Soapbox Media at its Worst: Summer Minor

Summer Minor, suicide, suicide attempt, eulogy,depression, bipolar, manic depression, mental illness

Summer Minor, suicide, suicide attempt, eulogy,depression, bipolar, manic depression, mental illness

Summer Minor; Mother and Writer

Summer Minor don’t do it~Just now, this very minute, I am checking my Twitter stream and I start seeing all these tweets about the blogger Summer Minor ‘s post Surrender. Of course, I went to read it. What I found has horrified me and shook me to my very core. I am not a follower of Summer Minor and have never heard of her before this morning’s barrage of tweets but I am sickened.

Summer Minor’s post alleges that she has committed suicide. Today! She has written her own eulogy, posted it on the internet and left us all as helpless participants in her suicide. Summer Minor has left us all feeling sad, guilty and helpless. Well, that is the reaction of most of the internet.

Summer Minor You have so much to Live for

Me, I am fucking pissed. What kind of deviant does this to people? I am looking at her header and I see 3 beautiful children, smiling. Happy.Unknowing and unsuspecting recipients of the pain her selfish act will inflict. The post is a pity party to rally sympathy. She tries to tell us that she is doing us all a favor by leaving the world. That she will not be bothering anyone to mourn her. Bullshit. She just got sympathy and pity from the entire world via twitter.

I understand pain, feelings of failure, loss, worthlessness…we all do. We’ve all had our diagnosis. We all have bad days, months, and years. We’ve all had to survive things we wish we never had to endure. I’ve had days that I’ve wanted to give up. But you know what? That is selfish.

There is nothing selfless about killing yourself. Unless you are a fucking hermit who no one knows and has ever loved and you go off in quiet solitude to disappear from the world and even then, you have a Mother and Father who loved you and will miss you.  But she has kids! I am sick. Disgusted. Enraged.

If this is a hoax then she is an asshole and if it’s not..she’s a selfish asshole. I hope that someone finds her and she can be saved. My prayers are for her soul, my sympathy and sadness is for her children.

Summer Minor You are in our Prayers

 

*P.S. As of 3 pm this afternoon (EST) it was confirmed via TWITTER that Summer Minor is in fact alive.

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77 Comments

  1. adventures in babywearing  /  2011/04/19, 11:44 am Reply

    I do know she has a history of depression, and yes- I don’t know the procedure for this. Social Media makes everything weird. But, who am I to just sit and pretend it’s fake? I think as an online friend of hers I have grown to know her and believe her. ALSO I am dealing with a sh*tload of regret at not reaching out to her or being a better online friend.

    I am appalled the authorities HADN’T yet been called when I called. I do hope she is ok. I DO HOPE it is just a cry for help and that she is ok.

    Steph
    adventures in babywearing recently posted..I won two netbooks- do you need one UN-SPONSORED GIVEAWAY

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 11:52 am Reply

      I agree. I hope its a call for help.When I saw the post, I realized that she’s been “calling” for help for awhile. Even her tweet tread was full of suicidal tendencies. I am so sorry that you have possibly lost a friend and enraged that you would have to find out this way. It is awful and I have no words.I don;t mean to be insensitive to her friends. I know your heart is heavy already. I pray that for her friends and childrens sake, she is fine.

  2. adventures in babywearing  /  2011/04/19, 11:45 am Reply

    I left a comment- do you have to approve first?
    adventures in babywearing recently posted..I won two netbooks- do you need one UN-SPONSORED GIVEAWAY

  3. Dana K  /  2011/04/19, 11:56 am Reply

    My first reaction to “suicide” posts is also anger. This was the second self-written “eulogy” I’ve read by a blogger who committed/attempted suicide in about a week.

    I live with major depressive disorder but have, thankfully, never been suicidal. I understand wanting to die because I have been there; I’ve just never wanted to die by my own hand.

    I am so sad for her family, her precious children, & her friends. Whatever the result, whether she lives or dies, she has traumatically altered many lives. Her children will never be the same. I grieve for them and the loss of their innocence.
    Dana K recently posted..The Dakotas- Part Two

  4. wen  /  2011/04/19, 12:43 pm Reply

    If you are angry, it can’t be at her, because you have clearly no experience with serious depression, and you are the one who sounds selfish AND ignorant here.

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 1:00 pm Reply

      I appreciate your opinion. And, in fact, I have had experience with depression.THAT is how I know that we are still able to make choices in our life.She made a choice. A bad choice. I am sorry for her pain but I am more sorry for the pain that she has caused her children. I am sorry that you feel that my opinion is selfish and ignorant but I assure you, it is not ignorant. I know of what I speak. The question is…do you?

      • Blue  /  2011/04/19, 2:15 pm Reply

        I understand the anger. I hate that people feel they can leave their children . . . but at the same time, you mention in your post that we all have bad times, but we don’t act on them. That right there indicates that you have not experienced the same levels of depression as some of us.

        Depression is a black hole that sucks you down to the point where all you see is darkness. There is no way out from your point of view. Yes, it IS selfish and suicide is a very selfish act and it hurts those around us, but at that moment, it really doesn’t feel like there is any help out there. Those of us not in that hole know that things will get brighter, but when you’re in it, all hope is gone. I think that is the real devastating effect of true depression, the complete and utter lack of hope. It’s just gone.

        That being said, my children are the only reason I DIDN’T commit suicide several times. I couldn’t leave them feeling guilty for my death. I can only assume that Summer lost even that.

        • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 2:41 pm Reply

          Thank you for your honest and personal explanation of deep depression. Maybe you are right, maybe I have never been to that lowest point where I have lost all sight of a way back to hope. I commend you for fighting to survive for your children. You are an inspiration. I am truly sorry that Summer lost her fight. it enrages me that no one saw the signs.When I went to her post this morning, the first time I had ever been there, the signs were everywhere on her twitter stream as well. I didn’t know her. But I am sad that she is gone.

  5. Mommy Boots  /  2011/04/19, 1:08 pm Reply

    I think that feeling angry, and even disgusted at something like this is a normal reaction. I myself have experienced what I consider depression, but I have never ever had suicidal tendencies.. And that’s where my understanding and empathy for this type of thing ends. In my younger years, I used to cry that suicide was selfish. It was the coward’s way. I realize now that was my youth and ignorance talking. I DON’T know what it’s like to feel so hopeless, so helpless, so alone and so unloved that the only way out seems to be suicide. I don’t know what that feels like. And while I can safely say that nothing would make me want to kill myself as long as my daughter was living, I cannot speak for someone else because I don’t have that particular brand of mental illness.

    I hope for the sake of her beautiful children that this really IS just a cry for help and that she is still alive and can find the help she so clearly and desperately needs.
    Mommy Boots recently posted..Your Baby is Walking OMG! Congratulations! Your Life is Over

  6. monique  /  2011/04/19, 1:20 pm Reply

    I agree that anger is a normal reaction. But what reaction wouldn’t be mormal? Whose definition of normal? But being severely depressed is hard. Period. But committing suicide takes a big leap of faith, in my opinion. Faith that you’re doing the right thing when everything – living – just seems so WRONG. She wants the pain to stop, and that’s the only way she can think about. She said that it was hard growing up under her mother’s depression. She was fighting against that for her children. So, from her perspective, she already KNOWS what it is like to live with a parent suffering from depression, and she doesn’t want this for her children. From her perspective, having a dead mother would have been better than having a depressed mother.

    who am I to judge her reality The whole situation is sad, and I do hope they find her alive, but I can’t judge her feelings. They are valid. Whether or not her “fix” is the right thing….

    My opinion is no. But when you feel like you have no choice….
    I don’t know. At this point, all I can do is pray. For her, her family, and her friends.

  7. Kristen  /  2011/04/19, 1:36 pm Reply

    Summer is not a deviant. She is a very hurt and damaged young woman and the name-calling and judgment in this post is in very poor taste.
    Kristen recently posted..big brother- little princess

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 1:49 pm Reply

      Kristen,
      I am sorry for the loss of your friend. I completely agree that she must have been very hurt and damaged to get to this point. I did not know her personally, my outrage is not at her sickness or pain.The deviance is not for being ill. My outrage and disgust is at posting your own eulogy and having the bad taste to tweet it. I am not judging her pain.I am sorry that you feel my post was in poor taste. I am sorry if I have hurt her friends but for me, in my reality, suicide is selfish.Tweeting and posting your own suicide is in very poor taste. I hope that she is ok and this was just a plea for help. As I said, I did not follow her nor did I read her. I was pulled in by the tweets this morning. I would have thought that her friends and regular followers may have seen her tweets and posts in the recent past and been aware that something was awry. I am very sorry for her pain and I pray for her soul. But my sympathy lie with her children who no longer have a mother.

      • monique  /  2011/04/19, 2:13 pm Reply

        All of my posts are automatically tweeted. Maybe hers was as well? If you follow her links she also posted about other people’s suicides, so to post her own (in her mind) shouldn’t be any different, right?

        Where do we draw the line on acceptable tweets and/or social media posts? People post about their kids pooping, about sex, about anything under the sun.

        I think she has a mental disability which needs treatment, not judgment.

        • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 2:54 pm Reply

          Im not judging the illness. My post was strictly my reaction to the situation. I stand by my earlier comment, posting it and tweeting your eulogy/suicide note is not appropriate and it left all of those concerned feeling helpless.

  8. MommaKiss  /  2011/04/19, 1:48 pm Reply

    I’ve seen suicide. Up close and personal. It’s the most horrific situation anyone can be in. I truly hope she is OK and her children are OK.
    MommaKiss recently posted..MASH called- they want Hot Lips back TAKE HER!

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 1:52 pm Reply

      I agree. Completely agree. I am not a heartless bitch as some are quick to believe. The pain she must have felt to push her to this point must have been unbearable. My issue is that social media was used as an accessory after the fact.

  9. Sol  /  2011/04/19, 1:54 pm Reply

    Mental illness has no boundaries. Posting a eulogy and tweeting the posts may be in bad taste but who the heck is thinking about what is ‘in bad taste’ when they do something like that? If they are truly in fact in a moment of suicidal thought?

    Logic many times is overcome by our illness. The reality of a mentally ill person is not that of a mildly depressed person or average typical person. The notion that we are harming our children by leaving? It doesn’t enter many minds because it isn’t that straight forward. For many of us the solution is leaving. We see our children suffer everyday through clouded goggles. Sometimes we perceive that our children are suffering so much more than they actually are. Not everyone has the mental capacity or ability to get it all straightened out before it is too late.

    To many of us who have been there- the desperation, the helplessness is so masked by this chemically fucked up way of being that we don’t see the exit doors to help that so many non-mentally ill people see. That even in a non-depressed/manic state we would normally see and know to go towards.

    Bipolar disorder is not the same thing as depression. It is a complicated and it affects each person differently.

    I don’t think anyone who has a real knowledge of bipolar disorder and of serious life altering depression can truly sit back and be so judgmental of another person’s problems or the end result of those problems when clarity of the situation has not been found.
    Sol recently posted..SunnyMama831- @BirthRoutes amazing and as it should be I think Congrats!

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 2:11 pm Reply

      I am sorry that you lost your friend. I am sorry for your pain. I agree, mental illness clouds judgment. And I DO know the difference between BiPolar and depression. Sometimes the highs can be worse than the lows because you are jumping out of your skin and you irritate yourself . You feel damaged and broken and desolate. Like a lost island. I understand this. Believe me I know more about the disease than I care to share. It has been in my family for years. So I DO KNOW.

      I’m not being judgmental of her pain. I;m not judging her sickness.Fuck.I’m not even judging her..I am commenting on the poor taste it takes to post your own eulogy and tweet it.That is what I find disgusting. To make people an accessory after the fact, is disgusting. Everyone on the internet was helpless to help. It was a soapbox. She did it, announced it and everyone was helpless. Do I think suicide is bullshit? YES~! Hell yes. You have to make decisions in this world. If you can’t beat the disease on your own, get medicated, get regulated, go to therapy. talk it out. get to know the source and your triggers. Suicide is giving up. And no matter what you may say, suicide is quitting and making the decision to quit. It’s selfish because instead of wading through the the pool of hurt and shit, the mental fog and anguish..for your children…the ones you chose to have, you have to choose to fight.TO be better.BiPolar is a treatable disease.

      • Sol  /  2011/04/19, 2:36 pm Reply

        Yes it is treatable but there is no magic cure. For those of us who have been diagnosed with mental disorders or those who live undiagnosed it isn’t simply a black and white issue. Those of us who have suicidal tendencies do not always have access to the resources and support necessary to keep our disorders in check. And even when we do? At times our illness has taken over and it is often too late for us.

        Your post could’ve been more than what appears to be judgment and callous remarks about suicide and those who get to that point. You could have contained information about resources available to those who may find themselves in Summer’s situation. It could have been a tool for those of us who seek help on the internet because sometimes it is the last place of refuge and hope for us.

        I cannot help but see a parallel between this disgust you have re:suicide and the use of social media in this situation, and your own post. To tweet that your post may end up making you a hated person? I think you know you may have crossed some lines here. Possibly some of it in bad taste-whether intentional or not.
        Sol recently posted..SunnyMama831- @BirthRoutes amazing and as it should be I think Congrats!

  10. Mommyfriend  /  2011/04/19, 1:57 pm Reply

    My heart hurts. Sending a million prayers for peace her way.

  11. Fairly Odd Mother  /  2011/04/19, 2:10 pm Reply

    I’m a long-time reader of Summer’s and your post really strikes me the wrong way. First of all, Summer was not selfish—she was suffering. Maybe, just maybe, she posted her suicide note on Twitter in the hopes that she would be saved–she lived alone–no one was going to stumble upon her in the near future. That is the only thing I can hope right now.

    But, her last few posts also speak of not mattering to anyone, so perhaps she just figured “eh, I’ll let people know I’m gone, and in a day, no one will care anyway”. Sad, really.

    She loved those children so much—I started reading her b/c I loved hearing how she homeschooled them with far fewer resources than many people have. When her marriage failed, she worked so hard to keep those kids safe and happy and loved. She was bipolar though, and I’m not sure if she was in treatment, but she lost her kids to her ex, had no real job, no home—and her parents? Ugh. If you read the stories about her poor excuse for a mother, you’d want to throw up.

    Did she have other choices? Of course, though she probably felt so incredibly alone knowing she may never get her kids back and had lost everything to her disease. She was very smart and such a good writer===plus, she may have seen her kids again someday===so it breaks my heart that she couldn’t put one foot in front of the other to get to the next day.
    Fairly Odd Mother recently posted..Who should do a virtual public school

  12. kate  /  2011/04/19, 2:13 pm Reply

    Do you think this kind of post helps her or other bipolar people? She is not a deviant but some might call you a monster. Nice job driving traffic to your site I hope its short lived.

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 2:48 pm Reply

      I am sorry for your loss. I assure you that I did not do this for traffic.I resent the fact that you would even suggest such a thing. I wrote this as my reaction to what was going on. I was completely swept up in emotion. I was not trying to hurt the Bipolar community. This was a very specific reaction to this situation.I did not know about her bipolar diagnosis until I was attacked by readers.I swear to you, the last thing I would ever do is make fun of or make light of mental illness. I am a great supporter or NAMI. These were my feelings. This is my platform. I appreciate your opinion but not being called a monster. If you knew me, you would know that is simply not true.

  13. monique  /  2011/04/19, 2:20 pm Reply

    Truthful Mommy – I just can’t agree with your statements. People quit all the time. They quit work, they quit relationship, they quit medicines, they quit drugs, they quit overeating, etc. All quitting isn’t bad. And in her case, her quitting may have been her final, sober, act that she could control. She can’t control her brain, and she can’t control many of the things that have happened to her. But it appears that she wants to control her ending. I hope she’s not successful – and I don’t even know her.

    If it wasn’t tweeted, would you feel better? If someone else tweeted it, would you feel better? If it wasn’t tweeted, or emailed, or passed from person to person, maybe she wouldn’t get found. For days. Maybe, just maybe, by using social media she can get help. Cause it could be a cry for help – and strangers, perfect strangers, are calling the police and local crisis centers to try to locate her and get her help. What if good comes from her tweet?

    And, just an FYI – many medications are just as harmful as they are helpful. <– Directed to the person who offered it as a solution.

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 2:36 pm Reply

      I see your point. Maybe it was her last cry for help to be found.
      Maybe I would feel better if it were not broadcast on social media but it was. I hate that I was helpless as this poor woman took her own life.

  14. Mammywoo  /  2011/04/19, 2:25 pm Reply

    I find coasting on the back of somebody else’s pain to get hits on your own blog to be disgusting in all honesty.
    Have you ever been left behind by someone who had committed suicide? Let me tell you, I didn’t find my brother or my friend selfish. I was crucified By the grief but calling them selfish never entered my mind, I loved them and clearly suicide was the only way to end the pain. Selfish?!? Clearly you have no experience of dark depression even though you claim to and clearly all your talk of bad taste didn’t stop you from riding on the coat tails did it??
    Wherever summer is? Whether this was a cry for help or whether she went through with it I hope she doesn’t read this or come across such ignorance and hypocrisy on her road to recovery.

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 2:33 pm Reply

      I am very sorry for the loss of your brother. I am sorry for your pain.I have not been life behind by someone who has committed suicide. I have however been the recipient of the call for help in the middle of the night and felt the anguish and sheer helplessness of not being able to do a damn thing to save them.I assure you that I was not coasting on someones coat tails to get hits. I was on twitter this morning when this all went down and I was genuinely concerned. My post was driven by pure emotion. I hope she is fine. I hope her kids still have a mother. I don’t wish ill on anyone.

  15. Lissa  /  2011/04/19, 2:34 pm Reply

    I was just wondering about this myself … the power of social media. I never heard of Summer until today — and when I went back to learn more about her, the blog was down. My guess is her post was set to go live at a certain time — same with the tweet. It is heart-breaking she felt it had to come to this and my heart goes out to her children. Such a tragic situation and so sad that she felt she had no other option.
    Lissa recently posted..Signs of Progress

  16. stisso  /  2011/04/19, 2:58 pm Reply

    Being angry at someone for attempting or completing suicide is normal and natural. That doesn’t mean that the person who it’s aimed at is deserving of the spite, however. I’m not sure I understand how you can acknowledge the clouded judgment of someone who’s reached that desperate point, yet continue to call them selfish, as if their actions reflect some level of mental focus and rationalilty.

    My father-in-law was a well-respected physician, and a loving husband and father. Intellecutally, he knew what the warning signs of mental illness were, and I’m sure he knew what he was up against. He knew what the “treatment” was (and for the record, bipolar disorder and depression are not “treated”, so much as “managed” – quite different when you’re on the receiving end), yet he still succumbed. He left behind his family to pick up the pieces. Was I angry? Yes. Was his family angry? Yes. That doesn’t change the fact that we all consider him just as much a victim in all of this as ourselves. He’s the one that will never meet his grandchildren. He’s the one who missed our wedding.

    Be careful what you write. Her family may read this one day. Think about what you are saying about their mother, wife, daughter, and friend. They knew her and you didn’t. You don’t like her choice of media for sending a suicide note. I can tell you that a lack of such note, or a private note by her bedside, would bring her family no more comfort. I imagine your blog post will bring little comfort as well if it is read by those who love her. Just something to think about.

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 3:12 pm Reply

      Thank you for your insight. I am sorry for the tragic loss of your father- in-law. I am not judging her for being ill. I am sickened by the use of social media as a platform to broadcast it.
      I think her choice was selfish. Apparently, I have never been in such a deep emotional hole as her. Because I can always see hope in my childrens faces. I was not trying to hurt her family. I was simply reacting to the situation of being on the receiving end of the news and feeling so helpless. The thought of someone killing themselves while I could do absolutely nothing angered me.

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 3:14 pm Reply

      p.S. she is alive and they have her. Hopefully she will get the help she needs

  17. monique  /  2011/04/19, 3:00 pm Reply

    She’s at a clinic with a friend, getting help. Just wanted to let you all know…

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 3:16 pm Reply

      Monique,
      Thanks for letting me know. I am relieved that she is getting the help that she needs. The media blitz may have saved her life. I will pass on the good news to my readers. thank you again.

  18. Amy  /  2011/04/19, 3:16 pm Reply

    Emotions are emotions – they just are. What you feel, what Summer feels, whatever any of us feel – that’s what we feel.

    I agree that we make choices. And yes, many felt helpless after reading Summer’s supposed eulogy. We are helpless if a person has already made a final choice such as suicide. We can pray or send positive thoughts for any after death experience or reconciliation, but we cannot help her live her life.

    Now, we can. She can. From what I understand she is alive and getting help. Choice is powerful. I totally agree with you there; have pulled myself up by the boot straps several times.

    And yet, it is difficult to say what another should and should not do. I suppose with one’s personal blog or site it is up to them to choose, as long as it doesn’t infringe on another’s rights – and we certainly have the right to respond to situations like these as we individually choose.

    Not against you, but with you in mommahood – not always easy but always an opportunity to grow, that’s for sure…
    Amy recently posted..Crabby Stretching for Families

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 3:24 pm Reply

      Amy ,
      Thank you for your understanding and for being the person who actually understood what I was trying to say with this post.Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

      • Amy  /  2011/04/20, 8:11 am Reply

        We are in this together – all of us – whether we realize it or not, whether we like it or not. Thank you for your willingness to be raw and respectful.
        Amy recently posted..Crabby Stretching for Families

  19. ~ Y  /  2011/04/19, 3:23 pm Reply

    Although you’ve been attacked in this post, for what it’s worth, I do see where you’re coming from and I believe it’s from a very genuine place. Sometimes we write things, in a moment of passion and emotion, and don’t realize just how it will go over. I don’t think you are heartless, nor do I think you did this for “traffic” (baffled by those who would accuse you of that).

    Im SO glad to hear that Summer is alive and at a clinic getting the help she needs. I figured she would be. I’m actually a psychologist on a Borderline Personality Disorder ward that specializes in DBT and I work with patients in this kind of pain who cry for help in similar ways. I’m just happy help came for Summer in time.
    ~ Y recently posted..On Having All Boys

  20. Monrovich H. Civornom  /  2011/04/19, 3:26 pm Reply

    Truthful Mommy, you should not feel bad about anything you have posted or commented here. I completely agree with all that you have said.

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 3:33 pm Reply

      Thank you. It’s nice that someone else thinks I’m not a monster..besides my mom, today:)

  21. Christine  /  2011/04/19, 3:29 pm Reply

    I see that there is good news! Without going into details I have seen people close to me deal with depression, suicide attempts, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I cannot possibly be able to know what is going on with someone else’s thoughts ie; why they would commit suicide or why they would tweet about it. This woman has my emphathy for sure. Truthful Mommy, I am with you, though. I have very little patience for suicide attempts. If someone is crying out for help, then get help! Family and friends absolutely should be called for assistance but not in such a dramatic fashion. Instead of reaching for the pill bottle, reach for the phone and call 911 and get an ambulance. As for a ploy to get more hits, I don’t believe it for a second. I am reactionary in the same way…..blogging is a forum and we debate, communicate and share with each other.
    Christine recently posted..Pokemon Battle T Shirt

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 3:35 pm Reply

      God bless you for your kindness.I’ve been fending off insults for about 6 hours now. The traffic drive comment was the worst. Anyone who has ever read me, knows that that is not my style.It was purely reactionary. I am glad that she is ok.

  22. Stephanie  /  2011/04/19, 3:33 pm Reply

    Depression and all mental illnesses are scary. The person that is sick is not thinking how their actions will effect others.I am pretty sure she wasn’t thinking her tweet or post was in poor taste cause she wasn’t thinking straight at all…..that’s the problem, that is what depression does to someone.They are in such a dark place and they honestly believe that suicide is the only way out.You have to remember when some is suicidal they don’t want to DIE they want their pain to end and they see suicide as their only option. I am a social worker and deal with teenage suicide all the time.I stongly believe that suicide is not a selfish act. A normal reaction to one attempting or committing suicide is anger cause we are angry they left us or attempted to leave. It has nothing to do with us and it has all to do about the person that is sick and needs help. I for one hope that Summer gets all the support, love and help that she needs.

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 3:51 pm Reply

      Stephanie,
      SO do I! Thank you for shedding some professional insight into this situation. I was reacting as the survivor not the person who committed suicide. I understand what you are saying about ending the pain, not necessarily killing themselves. It is desperation.

      • Stephanie  /  2011/04/19, 3:57 pm Reply

        I am not saying you are a monster, just have to add this. Everyone is entitled to their opinion whether we agree, disagree or think its in poor taste or not. And for someone that just started following you today, I am hopping this was not to drive traffic! But from what little interaction we have had I don’t think that is what motivated your post….

        • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 6:45 pm Reply

          I would NEVER write a post just to drive traffic.This was from the heart. I wrote this post out of frustration of the situation. I pray that she gets the help that she needs and can find hope and strength to persevere.

  23. zchamu  /  2011/04/19, 3:34 pm Reply

    Your words in this post were unnecessarily harsh. Anger is certainly understandable; name calling was rather excessive.

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 3:59 pm Reply

      This post was written in the heat of the moment, as it was all going down. I was upset and I wrote what came from the heart. It was not intentional excessive name calling. I was angry with the entire situation.

  24. Debi Rivier  /  2011/04/19, 3:43 pm Reply

    I think she found help prior to losing her life. Per the HM4HB page…

    She’s been found: friend twitter: “we’re at a clinic and getting help,” 14 minutes ago. “Waiting on police to arrive” 4 minutes ago.

    The Other Debi

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 3:57 pm Reply

      I am glad that she is getting the help that she needs. I hope they can find a way to ease her pain and show her hope.

  25. Amber  /  2011/04/19, 3:59 pm Reply

    As someone who has a very, very real perspective into suicide I CANT AGREE MORE. Of course, I think you shouldnt swear so much, but selfish and cruel is the first thing that popped into my mind.

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 6:42 pm Reply

      Amber,
      Thank you for your comment.And I will try and not curse so much:) Mom, is this you?LOL

  26. Cindy Olivares  /  2011/04/19, 4:22 pm Reply

    I am not a follower of Summer but saw several tweets referencing her in my stream this morning. It wasn’t until later that I read what set everyone off. I had a friend who struggled with depression and attempted suicide when I was younger and the same feelings of anger and rage I felt then came back today. She had called another friend to say good bye and that friend immediately called the police. Back then I was angry at her for giving up. I was angry at her for leaving her little brother behind, her mom, her friends. I couldn’t understand why she could be so selfish. Why didn’t she care? But I was most angry that she called our friend as her last act. To me it was her way of putting the responsibility of possibly dying on someone else. If someone else knew, and did nothing to stop her, then it wasn’t her fault. That is what angered me back in high school and that is what angered me today. I agree with your stance. And I hope that people understand the distinction you’ve clearly made between being angry at her post and not at her or her mental state.

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 4:41 pm Reply

      CIndy,
      Thank you for understanding. I am sorry that you had to experience it to understand. I have been at the receiving end of that kind of phone call and it haunts me to this day. I got there in time.I saved her and for a long time, she hated me for it. But she called me and it was y responsibility.SO today that post and tweet, threw me back in time and back to that moment in college. That helpless, devastated place where I knew that my every single action in those moments meant the difference between life and death. That feeling angers me.

  27. Marinka  /  2011/04/19, 4:27 pm Reply

    I understand your reaction, I do.

    Not the name calling part, of course, because such language would never pass my lips, but the sentiment of anger.

    I think that such depression, such devastation is incomprehensible to most. We are the lucky ones. Other people live with unbelievable pain.

    When I read that her children would now be free, my heart hurt. Because never having read her before, and not knowing one thing about her situation, I knew that her children would never heal from something like that, not completely, I don’t think.

    I’m rambling. But I want you to know that you are not alone in the knee-jerk reaction. I had it too.

    I hope that Summer gets the help that she needs.
    Marinka recently posted..Know What’s Funny

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/19, 6:38 pm Reply

      I hope she gets the help she needs too. It was totally an emotionally charged reaction. I agree and I should have kept my foul mouth hooliganed self at bay ( the cursing that is all: )

      Now,not to sound like a complete asshole but I really hope this was a desperate call for help and not a media stunt because that would be the lowest of the low!
      My thoughts are with her and her family.

  28. Mommy Nani Booboo  /  2011/04/19, 4:33 pm Reply

    My reactions were the same as yours, Deb. I have a very close relationship with serious depression. Grandstanding this way, in my humble opinion, was a very hurt person’s way of making other people hurt. It is selfish… you are not wrong. Sick people are often selfish. I am not diminishing her illness- but the side effects of this illness are selfish and cruel.
    Mommy Nani Booboo recently posted..Why I need coffee

  29. A.Y.  /  2011/04/19, 7:39 pm Reply

    I’ve read through all your comments, and I still feel the impulse to speak up about your actions here. Actions done on the spectrum of self-harm come from a place of illness. The moral agency and judgement of someone suffering from major depression is not the same as yours when you are reacting from a place where you still “see hope in your children’s eyes”.

    You acknowledge that you understand how deep her mental illness was for her to consider suicide. Your statement, “The thought of someone killing themselves while I could do nothing angered me,” shows that you understand the influence of emotion on logical thought and clouding someone’s ability to empathise, and understand situations from various perspectives. In your anger and helplessness, you wrote many things in your original blog post that many of your commenters have seen as heartless and insensitive. Was it not a selfish act then too to take to the internet and make us all a part of your anger? To write things that trigger sadness and grief from others who have lost relatives and loved ones to suicide? To write things that other people feel the need to respond to so we’re not made into bystanders in actions? Now, take that feeling of helplessness that you experienced as a mere witness, and try to imagine the helplessness that drives a person to end their life. No matter how angry you are, to say that someone in that much pain is a “deviant” and “selfish” is nothing short of cruel and in gross taste, especially since she survived. Suicidal people are not narcissts(sp?). They need medical attention and emotional support to cope with feelings that they believe are beyond their capacity. A label and a stigma have been placed on a very ill and sensitive person who must now attempt to rebuild her life in the face of a judgemental world.

    You’re right, suicide is a choice. But you know what else is a choice? Accepting a job in a sweat shop. They have the CHOICE to accept the job in a sweatshop, one can say, so it’s not their employer’s responsibility if they’re exploited! They CHOSE that job, and that’s 10 cents more than they made yesterday, so that they don’t starve to death! You see the point I’m trying to make?

    You are 100% right that suicide is an active choice, and it is done to relieve a person of their pain- but not all choices and actions are equal. I think that you are a wonderful person who is clearly speaking from a place of deep emotions and a genuine care for the well being of others, especially after your personal experience with suicide. You feel as though the public nature of the internet makes you a part of those who are responsible- this is very big of you. The overwhelming majority of people would never care enough to be angry, let alone angry enough to write about it. I commend your sense of personal responsibility in a culture where we are encouraged to do everything on our own. But your words here have been an expression of the hard work we still have to do as a culture to understand mental illness and suicide.

  30. Pour Your Heart Out, suicide  /  2011/04/20, 12:25 am Reply

    [...] morning,I found myself impulsively writing a post. It was one of those situations where the heart took over and my blog was where the feelings [...]

  31. Arlene  /  2011/04/20, 12:54 am Reply

    I have never heard of Summer until about 10 minutes ago
    I have never read Truthful Mommies blog until just now.
    I am dealing with a relative right now who on Monday sliced her wrists for about the 5th time in the past 3 years. Who happens to be the mother of my 9 year old niece. So yes I do know what it is like to be in this situation.
    I have never been depressed enough to want to end it all because I do have children and I do agree that suicide is a selfish thing because ending one persons pain creates so much pain for the many others left behind. Not to mention how it can ruin the children’s lives and how statistically those children may go on to commit suicide one day themselves.
    I don’t know what I would have done had I seen all of this play out on twitter because just the little bit that I have read tonight makes me sick to my stomach.

    AND I can’t believe the number of hypocrites who have the nerve to bash this blogs author for venting her own passionate opinion in the heat of the moment, in great frustration because there was NOTHING she could have done to help this woman. And then in the next sentence the same commentor’s can justifies what Summer did? Hello people if you can’t see anything wrong in what Summer did then how can you even dare bash Truthful Mommy for what she wrote. She wrote her feelings just as Summer did. We ALL have the right to express ourselves.

  32. MamaRobinJ  /  2011/04/20, 1:58 am Reply

    I read your post and was going to comment in anger. Then I read the comment thread and was prepared to cut you some slack. I can understand the anger reaction. But grandstanding? GRANDSTANDING?! Unbelievable.

    I don’t know Summer either, and came to know about this the same way you did – through a stream of tweets. I never got to see her post. But one thing I do know is that you can have relationships with people you know online, and I can absolutely see that she might have wanted them to know. To understand.

    I’m struggling with depression and am as close to suicide as I (hope) I can get. I can’t imagine ever doing it but I can absolutely understand how someone would feel the need, and why she’d post about it so others would know what had happened.

    There’s nothing grandstanding about pain.
    MamaRobinJ recently posted..Four Weeks

  33. Liane  /  2011/04/20, 6:44 am Reply

    Just as we should not judge the illness or actions, as none of us walk in her shoes…we should also not judge anyone’s reaction as we are all looking at the situation through our own past and current experiences and who we are. Our percetpions are not someone’s else’s reality. We are all trying to understand something that there is no way to truly understand.
    One of my favorite quotes…

    Be kind to everyone you meet, for we are all fighting a hard battle.
    Liane recently posted..Huckleberry Swamp Walkabout

  34. Linds  /  2011/04/20, 9:16 am Reply

    When someone makes things public, anything, there will be judgement. You for writing this post, her for writing hers, people for parenting the way they do, people for posting a picture of them wearing white after labor day. One of the amazing things I have noticed in my short time blogging is the HONESTY some people write with. They don’t censor. They don’t write for attention. They write their thoughts and feelings.

    You were honest about how you felt about the situation. And I am sure you are not alone. And not just that, had she done what she said she was going to, I am sure a lot of her family/friends would have felt the same exact way. You weren’t cruel. You weren’t taunting. You were honest with your feelings about it. And, as I am sure you, her, and anyone else on the internet knows, when you put yourself out there, it won’t always be received well.

    But you are totally received well with me. Catch ya on the Tweet Side!
    Linds recently posted..Adapting and progress

  35. Jaci  /  2011/04/20, 9:57 am Reply

    Please edit (or even better – DELETE) this post. You have her name, picture, blog links all beside the words SELFISH ASSHOLE. Would you want to come out of a psych ward and read that about yourself?

    I’m all for free speech…writing whatever you want on a personal blog…even taking shots at me in your last post. But this crosses the line into a personal attack on someone you: a) don’t know, b) heard about 16th hand over Twitter, and c) is already in a fragile mental state.

    You are defending this post by saying you wrote it quickly and in anger–fine. We’ve all been there. So now that you’ve cooled off, fix it. Rage against suicide and depression–not one of it’s victims.
    Jaci recently posted..Sick of the Garbage in my Reader

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/20, 10:15 am Reply

      I appreciate your opinion and view point. If I take it down now, I look like I don’t stand behind my post. I do stand behind my post. Every blogger or twitter reader already knows who she is from her own post. I linked her post because it was her post.Her words.I thought maybe those who know her or read her would like to be aware of what was going on. So that they could go and lend their support to her. I didn’t make this up. I am sorry if it offended you. This post is a reaction to the situation.It is my reaction.I was not trying to hurt her.

      As for the reference to your post, I did not link you so that I wouldn’t drive mean comments towards your blog. I did not name you or your blog out of respect for your right to write whatever you want. Again, it is your blog and you can have your feelings and write what you want as long as it’s legal.I didn’t agree with your post but I did not leave you nasty comments or hand you over to the wolves to be dissected.

      I will not defend my piece,as I do not have to.This was written in a moment of raw emotion and it stands. I will not take it down but people can make the decision not to read it.

      • Jaci  /  2011/04/20, 11:10 am Reply

        You called her a deviant and a selfish asshole and linked her so people could lend their support? And you never meant to hurt her? By directly calling her names and accusing her of faking it for attention?

        I call bull shit.

        You wrote a post attacking me for talking bad about bigger bloggers in general–and used me as an example of tearing down the wonderful mom blog “community”–then you turn around and dedicate an entire post to bashing a blogger and use her name and picture.

        If you want to stand behind that, fine. Now I know why you were so upset with me for accusing the Top 50 blogs of worming their way into every internet drama. You do the same thing.

        And don’t worry. I won’t blog about this and unleash my “wolves”. *snort*
        Jaci recently posted..Sick of the Garbage in my Reader

        • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/20, 12:14 pm Reply

          Jaci,
          I am going to respectfully disagree. You don’t know my heart or my story, nor do I know yours. I appreciate your passion for this subject but I am not going to keep going rounds on the same subject. My post did not say she was faking it for attention. I believe the comment you are referring to was in response to another comment. This came hours after the fact, after it was known that she was alive and after a tweet that someone said they were having a cigarette and laughing with her. It made me wonder. But don’t get it twisted, I was not accusing her of anything. I was merely thinking out loud. I was wrong for that.I realize now that it could be construed as insensitive. I have removed the comment.
          My intent was not to bash Summer, I was upset and angry at the situation.You can call bullshit if you want. You don’t know me. Those who do know me, know I am not malicious.

          And in regards to “worming” my way into internet drama. I didn’t worm my way into anything. I wrote a honest ,raw post that auto tweeted 1 time when it was published. I never publicized the post, I never shared it. People created the drama by coming to my blog and attacking me.

  36. Alexandria  /  2011/04/20, 10:26 pm Reply

    I completely missed all of this yesterday, but heard it mentioned on another blog this morning about how other people we’re not really supporting this person. And the thing that immediately came to mind for me was nothing but a either a huge hoax or a woman who is just desperate for attention & who never intended to take her own life, but wanted attention.

    I’m not going to lie. I find those antics to be selfish & immature. If she really wanted to kill herself what is she posting all over the internet for like that? What about her children? Clearly something is wrong with her.
    Alexandria recently posted..Teen Mom Castoff

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/21, 8:19 am Reply

      I’m just glad that she has survived to live and other day and get the help she so desperately needs. Be glad you missed it.I happened to be down when it all happened & obviously, this was my reaction.Not a popular one, but mine all the same. You ask all the same questions that went through my mind.

  37. Dawn  /  2011/04/23, 12:11 pm Reply

    I”m a long time follower of Summers. I read the news days ago from her blog and it hit me so hard. I have never met her in real life, but years of reading about her life with her children, her then husband and her wonderful life made me feel so connected to her. It felt like I really knew her. Then in the last year this downward spiral where she lost everything, her husband, her house, her kids, then was homeless. There were cries of help every week. People commented on those blog posts, telling her to get more help, reaching out, but what more can you do? I don’t personally know her, I can only give as much as she will lelt me.
    but she’s ok?!?!
    It gives me so much joy to hear that she is alright. I have thought for the last several days that her life was over and I’d never hear about her again.
    Summer is such a wonderful person, I hope the best for her, I wish her strength, help and support.
    -Dawn

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/04/26, 2:20 pm Reply

      Dawn,
      I am so sorry that you had to experience that last week. I;m glad she is OK and has such a a great bunch of people that care so much for her. I hope that she can start to see the hope again.

  38. Bruna  /  2011/04/28, 12:10 am Reply

    Those of us who really know you Deb, know you’re caring, kind and compassionate. As a mother, it’s hard not to react to something like what has happened to Summer.

    We all know you are genuine Deb and that comments about writing this post to get traffic are completely ridiculous. People are telling you to not judge yet they’re judging you at the same time. Not fair.

    I believe your words and your feelings and know you were writing from your hurt heart thinking about this woman’s children being left behind. Having experienced a suicide call from your own BF in the past would easily bring back feelings.

    Know that the readers who know and love you, know that you meant no harm in this post and were only acting on your emotions at the time.

    I understood your post …

    • Truthful Mommy  /  2011/05/02, 10:00 am Reply

      Thank you for understanding Bruna. I never would judge a person for their disease or write a post for traffic purposes only, the accusations were outrageous. BUt they have their right to think their thoughts but they don;t know me. I am so glad that Summer is Ok and getting the help that she needs.I hope that she finds peace and hope and the will to fight to carry on.

  39. Hillary  /  2011/05/01, 2:05 pm Reply

    I was here a few weeks ago and didn’t post a comment because I couldn’t figure out how to constructively relay my emotions. I’m not sure I’ve been able to, but after seeing Summer respond to what you wrote I did want to reply.

    Yes, we are all free to have our emotions.
    Yes, we are free to blog about anything we wish.

    But sometimes it can be helpful to take a step back and see the ramifications. Summer is in the middle of a crisis. This is very easy to see. I am in no way justifying what she did, but I wish you would have edited your post to omit the name calling once you had cooled down.

    Do you know how many ppl wanted to blog about this whole situation? My guess is dozens, but when you search on her name you find this. It’s understandable, but it’s also hurtful towards someone who is already hurting so much.

  40. Bloggers, Twitter, Heather Armstrong  /  2011/06/30, 1:36 pm Reply

    [...] I thought two grown women should be able to handle their own disagreement. I’ve been the one attacked for having the unpopular opinion, so I know how that feels. No [...]

  41. jennique adams  /  2011/07/02, 11:23 am Reply

    You can definitely see your enthusiasm in the work you write. The world hopes for more passionate writers like you who aren?¯t afraid to say how they believe. Always go after your heart.

  42. Lindsay Forbes  /  2011/12/13, 6:09 pm Reply

    There is no way out from your point of view. I don’t personally know her, I can only give as much as she will lelt me. The media blitz may have saved her life. My thoughts are with her and her family.

  43. Alison  /  2012/04/23, 10:53 am Reply

    Came across this post only now. Wow, what a story! Glad everything turned out well in the end…
    Alison recently posted..Top Rated Infant Car Seats

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