Yearly Archives

2011

REVOLUTION, word of the year, year of the word, resolution

Resolving to Incite the Revolution of 2012

by Deborah Cruz 2011/12/31

I originally posted Resolving to Incite a Revolution last January. It was a great reminder of things I wanted to do in the upcoming year. I have been working diligently on this revolution for the past 12 months but I thought I could use the reminder to continue on with enthusiasm. Life is too short to be unhappy. Sometimes we just need to be reminded of that fact. This is your wake up call; our reminder that we’ve got to incite a revolution in this world an fight for what we want out of life.

Resolving to incite a revolution

~I am way past the point of making resolutions.After all, what the hell is a resolution anyways, nothing more than an empty promise, a flimsy threat at the most.Nope this year, I am declaring war. I’m inciting a revolution.I am resigning myself to a little shock and awe!

*No MORE Cheating! You heard me. I don’t mean that I’m cheating on the Big Guy, never! I mean cheating on diets, cheating myself out of life, cheating myself short on opportunities, cheating my girls out of my complete attention and devotion.

*Embracing Exhaustion! Oh yeah, I am about to make it my mission to exhaust every single iota of potential that these bones have in them. No more sitting on the sidelines letting life happen to me or waiting for things to be done for me, this broad is grabbing life by the balls and making him my bitch. I am going to work this potential so hard, its not going to know which way is up. As the old cheer goes, “Be aggressive..B*EE* EE Agressive!” I’m about to be the change I want to see in my world!

Resolving to incite a revolution

*Organization, Organization, Location! I am a planner, a scheduler, a write it down on paper and DOER! Life seems to have gotten out of control.I don’t mean a little bit off kilter, I mean it has spun right the hell off its axis.Well, NO MORE! Hey, life! Guess what? I AM IN CHARGE..NOT YOU! So, I’m putting pen to paper ( yes, I’m old school like that sometimes) and I’m making a schedule. I’m waking up earlier, getting more sleep, not rushing through life because I’ve planned accordingly, and ( because I am still a bit reckless) I’m even allowing copious amounts of free time for spontaneity.

*Love Hard, Love often! I am making sure that the Big Guy and the girls know how much I love them and how important they are to me. I’m not referring to telling them, speaking the words. I do this already, several times a day. In fact, I’ve told the girls ( constantly) since birth “Guess what? I have a secret.Want to know what it is?” They used to get all excited, their eyes like saucers and ask”Yes, Mommy. What is it?” My answer, I’d bend down and whisper in their tiny ear ,” I Love you more than anything.” Now, they just give me a sheepish smile and say, “What is it Mommy? Tell me!” But more than saying the words, I want to show them with my thoughts and actions.I want to be present in every moment with these family and friends that I have been blessed to be surrounded by in my life. I want them to know in their heart that when I say “I love you” it means..forever, for always, for good, for bad, for ups, for downs, for skinny, for fat, for Always. When they speak, I want them to know I am listening and that what they say matters to me. No more decorum.I am loving on my littles, the Big Guy, my family and friends with an embarrassing amount of exuberance. I want them to feel it to their core…I love them.

Resolving to incite a revolution

*Prioritize, Perspective, and Present The only way to get it all done, in conjunction with my handy schedule, I have to prioritize what’s really important to me and my family. This depends on my perspective. I am choosing to utilize my own perspective ..finally. I am not considering all the outside factors, aside from my girls. I’m also willfully choosing to see life as ALWAYS half full and at my dispense because, in reality, it is. My only limitations have been those I’ve set upon myself. No more! Last but not least, I’m living in the moment. I’m embracing every stinking moment as it happens. I’m not planning for next year, next week, tomorrow…I’m living in the now..RIGHT NOW,with my girls and the Big Guy. I want to enjoy the small things of my life as they happen, not in 20 years in retrospect as a memory. I want to feel the full effect of my life.

*Forgiveness I am forgiving myself for not being perfect. I am not the perfect wife. I am not the perfect Mom. I am not the perfect friend or daughter.I don’t have the perfect body. I don’t have the perfect house. My temper leaves something to be desired. I over extend myself. I expect too much from myself and others. I fall short, in a lot of ways. But that doesn’t mean that my efforts do not have merit. I am hitting reset for everyone I know. I’m passing out forgiveness like kool aid at a Jonestown party. NO more Mommy guilt, no more fatty McFatty guilt, no more I’m not the perfect wife.My house is disheveled. My kids aren’t perfect.No more, I wish I was Bree Van De Kamp bullshit. From this moment forward, I am going to try my best at every endeavor that I choose to undertake with my priority being excelling at being a good example of a the kind of woman I want my daughters to see me as. I will never be perfect, and that is perfectly acceptable, as long as I am living my life as the best me. *This is the one that I REALLY have to work hard at!”

*Incite a Revolution I’m initiating a change in my way of life. I am actively taking steps to become the person that I want to be.That woman who lives inside of me and has been too afraid for a long time to take a gamble.The woman who, even though I hate to admit this, I have realized has been so afraid of failure that I have let it stave off success. No More! No more excuses. I’m not afraid of failure anymore.If I fall, I will just pick myself up and try, try again!But today, I am inciting a revolution between the version of myself that I’ve let myself get comfortable with and the woman I know I can be. I’m starting by setting fire to excuses and self doubt and I’m marching forward with self confidence.

What have you resolved to incite revolution about in your New Year? How are you going to go about succeeding? Happiest of New Years to each and everyone of you.Thank you so much for being part of the TRUTH about Motherhood community. 2012 is going to bring great things, I know it! Hang on to your hats ladies, it’s going to be battle of epic proportions but everything worth having in this life is worth fighting for. Are you ready to incite your own revolution in 2012?

The Revolution Starts Today

2011/12/31 7 comments

Fashion

Fashion Haul Friday ~ New Year’s Eve Edition

by Deborah Cruz 2011/12/30

written by Deborah Cruz

New Year’s Eve~ Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve and most of the world will be going out on the town with their significant other and toasting the new year at midnight. I used to do this. I waited all year to get dressed up for that night. Lately though, I’ve been opting to spend the New Year’s eve with my Big Guy and the little ones. We start with a pizza dinner, then we turn up the clocks to midnight ( around 8 pm) and celebrate with party hats, whistles, horns and champagne ( sparkling cider) toast followed by kisses and an impromptu dance party with rock band. We are wild over here. We started this last year and will be our tradition until the girls are sick of it. Then we snuggle the girls into bed with their heads all a blur from drinking too much sparkling cider. You heard me right. My husband told our then 5 year old that sparkling cider was champagne for little girls. She then proceeded to say that she had drank way too much and was feeling woosy. The Big Guy and I refer to it as the incident of 2010. We haven’t had the heart to break it to her that it’s only bubbly apple juice. It’s more likely that she was woosy from the arsenic poison ( bad Mommy). Either way, my girls danced the night away and went to bed looking forward to the following year and all the great things it promised to be. 2011, you’ve been good but 2012 will be better. I usually end up in my pajamas cuddled up on the couch with the Big Guy drinking wine, watching the New Year’s eve shows and reminiscing about our lives and all of our blessings. But if I were going out to some knock your socks off event, you can be sure this would be my first pick for awesomely hot Mom attire.

New Year’s Eve Edition

New Year’s Eve 2011: Behold, the Fitzgerald from Shabby Apple

This is one of my absolute favorite dresses from Shabby Apple. So cute yet sexy. The way it swings and falls is forgiving on most shapes and less confining then some of the other more fitted New Year’s eve choices.. The color palette is classy and chic. It’s also very affordable at $92.00 at Shabby Apple. I also adore the pairing of the creme colored fishnet stockings for a little extra flirtiness.

Also, Shabby Apple is offering a 10% off discount to all The TRUTH about Motherhood readers on all of your Shabby Apple shopping this holiday season. The code is Truthful10off and the code is valid until January 2,1012. I hope you will all take advantage of this code and get yourself a hot little party dress for this season; YOU DESERVE IT!

Tiers of tantalizing ruffles cascade down this flirtatious frock. A side zipper, cap sleeves and a black, grosgrain bow complete the dress. Made from a sumptuous poly-charmeuse, this dress is perfect for any party!

New Year’s Eve Shoe Hotness; The Madeline

I can’t even tell you how much I absolutely adore these peep toe heels. The ribbon makes then fun and flirty but the 5 inch heel makes them sexy as all get out and they only cost $59.95 at DSW! I adore DSW, especially for making my legs look so long all these years with their wild assortment of 5 inch heels.

New Year’s Eve; New Sexy Hair

I’m loving this hair because it is upswept and very sexy and doesn’t take a lot of work. It’s pretty much my Mommy hair, add to that a little teasing and a fancy head band and Mommy’s got some sass in her class. I hope, no matter where you celebrate tomorrow evening, you feel sexy, sassy and blessed. Happy New Year to you all.

2011/12/30 0 comment

Throat Punch Thursday

Throat Punch Thursday~ Aliahna Lemmon: A sheep among wolves

by Deborah Cruz 2011/12/29

written by Deborah Cruz

Aliahna Lemmon; Little Girl Lost

Aliahna Lemmon~ By now, I am sure that many of you are familiar of the case of the little missing girl from Ft.Wayne Indiana, Aliahna Lemmon. This is a case of the most disgusting kind and never have I had a Throat Punch Thursday happen so close to home. It frightens me to my very core to think that there is this kind of evil walking amongst our children every single day and we never know it.

In case you are unfamiliar with the case here is a recap: Aliahna Lemmon was a beautiful little 9 year old who lived with her Mother,Tarah Souders, and step father in a trailer park on the north side of Ft.Wayne. Aliahna Lemmon’s mother moved her and her 2 sisters to Fort Wayne when Ms. Souders father ( a convicted child molester) was dying and needed his daughter to help take care of him in his last days. Ms. Souder’s father just happened to live in a trailer park that housed 14 other convicted offenders. Why anyone in their right mind would move their children into that area, no matter what the circumstances, I don’t know. As a mother, moving your child into a known den of sex offenders is as irresponsible as leaving your child in the care of a complete stranger. Oh wait, that comes later.

Aliahna Lemmon: A Sheep among Wolves

Last Thursday, 9 year old Aliahna Lemmon disappeared from the trailer of one 39-year-old Michael Pulmadore. Why was she at this man’s trailer you ask? So did I. Apparently, Aliahna Lemmon’s mother, Tarah Souders, was sick with the flu and had left her 3 young daughters in the care of this man, who she calls a family friend. Does this sound fishy to you? As the mother of two small girls, I would NEVER EVER leave my daughters in the care of anyone who is not blood related for a week, especially not in a neighborhood where 1/2 of the neighbors are convicted sex offenders.

Friday, she was reported missing by Michael Pulmadore after he said he talked to Tarah Souders and realized that she had not taken little Aliahna home. Allen County sheriffs department was alerted. All weekend the entire city searched for little Aliahna. By Tuesday, Michael Pulmadore admitted to having killed the little girl on Thursday night by bashing her head in with a brick. In a panic he put the little girl’s body in a garbage bag in a deep freezer in his trailer ( the very trailer that used to belong to her Grandfather who died earlier this month). Then he took her out of the freezer and used a hack saw to dismember Aliahna Lemmon’s body. He then put her head, hands and feet back into the freezer while dumping the remainder of her body in a dumpster at a local convenience store. As of today, the coroners report has not been released so we don’t now if the little girl was molested. We also don’t know what the motive was for that sick fuck Michael Pulmadore to bash her head in with a brick. Nor do we know what the hell made her mother think it was alright to leave her small daughters with a man who was practically a stranger.

Poor little Aliahna Lemmon has been brutally murdered and nobody knows why. Throat Punches go out to all the people who failed this little girl; her Mother who put her in harms way, her Grandfather who promised she would be safe, her father who said he trusted Michael Pulmadore, her stepfather who allowed her to stay at Michael Pulmadore’s trailer and Michael Pulmadore who abused this little girl’s trust and brutally murdered her for no apparent reason. I hope Michael Pulmadore pays for what he did and that those who loved Aliahna Lemmon can have some peace in knowing that finally she is safe from her neighbors.

Aliahna Lemmon; May you rest in Peace

2011/12/29 4 comments

disfigured body, Disfigured, How a Disfigured Mind destroyed my life

Mental Health Women's Issues

How my Disfigured Mind Caused a Disfigured Body

by Deborah Cruz 2011/12/28

written by Deborah Cruz

Disfigured~ to impair (as in beauty) by deep and persistent injuries (real or imagined).

Recently, I watched a movie on Netflix called Disfigured. Disfigured was about two women, one who was severely overweight and the other anorexic. Disfigured began with a group of overweight women sitting in a circle at a meeting for a group for “fat acceptance”. This blew my mind.

What comes first the disfigured mind or the disfigured Body

As many of you are aware I have a history with eating disorders and it’s always been a battle for me to accept the skin I am in. I’m not sure that I’ve ever truly been comfortable in my own skin, it’s been more a range of tolerance. There have been times when I could tolerate the body that I live in more than others but I’ve never looked in the mirror and thought, this is good; I am happy with what I see. When I heard this group of women talking about acceptance, it was a foreign concept to me. In fact, it was so foreign that it was unbelievable.

READ ALSO: To the Bone

I would love to believe that there are women out there who are overweight and are happy. Women who accept and embrace their curves. God, I hope there are. I hope there are actually women in the world who are comfortable in their own skin and love their bodies, every single inch of it. I’m not one of them. I will probably never be one of them just because my way of looking at my body has been fucked up for so long and I have an actual diagnosis ( Body Dysmorphic Disorder) that prevents me from seeing myself as I really am. I feel disfigured at my core. I wish that I could just stop being the way I am. I’ve tried but something always creeps back in and plants a seed of doubt. Watching Disfigured was very uncomfortable for me. It’s hard to explain to you unless you’ve spent your life struggling to achieve an unattainable goal and I am sure some of you have. I feel like I have to creep up on happiness because if it sees me coming it darts off in the opposite direction. It’s a moving target like a toddler being chased in the road.

A disfigured mind can destroy your life.

What transpired next was even more unbelievable to me, or believable or just too fucking relate-able. At this ” fat acceptance” group a recovering anorexic woman walked in and wanted to join the group. I completely understood this. While, I am nowhere near my former bulimic/anorexic self I remember well the feeling of making the choice to recover and having to face the feelings of shame, guilt, anxiety and disgust every single day that you eat normally. When you go from starving yourself, to eating anything at all, it is very uncomfortable. You feel like you are losing control and you feel shame that you can’t control yourself and you feel fat. Yes, fat. Even if you are bone-thin and to everyone else, you look like you need to gain weight. When you are in that part of recovery…you truly do need to learn fat acceptance.

Disfigured Soul

Of course, the anorexic walked in the room and the women who were moments earlier preaching acceptance just as quickly threw her out. She was reaching out for help and they wouldn’t help her because she was too thin. I guess acceptance is a one-way street. They wanted acceptance but only for themselves and only on their terms. This pissed me off. I have been on both sides of this spectrum and both are equally as hard, as dangerous, unhealthy and both leave you feeling ugly and disfigured.Unwanted.Unworthy of happiness. Both make you feel like you are weak. Both fill you with shame and cause your quality of life to suffer. The two main characters became an unlikey pair trying to help the other find acceptance of herself through accepting one another,even though they were one another’s biggest fear. They had everything in common even though their respective situations would lead you to believe otherwise. They both were uncomfortable in the skin they were in.

The identification with both characters had a very profound effect on me. It’s so hard to look at yourself when you are ashamed of what you see in the mirror, too fat or too skinny. It’s not physical at all, it’s all that your perception is of yourself. It’s hard to accept responsibility for making the choices that make you feel so worthless. Unhappiness with what I see in the mirror comes from putting conditions on my own happiness and hiding behind self-imposed superficial limitations. The reason that I can’t be happy with my body is that I am hanging the success of my entire life on what I look like. How ridiculous is that? How has it taken me all this time to finally see what the obstacle truly is? It’s me. I need to get out of my own way.

I need to accept that I deserve all the happiness that the world has to offer. Not when I get the perfect body, the perfect life or only when what I see reflected back to me is acceptable by my impossible standards. I am good enough now! Right now. I have not thrown up or restricted my calories to dangerous levels in about 12 years but I’ve also not allowed myself to fully enjoy my journey. I have to learn to love and accept myself with the unconditional love that I have for others.

What stops you from reaching your bliss? Do you make your happiness conditional based on money? weight? your partner? your house? degrees of success? your child? Why do we have to wait for tomorrow to enjoy our today? We have been misguided. We are not disfigured. This is the almost story of how a disfigured mind destroyed my life.

2011/12/28 21 comments

Fashion

WINNER ANNOUNCEDFashion Haul Friday~ $100 Tea Collection Gift Certificate #Giveaway

by Deborah Cruz 2011/12/24

written by Deborah Cruz

Fashion Haul Friday ~ Tea Collection This week’s fashion find is an amazing Chica cable sweater by Tea Collection for women. I know that we all know and love tea collection for their kids clothes. We mom’s live for tea collection to have a sale for our back to school style and baby clothes. Tea collection is who we look to dress our children. Most of our children are outfitted in their awesome designer children’s clothes, but did you realize they bring the awesome in women’s clothes as well? I never even considered shopping there for myself, until now! I’m a Tea Collection convert.

Tea Collection for the Stylish Mom

I received this AWESOME Chica Cable sweater in phantom from Tea’s Modern Mexico collection, which is so appropriate because I just happen to be a little Modern Mexico myself. I ordered a large and it is very roomy. This worked out nicely for me because I am a little over gifted in the chest area and have issue finding clothing that fit appropriately in that area. If you are tiny, I suggest you get a size smaller than you normally wear since it fits so generously. It is made of the softest merino wool that I have ever felt but at the same time has some weight to it. I paired it over a long sleeve jersey shirt and it worked out as a light weight coat. I also added to the outfit a pair of cute jeans and some black UGGs. I took Mommy Chic to a whole new level. If you wanted to be more casual on the go Mom you could swap out jeans for leggings, if you’ve got the ass for it.You’ve been spinning, show off what you’ve done. Or if you want to dress it up a bit more, add some black dress boots or booties and pair the Chica Cable Sweater over something more feminine and flouncy! I may have to swap out my permanent seat in sweat pants purgatory for this Chica Cable Sweater, it is so comfy and soft. It’s like wearing one of those cuddly, warm baby blankets but with style and fashion minus the spit up and judgement.

Tea Collection; Mom Chic has never been so Fashionable

Features:

Hola chica, have you met your new cardi? Big geo cables, dolman sleeves, an oversize draped collar. A little bit Mexican and a lot modern. Surprise yourself with how chic it looks layered over something a bit more dressy. Imported.

100% Merino Wool
Dry Clean

To recap, I LOVE this sweater and it has made me fall deeply in love with Tea Collection for women. Not only have they made me fall in love with them, they will make you fall in love with them too. Tea Collection is offering a $100 gift certificate to one of my lucky subscribers to use on anything you want. You can buy something for yourself ( which I highly recommend) or you can buy something for your little ones. All you have to do is fill out the rafflecopter survey below and it will guide you through all the various ways to enter.*MANDATORY: Be sure to leave a comment at the bottom of the post for EACH ( every single) entry in the comments section. Good Luck!Happy Holidays to you all.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

*Disclaimer: Tea Collection is providing the gorgeous prize for the giveaway and provided me with the product to review. The opinion expressed in this post is my own honest review of the product.

The Tea Collection: Making Women as well dressed as their children

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2011/12/24 16 comments

Parenting

I see Sick People

by Deborah Cruz 2011/12/22

written by Deborah Cruz

Sick People get on my Nerves. Now, before you go all batshit crazy on me for making such an outlandish and insensitive remark right at the holidays. Let me explain.

2011/12/22 6 comments

Confessions

The Day I took Away Santa Claus

by Deborah Cruz 2011/12/19

written by Deborah Cruz

The Day I Took away Santa Claus~ This Christmas season has been craziness, wrapped in chaos, and tied up with a big bow of peppermint flavored stress over here these days. I know what you are thinking; its the holidays.It’s like this for everybody. Suck it, Truthful Mommy! Stress is a primary part of most Christmas traditions. And I do realize that along with being the “most wonderful” time of the year it is also fraught with balding stress ( for me anyways)What you’re not balding? Well, then obviously I am more stressed than you.I win!Score!

Santa Claus; You’re outta here

I am no more pitiful than the rest of you or inundated with any more responsibility. But, this week is not a good week for this Mommy to have so much on her plate. This Mommy is trying to recoup emotionally and psychologically, not to mention physically, from the last month.Add to the mix a healthy dose of exhaustion and cramps and there you have it; Mommy needs a rest preferably without the side of sass.

I find myself teetering between thinking my girls are the best thing since Ding Dongs were invented and quite possibly the spawn of Spongebob ( you know adorable to most but ever so annoying that you’d just like to bash your head into the wall?) Anyways, most of our days start off with good intentions then they wake up and dawdle ( like real life, slower than molasses dawdling. It requires a concerted effort on their part!) then they get dressed and eat even slower than that. Then trying to wrangle them into their hats, gloves, scarves, coats and boots must burn at least 500 calories.I’m exhausted before we even leave the house.

Santa Claus; You better Watch out

Then I drop of my 5 year old and she is adorable with her kiss kiss ” Love you Mommy” and wave.My ears perk up a bit.Then my 3 year old is absolutely freaking cuteness for the next 3 hours,usually singing songs, randomly bestowing hugs and saying “Me love you Mommy”.Then its pick up time.Then hell breaks lose. Trying to wrangle tired, hungry kids back into the car is worse than trying to get the out the door. Then there is whining, loads and loads of whining.We discuss our plan of attack for the afternoon, then somehow between the ride home and lunch, they turn into someone else’s children. Someone whose children I’d like to be able to send home!

Today, sometime in that time is when it happened. Seems the Santa threats and now even the kneecap busting elves are of no consequence. Instead, these two, seemingly innocuous to the naked eye, girls are taunting me, ignoring me and defying me at every turn.Pick up your room! NO!Finish your lunch!Nah!Stop hitting your sister!Complete silence, in observation of what an apparently stupid asshole I am for thinking they are going to listen to anything I say!Today, I told them, ” If you don’t behave for the rest of the day, Santa won’t be coming to Grandma’s house!”( They hire a Santa to come visit the girls at their annual holiday party) My 5 year old went on about disobeying me and my 3 year old looked me in the face and said( all exasperated like) : “Me know! Me heard you!No Santa!” And that was the moment that I realized that I had lost all credibility with my girls.My threats have become idle.They called my bluff.So, even though I didn’t necessarily want to…I canceled Santa. I took Santa away from my girls.*(Hangs her head in shame)*. I don’t think they believe I will follow through but little do they know, in the heat of the moment I texted the Big Guy and there will be NO Santa at the party. They will know I am serious on Saturday when there is NO Santa HoHoHoIng.Of course,that is assuming they make it to the party. They may be sitting home learning a lesson! We will see what tomorrow brings!

Santa; Where for art thou Santa Claus?

What threats have you made that you had to follow through with even though you may not have wanted to? How do you handle it when your kids completely ignore your requests to cooperate and behave? Would you go as far as to take away Santa Claus?

Photo Credit

2011/12/19 27 comments

Mom Life

The Pen Ready Project ~ Capturing Life’s Moments

by Deborah Cruz 2011/12/19

written by Deborah Cruz

To show how easy it is for everyday people to take amazing pictures, Olympus gave over 1,000 people a new Olympus PEN® E-PM1.. It’s all part of The PEN Ready Project—more than 1,000 cameras, over 1,000 people, 6 cities. To see what they shot, go to https://penready.com.

I am a self proclaimed mamarazzi to the ten thousandth degree. Currently, I have over 100,000 digital photos on my computer of our life since we had the girls. My girls are 4 and 6,so it’s been a BUSY few years. Ever since they were born the world just seems more beautiful and photo worthy to me. I want to capture every single moment, every smile, every tear, every giggle and every first so that I can look back at them and be back in that moment again. That’s what photos are to me. They are so much more than images on paper ( or my monitor screen as it may be) they tell our stories.

When I heard about the Pen Ready project by Olympus I thought it was awesome. Just imagine, a stranger handing you a free awesome camera and telling you to photograph whatever you want to. There’s something liberating about being able to have a quality camera to play with and capture those important moments in life. If you stop by the Olympus Pen Ready Project page you will see what extraordinary photos ordinary people can take with a great camera. What would you photograph if someone gave you The Olympus Pen?

Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Olympus

2011/12/19 2 comments

Throat Punch Thursday

Throat Punch Thursday ~ Mama’s Got the Flu Edition

by Deborah Cruz 2011/12/15

written by Deborah Cruz

This Throat Punch brought to you by the FLU

Mama’s got the flu~ Unfortunately, today I am feeling way to ill to write my Throat Punch Thursday. The girls have been sick now for going on 3 weeks, previous to that, I had a sinus infection and it appears that the sickness has come around from behind and sucker punched me..just in time for the holidays. I’m not sure exactly what I have, but I suspect that it may be the flu. I woke up this morning with the cold sweats, a sick stomach and a headache. I basically woke up feeling as if I were in the end stages of death. Not pretty. I’m calling it the flu. Maybe it’s exhaustion coupled with something viral, maybe that nasty sinus infection is taking a new approach or maybe it’s the bubonic plague but I’ve not seen any large rats in the house so I’ m sticking with the flu. I hope you will forgive me for punking out on Throat Punch Thursday but I will still have the linky open and welcome all of you to link up. I can still read . I don’t feel much like thinking because at this point it makes my head hurt but I can read and leave comments. I can’t promise they will be coherent because of the fever and medicine. Hell, who am I kidding, I can’t guarantee they’ll be coherent on a good day with my damn six degrees of separation thing I’ve got going on but I’ll try!

I fought the Flu but the Flu won

I really wish I could muster the energy to be witty and snarkalicious about the CNN news today but I’ll leave the end of the Iraq war, Lindsey Lohan, the reasoning for the acquittal of Amanda Knox, the golden globes, the potential presidential candidates and apparently, the shocking news that Matthew McConaughey is currently bald ( ~~who knew?~~ who cares?) and all the rest of the world’s dumbest criminals! Have fun. Throat punch somebody this holiday season. You know you want to! All the frustration of holiday stress, this will help to relieve it!

All you have to do to link up is write a post about a situation,something or someone that you think is worthy of a throat punch. Honestly, it’s not that hard and once you start thinking about it…you’ll have more than enough worthy recipients! Then you go up here to the “buttons” tab on my blog, grab yourself a Throat Punch Thursday button and put it in your post. Then you link up. Then me & anyone who reads my blog comes and checks you out. I’ve learned from experience, the more outlandish the title..the more curious readers are, so go for broke and give me your crazy Throat Punch titles. OK, I’m getting dizzy. I’ve got to climb back into bed. One last thing, come back tomorrow..it’s fashion haul Friday and I am giving away an awesome $100 gift certificate to one lucky The TRUTH about Motherhood reader. The post is already written, so even if I die of this plague…the Big Guy has been given strict instructions to continue on with the giveaway and give one of you a prize posthumously on my behalf. I’m a giver even from beyond. Oye, I’m getting delirious.

Throat Punching the Flu on behalf of all You Good People

So link up to Throat Punch Thursday! Do it for the children! Don’t let the flu win!

2011/12/15 4 comments

Parenting

Parenting an Angry Child and Remembering to Love Them

by Deborah Cruz 2011/12/14

written by Deborah Cruz

Since the commuter marriage fiasco of 2010-2011, there has been some definite backlash. The biggest backlash can be seen on a daily basis with my 4-year-old, Gabi. She’s one of those children who does everything in a big way. She loves in a big way, plays in a big way, feels every single emotion in a really impactful way. She also hurts in a very big way and I have found myself in the undesirable position of parenting an angry child.

Parenting an angry child is hard.

Gabi’s always been high strung and easily frustrated. Since being apart from her the Big Guy for 2 years at the ripe old ages of 2-4, she’s developed some attachment issues. I made the decision to stay in our home with the girls after the Big Guy lost his job, and found another one across the country. We all followed to be together. Within 7 months, we were downsized just as we were putting down new roots. We stiff upper lipped it and thanked God we were all together.

Out of a need to support his family, the Big Guy took the first job that he found, which was a 4-hour drive from our home and was a contract position. For those not familiar, contracting is like freelancing without an exact expiration date and after the recent relo and uproot we wanted the girls to have stability. We made the hardest choice of our married and parenting life thus far; we decided, for the sake of the girls, that I would reside in our home with our girls and the Big Guy would come home every weekend. This was not an easy decision and was hard on every one of us. It was almost unbearable.

Parenting an angry child is heartbreaking.

To anyone who’s never done this, let me assure you that it’s much harder than it sounds or you can imagine. We bit off more than we could chew. To say it was trying is the understatement of the year (of the 2 years). I may have given the girls a “home” but in the process robbed them of the attachment of their father.

This past August we uprooted from the only true home the girls have ever known so that we could all be together and moved in with our in-laws (that’s an entirely different post). The home we left behind is the home where Bella had every first from 5 months on and the very home where Gabi was conceived, born and raised for the past four years. It was just getting to be too hard on all of us; the children, the marriage and boundaries and relationships were getting blurred.

Both girls have abandonment issues now. Worse yet, Gabi is a very angry child due to the hurt and attachment issues she experienced at such a young age. I feel like the world’s shittiest mother when she’s screaming that she hates me and tells me that I don’t love her because she has been wounded in this process. I pray not irrevocably damaged. Her pain and frustration are audible but sometimes it’s hard to not get angry in response.

I love her so much but parenting an angry child who constantly gets frustrated and goes directly to ” I hate you”, “You’re the worst Mom in the world”, ” You don’t love me do you?” is hard, especially the latter. Hearing “You don’t love me do you?” through tears and anger, cuts me to my quick and breaks my heart while simultaneously stirring feelings of anger. I try to reassure her, but it is met with a barrage of insults and disbelief.

Logic tells me that I need to listen and respond in an affirming way to let her know that she is safe and we will never leave her. It breaks my heart to know how badly I’ve hurt her simply by doing what I thought was best. Parenting is not an exact science but when parenting an angry child there is an even smaller margin of error.

READ ALSO: My Daughter thinks I’m Ugly

I’m trying to educate myself about how to do this parenting an angry child business appropriately without causing further damage and understanding what she needs. I am trying to learn to respond and react appropriately. Remembering to set boundaries on her behavior without belittling her feelings. Even if the chance of abandonment is never going to happen, she needs to know and feel secure that there is nothing she could ever do to make us leave. More importantly, the separation was not because of anything she did or was the cause of.

I need her to understand that we recognize her feelings. We need to help her recognize her primary feelings before it gets to the secondary feeling of anger. For angry children, anger is almost never the initial reaction to a situation. It is usually preceded for a split second by embarrassment, sadness, fear, hurt, disappointment or worry. I need to catch that moment and let her know that I recognize THAT feeling and that it’s okay to feel that way. I need to let Gabs know that I understand that she is feeling that way and that it is perfectly normal. Assure her that there is no blame. I need to love her, even when she is trying to push me away. I need her to know that our parent-child relationship is unbreakable.

Parenting an Angry Child will Heal her Wounds

It’s a long road ahead but I will do whatever is necessary to repair this wound and soothe my angry child. Do you have an angry child? What are some techniques you use to move past the anger when parenting an angry child? How do you validate without frustrating your angry child or getting angry yourself? How does this work with other siblings? Being that the squeaky wheel gets the oil, does this cause other issues with the more adjusted children? How do you go about parenting an angry child?

2011/12/14 6 comments

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