It’s You They Add Up To

marriage, little things, one direction, love

Since the night I met the Big Guy, his love for me has been like a run away train. It was more than I ever expected. It was certainly more than I had ever experienced. It was overwhelming. He took my breath away because, quite frankly, his certainty in his love for me scared the hell out of me.

When he told his mom that I was the girl he wanted to marry, he got choked up and told her that I was his “soul mate”. He meant it after only four months of knowing me.

I never had a relationship with anyone who loved me like he does. Everything before him always felt one sided and I was the one doing the big loving, they were always vaguely invested by some point but I was never anyone’s soul mate before the Big Guy. I was the girlfriend but never the one.

I think I’ve been waiting for the past 15 years for him to suddenly realize what a big mistake he made and realize that I didn’t deserve all that big wonderful love. I felt like he had bought into an idea and I was so much more than that idea, I was flawed. I am flawed. I am so flawed; more flawed than most.

But he never did. Or if he did, he never let on that he was let down. But in my mind, I’ve always felt that I wasn’t deserving of such a big, unconditional to the bone, intertwined soul kind of love. I mean that is reserved for parents and children and I had never even felt that kind of unconditional loved by them. No one has ever loved me the way the Big Guy loves me.

But still there he was every day, never wavering always loving me with all of him. He came into my life and rescued me. Oh, his love for me has rescued me from myself more times than I can count.

He tells me that I am beautiful when I feel my ugliest. He loves me at my best and even more so at my worst. His love is once in a lifetime. The kind that we all fantasize about as little girls but don’t really believe exists. A love so big that when you finally find it, you can’t believe it’s real.

He loves me more than I have ever been able to love myself. He loves me for all that I was and all that I have become and I know, in my heart, he will love me no matter whom I become. He supports all my dreams and encourages me to take flight when I am afraid to take a leap. He makes me want to be a better person. I never understood that line until the Big Guy.

I heard this song this morning for the first time, as I drove home from dropping our girls off at school, and I found myself blubbering like a baby because it makes no sense that he loves me so much but I am so thankful that he does and I am telling you all choked up, “He is my soul mate and I am more in love with him today than on the day we were married.”

We’ve been through ups and downs, babies, losses, moves, jobs, diagnosis and surviving a commuter marriage. He’s always been there to hold my hand and my heart. We’ve grown and instead of letting circumstances pull us apart, our lives have become so intertwined that we are fused; his heart to mine and mine to his.More than letting these little things slip out of his mouth he has made it known to my heart that he is in love with all my little things and I hope he knows that he’s perfect to me.

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