart mouth and pimples. No matter how big they get, they still need positive affirmations and love. Give hugs and keep telling them you love them. Maybe just not in public as much as when they were in kindergarten. Still, something as small as gold charm bracelets to remind them of how much you love them can go a long way, and it’s often the little things that make for the best memories. Sure, you may not always get along and sometimes share different views, but be sure to remind them often of just how much you love and support them – it’ll mean the world to them on days when it’s especially hard to be a teen.

Communication

Talk to them. Not just when you think they did something stupid but all day every day. More importantly, listen. When they talk, they are trying to tell you something even if they don’t have the words. Read between the lines. Fight for them like you did before they were taller than you. Let them say whatever they need to say to you, try to keep your cool and see through their own insecurities and fear. Be there.

Patience

Count to ten before you scream at them. I know that you are tired of them looking at you like you are the dumbest person on earth. I know it breaks your heart when they look at you like you are a stranger on the street. Don’t allow them to be disrespectful or cruel but remember sometimes they are having a bad day. Maybe someone at school was being cruel or unkind, give them the benefit of the doubt. Try not to tell them you hate them ( even if in that moment maybe you do). Remember hate the sin not the sinner? Be patient, the child you couldn’t get enough of is inside that teenage girl smacking her lips and thinking she knows everything and soon enough, you’ll be needed as her soft place to land.

Understanding

This one is hard because teenagers can be frustrating and infuriating and sometimes you just don’t want to rise above it. Sometimes you want to get down in the dirt with them and make them cry to give them a taste of their own medicine. Don’t do that.  That’s what bathrooms are for, go cry in private. Don’t fall apart. You need to be the adult.

When your teen girl tells you something that you don’t want to hear (she’s thinking about having sex or she drank at a party) you need to remember you were her not so long ago. Then ask yourself, what will yield a better outcome 1) screaming at her with full disappointment and having her never tell you anything again or 2) listening, recognizing that she is becoming a young adult and these are young adult issues and calmly offering advice and guidance? I think you know the right answer. It’s hard. No one wants to have these conversations with their “child” but this is how they learn to do the right thing and be kind humans, from our sacrifice of weighing in on these topics when we’d really prefer to just lock them in their rooms and keep them safe until they go to college.

Listening

Use your voice of reason, stop talking and listen to the words coming out of their faces. Will it always be what you want to hear? NO! Do you need to hear it? Hell YES! As parents, just because we don’t hear something doesn’t stop it from happening. It’s like not going to the doctor when you have cancer because you’re afraid of the diagnosis. Knowing the diagnosis is not what’s going to kill you, ignoring the symptoms and not getting treated is. Have the hard conversations and listen to everything they say because they are trying to tell you something you need to hear and maybe it could save their life.

Forgiveness

This is a big one. Wow! Teenagers can be cruel and have a biting tongue. They have a knack for going for the weak spots. It must be a defense mechanism against bullying that kicks in with the hormones at puberty. While most won’t dare use it against their peers, they will easily use it on the people who will always love them, their parents. Keep in mind, the teen years are only 7 years of their entire lifetime, don’t punish them or hold grudges against them for what they say or do as teens. Discipline as needed but also remember to dole out positive enforcement and random acts of kindness towards your teenage children, they need it more than anyone else. Let it go. Forgiveness is for both of you. Forgive yourself too for feeling like you’re failing. We all do in these years.

Guidance

Always be there to gently guide your teenagers in the right direction. Firstly, demonstrate good behavior by example. Just like toddlers, they tend to do what they see not what they are told. Next, you can’t force a strong-willed teen to do anything. You can but nobody wins. But you can gently nudge them in the right direction by limiting the choices available. They still need to feel like they have free will.

Make life more of a would you rather situation instead of a what would you do situation because the world is still too big for all of that responsibility. Also, be available to give feedback when asked. If they are talking to you, they might want you to give them your input. This allows them to make their own informed decisions rather than listening to just their peers. But this only works if you respect and value your child’s thoughts and opinions. We are teaching them to make good choices. You can’t just tell them. They have to learn to use logical thinking and decide for themselves.

Compassion

This is so important. Remember you were where they’re at, not so long ago. You didn’t always know everything. I still don’t. When your child messes up, listen to them and be there. Hold them. Help them get through it. Don’t chide and chastise them. Just love them and let them know that everyone makes mistakes and, unless someone’s dead, we’ll all get through it.

It sounds like a lot of rules but in the end, all you really need to do is follow your gut. Your mom intuition tells you when things aren’t right, even when your mind and heart don’t want to believe it. I’ll be here if you want to commiserate and compare notes. We’ll all survive.

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I found the cure to all bad habits and I can tell you the secret of how to change bad behavior with exercise! Nope, it has nothing to do with exerting yourself and distracting yourself. It has nothing to do with feeling better about yourself or being a better person. It’s much simpler than that and I promise you, it works. I am living proof. You can change bad behavior with exercise and achieve parenting level master status. It is discipline in the best way possible.

We all have bad habits. It’s the truth. I try to be a good example for my daughters. We want our children to grow up to be upstanding citizens of the world. We want them to go out into the world and be so fierce and fearless that they impress everyone they meet. We don’t want them to be jerks. One of my life goals is for people to meet my children throughout their life and be like, “Damn, that is one bada** woman!” At the same time, I want them to be like, “What a lady she is.” That’s my mom getting in my head.

I want my daughters to be the perfect lovechild of Audrey Hepburn, Maya Angelou and Lady Gaga. I want them to be fierce, caring and relentless in their pursuit of good and happiness. That’s what I’m going for but I want them to use their words. I want their words to be the vehicle that can gain them entry into any conversation in the world. I want their brains to be their sexiest body part.

I want them to be giving, loving and embrace life and love and people. I want them to live out loud with no walls or prejudices. I want them to fully appreciate the world they live in without fear or self-doubt. I think I am succeeding, or at least on trajectory with this path, with the exception of one small kink…using their words.

This is where it happens, this is what prompted me to figure out how to change bad behavior with exercise.

Yes, embarrassing as it is, I (the writer) have failed my children in the example of using their words.  You see, I know a lot of words. I know all of the words. I am in love with the words. But sometimes, I am a lazy word user and I resort to profanity. GASP! I know shocking. Well, not really. Not if you’re a long time follower of me. I’ve been trying a lot harder to stop with the lazy words because I don’t want my girls to use all the lazy words. So, I made a decision and it is kind of shocking how well it has worked.

This is how to change bad behavior with exercise.

It’s actually very simple. I implemented a rule a few weeks ago that if you (collective you, as in my family) curse, that is an automatic 50 crunches and if you bicker and yell, that is an automatic 200 pushups and so began the hardest few days of my life. Just kidding, I’ve lived through a lot of hard stuff. I was not going to be broken by crunches and yet, 400 crunches in one day…it was pretty rough but it worked almost immediately. Who knew you could change bad behavior with exercise?

The thing that I’ve learned is that no amount of grounding, taking away of friends, tech or play dates will work to curb my children’s bad behavior. They respond much more astutely to positive reinforcement. I’m not surprised because I am the same way.  I’d prefer to get a reward at the end of hard work than to not get punished. I learned when I was pretty young that I preferred to do what I wanted and suffer the consequences, that’s just how I work and unfortunately, I think I passed that strong will along to my daughters.

However, apparently, none of us love doing crunches. In fact, we despise them. Now, these were not your average run of the mill sit ups. These were those blasted ballet/ floor barre/ physical therapy ones meant to target your lower abdomen. No one works their lower abdomen. It’s not natural and it HURTS!

3 days is how long it took to cure me of my cursing habit. 2 days is all that it took for the girls to never want to use any sort of lazy word ever again. You see apparently, our lazy words are not worth getting off our lazy butts and doing 400 crunches. And the bickering, well, my girls hate push ups even more than crunches. Bickering has been at an all-time low. I can feel my sanity returning. It’s all fun and games until someone has to do exercise.

You see, I’m a die hard, forgiveness over permission gal but I had to be the example and so crunch away I did. I’m still doing 150 every day, just in case I stub my toe or something and need that sweet release plus, I could definitely live without a FUPA. It’s so simple to change bad behavior with exercise. Why did I never think of this before?

I’ve also realized that crunches can probably cure just about any bad habit we have. Think about it. You want to gamble, each bet is 100 crunches. You want to drink, each cocktail is 100 crunches. Want to eat that whole sleeve of Oreos? That will be 50 crunches per cookie, thank you. I’m pretty sure most of us would think twice before doing that again because I don’t know about you but a swear word is not worth 400 crunches and there are no cookies worth 50 crunches. Then again, at the very least, I’d be a heathen with great abs!

Would you have ever thought it was possible to change bad behavior with exercise?

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sleepover, slumber party, raising girls

sleep over, slumber party, raising girlsSleepover, we don’t need no stinkin’ sleepovers!

Yesterday, I came across a kerfuffle on social media about sleepovers and slumber parties, of all things. Apparently, if you won’t allow your children to attend sleepovers you are deemed an overprotective crazy person, which I find funny especially in the day and time of the helicopter mom. It was even brought up, what, pray tell, will these insane women do when those children go off to college some day? Worse still, how will these poor deprived and helpless children survive on their own when left to their own devices at university?

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Yesterday’s Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 18 – Get happy!
was fantastic and timely. I was feeling a little overwhelmed by the big K that was looming for today but I embraced it. We had a special last couple of days,with play dates with some of our favorite friends and Bella’s favorite meal. I was happy to be having these moments with her, living in the moment and trying to avoid dwelling on the sadness that I knew I would feel when she started kindergarten. So, I put on my big girl panties and I got HAPPY! How did you do?

Today’s Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 19 – Let the other parent parent
I’m positive that this challenge would be much easier for me if my husband was home more so that I’d be used to having another parent in the house, but it’s very hard for me to keep my mouth shut and let him do his parenting job when he is only here on weekends. The sad thing is that he is a very hands on Daddy, truly one of the most awesome Daddies that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. My husband is a testament to the term Father, seriously. Everything that I can do, he can do too; kiss boo boos, snuggle at bedtime, read stories, calm fears, rub legs riddled with growing pains, mend hearts broken by the pains of growing older and realizing the ways of the world. I trust him implicitly with the kids, so it’s not that I’m worried something will happen, but when I’m here, and I hear some of the things he says, or his reaction to some situations,or whatever it is that I’m listening to from the other room, it’s very difficult to keep my mouth shut ( refer again to my control freak nature).

If the kids were in imminent danger, or he was wrong I would certainly say something. But they never are and he’s usually not. Just because we parent differently doesn’t mean his way is wrong; its just different. He and I talk a lot  about what is acceptable reactions to the girls behavior and what is not. The biggest problem is me relinquishing control, especially when I am in full control the entire week long. But, I will admit, sometimes on the weekend when I am super spent from the previous week of doing it all on my own,I want need the Big Guy to come in and rescue me. I guess the answer to my own request is to let him.

I do believe that there is a fine line, particularly when one of the parents is escalating, for the other parent to step in and remedy situation; take over the lead in the situation. That’s what I believe co-parenting is; two people working as ying and yang to help their children survive until adulthood:) When I’m about to lose my ever loving mind, I really want the Big Guy to step in and give me a breather and reign me back down to earth.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen very often as I’d like because the big Guy is gone. When he is home he tries to take control so that I don’t have to…always be the discipline tyrant. Really,sometimes the best co parenting is the Big Guy saying “Go take a break, I got this! ”  We’ve been together so long, that he recognizes the crazy in my eyes almost immediately. He gives me the nod ( which means remove yourself lady you are about to lose your shit and you’ll feel really guilty if that happens) and I try and go.I think stuff like that can save both parents from unnecessary outbursts.I just he was around more to save me more.The Big Guy, my hero.

So today, do your best to let your co-parent (if you have one, that is) parent the kids in his/her own way. And if you have criticisms or issues, wait until after the kids are gone (or asleep) to discuss them.

Tomorrow, Bella wants the Big Guy to take her to school by himself. She draws her strength from her Daddy, when she is filled with trepidation. I will let him do his parenting thing and I will be happy that he can comfort her and be her Daddy, just like only he can be.

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I am super duper sick today! I mean like cold sweats, runny nose, sore throat, ball of mush , I keep losing my balance and getting dizzy. I need to just lie here and veg out. So, I am sharing Kristen @ Motherhood Uncensored’s post verbatim on today’s challenge.I will hopefully be back to myself or more in the range tomorrow but I didn’t want you to miss out on today’s challenge. OK,Never mind I couldn’t do it. I have loyalty to you people Have mercy on me, if it sounds ridiculous..its because I am ridiculously ill.

Today’s Challenge #29: Read and Learn is quite simple. Find parenting books and read them.
Alright, so maybe finding the time to do that is not as simple as it sounds. I have had Eat, Pray ,Love all summer long and have only gotten 30 pages in. I have had Woman, God, 7 Food on my coffee table and have yet to crack it.I even made a failed attempt at reading and finishing 1-2-3 Magic, but I never got around to finishing..that explains some things!

Since I had the bug guy has been traveling a lot this year, I have not really had the opportunity to read much at all. My intentions are good and I am quite the bibliophile but when I have 2 kids who need everything from me at all times, it’s not easy to make a case for reading and ignoring them.Luckily, they have started going to bed really early since school started ( 6 ish) but I am trying to maintain my blog and I actually work online int he evenings so  there’s that. One hand I have a ob that pays money, on the other I have my blog that is my passion and then there’s reading…obviously reading gets pushed to the back burner. Yes, I read books to my kids and I read the parenting books but that leaves no time for leisure reading unless I decide to forgo sleep, oh wait, I already gave that up fro blogging!

So, may resort to leaving books that I want to read in the bathroom.Though it kinda grosses me out to think about that. But as a last resort, you never know. I may actually get to finish Eat, Pray, Love.
Fortunately, most of the parenting books I’ve read I can skim, or at least read as a reference book, so I actually do get to glean information from them without reading the entire thing. Also, you can get a bunch of these as audio books or on your fancy readers, which might make it easier for you to digest them more quickly.

Here are some of Kristen’s favorites (these are all Amazon affiliate links, by the way):
1-2-3 Magic (great discipline book)
Protecting the Gift (how to keep your kids safe)
Parenting Beyond Belief (for those of you who practice secular [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][non-religious] parenting)
Raising Freethinkers (the sequel to PBB)

Tell me your favorite parenting books! [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

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EatSmart, weight loss

EatSmart, weight loss

Behold EatSmart~ Precision GoFit Digital Scale

What is it? Eat Smart ~Precision GoFit Body Fat Bathroom Scale The EatSmart Precision GoFit Digital Body Fat Bathroom Scale is not your ordinary bathroom scale, as it can quickly and easily measure weight, body fat, body water, body muscle and bone mass using new ITO BIA (Bio-Electrical Impedance Analysis) technology. BIA sends a safe, low-level electrical current through the body (you hardly feel it…J/k you don’t feel it at all), which allows the Precision GoFit to analyze the body in real time all in one step. ONE STEP! There’s no need for weighing and measuring separate times. I love it because as a very busy mom, like most of you, I don’t have a lot of time to focus on me and this incorporates everything I need to do to keep my weight on track into one step, allowing me to spend time on me without feeling like I’m taking away valuable time somewhere else. The sleek design, touch screen interface and automatic person identifier (stores personal data for up to 8 users) make the EatSmart Precision GoFit Digital body fat bathroom scale one of the most user friendly bathroom scales I’ve ever had the pleasure of owning and it actually looks good in my bathroom. Bonus!

 

What does it say it will do?

EatSmart Precision GoFit scale product Features

  • Measuring Functions: % Body Fat, % Total Body Water, % Muscle Mass and Bone Mass
  • 400 pound capacity
  • Proprietary Automatic User Identification Technology; Stores personal data for up to 8 users
  • EatSmart “Step-On” Technology – Get instant readings with no tapping to turn on!
  • Large 3.5″ Blue LCD displays with white backlight – Easy to read.
  • Auto Calibrated; Auto Power-Off; Runs on 4 AAA batteries (included); 100% Eat Smart Satisfaction Guarantee

 

Does it do what it says it will do? The EatSmart Precision GoFit Digital Body Fat Bathroom scale does everything it promises and I love it. I love it because I have started a new journey and this scale is playing a big part in helping me to reach my destination. I have been spending a lot of time working out and logging food, counting points and making wise choices. It’s nice to have this tool that is so user friendly and when it lights up, it’s little blue light is affirmation that what I am doing is working. In fact, this morning when I weighed in for the week, I was pleasantly surprised to know that my Total body water (TBW), Body Fat, Muscle mass and Bone mass are in within normal ranges now. This was not the case a month ago. I know that my hard work and discipline is what is prompting the change in my body and my health; there is no magic pill. But the Eat Smart precision GoFit body fat Bathroom scale is my accountability. I need the accountability, as much as I need the portion control, workouts and healthy food choices. It all works in unison to reach my weight loss destination. The Eat Smart Precision GoFit Body Fat Bathroom Scale is the perfect weight loss tool for the busy mom on the go.

Do you need to consult a manual or is it “User Friendly”? The Eat Smart Precision GOFit Body Fat Bathroom Scale is so easy to use. Pop the batteries in (which are provided) flip it over, step on it once to calibrate, step off and then step back on. Voila. You are done Instantly, you will have your weight, body fat, body water, body muscle and bone mass! EatSmart is the future of scales and the future is now. EatSmart!

EatSmart , Live Long & Prosper

 

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