Watch the entire Lemonade album. Beyonce has something to say and she is saying it, no holds barred.
I love how raw and real Lemonade is. She has put to film and lyrics the female condition.
Leave your thoughts in the comments. Let’s discuss.
Ever wonder how it feels to have gallbladder removal surgery? Remember the night when macaroni and cheese almost killed me? Well, this past Wednesday, I went to the surgeon and had gallbladder removal surgery. I thought, hallelujah, I will finally be out of pain. But maybe I was just naïve and had no idea what I was getting myself into.
We arrived at the hospital at 9 a.m. and I was scheduled for surgery at 10:30 a.m. Yes, I told them I needed an early appointment because I get hangry. They happily obliged. In fact, once I arrived, they took me straight back and prepped me for surgery. I was pretty excited to not feel like I was dying.
Not going to lie, I was a little terrified about gallbladder removal surgery.
But a few weird things happened 1) my great aunt who is almost 90 called me the night before practically in tears to tell me she was praying for me. This is the same woman who is just patiently waiting for her own heart to give out. 2) My neighbor, who is in her 60’s and falling apart before our very eyes asked, “Aren’t you nervous?” (Well, I wasn’t until she asked me.) 3) The Silkwood baths that I was demanded to take the night before and the morning of my surgery. I felt uncertain. I got spooked about the gallbladder removal surgery that I was honestly, looking forward to having.
As soon as I got into my gown, my surgeon and anesthesiologist showed up. They were ready early. Everything got fast-tracked. Cool, I thought, maybe I could be home by lunch. No such luck.
We went back to surgery and, for the first time ever, I went unconscious from the IV pain meds before they even got the chance to tell me to count backward from 10. When I woke up in recovery, I was in lots of pain, completely groggy and somehow had lost 3 hours. I was supposed to be home, but instead, I was still on a gurney and feeling completely out of sorts and in extreme pain.
The worst and most unexpected was the trapped air pain. Oh me, oh my! I knew that during gallbladder removal surgery they were going to pump my stomach full of air to make navigating the laparoscope easier but I had no expectation of the pain that would accompany that trapped air. I fell unconscious when I came home, only to be awoken by a searing pain in my shoulder so fierce that it made childbirth feel like a splinter. I was screaming and crying in pain. I frantically begged the Big Guy to call the surgeon, only to find out that it was normal and expected.
I didn’t sign up for that shit.
No one told me about that, so I’m warning you!
Another fun surprise, I found out my gallbladder was not located where it is supposed to be. Your gallbladder is supposed to be tucked up under your liver, mine somehow had migrated to the middle of my chest. Was I born deformed? Had it moved during one of my pregnancies? Was it twisted? All I know is that even the surgeon was grossed out by it. Things didn’t go as planned or expected.
Is gallbladder surgery the only way to get rid of the issue? Typically, but it depends on your situation. If you are willing to completely overhaul your diet ( I did try this way but it wasn’t feasible for me longterm), sometimes you can mitigate the symptoms. However, for mire severe inflammation cases, removal is the best solution. Unfortunately, if the gallbladder problems are too severe, surgeons may need to drain some of the bile to reduce swelling before gallbladder removal surgery can even be performed. This could mean being saddled for days or weeks with a catheter and a bag that’ll need changing regularly. It’s imperative to ensure that if this happens, you have access to the right equipment, like Coloplast catheters, during the drainage period. Suffering from gallstones is definitely not easy and very painful. My gallbladder attacks were more unbearable than my unmedicated, Pitocin induced labor and delivery.
Today, we are 5 days post op and it’s been a doozy of a weekend. The surgeon put a transdermal scop patch behind my ear to stop the projectile vomiting. That was nice of him since coughing, projectile barfing, sneezing and hiccupping after having your gallbladder removed, it’s a little excruciating. Only, one problem, I had to take it off after 72 hours. That was a good thing too because the damn thing was making me blind. Seriously, on top of being sore like I had done 1 million sit-ups and higher than a kite on pain pills, I couldn’t even read Facebook. My vision was so blurry that I couldn’t read my phone.
I removed the patch and then my nausea came back with a vengeance. I’m not sure if it’s from the anesthesia, the pain pills or just the change in my digestion from the removal of the gallbladder. All I know is that Zofran was powerless against it so I did what any desperately nauseated person would do, I sent the Big Guy to Walgreens for some motion sickness bands.
Thankfully, I’m feeling a little less nauseated and a little more normal. I’m hoping this means that my health is on the upswing and soon, I won’t have to worry about things like nausea and the label on every single piece of food that I put in my mouth.
Gallbladder Removal Surgery Changed my life
There is one other unexpected side effect, as the tape has begun to come apart from the incision on my belly button, I realized that I did not leave the hospital with the same belly button as I went in with. To be honest, I used to have this adorable little belly button and now, it’s hideous. It may be the swelling but as it stands, I may have to take this ugly thing and go into witness protection; at the very least, I certainly need to take my belly button and go into hiding.
It’s swollen, much larger than it was and, at the risk of being too graphic, it looks like a piece of exposed meat in there. I think some glue has come loose. I’m freaking out. All joking aside, I’m calling my surgeon tomorrow and asking him to take a look because I really don’t think this is what my belly button is supposed to look like after gallbladder removal surgery.
Have you had gallbladder removal surgery? If so, how did it change your life and eating habits?
This is a compensated campaign in collaboration with Nabisco and Latina Bloggers Connect in celebration of El Dia Del Nino .
In the Mexican culture, family is everything. We are taught this from very early on, as children. We are taught to respect our elders as part of our history and to adore our children because they are our future. In life’s fickleness, we know that there is only one thing that we can truly count on and that is family.
We’ve all heard of Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and even Grandparent’s day. They are big deals in our house. We earned it. I mean, 10 and 13 hours of labor, one open-wide Pitocin inducement and an unmedicated labor, definitely earned me one-day off a year. I look forward to it every single year. The Big Guy handles all the “mom” duties and nary an argument between children do I have to endure. I simply walk away and let daddy handle it. It is glorious.
On Father’s Day, the same goes for him. He gets to sleep in and I field all bickering children. We’ve got a good system and it truly is the one thing we want more than anything; peace and quiet.
April 30th is a Mexican holiday called El Día Del Niño (children’s day). Children are a very important part of our culture and society so the day focuses on the importance of loving, accepting and appreciating children.
To celebrate, there are many things you can do. Basically, we make it a day about our girls so that they know they are loved (so pretty much like every other day but we do all the things they like to do). It’s more about celebrating having them in our lives. Letting them know they are blessings to our family and us. It’s a day of crafts, play and treats of their choice.
In Mexico, special events with clowns, magicians, music, shows and balloons take place. Amusement parks as well as zoos and children’s museums usually offer discounts or special deals for children on this day. It’s the perfect day to take the kids to see one of their favorite movies in the theater, go on a family picnic in the park or just unplug for the day and give your little ones your full-undivided attention.
This unique celebration is full of laughter and play, when adults are reminded of the importance of childhood and children teach us how joyful and simple life can be.
For our snack this year, I’m making this fun and delicious Latino-Inspired treat Chips Ahoy! Plantain Quesadillas. It’s a sweet new twist on a family standby.
Chips Ahoy! Sweet Plantain Quesadillas.
- 10 min prep
- 20 min total
- Makes 8 servings, 1 wedge each.
Ingredients
- 4 oz. brick cream cheese, softened
- 2 Tbsp. brown sugar
- 1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
- 4 flour tortillas (8 inch)
- 7 CHIPS AHOY! Cookies, coarsely chopped
- 1/4 lb. frozen ripe plantains, cooked, cut into 16 slices
- 1/3 cup thawed frozen whipped topping
- 6 strawberries, each cut into 6 slices
Instructions
- Mix first 3 ingredients until blended; spread onto tortillas to within 1/2 inch of edges.
- Reserve 2 Tbsp. cookies. Top half of each tortilla with remaining cookies and plantains; fold in half.
- Spray nonstick skillet with cooking spray; heat on medium heat. Cook each quesadilla 1-1/2 min. on each side or until heated through and lightly browned on both sides.
- Cut each quesadilla into 3 wedges. Serve topped with whipped topping, strawberries and reserved chopped cookies.
I’ve made this for my family before and they loved it. It’s a very decadent and rich dessert so we only have it on special occasions and only one serving. I know your family will love it as much as my family did.
You can find other great recipe spins on traditional favorites on the Nabisco Pinterest page. If you’d like to try this recipe, here’s a coupon for $1.00 off your favorite Nabisco products.
What’s your favorite treat to make for your children on special occasions like Dia Del Nino?
This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Nabisco. The opinions and text about El Dia Del Nino are all mine.
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It’s been a weird time over here, my daughter is growing up at an alarming rate ( both of them) and I feel like I’m physically, falling apart over the last few months. One has nothing to do with the other. But it just gives some background to my state of mind…vulnerable.
We’ve had growth spurts and growing pains and I’ve just waiting for my girls to hit that age where suddenly I am their least favorite person in the world and I’ve been dreading it because honestly, aside from the Big Guy, these two are my favorite people in the world. Have been since the moment they were born. Sure, I have moments when I don’t really like their behavior and I’m not particularly fond of the eye rolling and sarcastic tones that have been making an appearance at my house lately, but God, I adore these girls.
Lately between the bickering between the two of them and the moments of wondering if boarding school might be a better option for my sanity, I’ve been at the end of my parenting rope. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and outnumbered and, worse, disrespected. It’s been hard trying to get my bearings in this new stage of parenthood. I’ve been solidly knocked off my axis. But suddenly, there’s been a shift.
Through it all, I’ve been sticking to my guns and no matter what transpires, my girls always know they are loved; no matter how unlovable they are behaving that day. My oldest, who is only 11, has been exerting her independence for the past couple of years trying to separate from me. I feel it. It’s natural but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt. It does, like a son of a bitch and this is coming from a broad who has had unmedicated transition labor, a severely broken and shattered leg and relentless gallbladder attacks. My girls pulling away hurts more than any of that ever did. I was sure this was the beginning of the end.
I’m not so old that I don’t remember that phase in my life when I tried to separate from my mom; the teen years. I was awful and I didn’t even understand what it was about my mom that was so annoying. I just knew that every word she tried to tell me, annoyed me. I know now that it wasn’t her at all, it was me. I was growing up, and asserting my independence was just part of that. Being a complete asshole to my mom, that was just me taking it to the next level. Sorry, mom!
Anyways, my Bella, she’s been giving me the “ you don’t know anything” look. I know it well. I gave it. I could feel her pulling away. One day, she would barely speak to me then suddenly, the next she was trying to match me in outfits. I was so confused. Did she hate me or did she think I was “cool”? Was she messing with me? Adolescence is so confusing and puberty makes it all 1000x worse.
I’ve been holding my ground. No matter how awful she is to me, every night I go into her room and kiss her goodnight and tell her that I love her. Every morning when I drop her off at school, I kiss her goodbye and tell her (and her sister) that I love them. I’m relentless with this because I never want them to doubt that or themselves.
Over the last couple of months, I noticed that my daughter has been making a return to me. I know she’s only 11 and there is so much more of this pulling away to come but for now, she has become my biggest advocate. When her little sister starts to argue with me or talk back, my oldest has been intervening. I told her to stop because I don’t want it to cause a rift between her and her sister but I appreciate it. It was nice that she took the initiative to have my back. I appreciate that she cared enough to step in.
She’s been pointing out the similarities in our physical traits and wanting to emulate me. There’s been a shift from “leave me alone” to “can I spend some time with you, mommy” and I’m not ashamed to say that I love it. She loves me and she’s not afraid to show me. She’s stopped resisting the fact that I’ll never stop loving her.
I really think it has a lot to do with me being consistent. She knows my unconditional love means giving her what she needs of me, and that might not always be what she wants from me but she knows that she always has me on her side.
Anyways, with months upon months of crazy stuff going on lately (like seriously, I must have pissed someone off who gave me the evil eye or I accidentally came into possession of some tiki a la The Brady Bunch). All I know is that among broken legs, attacking gallbladder and too many other craptastic things to mention, it is awesome to feel the love from my daughters.
What’s the one time you really needed some love/kind word/smile/something good to happen and it did? Isn’t it amazing how it can change everything?
April 10th was National Siblings day. I grew up with 6 brothers and sisters so siblings are a big part of my life and I have always stressed to my girls how important their sister is. I loved being part of a big family but it definitely made things like going out to eat or watching television difficult, especially considering at one point my parents had 5 teenagers and 1 television in the house. There were a lot of us in a small space so we learned how to compromise and share. I like to think those “hard times” made us better people.
This was back in the 80’s so there was no running to your tablet; laptop or desktop computer to watch something else if you didn’t like what was being featured on the main screen. I mean, there was only 1 screen! Gasp. This was a time before Netflix, Hulu or Amazon prime existed and we didn’t even have cable. I’m not even sure how we survived.
As children, we learned hard lessons about democracy and majority rule. That’s probably why I became a political scientist; I know that every vote counts. I know that staying silent is giving up your right to be heard on important matters; like which movie to watch Purple Rain or Weekend at Bernies.
It was so stressful that I got a job the minute I was old enough, just so I could buy a TV of my own! Then I hoarded it in my room and watched whatever I wanted to. I went rogue, I even saved up and bought a VCR. I used to let my brothers and sisters watch tv in my room in exchange for them doing my chores. Being the owner of a television in a house where there was only one other one was power.
Anyways, honestly, if my dad was home we had to watch Univision and if my mom had control of the television it was usually tuned in to General Hospital or Dynasty. It was torturous being a teen in the 80s, what with having to have a personality and hang out with actual friends. If you got really lucky, you’d get a friend who had cable and was a latch key kid.
These days we have televisions and devices in every room of the house. Honestly, devices outnumber people 3 to 1 in our home. Anyone can watch whatever they want, whenever they want.
Thanks to my wonky gallbladder and surgery, I got to spend a lot of time watching Netflix. Thankfully, I am a Netflix Stream Team member so I felt productive even while I was binge watching some awesome shows. I found a lot of new and exciting shows to watch and I thought how fun it would be to binge watch these shows with my sisters and brothers, now as adults. Even though we could technically be spread out all over the house, there is nothing like sharing the experience of a great show; laughing, crying and thinking.
This month there are lots of awesome shows that the entire family can agree on, no matter the age or taste in shows. A few of my favorites for adult siblings are The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Lost and Found, The RANCH ( a new favorite), American Odyssey, Flaked, Love, The Returned and River. There is something for everyone.
My husband, our daughters and I like to watch television as a family. I guess it’s leftover from my deprived childhood of living in a house with only one television. The same way we always eat dinner together every night. It’s not just a habit; it is a choice we made as a family because it’s important to us to spend that time sharing experiences, our day and air. Children grow up quickly and all of these seemingly inconsequential moments count. But sometimes finding something age appropriate that holds the attention of all of us, is a real challenge but this month we found a few we really loved like Lost and Found, Dance Academy, Girl Meets World and also, Grease and the Princess Bride!
What is your favorite show to binge watch on Netflix?
Last week, my family went to the happiest place on earth, Disney World, and I was disabled. We were all very excited. We’d been planning this trip since last year; everything got postponed when my life came to a screeching halt thanks to my slip and fall in my sister’s wedding last fall. Come hell or high water, we were going to Disney World. There was just a couple issues 1) my broken leg is still recovering (it’s an 18-month process y’all.) 2) the week before we left, I was in the ER with a severe gallbladder attack. I was far from 100% but I was going to Disney World.
Here is how I navigated the happiest place on earth with a messed up leg. I can tell you that it was no fun but I figured out a way to get around all of those parks and not end up back in the hospital. This post is just about getting around if you are physically disabled, I will write a separate post about eating at Disney World when you are on a restricted diet because, you know, I couldn’t just be hobbled I had to do it starving.
My advice for anyone who has a broken leg, is recovering from a broken leg, a sprained ankle, a bum knee or broken hip or just doesn’t do well with walking in high heat because they are sickly, especially the elderly…rent a wheelchair! I believe it’s $12/$13 a day or you can get 3 days for $30, which is what my husband did for me. But get to the parks early, especially the Magic Kingdom. Also, the wheelchairs are located to the right after you scan in but before you enter the park (the same place as where you rent the strollers).
I thought I could do it on my own. After all, I am 7 months out from the original break but I was wrong. I tried everything, ankle brace, ankle wrap, Kinesio Tape for the tendonitis, crutches and even took my walking boot. Nothing can make a recovering broken leg walk around the Magic Kingdom for 15 hours pain free, not even a strong will and multiple vicodin. Believe me I tried.
The first night we arrived, we went to Hollywood studios. We arrived around 4:30 p.m. we returned to our room around 10 pm, in those 5.5 hours, my ankle (that was firmly in a brace) had swollen up to the size of my calf and the pain was excruciating. I knew then and there that there was no way that I was going to survive the Magic Kingdom on foot.
A few things you should know about being physically disabled in a wheelchair at Walt Disney World:
Firstly, it’s not as embarrassing as you might think and don’t worry about your spouse or children pushing you around, they’d prefer that to hearing you complain and be in misery any day.
Secondly, if you do find yourself in a wheelchair, check with the cast members at each ride because some have steps and they will need to reroute you. Sometimes they just give you a fast pass and have you come back so you don’t have to wait in the long lines in your chair.
Thirdly, check when you go to the restaurants, some have special seating for people in wheelchairs and some you need to leave the chair outside but for the most part all the parks were very wheelchair friendly.
Fourth, check with cast members at each park about seating for fireworks and such. They are very accommodating and there are special seating locations for those in wheelchairs. It was very nice that they provide these spaces because it’s hard to see when you are at wheelchair level.
Fifth, and this is the important one, if you are not disabled do not rent the wheelchairs. Leave those for those people who actually need them. Laziness is not a disability. Also, don’t use the handicapped bathrooms; those of us who are actually handicapped need those larger bathrooms for a reason. A wheelchair does not fit in a standard restroom stall.
I won’t lie, being at Walt Disney World in a wheelchair was a humbling experience for me but, like most of these past 7 months, it’s given me a new respect for the disabled and respect for their situations. Disney did a great job of making the parks easily enjoyed by the disabled as well as the able bodied.
If it hadn’t been for the wheelchair rental service, the entire trip would have been ruined. If you find yourself, physically unable to walk Disney World, don’t be too proud to use the wheelchairs. They are there for those of us who are disabled in some way and need them.
Have you ever been to Disney World when you weren’t 100% physically?
It’s been a crazy few weeks, so crazy in fact, that I’ve been too busy to actually write about it and my gallbladder attack. Lots of life choices have come to a head and not in a good way. Not in the ticker tape parade, I just unlocked level 1000 in life success kind of way, but in the what the hell have I been doing to my body over the past 40 plus years sort of way. My body mutinied on me.
Two weeks ago, Easter Sunday or the night on Walking Dead that Daryl got shot and I should have been rioting, I was instead ignoring the hell out of The Walking Dead and the possibility of Daryl being shot because I felt like I myself was dying. I say that literally, not figuratively. My body was attacking me over either macaroni and cheese or my Mother-in-law’s amazing cheesecake; trying to kill me and I really wanted to give it the satisfaction of dying just to be out of my misery.
Remember a couple weeks prior, I thought I was having a heart attack and ended up in my local emergency room? That night I found out that I had gallstones and that was my first ever gallbladder attack brought on by a Mexican birthday celebration meal, I was in excruciating pain.
I was given some intravenous meds, including a nice morphine push and I felt great. The ER doctor didn’t seem to think I needed my gallbladder removed because we thought the whole thing was precipitated by my stomach that was irritated from the 1800 mgs of ibuprofen that I’ve been taking every day for the past 6 months thanks to my broken leg. I watched the “bad food” or so I thought for a couple days and then I went back to eating whatever I wanted, because that’s what I do. I’ve always said, I’d rather workout for 3 hours a day than give up French fries. I know better now.
P.S. Anyone who tells you to eat whatever you want because the chance of having another attack within a couple weeks is rare is not your friend. Ignore them because they are full of shit and obviously never survived an acute gallbladder attack.
So anyways, 2 weeks ago, the Sunday before the Thursday that I left for Spring Break at Disney World (the same trip I had to cancel in October because of the broken leg) I had my second attack. It was 10 times worse than the first one. It was transition labor with no medication terrible. I have a high pain threshold and I tried to wait it out for 4 hours, it never subsided. It only got worse. Finally, I had to call my brothers to come over to watch the kids while my husband took me to the ER at 1 am in the morning.
Aside from the body splitting pain in my gallbladder and stomach, I was vomiting pure bile and nauseous. My stomach was messed up and I could not get comfortable. I was in so much pain; I couldn’t get above a whisper. I tried everything; heating pads, drinking vinegar, drinking water, laying on the floor, on my back, on my stomach, upside down. I was trapped in my body being tortured. I sat on my bed and sobbed in desperation and excruciating pain.
After all was said and done, I spent the entire night in the hospital trying to get the pain manageable. After three rounds of Zofran, Dilaudanum and something else, I can’t remember (in my defense, I was pretty drugged), I was finally sedated enough to drift in and out of consciousness through the attack. It was agreed that I needed to have the gallbladder removed at my earliest convenience, which is now. Remember, I was going to Disney World or bust for spring break but changes were going to have to be made.
Immediately, I was told that I needed to go on a low-fat dairy, reduce my fat, cholesterol and carbohydrate intake diet. There would be no butter, cheese, red meat, pizza or Mexican food in my near future. It was fine with me because there is no food in the world worth a gallstone attack. Seriously people, watch your cholesterol and fat intake. So, I went to Disney World on a severely restricted diet and I made it work. You’d be surprised at how many options you find when you look. I’ll write another post about that later.
Anyways, it’s been 2 weeks since my last attack and I’ve lost 13 pounds. I’ve never eaten healthier in my entire life, my blood pressure is down and I am waiting for the call from surgery to schedule my removal.
In case you are wondering why I am still having my gallbladder removed even though I have the attacks under control with diet, I am removing it because both doctors told me that once you have a gallstone attack it’s not a matter of if you will have another attack, it’s a matter of when and I simply don’t want to go through that excruciating pain ever again if I can avoid it.
Needless to say, let me serve as a warning to you, watch your fat and cholesterol intake. Move around and work out because gallbladder removal surgery is the most performed surgery in the United States and I’m sure that has a lot to do with our super-sized, super fat, super sugary, high cholesterol diets. It’s rich food. Ironically, gallbladder issues don’t exist in poorer countries.
What would you be willing to give up to avoid this kind of pain? For me, I’d gladly give up all foods to avoid another attack.
Have you ever had a gallbladder attack?
Disclosure: This post was sponsored by Jimmy Dean through their partnership with POPSUGAR Select. While I was compensated to write a post about Jimmy Dean Delights, all opinions are my own.
I’ve been working hard this year to get my family and myself in good health. I’ve started working out (as someone still recovering from a broken leg, that in itself has been no small feat) and watching what I eat and being mindful of the portion sizes that I am consuming. I’m changing my life, one day at a time. It’s not been easy, as anyone who has ever tried to lose weight and get in shape after the age of 30 can attest to. Progress has been slow but steady.
The hardest part has been relearning what to eat and being mindful of labels. Suddenly, my philosophy of eat whatever I want and work it off later isn’t working like it used to. Now, I realize that things like cholesterol, fat, sugar and protein all factor in to how healthy my food is and in turn, I am. It’s no longer simply about a number on a scale. It’s about feeling beautiful, comfortable and strong in my own body. That’s what I want.
I’ve been trying a lot of new recipes, altering old ones and trying to find an exercise that I actually enjoy doing because I’ve realized that if it’s too much trouble or too hard, I simply don’t have time to fit it into my hectic schedule. I have kids, a husband, a job and a million and one other things to do every single day. You know how it goes.
My hardest transitions so far have been to stop eating late at night and remembering to eat breakfast. Being an insomniac means that I’m up later than most people and that means I get hungry and eat later. Suddenly, that whole “fourth meal” concept makes sense to me. It’s completely counterproductive to getting in my best shape.
The other bad habit I had to break was not eating breakfast. I used to just sip on coffee until I remembered to eat lunch, which meant eating something last minute or on the go and is almost never good for me. I learned the hard way that juicing makes me fidgety. I’m sure it’s great for some people but fresh fruit juice simply makes me manic. Smoothies are fantastic and I’ve gotten them down to a 3-minute breakfast but sometimes you need something more.
Sometimes I crave carbs and a big breakfast but I don’t want all the calories and I don’t have all that extra time. Then I discovered Jimmy Dean Delights Turkey Sausage, Egg White & Cheese croissant. It’s a wholesome breakfast with real ingredients that satisfies my craving and gives me the energy to power through my morning routine. It’s only 290 calories and tastes amazing.
They taste so good that now my only breakfast dilemma is keeping enough in the house. My girls love them and many a morning I’ve gone to the freezer only to find that none were left. I’m okay with it though because I feel better knowing that they are eating a healthy breakfast instead of something sugary.
Jimmy Dean Delights are made with real ingredients like whole eggs, lean meat and real vegetables that provide my family with a delicious, wholesome breakfast option that I can feel good about us eating. It’s an excellent source of protein and it makes it possible for my family to enjoy that decadent Sunday brunch type of breakfast any day of the week in just two minutes. The best part is if we are running late, as we often are, we can eat these Jimmy Dean Delights on the go.
I asked my girls, 11 and 8 years old, to describe the Jimmy Dean Delights Turkey Sausage, Egg White & Cheese Croissant and here’s what they had to say: “ Tasty,” “Delicious,” and my personal favorite, “It’s like sunshine in my mouth, mommy!” Now, that’s something I can feel good about.
Check out the Morning Swap videos and watch as a busy working mom learns where the real ingredients like those in Jimmy Dean Delights come from!
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I’m not usually one to give relationship advice but when marital relations with children in the house is the topic, I feel it’s my duty to warn you about the dangers, especially the Lee Harvey Oswald. No, I didn’t just get shot in the head in Texas and there’s been no grass on the knoll since 1997. But, yes, to my horror I did just get shot in the eye unexpectedly. It was funny but not really because I’m pretty sure a mom can lose her left eye in such shenanigans.
Look, I’m not trying to go all TMI on you so early in the morning but most of you have kids, so you will totally get this and if you don’t have kids, you were a teenager at one point and had parents (more than likely) so you will totally understand what I am about to tell you. It’s a tale as old as time, people trying to have sex while not trying to get caught by other people (in our case, little people.) I love the Big Guy more today than I did when we first got together almost 20 years ago and I still think he’s the hottest man in the room, but as our girls have gotten older “couple time” has gotten tricky.
This is the one bit of relationship advice about sex that you will want to take.
See, the kids are getting a little older and that means they are staying up a little later and getting up a little earlier. The point being after a couple episodes of Big Bang Theory or Last Week Tonight our “alone time” is spent which means that leaves very little time for “adult time”. That stinks. We’re humans, not just parents, we have needs. Needs and desires that require us to feel and be adults; entities that exist outside the realm of Mommy and Daddy.
A couple weeks ago the Big Guy was home for a week with a raging case of pink eye and believe me you; we used up every single moment of free time. It was like we were back in college just he had pink eye, I was jet lagged and we were in a bed and not in a rickety loft. Either way, it reminded us of how important “us time” really is. It’s not about just sex, it’s about intimacy and all it takes is some sneaky squirrel antics on our part, at least 15 minutes of distracted kids and a locked door is nice too. Damn open door policy in our house.
Don’t get me wrong, we’ve spent the last decade playing the worst game of sex hide and seek ever. That game is stressful and not romantic. When they were small it was easy, we could take it to the living room floor, the conjugalorium, the half bath or even the laundry room or a closet if we were really in dire straights. Sure we got busted a couple times but we played it off. They thought they dreamt mommy and daddy were wrestling.
But now, if we’re caught someone’s going to be traumatized. The girls are ballerinas and I swear they must float on air because they need to wear bells because they are the best sidlers I’ve ever known, especially the little one so the risk of getting busted is dangerously high.
This morning the girls requested an early wake up call so that they could shower. We saw our opportunity. We had to take it. So the minute we heard the shower start, the clock was ticking. We locked the door and took what was ours.
Then it happened. I got Oswalded. We heard the shampoo drop and in a frantic rush we knew it was now or never. We also knew that I was ovulating and we are a strictly no more baby household, especially considering that a couple weeks ago everyone in my gynecologist’s office couldn’t stop asking if I was menopausal? It must be the matronly swagger with which I rock my skinny jeans and TOMs.
In a frantic scurry not to procreate, we “ disengaged” and that’s when “it” grazed my stomach, ricocheted off of my left breast and hit me squarely beneath my eye before continuing on to the pillow. MY EYE! I was in shock. Was I dead? Was I bleeding? One thing I knew for sure, and thank God for the positive side of everything, I wasn’t pregnant.
Now, I totally get it…the whole, you’ll shoot your eye out and you’ll go blind statements of our mothers past…the force with which a weekend build up holds could surely render me a wondrous one-eyed Willie. How the hell would I explain that my husband Lee Harvey Oswalded me during a quickie because we were afraid our kids would catch us?
Here’s the relationship advice everybody trying to have sex with kids in the house should heed…
Lock the damn door and take your time. You deserve it. I know it’s hard having with kids standing on the other side and it’s a little terrifying especially since I think my littlest might know how to pick a lock but damn it, your eyesight is important. It’s all fun and games until someone gets their eye shot out and a sticky eyebrow as a parting gift.
As a parent what piece of relationship advice would you give another parent about having sex with kids, especially older ones, in the house?
Ever been afraid that maybe you were having a heart attack? Seriously. I’m not trying to be funny but I’m overweight and out of shape. A heart attack is a real possibility. I’m a fat woman. I have a BMI of 33 and I recently spent 4 months sitting on my butt. Honestly, you can look healthy and still have a heart attack. They don’t call it the silent killer in women for nothing.
I’ve seen the commercials citing that 1 out of 3 women will have a heart attack our symptoms are different than men. In fact, I know a friend who had a heart attack and didn’t even realize it until afterwards. I also have a great Aunt who spent the day with us touring the Biltmore Estate and had a heart attack. None of us knew until she told her doctor and he checked her, a week later. Ladies, that scares the ish out of me. I don’t want to die of a heart attack. I want to live to be 103. That’s my expiration date. It’s non-negotiable.
Anyways, last Friday morning; I woke up at 5 a.m. with a ridiculous pain in my actual stomach (not my intestines) and it would not go away. It woke me from my sleep and the little voice in my head, recited the commercial about the mom who thought she had indigestion but instead ended up dead because she was actually having a heart attack and TUMS ain’t got nothing on that.
I got up and took some Mylanta (because I always have it on hand since the first and only stomach ache I’ve ever had). It didn’t work. Then I took some TUMS. They didn’t work. Then I took a Xanax because I’m under a shiton of stress and maybe I was having a panic attack. Nothing. I waited half an hour. Still horrific pain. Now it was from my stomach to my right side of my rib cage.
Were these the symptoms of a heart attack?
You always hear of women thinking they had heartburn and it was something else; something more. I took my blood pressure with my portable Bluetooth QardioArm blood pressure monitor and checked it right there in the app on my phone and saved it to show the hospital. As moms, we are so focused on everyone else, we neglect ourselves. Don’t do that. It could mean the difference between life and death.
SHIT! I’m having a heart attack, so I took an aspirin because blood clots and strokes. At 6:30 a.m. when everyone else woke up, I texted my husband that I needed to go to the hospital. He assured me that it was heartburn from the Mexican food at Bella’s birthday dinner from the previous night.
Firstly, I’ve only had heartburn once in my life and this wasn’t it. Secondly, it felt like acid and a severe, prolonged heart cramp. I just knew I was dying but I kept it cool for my kids. We dropped them at school where I gave them extra long goodbye hugs and kisses, without divulging anything to them, and then we proceeded on to the Emergency room. I hate the emergency room.
Long story short, after 5 hours in the Emergency room, an EKG, an ultrasound (twice in one week, lucky me!), several blood tests and worrying myself into an absolute tizzy. We found out that no, I did not in fact have a heart attack but the doctor was glad that I had come in rather than ignore my symptoms. We found out that I have gallstones, 2 of them (they go perfectly with the 3 fibroids they found last Wednesday) and upon further questioning they found out that from the prolonged ibuprofen usage for the swelling in my broken leg, I have actually made the lining of my stomach sensitive.
The sensitive stomach and high cholesterol, high fat, highly greasy Mexican food did not enjoy one another’s company. My stomach became irritated which in effect affected my gallbladder (with it’s two stones). I had a gallbladder attack. It was not pleasant and I don’t recommend it.
They intravenously administered an antacid for my stomach, some Zofran so I wouldn’t throw up and a dose of happy, I mean morphine, for the pain. They gave me strict instructions to take Zantac, especially if I planned on continuing on with the ibuprofen regimen (which I have not) and to stay away from high cholesterol meals. I quit Ibuprofen cold turkey and have been reading labels because 103-years-old, people. My expiration date is 2075, not 2016.
The moral of the story is that when you think you might have something seriously wrong with you; trust your gut (pun intended). Maybe I wasn’t having an actual heart attack (but I could have been) but I did have something wrong with me and it needed medical attention STAT. I’m not sure that would have happened if I suffered through it at home or went to a walk-in clinic. I needed tests, not a Band-Aid.
It’s been a crazy couple of weeks. Bring on Disney World because mama needs a vacation. Do yourself a favor and know the symptoms of a heart attack in women.
- Uncomfortable pressure, squeezing, fullness or pain in the center of your chest that lasts more than a few minutes, or goes away and comes back.
- Pain or discomfort in one or both arms, the back, neck, jaw or stomach.
- Shortness of breath, with or without chest discomfort.
- Other signs such as breaking out in a cold sweat, nausea or lightheadedness.
Have you ever thought maybe you were experiencing symptoms of a heart attack or something serious and second-guessed yourself?