Dear Unsubscriber

Dear Unsubscriber,

Hey, You, yeah you! The one who is wondering if she should waste a comment or just go. Yes, I know that you delicately tried to slip away out the back door without anyone noticing but damned if feedproxy wasn’t standing there, right behind you, yelling and pointing…“Hey, look she’s leaving! You suck!” 

And just like that our blogger/reader love affair was over. I know that I don’t always say the right thing and sometimes I’m overtired and cranky and maybe I don’t even make sense but I thought you got me. I really thought you understood that not all of them are gold. I thought I was safe. This was a judge free zone. Some posts are flops but I didn’t know our relationship was so fickle that you would leave me over one bad day. One crap post. I’m sorry my dog died and my period came and the snow has been really bad. Sometimes a bloggers got to complain. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. But hey, I’ll do better next time. I’ll write a funny post about how to survive shark week without losing a limb or explaining your period to kids in a public bathroom at Panda Express.

You knew what you were getting into when we started this relationship. I told you from the beginning that it wasn’t always going to be sunshine and unicorns. I tell it like it is. I’m a real person and sometimes really bad and boring shit happens in my life. I thought our love was unconditional. I listen to your side in the comments. I don’t plug my ears and ignore you. I don’t delete what you have to say. You read and comment, I write and respond. We share. It’s symbiotic.Well, it used to be. We got to know one another. This isn’t match.com. You can’t just order up your flavor of the month and put me into a box. I have thoughts and opinions.

I never took you for the one giveaway type. I’ve never considered myself easy. Did you just pretend to like me to get into my “giveaways”? Say it isn’t so. Please tell me you didn’t subscribe to me JUST for the goodies that I could give you only to toss me aside once you’d had your way with me. I feel so used. Like a bloggy whore. I thought we meant more to one another than that.

Come back.Don’t leave. I won’t always be stressed and bloated and have cabin fever and my kids won’t always drive me up a wall. Things will get better. I won’t do it again. Let’s not take a break and if you are going to “unsubscribe” from this relationship, why not tell me why? Give a girl some closure. Think of it as an exit interview. Just drop me a note so I can grow and learn from it before I get my bloggy heart broken again.

I mean we shared at least one post that meant something to both of us, even if it was just a laugh while you were in the pick up line or an unsuspecting cry in the middle of the night when you couldn’t sleep? Or what about the time I made you shoot diet coke, wine or coffee out your nose? Let’s not even bring up the time you were reading about my labor while sitting on the toilet. I’ve shared my most personal stories with you. We’ve been intimate.

I wish you nothing but sunshine and unicorns unsubscriber. Just know that every time feedproxy sends me an unsubscribe notice, a blogger dies.

XOXO

P.S. If you would like to donate a subscription to the keep a blogger alive foundation subscribe here

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Comments (14)

I’ll do you one better – I actually watch my real-time stats on Google Analytics so I can see just how many people are on my site in real time at every moment. It’s a sickness!

@D.J. I can’t watch in real time. I’d probably never leave the house and need a steady drip of morphine. I’d develop ulcers and stuff plus I’d probably develop self-esteem issues and , let’s face it, I don’t need any more issues:)

Cute post! I love how some of my posts that only took a couple of minutes to draft seem evergreen and the well thought out ones don’t seem to go anywhere. C’est la vie!

LOL! I Know, some of the posts I think will resonate flop and those I think of spontaneously…they take off like a rocket. Who knows. I can’t figure it out. I just enjoy writing all of it and I hope people enjoy most of it.

Happy Friday.

LMBO… hilarious! Bloggers everywhere feel this way I’m sure!

Right, that’s what I thought but there are like no comments on this post:)LOL I guess no one wants to admit it

Omg!!!! I totally and honest LOVE YOUR BLOG!!! I read more bloggers but you always say something that I like or agree on, please keep doing what you are doing the way you do it cuz for me is awesome!!!
Thank you!!

Aww, @Grace you made my day.

Oh God, I totally love you.

Cute post, Deborah! I donated. 😉

@Adrienne

LOL! Thanks. Well, that makes up for one of the unsubscribers:)

I’ve been reading you more and more since meeting you at that corner table in the American Girl doll store. I love the way you share great links and write honestly, with a mix of sass and sentimentality. I loathe the numbers game. Everything ends up hurting.

This is how I feel about my FB “fans” because I don’t really keep track of my blog stats that way. 🙂 But yes – I SO hear you!

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