Dealing with Blogger Mommy Guilt?

mommy blogger, mommy guilt,working mom, parentingThe first thing I read this morning was a piece by my good friend, Jessica Gottlieb, Which came first the Anxiety Disorder or the Blog? Her post really resonated with me in a lot of ways but the most important takeaway that I had was the realization that I need to live more and blog less. This is nothing new. I have known this for some time now. Hell, I know that I need to back the fuck away from the computer and get out of my head and into my life. I need to unplug and it has never been as evident as it is this summer.

I love that I get to write for a living, from home. I love that brands and publications want to work with me but I am beginning to feel burnt out in every way. The thought that permeates my every action this summer is that I started this blog as a way to keep track of my children’s lives (and to flex my writing muscles) but it’s become a runaway train and I am holding on for dear life not to fall off. Which begs the question; how the fuck am I suppose to be a good Mommy if I am spending my time being a good blogger? One takes from the other, unless I sacrifice my sleep, which I do on most days and its still not enough.Mommy fail 101.

When I am with my kids swimming or having tea parties or just sitting listening to them ramble as they crawl into my lap, I feel like a good parent but then my work deadlines are piling up I feel like my editors are all wondering what the fuck is she doing over there. But when I am in a writing fog and kicking out posts like a machine, I feel like the world’s worst mother. Obviously, being a mom is my priority but being a writer has always been my dream. So, here I am leaning in so hard that I am falling the fuck over with no one to catch me. It’s an odd predicament, having what you want and then not knowing how to maintain it all. I think many moms, especially the ones in this field, know exactly what I am talking about.

I’ve complained a few times about all the running and obligations but mostly I am lucky to have these problems but there has to be a balance. I’m leaning in so hard that the tether to my family is the only thing keeping me from toppling over but maybe I just need to lean back a little bit; put up my feet and enjoy life for a minute.Enjoy my children while they are children. I can’t enjoy my life if I spend every second of it fighting the system and fighting myself.

My kids are little and this time doesn’t last long. I am crazy busy this summer and I don’t see it getting any easier anytime soon unless I make some hard decisions. I KNOW at this point I am supposed to be working smart and not hard, I just haven’t figured out how the hell to do it yet. I have to learn to let go. I’ve spent my whole life fighting so hard for everything I have ever gotten that once I get it, I’m afraid to let it go and that lands me with too much on my plate. You’d think after 40 years, I would have figured out how to let go but I teeter between extremes. I’m either freefalling or completely scratching at the walls trying not to hit the ground.

Have you ever felt this blogging/working mom guilt? How did you deal with it?

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4 Comments

  1. Kristen Daukas  /  2013/06/26, 9:00 pm Reply

    I started 4H 9 years ago and if you look at it in the beginning, there are a LOT of long gaps when my girls were younger like yours. Plus this blogging world was nowhere near what it is now. I have more time now because my girls are now tweens and teens and they are at the age where I’m losing my cool factor but I still have to keep on my toes because they ARE getting older. Add to that I’m trying to get my 2nd blog off and running and I need to spend more time on that one. Something has to give.. one site has to take a back seat.. one aspect of life has to be on hold.. I have to make a list to get it all done and then prioritize THAT list! It’s exhausting. Spend the time with your girls first.. squeeze the rest in when you can. I loved Tiffany’s line at BBCChar.. when you’re a Mommy, be a mommy 100%.. when you’re working.. be at work 100%. Hang in there!
    Kristen Daukas recently posted..Cascade Platinum May Have Changed My Life

    • Deborah Cruz  /  2013/06/26, 10:16 pm Reply

      Thanks. I know what has to happen, I need to cut back and invest more attention into my girls. I don’t want them to look back on their childhood and say my mother was never there for me because she was too busy writing about motherhood. I want them to say my mom was awesome, she had a career doing her dream job and so can I and she was one kick as mom and I can be that too. The whole situation works better when they are in school because I don;t work after they get home but summer is hard to figure out.

  2. Allison Zapata  /  2013/06/26, 10:25 pm Reply

    I feel you. xoxo

  3. Hannah  /  2013/07/11, 1:53 pm Reply

    I hear you, I don’t even blog so much and I already feel my time and energy being stretched. Keep it up, your kids need you but so do your readers.
    Hannah recently posted..Affiliate

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