Internet Trolls

Subhuman creatures who post inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum (TWITTER, FB), chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.

When Internet Trolls attack ~  I used to think that trolls were mythical creatures that lived under a bridge and harassed Dora and then I started blogging. I had a good run. Then I had a surge of trolls, my latest battle with a troll happened over the weekend and I felt I needed  to write this post.

Internet trolls are attention seeking asshats who have a moral meter that registers about 5 beats below utterly despicable. They have the mentality that because they are seated safely  behind a computer screen away from all human contact, they can say things they would never say to a person’s face. Couple the protection of anonymity with a a general disdain for pretty much everyone else on the internet and voila, the internet trolls were born.

There are a few easy ways to identify internet trolls, aside from their little pointy ears and smushed faces.

I have compiled a list.

• They never show their face on the internet. It’s usually an avatar of an egg, a star, or Dr.Spock.
• Internet trolls make off topic comments just to start a problem, for their own amusement. I.e. Your post is about how your grandmother is sick and dying from cancer. Troll comments, ” Your Grandma is fat and ugly.Just like you.Hope death is swift.”
• You say black, they say white and will argue the fact to infinity. Example, never speak of the Holocaust,the shooting of JFK or the man on the moon.
• They pick on typos on twitter and act like it’s a capital offense, even though you did it to shorten the sentence. Example: They’re,there, their; Our,are,R,argh!
• They call you outlandish names to try and provoke you. Example; In reference to you making an innocuous statement about passing the local church, “You are a bible thumping psychopath. No one wants to hear about your Jesus.”
• They find a serious post or conversation and try to interject extreme absurdity for the sake of argument. Example: On a conversation about Postpartum Depression, “There is no such thing. You are making it up. Get over it. PPD is caused by eating too many bonbons.”
• They won’t stop bothering you, like a fruit fly but more annoying. Insignificant but just in your life enough to annoy the hell out of you. They keep talking at you long after you’ve left the conversation.
• Internet trolls make absolute blanket statements with no factual support. Example: “All Mommy bloggers are stay-at-home Mommies who have nothing better to do with their lives than talk about their kids incessantly.”
• Internet trolls jump into conversations mid-stream and attack one word or part of the sentence, blowing it all out of proportion. Remember the Justin Bieber incident.

I know that we are all supposed to rise above trolls.  They have no social skills and can’t be released into the general population. I get that too. I’ve tried to be tolerant but one can only take so much bullshit and I’ve had my fill. Now, be gone  before someone drops a house on you.

Worse still, I’ve realized that there are internet trolls in real life. People who come into our lives and usurp all the good right out of it. They are like cancer. They attach themselves into your life and spread unhappiness and questioning wherever throughout; leaving you feeling lacking or sub par.Where there is happiness and success, there is surely to follow internet trolls. Jealousy and too much time on your hands is a bad combination. I say no more.Blocked and reported for spam bitches.

Have you ever had the misfortune of internet trolls? How did you handle it? Did you turn the other cheek? Did you retaliate? Did you keep quite while an internet troll attacked someone? Internet trolls are the bullies of cyberspace and I don’t believe in turning the other cheek. Internet trolls you deserve a throat punch.

 Internet Trolls be gone before someone drops a house on you

Photo Credit